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  1. #1
    Armchair Explorer Doctor Anaximander's Avatar
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    Default Wanting to be liked, yet being a prickly introvert

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    Last edited by Doctor Anaximander; 02-18-2018 at 03:36 PM.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by asynartetic View Post
    I found this thread on reddit.

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  4. #4
    Potential is My Addiction Dreamer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by asynartetic View Post
    I found this thread on reddit. It pertains to INTPs although I could see it more broadly applying to myself and extreme introverts of any type, as well as very shy people who may otherwise be extroverts. Feeling like others don't like me. : INTP When you're a misanthropic introvert, yet you still feel left out of your own (nonexistent) social life. I admit I occasionally have moments where I see groups of people at work or elsewhere and I feel I'm missing something, I wonder why I don't get invited out to lunch or other little social gatherings. Then I realize how I must come off to people, as a prickly, one man wolf pack or army. Then I realize I'm probably not missing much and the entire time I'd be wondering how soon the social event would be over, how soon I could return to my preferred solitude. I also think about how much energy I'd be devoting to censoring myself, to softening my edge to avoid insulting or upsetting people--it's not that I seek to upset people, I just have a way of being blunt or saying what seems obvious to me. That social blindspot can make those interactions exhausting and terrifying. I'll be so busy watching myself to avoid fuckups that I'm not even able to listen to other people. But that doesn't stop me from occasionally feeling left out. This doesn't bother me as much as it used to, I am pretty content with my almost non-existent social life and to have one would cut into time I could be spending reading about something or working on a hobby or project. But those feelings of absence or loneliness still creep in on occasion. Anyone relate to this?
    I didn't read the link so apologies if what I'm going to say is answered in that link. But, are you certain it's "wanting to be liked", or is it the negative social stigma typically attached to introverts within social environments like the workplace, as "outcasts" or "loners", that you disagree with and are trying to confront? You know it isn't true and you know what your preferences are, and yet the potential mislabeling people may subject you to, and its false representations, could that be a possible area of inner conflict? Of allowing others' misguided perceptions of you to propagate.

    Just based on what you wrote here, that's the first thought that comes to mind.

  5. #5

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    Humans are social pack animals so the feeling of wanting to be liked and included is prevalent in most, regardless of introversion or extraversion. That said, enough people consider being liked and included as a lower priority than other values such as justice, freedom, equality, etc.

    It's pretty easy to be popular. Don't be controversial, tell people what they want to hear, be hot and funny. But being popular, includes giving up a lot.
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    Quote Originally Posted by bechimo View Post
    Humans are social pack animals so the feeling of wanting to be liked and included is prevalent in most, regardless of introversion or extraversion. That said, enough people consider being liked and included as a lower priority than other values such as justice, freedom, equality, etc.

    It's pretty easy to be popular. Don't be controversial, tell people what they want to hear, be hot and funny. But being popular, includes giving up a lot.
    So when you are popular by design, what did you give up, you never knew?
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    Everyone needs people. I think taking part in random group events or outings on a superficial level is just as isolating as not doing so in terms of it still being something that doesn't give people what they need the most from others, which is having your perception of reality shared and reflected in someone else. It's a type of validation that fulfills an emotional need and what it says is that it's okay to be you, it's okay to have your opinions, perspectives, and views, and can help you to feel valued, important, and most of all, seen. We need to be recognized by others - that's what connection is. Even the busiest and most sociable people usually have unmet social needs, because what's most important happens on a plane beyond (but sometimes parallel to) superficial interaction.

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    Quote Originally Posted by magpie View Post
    Everyone needs people. I think taking part in random group events or outings on a superficial level is just as isolating as not doing so in terms of it still being something that doesn't give people what they need the most from others, which is having your perception of reality shared and reflected in someone else. It's a type of validation that fulfills an emotional need and what it says is that it's okay to be you, it's okay to have your opinions, perspectives, and views, and can help you to feel valued, important, and most of all, seen. We need to be recognized by others - that's what connection is. Even the busiest and most sociable people usually have unmet social needs, because what's most important happens on a plane beyond (but sometimes parallel to) superficial interaction.
    And for how long must this addiction last?

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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    And for how long must this addiction last?
    A lifetime. RIP.
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    Quote Originally Posted by magpie View Post
    A lifetime. RIP.
    glad I am not social then


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