Samvega
Buddhist Misanthrope
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2007
- Messages
- 1,073
- MBTI Type
- ENTP
- Enneagram
- 7w8
I'm in such an odd place in life, like totally lost but at complete peace. I'm in the middle of a midlife crisis, a existential crisis, maybe a smoldering crisis and who knows what else and I really need something to hang onto and know is real.
I'm turning here mostly because MBTI makes sense in my head so sorting the issue that way would be helpful.
From 15-33 I spent 16 of those 18 years in two relationships. I don't recall having trust issues or anxiety, I was always focused on so many other things I was just in a relationship but doing 50 other things at a time and often times forgetting all together I was even in a relationship. In the second relationship I was always flirty and didn't have great boundaries, I didn't cheat but would have had the option to at any time with any given number of girls.
At 33, after having had kids, been divorced and so on for the very first time in my life I got my heart broken by a girl, it wasn't a long term dating thing but damn it stung. It also made me feel really crappy for having been so careless with so many hearts in my past as I realized but how I made them feel. For a good deal of time from 33 on I was talking to 3-4 girls at a time (not actual relationships) and so I really never cared if one of them disappeared or I didn't hear from her as I wouldn't notice until I was bored. My boundaries were also still pretty loose. Over the past 7 years however things has really shifted for me, I've firmed up my boundaries and I take my relationships super seriously. I also find that I have A TON of trust issues and anxiety in most of them, it's unshakable, disappointing, a source of mystery and such.
What I'm really struggling with is whether my Fe is just totally taken over my Ti or if this has always been there for me but was avoided by having my hands in so many other cookie jars at any given time. Another issue I'm struggling with that maybe be causing this is I'm really at a loss for anything I want to do with my life right now so I tend to make my relationship my focal point. I have done SOOOO many things I just hit a point of A) wanting to share my time with a partner and B) being more comfortable supporting a partner than really having a gol of my own I want to chase.
I don't know, I just know I need some help, I suck at asking for help, my perspective is off and I would really love to hear any thoughts or similar experiences others are having.
I'm turning here mostly because MBTI makes sense in my head so sorting the issue that way would be helpful.
From 15-33 I spent 16 of those 18 years in two relationships. I don't recall having trust issues or anxiety, I was always focused on so many other things I was just in a relationship but doing 50 other things at a time and often times forgetting all together I was even in a relationship. In the second relationship I was always flirty and didn't have great boundaries, I didn't cheat but would have had the option to at any time with any given number of girls.
At 33, after having had kids, been divorced and so on for the very first time in my life I got my heart broken by a girl, it wasn't a long term dating thing but damn it stung. It also made me feel really crappy for having been so careless with so many hearts in my past as I realized but how I made them feel. For a good deal of time from 33 on I was talking to 3-4 girls at a time (not actual relationships) and so I really never cared if one of them disappeared or I didn't hear from her as I wouldn't notice until I was bored. My boundaries were also still pretty loose. Over the past 7 years however things has really shifted for me, I've firmed up my boundaries and I take my relationships super seriously. I also find that I have A TON of trust issues and anxiety in most of them, it's unshakable, disappointing, a source of mystery and such.
What I'm really struggling with is whether my Fe is just totally taken over my Ti or if this has always been there for me but was avoided by having my hands in so many other cookie jars at any given time. Another issue I'm struggling with that maybe be causing this is I'm really at a loss for anything I want to do with my life right now so I tend to make my relationship my focal point. I have done SOOOO many things I just hit a point of A) wanting to share my time with a partner and B) being more comfortable supporting a partner than really having a gol of my own I want to chase.
I don't know, I just know I need some help, I suck at asking for help, my perspective is off and I would really love to hear any thoughts or similar experiences others are having.