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  1. #1
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Default How to use Te without being an asshole.

    Is it possible to effectively use Te without coming across as an asshole?

    I am an ENFP (with well-developed Te) and my father is an ENTJ. So I've been on the giving and receiving end of Te asshole-dom. Has anyone else noticed this about Te? Anyone have any tips on how to balance Te's need for effectiveness with the needs of the people around you?
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀
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  2. #2
    Liberator Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Is it possible to effectively use Te without coming across as an asshole?

    I am an ENFP (with well-developed Te) and my father is an ENTJ. So I've been on the giving and receiving end of Te asshole-dom. Has anyone else noticed this about Te? Anyone have any tips on how to balance Te's need for effectiveness with the needs of the people around you?
    Consider the wants and needs of others when measuring that effectiveness.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  3. #3
    Digital ambition Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    You should choose your words and your timining more carefully if you want to soften up the message.
    However Te by definition is unplesant function and that can never be fully undone.

  4. #4
    Its time. Cassandra's Avatar
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    Patience. Te tends to steamroll in the name if efficiency, especially in Te doms and Te tertiaries, ime.

    Keeping in mind that making the world into a germantrain isnt necessarily a priority allows you to step back and breathe while you give others a chance to get on board woth your Te plans.

    I ll admit im still struggling with this myself as the fristration and irritation builds up without me realising it, causing sudden bursts of steam rollingg. Disconnecting a second to go back to the big picture while taking into account what people need - evenif it means sitting on your hands a bit - tends to do the trick and allows me to reengage Ne and find perhaps a different way to achieve my Te goal without steamrolling everyone.

    /2 cents.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Is it possible to effectively use Te without coming across as an asshole?

    I am an ENFP (with well-developed Te) and my father is an ENTJ. So I've been on the giving and receiving end of Te asshole-dom. Has anyone else noticed this about Te? Anyone have any tips on how to balance Te's need for effectiveness with the needs of the people around you?
    I have an ESTJ real estate agent thats not an ass hole. He has pretty much just accepted life is and people are crazy and laugh about it...not them. He gets upset, but its short lived as he resorts back to his laughing enjoying life self.
    Im out, its been fun
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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Patience. Te tends to steamroll in the name if efficiency, especially in Te doms and Te tertiaries, ime.

    Keeping in mind that making the world into a germantrain isnt necessarily a priority allows you to step back and breathe while you give others a chance to get on board woth your Te plans.

    I ll admit im still struggling with this myself as the fristration and irritation builds up without me realising it, causing sudden bursts of steam rollingg. Disconnecting a second to go back to the big picture while taking into account what people need - evenif it means sitting on your hands a bit - tends to do the trick and allows me to reengage Ne and find perhaps a different way to achieve my Te goal without steamrolling everyone.

    /2 cents.
    ESTJ real estate agent steams rolls everyone, but not in a rude way. He is just very forward. His opinions are not ass holish as he enjoys his life and what he does. Always a smile, always a laugh.

    I know others who dont know how to not be an asshole. Its all about attitude toward life...
    Im out, its been fun

  7. #7
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
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    I know several "healthy" TJs with a good use of Te that are not assholes. But they are older than 40, often having spent years and decades as a complete asshole.

    One 70-something ENTJ likes to tell the story about how he woke up one day around 40 and realized what an angry nasty jerk he was. He says it took a decade to work through all that. Today he is a huge hearted giving and considerate old man who spends hours helping others, with considerable patience he lacked in his early days.

    I do know one relatively good and healthy young ISTJ. He grew up in a loving Christian home and internalized the need to treat others well. But even he admits taking a sick joy(his words) in the fiobles and pain of others......
    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984

    “It is clear that thought is not free if the profession of certain opinions makes it impossible to earn a living. It is clear also that thought is not free if all the arguments on one side of a controversy are perpetually presented as attractively as possible, while the arguments on the other side can only be discovered by diligent search.”

    ― Bertrand Russell, Sceptical Essays
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  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Is it possible to effectively use Te without coming across as an asshole?

    I am an ENFP (with well-developed Te) and my father is an ENTJ. So I've been on the giving and receiving end of Te asshole-dom. Has anyone else noticed this about Te? Anyone have any tips on how to balance Te's need for effectiveness with the needs of the people around you?
    This confuses me. If it matters to you, what's stopping you from not being an asshole?

  9. #9
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    *laughs*

  10. #10
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    Oh yes, ENFPs and their tertiary, the ol' Te hammer. The answer is, no, not at first. The thing is, when we start using it, it startles and scares people, and scares ourselves. And honestly, we're not very good at it, at first. But with practice you'll get better, you'll never have a Te scalpel, though.
    ▵▵▵
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