I've been good friends with a classic ENFP for over a year now and she claims it's the best relationship she's ever had. It's truly obvious how she feels for me to everyone. We started "dating" about 6 months ago. She has very strong religious views and thinks it's wrong to be with another female so we aren't completely public and every few weeks she will throw me for a loop and break up with me for like a day. And then come back. I never freak out I just give her space. Yesterday was one of those days and I've remained cool even though she's saying its for real this time. I'm not really worried about the outcome given her record. But what do you guys see as being the end all be all??? Will she eventually Stop fighting her feelings and stick things out? I never pressure her for commitment and I give her plenty of space to be herself; the whimsical ENFP that I love. I live my own life and chat with other girls every now and then to keep my focus off of her hot and cold game; but it's growing old. I'm in love with her and I want to be with her. Or at this point, cut my loses. She swears she's in love with me as well and we would be talking about marriage if her convictions were different. I know for a fact it's not an excuse because I've known of her for years before we ever crossed paths. Shes a walking church. Was... A walking church. Damn. What a sneaky no good ENTP I am. 😂😂What's the ENFP deal here??? How do I seal the deal once and for all and ride us into the sunset on my unicorn????
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RELIGIOUS ENFP GIRLFRIEND KEEPS BREAKING UP WITH ME
- Thread starter Aweso_23
- Start date
LucieCat
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- Aug 2, 2017
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- MBTI Type
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- 6w7
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- sp/so
The situation you're in must stink.
In any on and off again relationship, I recommend really taking the time to evaluate if this is something you really want to pursue.
She's probably very conflicted internally about her feelings and about your relationship. And she probably needs time to sort out what's important. That's the ENFP's Fi at work.
As an ENFP, I find that I'm usually pretty open-minded about all sorts of things. Other ENFPs I've met have the same tendency. Maybe she's moving towards that.
She might also be having a conflict with her inferior Si. Hopefully, she hasn't fallen into the grips of it though.
If she turns out to be like me, she'll eventually find a way to connect her religious beliefs with what she feels and really thinks. It's possible for everyone. For me, it was a matter of realizing that I was taught that the religion I was raised in (rather conservative evangelical Christianity, which is strange because my parents are as religiously moderate as they come) was all about love and acceptance and being a better person. Not about hating LGBTQ people or shoving religion into the government and onto people who might not share it or rigidly enforcing gender norms. For me it was questions like: How am I supposed to believe my transgender friend is wrong and sinful just for being true to himself? That caused me to reevaluate. I'm also not even heterosexual myself, that was a big part of it too. There was also a crap ton of hypocrisy.
So I stopped listening to the religious right and got out of the conservative religious educational program that my parents were told would be good for my anxiety by some well-intentioned friends. Graduated from public high school, and now I'm enrolled in a secular, liberal arts university. I hope to either earn a Master's or a PhD. My education has taught me critical thinking skills that I was denied in the religious based program. While everyone was kind to me, I learned that my Ne made a lot of people uncomfortable so I learned to conceal it or only show it when it would be deemed acceptable. It's not good for an Ne-dom such as myself to do all the time, but it has been a useful skill that has allowed me to make friends with all sorts of people.
Sadly, this took a few years. And I'm thankful that neither myself nor my parents were too deeply entrenched into what I see is a corrupted way of thinking about my religion in particular.
Religious matters are tricky though. Once some people hear that God has said something, they take it verbatim and won't change their perspective ever. But it can change. I've seen a rather conservative ESFJ abandon the idea that being attracted to the same gender is a sin.
And then there's my ISFJ friend who is really a lovely person. She just has some transphobic tendencies. She's not outright hateful. She treats everyone with respect and doesn't talk much actually, but there is some ingrained transphobia. You can tell how frustrated she gets when someone contradicts anything she thinks or questions her in-depth. I have made a point not to introduce her to my extremely liberal ESFP friend who carries around a lipstick case that says "F*** Trump" (proceeds went to Planned Parenthood) and an even bigger point not to introduce her to my transgender ISTJ friend. It's possible that she'd get along very well with both, but if any social issues come up (feminism and a women's right to choose with the ESFP and LGBTQ issues with the ISTJ)- the ISFJ will get frustrated and anxious, the ESFP and ISTJ might flip out, and I'll probably get upset because if I think my friends should be able to get along with my other friends. Then again, I'm friends with all sorts of people. I suppose then certain combos like that are inevitable.
In any on and off again relationship, I recommend really taking the time to evaluate if this is something you really want to pursue.
She's probably very conflicted internally about her feelings and about your relationship. And she probably needs time to sort out what's important. That's the ENFP's Fi at work.
As an ENFP, I find that I'm usually pretty open-minded about all sorts of things. Other ENFPs I've met have the same tendency. Maybe she's moving towards that.
She might also be having a conflict with her inferior Si. Hopefully, she hasn't fallen into the grips of it though.
If she turns out to be like me, she'll eventually find a way to connect her religious beliefs with what she feels and really thinks. It's possible for everyone. For me, it was a matter of realizing that I was taught that the religion I was raised in (rather conservative evangelical Christianity, which is strange because my parents are as religiously moderate as they come) was all about love and acceptance and being a better person. Not about hating LGBTQ people or shoving religion into the government and onto people who might not share it or rigidly enforcing gender norms. For me it was questions like: How am I supposed to believe my transgender friend is wrong and sinful just for being true to himself? That caused me to reevaluate. I'm also not even heterosexual myself, that was a big part of it too. There was also a crap ton of hypocrisy.
So I stopped listening to the religious right and got out of the conservative religious educational program that my parents were told would be good for my anxiety by some well-intentioned friends. Graduated from public high school, and now I'm enrolled in a secular, liberal arts university. I hope to either earn a Master's or a PhD. My education has taught me critical thinking skills that I was denied in the religious based program. While everyone was kind to me, I learned that my Ne made a lot of people uncomfortable so I learned to conceal it or only show it when it would be deemed acceptable. It's not good for an Ne-dom such as myself to do all the time, but it has been a useful skill that has allowed me to make friends with all sorts of people.
Sadly, this took a few years. And I'm thankful that neither myself nor my parents were too deeply entrenched into what I see is a corrupted way of thinking about my religion in particular.
Religious matters are tricky though. Once some people hear that God has said something, they take it verbatim and won't change their perspective ever. But it can change. I've seen a rather conservative ESFJ abandon the idea that being attracted to the same gender is a sin.
And then there's my ISFJ friend who is really a lovely person. She just has some transphobic tendencies. She's not outright hateful. She treats everyone with respect and doesn't talk much actually, but there is some ingrained transphobia. You can tell how frustrated she gets when someone contradicts anything she thinks or questions her in-depth. I have made a point not to introduce her to my extremely liberal ESFP friend who carries around a lipstick case that says "F*** Trump" (proceeds went to Planned Parenthood) and an even bigger point not to introduce her to my transgender ISTJ friend. It's possible that she'd get along very well with both, but if any social issues come up (feminism and a women's right to choose with the ESFP and LGBTQ issues with the ISTJ)- the ISFJ will get frustrated and anxious, the ESFP and ISTJ might flip out, and I'll probably get upset because if I think my friends should be able to get along with my other friends. Then again, I'm friends with all sorts of people. I suppose then certain combos like that are inevitable.
[MENTION=34748]LucieCat[/MENTION]
thank you for the response! I appreciate the feedback! Being that she plans on "sticking with it" this time around I've initiated no contact. For the dual purpose of possibly getting her to confront reality and choose what we share and also to distance myself and prepare to move on if she decides not too. What's your opinion of the no contact method? As deeply connected as we are; could it be the answer to an ENFP taking the dive of commitment??
thank you for the response! I appreciate the feedback! Being that she plans on "sticking with it" this time around I've initiated no contact. For the dual purpose of possibly getting her to confront reality and choose what we share and also to distance myself and prepare to move on if she decides not too. What's your opinion of the no contact method? As deeply connected as we are; could it be the answer to an ENFP taking the dive of commitment??
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amazing how she keeps breaking up with you,is it like magic or masochism
You wont have to look far for an explanation on this forum, its either women or feminism to blame, very possibly both, at least the whole having a choice to do other than date you or live their own lives.
I'll be honest, I dont listen to a lot of the lunacy besides the highlights.
LucieCat
New member
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- sp/so
It's no problem. I have no idea if having no contact would work well. When someone is angry, I usually say to give them space. But it doesn't sound like she is. Though time might be a good solution. It's hard to know.
ENFPs sometimes are a bit hesitant to commit. It depends on the person.
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