[MBTI General] Post Your Horror ENFP Stories

[Alassea]

So I posted something similar (an honest enfp convo text) on personality cafe and got a lot of hate from...ExFPs + denial.
I was accused of narcissism even lol. So I will post here instead and this time, ask other types to answer.

ENFPs are often painted as sweet, fluffy, sunshine and irresponsible unicorns. And many people do in fact like ENFPs since we are genuinely sweet, kind and motivational (when we're in the mood.)
But are some really truly like that?

There are a lot of complaints from non-ENFPs about unhealthy ENFPs and they all have a similar correlation which I will list:

-Overly flirtatious and charming when trying to win someone over and once they're won over, get bored and move on to the next person

-Unfaithful/have commitment issues, can't text or call back, etc.

-Seduces someone taboo (or several people at the same time) just to see if they could

-Uses questionable and sometimes messed up methods just to achieve their ideals that it can come across sociopathic, basically using Fi for asshole purposes

-Uses innocent/sweet/adorable reputation to unconsciously manipulate people/get what they want

-Can be inspirational and charming for 5 minutes, but if impatient, can turn really mean with biting words

-Selfish

-Use sex to manipulate/compensate for personal insecurities

-Attention whores

The accusations are all too consistent to simply be written off as coincidence.
Many will say that any unhealthy type can exhibit the above, but ENFPs especially seem to be accused of above traits the most.

Here is an example of a discussion being held on tumblr in an ISTJ blog: An ENTJ female once talked about liking this INTP... - MBTI / Enneagram blog

So to every other type besides ENFP (fellow enfps: please zip it [I know you all don't like criticism] unless you have a dark story to tell,) have you had a similar experience or know any ENFPs like the above?

Share your dark ENFP story~

 

[PurpleDawn]

Yep, either I'm some weird kind of ENFP or I'm not one at all. No matter how hard I try to be myself this shitty ass community keeps bringing me down. To answer your question no, I have never in my life experienced anything remotely close to this with myself or the only other ENFP I've known. And no, I will not "zip it" in fucking fed up with people attributing traits to my personality type that i would never even dream being attributed to myself before I found this shitty system.

Both me and my friend are very outwardly cold unless discussing actual intellectual theory, we're very moral people, we're much more pessimistic and annoyed than we are optimistic and bubbly, and we're loyal to a fault.

As for unhealthy, I'm pretty damn sure I'm quite unhealthy right now, and I STILL fucking despise most everything you've listed above.

Lets go thru the list:
-Overly flirtatious and charming when trying to win someone over and once they're won over, get bored and move on to the next person (Absolutely fucking not. I pride myself in being one of the most loyal people I know, who only gets more loyal to those I trust when unhealthy. I'm also not a relationship person, never was never will be, so "flirting" is the last word you'd use to describe me.)

-Unfaithful/have commitment issues, can't text or call back, etc. (Same as above, I'm a very loyal person no matter what. As for texting or calling back I always like closure, I don't run from my problems. If I don't like someone they know it, and if I like them, we become friends. Like I said I don't do dating so that's out of the picture here.)

-Seduces someone taboo (or several people at the same time) just to see if they could (No, that's what a whore would do and I fucking despise whores.)

-Uses questionable and sometimes messed up methods just to achieve their ideals that it can come across sociopathic, basically using Fi for asshole purposes (Finally, something I actually might do if I feel extremely violated or like something is way wrong (hint: right now))

-Uses innocent/sweet/adorable reputation to unconsciously manipulate people/get what they want (No, neither me nor the other ENFP I know have ever been described as innocent or adorable in our lives. Sweet maybe if I actually care about someone.)

-Can be inspirational and charming for 5 minutes, but if impatient, can turn really mean with biting words (Nah, I just go straight to mean if I'm pissed off about something. No need to be inspirational when the world hates you.)

-Selfish (I'd like to think of myself as anything but, I give a lot to the community and donate to causes. Maybe I can make someone else's life better than my own ya know.

-Use sex to manipulate/compensate for personal insecurities (I don't do promiscuous sex. It's WRONG FFS! A few other issues I find with this include lot of sex is physical and would require Se which ENFPs don't have (There is no argument to this, ITS LITERALLY OUR WORST FUNCTION.), and the fact that I see no reason for an ENFP to see manipulation as morally correct. I mean take me as an example, I've felt personally insecure for 2 years due to the retarded MBTI. Have I even thought about random sex? NO! If anything I become a paranoid shut in who desperately tries to protect my morality and self image like I am now.

-Attention whores (Good fucking joke, I despise being the center of attention, and ENFPs mostly live in their heads which I would assume negates this even more


In short just fuck off, I've had enough of this bullshit system, wish I'd never heard of it.

 

[PurpleDawn]

.

 

[PurpleDawn]

Also I'm genuinely curious why you expected to not get hate here. And I don't know about "ExFPs + denial". I'd call it more ExFPs trying to actually stand up for themselves and the truth.

And where does narcissism come from? lmao If anything you'd be a masochist for trying to kick yourself while you're down.

 

[Alassea]

Lol.

Next!

 

[PurpleDawn]

Lol.

Next!

Yea, thats about what I expected.

 

[Metamorphosis]

I've known a lot of ENFP's fairly well and I think that I could pretty much divide them down the center in regards to this post. Many (maybe the majority even) have a lot of the traits that you have listed and some do not. The biggest clear signal I've noticed is whether or not they have the rest of their life on track (outside of personal relationships) and whether or not they can take care of themselves.

The ones that have their life together, or at least are constantly making active improvements, are a far cry from the other half and tend not to have really any of the negative aspects that you listed. Maybe this could be explained by Enneagram or Big 5 differences?

The other ones, however, tend to show these traits rather prevalently. What's interesting is that they have some unique gift that allows them to not see that negatively. They have some superpower that allows them to emotionally find a way to justify basically anything.

 

[HisKittyKat]

Although I don't type myself as an ENFP, as an NFP who uses the same functions I would like to help you understand from your level of perceptions.

Overly flirtatious and charming when trying to win someone over and once they're won over, get bored and move on to the next person

I think I could be perceived as being charming ( so I'm told ) however I suck at flirting or seducing. I can't say I've ever tried to win a guy over, mostly I'm a coward when I'm attracted to someone, I usually make it seem as If I'm not interested in you when I'm dying on the inside, you would never read into this through my words or actions. I might purposely avoid you all together if I really really like you ....I'm more of a one woman kinda gal, moving on from man to man has never been my thang. I lived alone for more than 10yrs without the help of any man.



-

Unfaithful/have commitment issues, can't text or call back, etc.

Oh boy some of this is true, but not for the reasons of this understanding. I detect by the tone of how this is worded it sounds like a negative thing, or something that is done on purpose. Trust me, it isn't. NFPs spend 75% of reality in their own head. Time passes, so does hours days and weeks . Personally I'm never in that much of a hurry and I know that drives some nuts. Texts to be honest isn't something I enjoy, I can't get the full content/context of what is going on and at times left confused over something that was either said or not. I prefer real time as confusion causes me anxiety. I"m actually quite loyal and faithful in my relationships. I'd rather opened ended however I follow through with my commitments.

-

Seduces someone taboo (or several people at the same time) just to see if they could

In my mind seducing is way too much work lol. I"d rather just be myself ( whoever she is ) and let things happen or not naturally. Because NFPs are naturally charming they tend to get a lot of attention that isn't asked for. NFPs actually hate the spotlight and will go out of their way to step back. I think people perceive being friendly with flirting. Trust me NFPs are horrible at flirting, I think the confusion is people find us adorkable then blame us when they fall, go figure heh.

-

Uses questionable and sometimes messed up methods just to achieve their ideals that it can come across sociopathic, basically using Fi for asshole purposes

This could be true however let me point out that all Introverted functions are negative and assholish. Si Ti nd Ni are also all assholes, they can also appear sociopathic and questionable. I suppose I'll never truly understand why Fi is the least fav our of the 4 introverted functions. I think it directly derives from lack of understanding and perhaps the mystery function. Usually the most Interesting functions are hated the most heh.

-

Uses innocent/sweet/adorable reputation to unconsciously manipulate people/get what they want

butttt, NFPs are sweet, adorable and sometimes Innocent, they don't manipulate anymore than other types. That said I could manipulate people into giving me anything I wanted but I don't. It doesn't give me any satisfaction knowing I had to cheat someone with lies or deception in order to get. I see myself more as a giver.

-

Selfish

Assuming is horrible attribute. Fi can certainly be stone cold, it doesn't = selfish. Selfish is only perceived by those who don't approve of people who have strong Independent opinions, I think it could be Intimidating to those who fear Individuality.

-

Use sex to manipulate/compensate for personal insecurities

I suppose there are NFPs that do use sex to manipulate, however I also think average NFPs shouldn't be compared with those in porn or related to the sex industry. I personally have sex bc I enjoy it, I can't think of a time I used it to manipulate my way through a situation.

-

Attention whores

I can only assume NFPs get a lot of attention bc people seem to always be flocking their way. I can see how others will become confused with NFPs needing attention. They often have more than one person wanting their undivided attention so to outsiders it might look as if they are the needy ones. NFPs are some of the least needy people I know. I think they are quite well rounded Individuals and this can cause envy and Jealously with other people/types. Porn and sluts who participate are whores, not MBTI and types.

 

[Merced]

So you want this thread to be about negative experiences with ENFPs, but you don't want ENFPs to be in it? Is this a shit talkin' thread or like a functions discussion or...?

I can't shake the hunch that you have a misunderstanding of the type and/or the functions involved. Almost as if you just dissected a stereotype instead of problems with the actual type. The things you list, especially the ones involving sexuality, don't seem type related at all. I'd say enneagram would be a better place to put blame.

I'd like to have a conversation about it, but I have no idea what you're trying to do because the initial post reeks of bait. Was your post on PerC like that too? That might be why you got such a negative response.

If this was bait, then you did a really good job, ngl.

 

[PurpleDawn]

So you want this thread to be about negative experiences with ENFPs, but you don't want ENFPs to be in it? Is this a shit talkin' thread or like a functions discussion or...?

I can't shake the hunch that you have a misunderstanding of the type and/or the functions involved. Almost as if you just dissected a stereotype instead of problems with the actual type. The things you list, especially the ones involving sexuality, don't seem type related at all. I'd say enneagram would be a better place to put blame.

I'd like to have a conversation about it, but I have no idea what you're trying to do because the initial post reeks of bait. Was your post on PerC like that too? That might be why you got such a negative response.

If this was bait, then you did a really good job, ngl.

Yea it's either bait or someone completely uninformed. I'm just really tired of all this.

 

[Dreamer]

Yea it's either bait or someone completely uninformed. I'm just really tired of all this.

I know it's MUCH easier said than done, but four letters is just that. You are far too awesome to be confined to just four letters. Just let the haters fall to the sides and roll with the punches, you've got this shit! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some clouds to hop and skip over to

 

[Alassea]

So you want this thread to be about negative experiences with ENFPs, but you don't want ENFPs to be in it? Is this a shit talkin' thread or like a functions discussion or...?

I can't shake the hunch that you have a misunderstanding of the type and/or the functions involved. Almost as if you just dissected a stereotype instead of problems with the actual type. The things you list, especially the ones involving sexuality, don't seem type related at all. I'd say enneagram would be a better place to put blame.

I'd like to have a conversation about it, but I have no idea what you're trying to do because the initial post reeks of bait. Was your post on PerC like that too? That might be why you got such a negative response.

If this was bait, then you did a really good job, ngl.

Guys. Read.
I don't bait, but apparently my frankness and abruptness is seen as bait.
I'm asking a genuine question for other types to contribute to see if they have got similar stories to the ones I'm seeing around the internet.

I said that I do want ENFPs to be in it, but only if they have got an experience like this because the majority are just defense and flames last time. If they aren't like this, congrats.
Then hopefully they realize that they're aren't like that, don't take these other actually true experiences from other people personally, and move on.

I don't know where you're seeing 'misunderstandings of a type' or whatever. I legit listed down all the majority complaints I've read.
I'm not shit talking about any type much less my own. I am genuinely curious on what other people have to offer if they have had a negative ENFP experience.

 

[Alassea]

I've known a lot of ENFP's fairly well and I think that I could pretty much divide them down the center in regards to this post. Many (maybe the majority even) have a lot of the traits that you have listed and some do not. The biggest clear signal I've noticed is whether or not they have the rest of their life on track (outside of personal relationships) and whether or not they can take care of themselves.

The ones that have their life together, or at least are constantly making active improvements, are a far cry from the other half and tend not to have really any of the negative aspects that you listed. Maybe this could be explained by Enneagram or Big 5 differences?

The other ones, however, tend to show these traits rather prevalently. What's interesting is that they have some unique gift that allows them to not see that negatively. They have some superpower that allows them to emotionally find a way to justify basically anything.

Yes. Thank you.
This is the kind of information I'm looking for to learn.

Thanks for being rational, calm and not taking this thread offensively (even though you aren't ENFP lmao.)

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I've seen the behavior described in the OP only online with people who identify as ENFP. When I first saw it online I doubted their type because they are so different from the ones I've actually met. The one's I knew who super kooky, creative artists who were so much in their own world that they weren't invested in manipulating other people in such a social way. They were definitely social butterflies you couldn't really catch, but their energy was so whimsical, light, transparent, and creative that it just didn't have that heavy social focus of manipulation and anger.

 

[Alassea]

Although I don't type myself as an ENFP, as an NFP who uses the same functions I would like to help you understand from your level of perceptions.

Overly flirtatious and charming when trying to win someone over and once they're won over, get bored and move on to the next person

I think I could be perceived as being charming ( so I'm told ) however I suck at flirting or seducing. I can't say I've ever tried to win a guy over, mostly I'm a coward when I'm attracted to someone, I usually make it seem as If I'm not interested in you when I'm dying on the inside, you would never read into this through my words or actions. I might purposely avoid you all together if I really really like you ....I'm more of a one woman kinda gal, moving on from man to man has never been my thang. I lived alone for more than 10yrs without the help of any man.



-

Unfaithful/have commitment issues, can't text or call back, etc.

Oh boy some of this is true, but not for the reasons of this understanding. I detect by the tone of how this is worded it sounds like a negative thing, or something that is done on purpose. Trust me, it isn't. NFPs spend 75% of reality in their own head. Time passes, so does hours days and weeks . Personally I'm never in that much of a hurry and I know that drives some nuts. Texts to be honest isn't something I enjoy, I can't get the full content/context of what is going on and at times left confused over something that was either said or not. I prefer real time as confusion causes me anxiety. I"m actually quite loyal and faithful in my relationships. I'd rather opened ended however I follow through with my commitments.

-

Seduces someone taboo (or several people at the same time) just to see if they could

In my mind seducing is way too much work lol. I"d rather just be myself ( whoever she is ) and let things happen or not naturally. Because NFPs are naturally charming they tend to get a lot of attention that isn't asked for. NFPs actually hate the spotlight and will go out of their way to step back. I think people perceive being friendly with flirting. Trust me NFPs are horrible at flirting, I think the confusion is people find us adorkable then blame us when they fall, go figure heh.

-

Uses questionable and sometimes messed up methods just to achieve their ideals that it can come across sociopathic, basically using Fi for asshole purposes

This could be true however let me point out that all Introverted functions are negative and assholish. Si Ti nd Ni are also all assholes, they can also appear sociopathic and questionable. I suppose I'll never truly understand why Fi is the least fav our of the 4 introverted functions. I think it directly derives from lack of understanding and perhaps the mystery function. Usually the most Interesting functions are hated the most heh.

-

butttt, NFPs are sweet, adorable and sometimes Innocent, they don't manipulate anymore than other types. That said I could manipulate people into giving me anything I wanted but I don't. It doesn't give me any satisfaction knowing I had to cheat someone with lies or deception in order to get. I see myself more as a giver.

-

Selfish

Assuming is horrible attribute. Fi can certainly be stone cold, it doesn't = selfish. Selfish is only perceived by those who don't approve of people who have strong Independent opinions, I think it could be Intimidating to those who fear Individuality.

-

Use sex to manipulate/compensate for personal insecurities

I suppose there are NFPs that do use sex to manipulate, however I also think average NFPs shouldn't be compared with those in porn or related to the sex industry. I personally have sex bc I enjoy it, I can't think of a time I used it to manipulate my way through a situation.

-

Attention whores

I can only assume NFPs get a lot of attention bc people seem to always be flocking their way. I can see how others will become confused with NFPs needing attention. They often have more than one person wanting their undivided attention so to outsiders it might look as if they are the needy ones. NFPs are some of the least needy people I know. I think they are quite well rounded Individuals and this can cause envy and Jealously with other people/types. Porn and sluts who participate are whores, not MBTI and types.

Thanks for your response, Kat!

This pretty much confirms that it all boils down to ENFPs that are healthy with a nice moral compass can't relate to this and certain unhealthy ENFPs that exhibit these traits that are personal to those who have complaints about the traits I've mentioned. Sorry if that doesn't make sense.

One thing I disagree with, however, is that while there are ENFPs that are not good at flirting and think themselves quirky instead are probably actually really good at flirting unconsciously.
Although if you don't think so, that's fine.

 

[Alassea]

I've seen the behavior described in the OP only online with people who identify as ENFP. When I first saw it online I doubted their type because they are so different from the ones I've actually met. The one's I knew who super kooky, creative artists who were so much in their own world that they weren't invested in manipulating other people in such a social way. They were definitely social butterflies you couldn't really catch, but their energy was so whimsical, light, transparent, and creative that it just didn't have that heavy social focus of manipulation and anger.

Oh yes. General healthy and happy ENFPs are pretty much like this. We are seen as ambiverts for a reason after all.
Healthy Fi with a good moral compass detests manipulation and whatnot and I do spend most of my time indoors and doing art, getting creative with writing, etc.

However, there are plenty of unhealthy ENFPs (you're lucky you haven't met any) out there as well and do happen to display traits above which was why I listed them for more expansion to inner self discovery I suppose?

 

[EcK]

I've once met an ENFP who thought she was logical. It was terrifying, due to the utter lack of self awareness I mean.

fine, I jest

 

[Population: 1]

No one can love you or hate you more than your own family. Beware the wrath of house ENFP!

Seriously it's a classification for cognitive functions and those traits will be influenced by all sorts of factors based on personal experience. So sure some ENFPs will use their traits as weapons in a arsenal, just like any type. Honestly I don't know why the OP is receiving a tsunami of hate when attempting to broach the subject. Good luck and keep your head down!

 

[EcK]

Also I'm genuinely curious why you expected to not get hate here. And I don't know about "ExFPs + denial". I'd call it more ExFPs trying to actually stand up for themselves and the truth.

And where does narcissism come from? lmao If anything you'd be a masochist for trying to kick yourself while you're down.

Dude chill out. It's just a thread. Why take it so personally ? I don't think people are taking it as seriously as you might think.

Everybody with half a brain knows that MBTI is an approximation. Secondly people are entitled to their own opinions. I might think of myself as a moral individual - other people might think I'm an utter asshole : fine, it's their prerogative. Why care and let it upset you ?

Be water my friend

 

[EcK]

[MENTION=5494]Amargith[/MENTION] is a good example of an functioning ENFP. She likes cats and is a witch though, but nobody's perfect.