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ENFJ TROUBLE

Zellyanna

New member
Joined
Dec 16, 2017
Messages
1
So i have an enfj boyfriend and sometimes when he comes home from college he sits down in the living room by himself with this stressed out and lost look on his face.
I dont know if i should try to comfort him when hes like this or if i should jist leave him alone and let him think. Ive spoken to him about this before and he says when he gets like that hes just thinkibg and hes fine. im not sure if he might want someone to talk to but is afraid of burdening me with his feelings or if hes really just fine.
 

LucieCat

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2017
Messages
665
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I would maybe consider just staying in the area in case he wants to talk. When he's in another mood, let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk and is experiencing anything rough.
 

Earl Grey

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 3, 2017
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
583
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
In my experience, Fe-doms like to be noticed, but do not like burdening others. Letting him know (subtly) that you know he's going through something (small or big) should be more than enough. He will decide for himself whether or not he wants to approach/talk about it.
Or maybe ask him another time when he's in a better mood, some people articulate things better after they've thought them through. Or maybe it's no biggie, if he's not the type to dwell.

If you really need to express your care and concern, maybe get him his favourite food, or something similar or do small things to just remind him he's loved and to ease your own worries. Basically, there for him, even through or with the smallest things. Feeling pressured to talk and share can make some people clam up more.
 

Nom

New member
Joined
Oct 24, 2018
Messages
4
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Ahaha that's so cute.
As an ENFJ, I have to tell you that ENFJs will be out of sight when they really want to be left alone. They don't want to be a bother to others when they are at their worst. If they put themselves in front of you with a lost look, they want to be noticed. They put their heart out to people, and they want to be cared for just as much--except they don't say it. They will almost never tell you they want you to talk to them because if you don't, they will think you have more important things to do. They will wait until you 'feel' you are up for it or in the mood to walk up to them on your own.
In simpler words, talk to your bf. Ask him to tell you what happened and how he's feeling. ENFJs love it when you appreciate them with words. He's probably looking for confirmation and answers from you.
 
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