Unhealthy ENTJ: How do I Become Healthy Again?

[JustCallMeBrad]

Hi. I'm 16-years-old, and over the past couple of years, I've had a lot of trouble. I won't go into detail, but basically, I'm underachieving (despite an IQ in the top 1%), I have literally no social life, and I've been kicked out of school. I'm an ENTJ with enneagram 368 (not sure on the order), so this is literally a living hell. It especially annoys me, as I always saw ENTJ as a really cool type; the natural leader that everyone depends on in a crisis, but I'm just an unsuccessful bully.

My problem is my Te and Ni work in an unhealthy way. Instead of my Te organizing the environment to accommodate Ni long-range vision, my Te works as a tool to logically justify my Ni paranoia. This makes me swing from being extremely self critical to downright narcissistic. I also have unusually good Fe (which made me think i was an ENTP or ENFJ), but that just gives me social anxiety. Does anyone know how you can develop Te and Ni to be healthy? How do you improve as an ENTJ in general? Advice from anyone welcome, but particularly want to hear from ENTJs. Also, ask me any questions you need to, I'll answer them as best as I can.

Cognitive Functions: Te>Ni>Si=Fe>Ti>Ne>Se>Fi

 

[Wunjo]

"Get thee to a psychoanalyst."

- W. Shakespeare, Hamlet: Act 3, Scene 1.

 

[JustCallMeBrad]

"Get thee to a psychoanalyst." - W. Shakespeare, Hamlet: Act 3, Scene 1.

"No"

- JustCallMeBrad, Typology Central Posts: Post 2, Comment 2.

 

[HisKittyKat]

First you need to grow up and wait until your cognitive functions are fully developed. Asking for advice on cognitive functions at 16 is like expecting a flower to bloom the day after you plant it. Go have fun and come back when your brain is developed enough . Id be careful how you describe yourself also, telling yourself you are unhealthy because you're at an age of trying to understand yourself is being quite harsh and unrealistic. First stop placing yourself in that ENTJ box. Not all ENTJs are leaders to start with, and would it shock you to know not all ENTJs are Intelligent ? Live your life and forget about MBTI until you have matured. MBTI is only a tool that shouldn't be taken so seriously. Sorry, my advice is likely not what you expected or wanted to hear. Good luck.

 

[JustCallMeBrad]

First you need to grow up and wait until your cognitive functions are fully developed. Asking for advice on cognitive functions at 16 is like expecting a flower to bloom the day after you plant it. Go have fun and come back when your brain is developed enough . Id be careful how you describe yourself also, telling yourself you are unhealthy because you're at an age of trying to understand yourself is being quite harsh and unrealistic. First stop placing yourself in that ENTJ box. Not all ENTJs are leaders to start with, and would it shock you to know not all ENTJs are Intelligent ? Live your life and forget about MBTI until you have matured. MBTI is only a tool that shouldn't be taken so seriously. Sorry, my advice is likely not what you expected or wanted to hear. Good luck.

Well, at least you're honest.

 

[ceecee]

I always saw ENTJ as a really cool type

Here's the majority of your problem. You want to be an ENTJ. That doesn't mean you are an ENTJ.

the natural leader that everyone depends on in a crisis, but I'm just an unsuccessful bully.

Many of them are bullies. Many of them think they are natural leaders people turn to in a crisis. Few of them actually are.

My problem is my Te and Ni work in an unhealthy way. Instead of my Te organizing the environment to accommodate Ni long-range vision, my Te works as a tool to logically justify my Ni paranoia. This makes me swing from being extremely self critical to downright narcissistic. I also have unusually good Fe (which made me think i was an ENTP or ENFJ), but that just gives me social anxiety. Does anyone know how you can develop Te and Ni to be healthy? How do you improve as an ENTJ in general? Advice from anyone welcome, but particularly want to hear from ENTJs. Also, ask me any questions you need to, I'll answer them as best as I can.

Cognitive Functions: Te>Ni>Si=Fe>Ti>Ne>Se>Fi

At 16 things are still developing. If you feel you suffer from social anxiety, are narcissistic or other mental health concerns you aren't revealing here, you should get some help. The chances are very good that early intervention would provide you with benefits that would last a lifetime and useful tools to navigate the world and relationships.

I don't believe you are an ENTJ.

 

[JustCallMeBrad]

Here's the majority of your problem. You want to be an ENTJ. That doesn't mean you are an ENTJ.



Many of them are bullies. Many of them think they are natural leaders people turn to in a crisis. Few of them actually are.



At 16 things are still developing. If you feel you suffer from social anxiety, are narcissistic or other mental health concerns you aren't revealing here, you should get some help. The chances are very good that early intervention would provide you with benefits that would last a lifetime and useful tools to navigate the world and relationships.

I don't believe you are an ENTJ.

What type do you think I am then? Just interested.

 

[ceecee]

What type do you think I am then? Just interested.

ESTP although I put far more emphasis on the enneagram than MBTI. 368 is the justice fighter, you should look at that a little more closely.

 

[Yuurei]

"No"

- JustCallMeBrad, Typology Central Posts: Post 2, Comment 2.

So then, you don't actually want help?

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

[MENTION=33152]JustCallMeBrad[/MENTION]

If you look into your 368 enneagram tritype in more detail you will find a wealth of information about what drives you. I would suggest you are at an unhealthy level for your core type.

Since 6 and 8 are defensive by nature and 6 can be counterphobic/reactive...it could very well be you are a bully. Act out of fear? shame? anger? and seek to dominate your environment to control. But what are you really afraid of? Angry at? feel shame about? See? So you have to figure that out and you have to dig deep for it.

This sort of all depends but you should read up on enneagram 3, 6, 8 separately and also look into counterphobia in enneagram 6. There are many threads on this in the Enneagram section of the forum.

Also, maybe talking to someone could help guide you through to more healthy behavior if you do want to change your ways.

 

[Forever]

Stop bullying would help for one.

 

[JustCallMeBrad]

Stop bullying would help for one.

Yeah, because I'd never thought of that before. I'm happy to hear from you if you have anything useful to say.

 

[ceecee]

Yeah, because I'd never thought of that before. I'm happy to hear from you if you have anything useful to say.

All bullies get defensive when called out on their shit. All bullies back down when confronted too. Since you called yourself a bully, why are you surprised that someone called you out on it?

 

[JustCallMeBrad]

All bullies get defensive when called out on their shit. All bullies back down when confronted too. Since you called yourself a bully, why are you surprised that someone called you out on it?

I'm not surprised, I just don't see the point in saying the obvious.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I'm not surprised, I just don't see the point in saying the obvious.

I'm with you here. If you're coming to a forum and admitting these are areas in which you desire insight or change, then it is counter-productive. You have to understand people who have been bullied or had friends treated badly by one have their own defense to maintain and since you are a self-admitted one - it would feel good to take an easy jab back at what you represent to them. When in reality, you have personally never victimized these people.

Still, it goes far to see how your actions have consequences and to think twice about how and why we react. But you are starting to do this very thing...so that's great. You have support. Don't be discouraged.

 

[JustCallMeBrad]

I'm with you here. If you're coming to a forum and admitting these are areas in which you desire insight or change, then it is counter-productive. You have to understand people who have been bullied or had friends treated badly by one have their own defense to maintain and since you are a self-admitted one - it would feel good to take an easy jab back at what you represent to them. When in reality, you have personally never victimized these people.

Still, it goes far to see how your actions have consequences and to think twice about how and why we react. But you are starting to do this very thing...so that's great. You have support. Don't be discouraged.

Thanks. I understand that people who have had bad experiences with bullying are going to naturally be less tolerant of bullies. At the same time though, I'm not going to lie when I started this thread for advice. I don't like bullying people; it's simply an immediate reaction to stress for me. Some people will find that hard to understand, but the point is that I'm trying to work on my flaws, so I'm not sorry for saying I'm a bully.

 

[Forever]

...Immediate?

Going out of your way to find the poor guy or gal and give it to them?

The time frame seems acceptable to know and think what you're doing sometimes you may have to wait a whole hour or however long class is..

The bullies I was with had plenty of time and space to think about their actions before taking chance whether it was mental/emotional or physical abuse

So no, I don't understand you.

 

[JustCallMeBrad]

...Immediate?

Going out of your way to find the poor guy or gal and give it to them?

The time frame seems acceptable to know and think what you're doing sometimes you may have to wait a whole hour or however long class is..

The bullies I was with had plenty of time and space to think about their actions before taking chance whether it was mental/emotional or physical abuse

So no, I don't understand you.

Well, you're entitled to your own opinion. I've tried to understand your point, but if you refuse to understand me, then there's no point with you being on this thread.

 

[Forever]

Well, you're entitled to your own opinion. I've tried to understand your point, but if you refuse to understand me, then there's no point with you being on this thread.

With sarcasm?

 

[Agent Washington]

You assign too much use to MBTI as a tool for self-improvement, especially at age 16 when cognitive functions are still developing. Your best bet is to talk to a psychologist about it.

You are coming across as quite defensive (with the exception of mdp's post about enneagram, which admittedly is useful and probably something you could look into since it explores core fears). None of us are trained to help you in any of these regards.