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  1. #1
    Junior Member noneya's Avatar
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    Question Question for ENFJ and INTJ Members...

    I've found that myself (an ENFJ) as well as other ENFJ's that I know are typically very attracted to INTJ's... however things don't usually turn out to be more than a best friendship between the pairings, which is fine in itself.
    I didn't understand it until recently but I think it is about the mystery of INTJ's as well as their loyalty...loyalty is the most important quality that I would look for in a partner or in a close friend as well as open mindedness and intelligence (at least, remaining open minded to discussing many perspectives of things).

    I'm wondering - do INTJ's feel the same way about us? If not, how do they feel about ENFJ's? Which type ARE you most and least attracted to? (both platonically or not)
    Also some questions to ENFJ's: Which type are you most and least attracted to? (both platonically or not) Also, how do you feel about INTJ's? (experience?)

    🎈 "You, the people have the power - the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure" - Charlie Chaplin
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  2. #2
    Phase-shifted beam Coriolis's Avatar
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    I have come to know only one ENFJ at all well, and the experience has been mixed at best. He had had some very interesting experiences which made it enjoyable to chat with him, but he was a huge drama queen. He ended up being my workgroup's supervisor for awhile. This pattern emerged in which he would bring us "doom and gloom" news, then shoot down anyone's ideas for how to address it, then come back a day or two later and tell us how he had taken care of it all. He would agree with someone, then later go against that. It seemed he wanted to tell us what we wanted to hear in the moment, but there was no consistency or dependability. I was very happy when he moved on.

    I'm sure I know more ENFJs, just don't realize their type, and also don't deal with them often. So, not much to go on here as it would be irresponsible to generalize from one example. Describing it might provide some small insight, though.
    Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. ~ Buddha

  3. #3
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    My core group of friends include an ENTP, ISTP and ENFJ; I hit it off with the first two instantaneously on some soulmate shit but the ENFJ took a bit more work in the beginning. However, thanks to typology, I now see him in a more holistic and forgiving light. The difficulties between us were rooted in these issues:

    1.) He's a hardcore Fe dom whose instinct to seek group harmony and be agreeable with his carefully selected, socially conscious words and demeanor struck me as unnecessary sugarcoating and phoniness. IMO, he tended to identify and talk about himself through a larger societal lens based on other people's perceptions which I didn't think was wholly true or authentic and for me, authenticity (and often paired with a staunch individualism) is extremely important. I used to jokingly refer to him as a walking Target or Gap Ad because everything about him seemed so "polished" and "commercial" (read: widely accessible/approachable/tailored for public consumption) but I could always tell that there was someone more interestingly complex underneath his exterior--and admittedly, this was my own bias in action seeing as how what constitutes being interesting and authentic is rather subjective. It's just that whenever he was only surrounded by close friends and people who knew him well, there'd be this seemingly comfortable but pensive detachedness that would come over him, almost as if he were a blank canvas waiting to be painted on with whatever available colors on the next incoming stranger's palette. But I now see that he is, in fact, authentically the social chameleon he appears to be. Also, I think deep down I somewhat resented the depth of his social grace and fluidity because it brought into high relief my own social awkwardness (wrapped up in a standoffish and defiant aloofness) at the time.

    2.) He's passive-aggressive as fuck and if anything, I prefer to be actively aggressive. lol I, along with most of my friends, tend to be brutally direct and honest with each other; we see it as a sign of the respect and deep affection we have for our shared friendship. But our ENFJ bud is a bit sensitive and would often get his feelings hurt, which he wouldn't own up to directly, but then retaliate indirectly...which would then lead to him being mercilessly decapitated...upon which we'd all have to have an exhausting "come to Jesus" moment and apologize...which a stubborn tertiary Fi user like me was loathe to do. But I've since softened my approach and he's become more inclined to taking our bluntness in stride, seeing as it usually does come from a place of caring or friendly jousting.

    But all in all, this ENFJ is one of my best friends and I actually greatly admire and respect his uncanny ability to bring people together (peons and know-it-alls alike), find common ground and masterfully navigate the social jungle--because as far as I'm concerned, that is an actual, viable ability and talent.
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  4. #4
    Junior Member Zaitzev's Avatar
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    Most attracted type
    INFP, INFJ, ENFJ

    Least attracted type
    None

    How I ENFJ feel about INTJ
    The one I know approached me and asked to have a lunch together. Now we're very best friends - Seriously I don't know how it happened. Pretty logic-like but sensitive with people's feelings. Often I heard she said she doesn't want to say somethings only because she doesn't want to make people feel bad. Good at things that I'm not but easily stressed and has esteem issue. Sometimes can be so high that turns her into a bit arrogant person but most of the time so low that she's so depressed. I'm someone she looks for when she wants to confess her feeling and being an ENFJ there's nothing greater than knowing I can be helpful in this way. Overall I really love her. She can be a good listener and her advice is excellent as long as it doesn't involve human interaction - relationship issue. I'm actually a bit surprised tho when she said she loves her boyfriend because of his efforts in getting her, but she doesn't feel like it's so deep like other people feel. The reaction she make and her honesty in that make me and my friend surprised. She looks a bit clueless in understanding the meaning of 'deep love' or something like that, according to what she herself said. But really to me, it doesn't matter as long as she loves. Besides that, she's an understanding person who can stand with me being an emotional ENFJ and a very loyal best friend who can still talk to me after a year or two lost contact. Also the only person I call very often to have a long good conversation and the only one on my special-free-call contact that I registered. She and I have a good chemistry, I'm glad I know her.
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    I am most likely an ENFJ female and my best friend is an INTJ male. Our friendship is a bit awkward to say the least. To him, we have absolutely zero problems and I am one of his biggest positive influences. For me, I do care about him and I find him fascinating but his obliviousness and unique interpretation of social protocol can drive me nuts sometimes. For example, I could send him 5+ texts in a week or two with NO RESPONSE and then if I break the pattern, he used to take it personally. But now our communication is pretty reciprocal.
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  6. #6
    Junior Member noneya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FutureInProgress View Post
    I could send him 5+ texts in a week or two with NO RESPONSE and then if I break the pattern, he used to take it personally. But now our communication is pretty reciprocal.
    How did you use to deal with the lack of texting back? When my friend (INTJ male) and I were doing great in our friendship he would at least respond and even call me. Now.. we are going through a sort of weird patch as we both realized we are taking up too much of each other's time.. he barely responds to my texts.. I feel annoying and like I'm pulling teeth to try and get a response... how did you deal with this?

    I HATE feeling annoying but its in my personality to feel like I have to text my friends to confirm how they are feeling and almost... to reassure myself that I didn't offend them in anyway... I hate feeling like I'm constantly looking for his reassurance as I'm sure it drives him crazy. Need advice...

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by noneya View Post
    How did you use to deal with the lack of texting back? When my friend (INTJ male) and I were doing great in our friendship he would at least respond and even call me. Now.. we are going through a sort of weird patch as we both realized we are taking up too much of each other's time.. he barely responds to my texts.. I feel annoying and like I'm pulling teeth to try and get a response... how did you deal with this?

    I HATE feeling annoying but its in my personality to feel like I have to text my friends to confirm how they are feeling and almost... to reassure myself that I didn't offend them in anyway... I hate feeling like I'm constantly looking for his reassurance as I'm sure it drives him crazy. Need advice...
    One of my biggest flaws and shortcomings is the ease in which I can disconnect from humanity, even loved ones, when I'm focused on work, a project, some intellectual pursuit or when I'm very stressed. It's not intentional, but isolation can be an extremely seductive and alluring place in that people and their issues (whether a friendly desire to connect via "small talk" and "just checking in" or much heavier shit) can be a distraction and a particularly uncomfortable one when deep feelings are involved. And concerning loved ones, the problem isn't that I don't care, it's that I can care too much but feel a bit inadequate at providing emotional comfort--I tend to address feelings and related issues rationally and sometimes, people don't want that, they just want to be heard or have their experiences mirrored in some way.

    I see myself as a big cat of sorts--moody, independent, solitary, and wants to interact on its own terms. It is not my instinct to rely on others for any type of support, emotional or otherwise, but in the rare case that I do need it, I want/expect them to be available. lol And that is totally unrealistic, of course. At its worst, Fi can be very self-centered, inconsiderate and one-sided. For every 5 texts my ENFJ bud would send, I'd perhaps respond to 1, usually the most important or interesting one. lol And when a certain amount of time would pass where I hadn't heard from him, and I'd have the mental space available to recognize this, I'd reach out to him, pissed, like "dude, where the fuck are you?" lol Again, totally unreasonable. I tend to find comfort and stability in patterns, and when there has been an ongoing pattern that seems to be functional, I can be thrown for a loop when the pattern breaks or falls apart unexpectedly.

    So, to wrap up, when I'm busy and super focused, I hate to be routinely and consistently texted (read: bothered with minutiae) but if I'm made aware by someone I care about, in a direct, thoughtful and unemotional way (lol), that some degree of responsive behavior on my end is vital to the health of our relationship, then I will, even if begrudgingly, acquiesce and comply. I've often found a compromise where I'm willing to respond to texts marked urgent, in so much that urgent matters should be relatively infrequent. But try not to personalize the disproportionate lack of responsiveness, because I'm certain that if your INTJ friend calls you friend, then he means it; it's just that, in the moment, responding to a text is not as prioritized as whatever it is that's driving his attention. Right or wrong, he may not be considering the person behind the text as an irritant, but the text, in and of itself.

  8. #8
    Senior Member AStrange~Nostalgia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noneya View Post
    Also some questions to ENFJ's: Which type are you most and least attracted to? (both platonically or not) Also, how do you feel about INTJ's? (experience?)

    I don`t actually know all personalities , but from who I remember ,

    most attracted to: ENFJ,INTP(if I guessed INTP right IRL)

    and INTJ, ISTP,ENTJ ( I don't know them personally) those three were inspiring people in my life.

    least attracted to :ISTJ,ESTP (I guess …)

    what I think about INTJ :
    the one I know ,I truly respect ,lovable ,loyal, and I admire her mind, open minded and brilliant way of thinking and seeing things.

    she does care about people and dedicated her life for that, knows what`s the problem with people and tell them a whole plan to fix it.


    however, she might be forcing her advice and bothering people , many hated her for intruding in their personal life , she actually threatened some to change for the better or scared the sh** out of them because she likes them and consider them closer than everybody else . so , firmly gentle wth stranger and fierce , but scary advices for her beloved ones,not complaining ,I love it.. so far. but for the next thing I`m saying ,it`s not so lovely.

    the one I know hold great self esteem and arrogant, she might think herself being humble, but certainly she is not . And this is despicable enough for me to make me forget all about her great good side and actually hate her.

    and her words are the unquestionable truth and strongly dodging other opinions saying "I`m SURE of what I know" , in her mind, I believe, she doesn`t believe she would ever be wrong, and that it self is wrong.

    if only not arrogant , they make lovely interesting humans.

    p.s : she is a teacher... and other things.

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