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[Te] How to use Te without being an asshole.

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
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Is it possible to effectively use Te without coming across as an asshole?

I am an ENFP (with well-developed Te) and my father is an ENTJ. So I've been on the giving and receiving end of Te asshole-dom. Has anyone else noticed this about Te? Anyone have any tips on how to balance Te's need for effectiveness with the needs of the people around you?
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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Is it possible to effectively use Te without coming across as an asshole?

I am an ENFP (with well-developed Te) and my father is an ENTJ. So I've been on the giving and receiving end of Te asshole-dom. Has anyone else noticed this about Te? Anyone have any tips on how to balance Te's need for effectiveness with the needs of the people around you?
Consider the wants and needs of others when measuring that effectiveness.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
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You should choose your words and your timining more carefully if you want to soften up the message.
However Te by definition is unplesant function and that can never be fully undone.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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Patience. Te tends to steamroll in the name if efficiency, especially in Te doms and Te tertiaries, ime.

Keeping in mind that making the world into a germantrain isnt necessarily a priority allows you to step back and breathe while you give others a chance to get on board woth your Te plans.

I ll admit im still struggling with this myself as the fristration and irritation builds up without me realising it, causing sudden bursts of steam rollingg. Disconnecting a second to go back to the big picture while taking into account what people need - evenif it means sitting on your hands a bit - tends to do the trick and allows me to reengage Ne and find perhaps a different way to achieve my Te goal without steamrolling everyone.

/2 cents.
 

Poki

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Is it possible to effectively use Te without coming across as an asshole?

I am an ENFP (with well-developed Te) and my father is an ENTJ. So I've been on the giving and receiving end of Te asshole-dom. Has anyone else noticed this about Te? Anyone have any tips on how to balance Te's need for effectiveness with the needs of the people around you?

I have an ESTJ real estate agent thats not an ass hole. He has pretty much just accepted life is and people are crazy and laugh about it...not them. He gets upset, but its short lived as he resorts back to his laughing enjoying life self.
 

Poki

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Patience. Te tends to steamroll in the name if efficiency, especially in Te doms and Te tertiaries, ime.

Keeping in mind that making the world into a germantrain isnt necessarily a priority allows you to step back and breathe while you give others a chance to get on board woth your Te plans.

I ll admit im still struggling with this myself as the fristration and irritation builds up without me realising it, causing sudden bursts of steam rollingg. Disconnecting a second to go back to the big picture while taking into account what people need - evenif it means sitting on your hands a bit - tends to do the trick and allows me to reengage Ne and find perhaps a different way to achieve my Te goal without steamrolling everyone.

/2 cents.

ESTJ real estate agent steams rolls everyone, but not in a rude way. He is just very forward. His opinions are not ass holish as he enjoys his life and what he does. Always a smile, always a laugh.

I know others who dont know how to not be an asshole. Its all about attitude toward life...
 

SearchingforPeace

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I know several "healthy" TJs with a good use of Te that are not assholes. But they are older than 40, often having spent years and decades as a complete asshole.

One 70-something ENTJ likes to tell the story about how he woke up one day around 40 and realized what an angry nasty jerk he was. He says it took a decade to work through all that. Today he is a huge hearted giving and considerate old man who spends hours helping others, with considerable patience he lacked in his early days.

I do know one relatively good and healthy young ISTJ. He grew up in a loving Christian home and internalized the need to treat others well. But even he admits taking a sick joy(his words) in the fiobles and pain of others......
 

rav3n

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Is it possible to effectively use Te without coming across as an asshole?

I am an ENFP (with well-developed Te) and my father is an ENTJ. So I've been on the giving and receiving end of Te asshole-dom. Has anyone else noticed this about Te? Anyone have any tips on how to balance Te's need for effectiveness with the needs of the people around you?
This confuses me. If it matters to you, what's stopping you from not being an asshole?
 

Qlip

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Oh yes, ENFPs and their tertiary, the ol' Te hammer. The answer is, no, not at first. The thing is, when we start using it, it startles and scares people, and scares ourselves. And honestly, we're not very good at it, at first. But with practice you'll get better, you'll never have a Te scalpel, though.
 

SearchingforPeace

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Oh yes, ENFPs and their tertiary, the ol' Te hammer. The answer is, no, not at first. The thing is, when we start using it, it startles and scares people, and scares ourselves. And honestly, we're not very good at it, at first. But with practice you'll get better, you'll never have a Te scalpel, though.

But at least ENFPs can get better at using Te than IXFPs....
 

Qlip

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But at least ENFPs can get better at using Te than IXFPs....

And thank god for that. Active Te coupled with Fi would be a nightmare; can you imagine what could happen if an INFP was dissatisfied with you for for not being a unicorn, and then actually, really, deciding to do something about it?
 
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And thank god for that. Active Te coupled with Fi would be a nightmare; can you imagine what could happen if an INFP was dissatisfied with you for for not being a unicorn, and then actually, really, deciding to do something about it?

But at least ENFPs can get better at using Te than IXFPs....

^ assholes
 

SearchingforPeace

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And thank god for that. Active Te coupled with Fi would be a nightmare; can you imagine what could happen if an INFP was dissatisfied with you for for not being a unicorn, and then actually, really, deciding to do something about it?

I know exactly what it is to be around a IXFP who is fully engaged in her weak Te.....it ain't pretty or fun to experience....
 

Poki

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Is it possible to effectively use Te without coming across as an asshole?

I am an ENFP (with well-developed Te) and my father is an ENTJ. So I've been on the giving and receiving end of Te asshole-dom. Has anyone else noticed this about Te? Anyone have any tips on how to balance Te's need for effectiveness with the needs of the people around you?

Listen to zig ziglar. Lots of positive Te . An awesome motivational speaker.
 

Madboot

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I have an ESTJ real estate agent thats not an ass hole. He has pretty much just accepted life is and people are crazy and laugh about it...not them. He gets upset, but its short lived as he resorts back to his laughing enjoying life self.

This is a large part of what I do. Also accepting that not everyone needs corrected/fixed even if I know they are wrong. It isn't my job to educate everyone around me. It my job to keep my own shit together.
 

Poki

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This is a large part of what I do. Also accepting that not everyone needs corrected/fixed even if I know they are wrong. It isn't my job to educate everyone around me. It my job to keep my own shit together.

Not to mention not everyone has same priorities or desires. My dad has many times disagreed with me because he cared more about cons then i did or more about pros then i did. I never disagreed with out come, i just didnt care.
 

ceecee

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This is a large part of what I do. Also accepting that not everyone needs corrected/fixed even if I know they are wrong. It isn't my job to educate everyone around me. It my job to keep my own shit together.

Yeah this was hard but necessary to accept. They can get their own shit together.
 

Forever

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Make everything you command sound as if it were an option?

If not, know that they signed a contract lel.

Lel LelLel Lel
 
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