Hellomynameis
New member
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2018
- Messages
- 13
- MBTI Type
- Entp
- Enneagram
- 7w8
Hi guys (whew, first post),
So I've been getting to know a male ISFJ recently who I was considering dating. At first, he claimed he was a humble, sensitive and down-to-earth guy which I found really attractive. He also said that he's basically a gentleman because he's grown up with sisters.
He did go on to boast about his convertible, I'm guessing in a bid to impress me (which I couldn't care less about... I'm not particularly materialistic). He let me know that he was talking to a girl for a week, which was his first proper time speaking to a girl in a possible girlfriend way. That didn't end well as her family didn't approve of him. So, maybe this is nerves as he doesn't have that much experience but correct me if I'm wrong.
So, what happened was we were talking for a few days and I felt that something was wrong. I scrolled through the messages and I realised that in each and EVERY sentence he had just spoken about himself. Not even asked me a question other than how was your day, nor a comment on what I was saying. Some way or the other the conversation always turned back to him.
I told him straight: "I've just gone through our messages to each other and all you've been doing is talking about yourself. It's rude, I don't like this." He immediately apologised and said he would make an effort to improve this.
But he then went on to say that he normally wouldn't have liked someone as blunt and coarse as me but he likes me. I considered that perhaps the way I said it was rude. But it struck me yesterday that I wasn't being rude at all for standing up for myself.
He is the one who prides himself on being sensitive to other people's feelings e.g. he couldn't tell a supplier off for poor delivery... which is stupid considering if you want better service, you will have to tell them how they can improve it, right? But me pointing out his self-absorption was somehow rude? Is that not hypocritical?
A few days ago, I noticed that he hadn't changed. Since it was snowing, I relayed a story about me slipping and rolling down backwards on an icy slope, then getting snowballed in the face by a boy who had a crush on me and then being chased by him around the football pitch because he was trying to hug me all in fifteen minutes.
His reply? "lol, I almost slipped today. Realised my shoe doesn't have grip."
Excuse me, who do you think are? I give you a story with literal twists and turns and you just talk about your boring ass story about "I almost slipped." Maybe you should have slipped then. (Whew, I'm getting angry).
The next day, he asked me about my day and I told him and then I said "I'm going to do Pilates soon, what about you?" His reply was "sweet life." And then he spoke about him gyming. Btw he barely has any muscles, I've got more muscles than him tbh.
Then I decided to experiment a little. I started to talk about myself. I didn't ask him question, comment on what he said, I just talked about myself. Which was fun tbh and interesting to see.
Then, he actually said something interesting. He was watching a Nat Geo doc and I told him to notify me of interesting facts that he learns as he watches. He said it's on the North/South Pole (can't remember which). And I told him to tell me something actually interesting to which he replied that penguins have pink poo. I told him that I'm going to google it because finally, something worthwhile had come out of his mouth (well, fingers)! He begged me not to and we left the conversation at that.
I've been browsing the Internet which is telling me to go easy as he's probably nervous. My friends and family on the other hand are saying no.
To me, I always thought an ISFJ is someone I would want after watching Pam Beasley on The Office. But perhaps I want someone who's more socially aware (Pam is). It's fine to be shy and socially awkward, I am too. But I do feel that I am socially aware at the very least and have basic manners (listening) and I don't think this is something he can learn easily. He is also very introverted whereas I love being around people.
I feel like I would have to be his relationship tutor and I don't care for that nor would I do well. I'm not the most romantic person. My best relationship was with a guy who was romantic himself and genuinely sensitive. A genuine Pam Beesly.
What do you think? Should I give him a shot? Are other ISFJ's this socially inept and self-absorbed? Should I ditch it? I mean him (lol, that is staying).
So I've been getting to know a male ISFJ recently who I was considering dating. At first, he claimed he was a humble, sensitive and down-to-earth guy which I found really attractive. He also said that he's basically a gentleman because he's grown up with sisters.
He did go on to boast about his convertible, I'm guessing in a bid to impress me (which I couldn't care less about... I'm not particularly materialistic). He let me know that he was talking to a girl for a week, which was his first proper time speaking to a girl in a possible girlfriend way. That didn't end well as her family didn't approve of him. So, maybe this is nerves as he doesn't have that much experience but correct me if I'm wrong.
So, what happened was we were talking for a few days and I felt that something was wrong. I scrolled through the messages and I realised that in each and EVERY sentence he had just spoken about himself. Not even asked me a question other than how was your day, nor a comment on what I was saying. Some way or the other the conversation always turned back to him.
I told him straight: "I've just gone through our messages to each other and all you've been doing is talking about yourself. It's rude, I don't like this." He immediately apologised and said he would make an effort to improve this.
But he then went on to say that he normally wouldn't have liked someone as blunt and coarse as me but he likes me. I considered that perhaps the way I said it was rude. But it struck me yesterday that I wasn't being rude at all for standing up for myself.
He is the one who prides himself on being sensitive to other people's feelings e.g. he couldn't tell a supplier off for poor delivery... which is stupid considering if you want better service, you will have to tell them how they can improve it, right? But me pointing out his self-absorption was somehow rude? Is that not hypocritical?
A few days ago, I noticed that he hadn't changed. Since it was snowing, I relayed a story about me slipping and rolling down backwards on an icy slope, then getting snowballed in the face by a boy who had a crush on me and then being chased by him around the football pitch because he was trying to hug me all in fifteen minutes.
His reply? "lol, I almost slipped today. Realised my shoe doesn't have grip."
Excuse me, who do you think are? I give you a story with literal twists and turns and you just talk about your boring ass story about "I almost slipped." Maybe you should have slipped then. (Whew, I'm getting angry).
The next day, he asked me about my day and I told him and then I said "I'm going to do Pilates soon, what about you?" His reply was "sweet life." And then he spoke about him gyming. Btw he barely has any muscles, I've got more muscles than him tbh.
Then I decided to experiment a little. I started to talk about myself. I didn't ask him question, comment on what he said, I just talked about myself. Which was fun tbh and interesting to see.
Then, he actually said something interesting. He was watching a Nat Geo doc and I told him to notify me of interesting facts that he learns as he watches. He said it's on the North/South Pole (can't remember which). And I told him to tell me something actually interesting to which he replied that penguins have pink poo. I told him that I'm going to google it because finally, something worthwhile had come out of his mouth (well, fingers)! He begged me not to and we left the conversation at that.
I've been browsing the Internet which is telling me to go easy as he's probably nervous. My friends and family on the other hand are saying no.
To me, I always thought an ISFJ is someone I would want after watching Pam Beasley on The Office. But perhaps I want someone who's more socially aware (Pam is). It's fine to be shy and socially awkward, I am too. But I do feel that I am socially aware at the very least and have basic manners (listening) and I don't think this is something he can learn easily. He is also very introverted whereas I love being around people.
I feel like I would have to be his relationship tutor and I don't care for that nor would I do well. I'm not the most romantic person. My best relationship was with a guy who was romantic himself and genuinely sensitive. A genuine Pam Beesly.
What do you think? Should I give him a shot? Are other ISFJ's this socially inept and self-absorbed? Should I ditch it? I mean him (lol, that is staying).
