• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Your self-perception vs the way you are perceived by others?

Verona

New member
Joined
May 9, 2016
Messages
590
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
Does anyone else find that their perception of their own personality is very different than the way others perceive them?

My family has humored my interest in MBTI and given me their input and it was rather surprising for me. They all feel like I am an INTJ and that Te is my most obvious extroverted function. I am rather surprised because I think I am a feeler and that I am quite sensitive. They don't think I am sensitive and they think I am logical and rational and I rarely express emotions. Does this seem like normal feedback for an INFP to receive? I am a bit stumped.

Has anyone else had people close to them give input that seems way off for the type they are?
 

Yama

Permabanned
Joined
Dec 1, 2014
Messages
7,684
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
My mother, an ENFP, and my sister, and INTP, have both accused me of "being unsentimental." In reality I'm an extremely sentimental person, just not about the things that they care about. It was especially hilarious coming from a Si tert and a Si inferior. Telling the Si dom they're not sentimental! Lmfao.
 
Joined
Apr 24, 2016
Messages
1,659
Yes, I can relate. I'm an ISFP and have been told before that I am unsentimental because I don't really express my innermost feelings with others and I sometimes shy away when things get too overwhelming and personal for me. So at times I can appear cold, distant, and careless, but it's mainly because I don't feel comfortable opening up to others and prefer to keep everything to myself. My Fe-dom father has implied this to me many times before, and it actually hurts me inside when being told this because I'm naturally very sensitive. He's just a lot more open and apparent about things than I am. I think this could be considered a facet of Fi-dom.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,036
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
496
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Does anyone else find that their perception of their own personality is very different than the way others perceive them?
Oh good lord yes. I'm not certain what MBTI type other would ascribe to me, but the general impression people have of me is that I'm really square, timid, and conventional. In additional to that there are also many random and conflicting judgments people impose on me, which is why I stopped taking them seriously. I suspect if you were to ask them about the validity of their perceptions, they would all feel quite confident in their correctness, however, I think subconsciously people might have a sense that I am something more alien and confusing deep down, so they keep some distance in order to keep their comfortable and predictable assumptions intact. I generally let them.
 

Smilephantomhive

Active member
Joined
Aug 11, 2015
Messages
3,352
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I think part of this may be different frames of reference. My siblings thing I'm really active, go-gett, ambitious type A controlling, neurotic person but no one on this forum would describe me that way. That is probably because people here have not seen that side of me and I act different offline, or people on the forum have met people who are more extreme in that area, so I pale in comparison to them. It's all relative imo. In order for others opinions to have any value, you must understand their frame of reference as well as yours.

@labrynthine I feel the same way. What others think of me and what I think of myself are totally different people.
 

Verona

New member
Joined
May 9, 2016
Messages
590
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
Really interesting input. I do think in the context of our families we can fall into different roles that may not really represent who we are.

I realized that most of the people close to me are Fe users so perhaps that is why they don't see me as emotional or sensitive. I tend to keep my emotions in and process them when I am alone. I only communicate about them after I have already processed them and dealt with them on my own so they are presented in a more "logical" and "unemotional" way. Also I am sure the people closest to me receive the biggest doses of my drill sergeant Te-grips so maybe that is why they see more Te in me ;)

I guess that is why on so many typing websites they say that only the individual typing themselves will truly know what functions they use. Others around them can guess but that's not as accurate.
 

Verona

New member
Joined
May 9, 2016
Messages
590
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
My mother, an ENFP, and my sister, and INTP, have both accused me of "being unsentimental." In reality I'm an extremely sentimental person, just not about the things that they care about. It was especially hilarious coming from a Si tert and a Si inferior. Telling the Si dom they're not sentimental! Lmfao.

That is funny. I have read that when a function is one of your lower functions you can be far more rigid about it so maybe they see their limited experience with Si as the only way sentimentality can be expressed.
 

Verona

New member
Joined
May 9, 2016
Messages
590
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
Yes, I can relate. I'm an ISFP and have been told before that I am unsentimental because I don't really express my innermost feelings with others and I sometimes shy away when things get too overwhelming and personal for me. So at times I can appear cold, distant, and careless, but it's mainly because I don't feel comfortable opening up to others and prefer to keep everything to myself. My Fe-dom father has implied this to me many times before, and it actually hurts me inside when being told this because I'm naturally very sensitive. He's just a lot more open and apparent about things than I am. I think this could be considered a facet of Fi-dom.

Yes I do think it is a Fi thing. It is too bad your father couldn't accept that you express things different than he does and that is okay.
 

Verona

New member
Joined
May 9, 2016
Messages
590
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
Oh good lord yes. I'm not certain what MBTI type other would ascribe to me, but the general impression people have of me is that I'm really square, timid, and conventional. In additional to that there are also many random and conflicting judgments people impose on me, which is why I stopped taking them seriously. I suspect if you were to ask them about the validity of their perceptions, they would all feel quite confident in their correctness, however, I think subconsciously people might have a sense that I am something more alien and confusing deep down, so they keep some distance in order to keep their comfortable and predictable assumptions intact. I generally let them.

Good point. People who know me in passing tend to assume I am quite conventional and if they ever have a long conversation with me they are surprised at how "weird" I am (whatever that means :huh: )
 

Verona

New member
Joined
May 9, 2016
Messages
590
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
I think part of this may be different frames of reference. My siblings thing I'm really active, go-gett, ambitious type A controlling, neurotic person but no one on this forum would describe me that way. That is probably because people here have not seen that side of me and I act different offline, or people on the forum have met people who are more extreme in that area, so I pale in comparison to them. It's all relative imo. In order for others opinions to have any value, you must understand their frame of reference as well as yours.

@labrynthine I feel the same way. What others think of me and what I think of myself are totally different people.

The online world is rather limited so I can see how real life perceptions could be very different.
 

magpie

Permabanned
Joined
Jan 21, 2010
Messages
3,428
Enneagram
614
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
The way I'm perceived by others depends on the personality of the other, given all perception is relative to the perceiver.

Whenever someone has a perception of me that differs from my own, I can see where they're coming from if I think about it - think about how I'm presenting myself and acting toward them - even if their perception is just a projection. I think the ability to do this might come from not having a very strong self perception still.

I've heard basically everything possible from others about myself. The contradictory nature doesn't make any aspect untrue though. All people have all parts. It just depends on a ton of factors, too many to even list, what people end up seeing. Also, no trait in any person is inherently negative or positive. Traits are neutral and can be used for negative or positive purposes, and can be perceived negatively or positively. So where one person calls me overreactive, another might call me brave or honest or sensitive. It just depends.

In any case, I've found it best to just use all perception-related feedback as neutral information. Something I can use to ponder myself and others.
 

Dreamer

Potential is My Addiction
Joined
Jul 26, 2015
Messages
4,539
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
794
The way I'm perceived by others depends on the personality of the other, given all perception is relative to the perceiver.

Whenever someone has a perception of me that differs from my own, I can see where they're coming from if I think about it - think about how I'm presenting myself and acting toward them - even if their perception is just a projection. I think the ability to do this might come from not having a very strong self perception still.

I've heard basically everything possible from others about myself. The contradictory nature doesn't make any aspect untrue though. All people have all parts. It just depends on a ton of factors, too many to even list, what people end up seeing. Also, no trait in any person is inherently negative or positive. Traits are neutral and can be used for negative or positive purposes, and can be perceived negatively or positively. So where one person calls me overreactive, another might call me brave or honest or sensitive. It just depends.

In any case, I've found it best to just use all perception-related feedback as neutral information. Something I can use to ponder myself and others.

This is often how I view others' perceptions of me as well. I know who I am quite well, and have little doubt in that. Therefore, I tend to use myself, as the "control" to explore the perspectives of others. What may appear as a simple question about how they see me, is really a question about them, since perspective is so relative as you mention. It may come off that I don't know who I am since I ask this question often enough, but I know :)
This response in part answers the OP, but the other aspect people seem to misjudge about me is that what they see as highly structured and organized, is not a direct reflection of who I am, but is a reflection of coping mechanisms I've learned over time. My internal world is so chaotic that I NEED to structure my external environment to function like a normal adult. On the flip side, my INTJ brother may appear scattered with his things but that's only because his mind is so attuned to where he places things, that to organize and categorize his external environment is only wasted effort for him, not beneficial like it is for me.
 

skimpit

Active member
Joined
Oct 4, 2016
Messages
717
My parents and I played a little guessing game as to what type I'd get on the official MBTI. I picked ISTJ and was right.

My dad picked all the ST types because all those types have "logical", "practical" and other similar descriptors in them. My mom chose ENFP, INFP, INFJ, ISFJ, ISFP, ESTP, and INTJ.

Overall, however, there wasn't too much discrepancy, but a lot of variance. We could agree on a lot of traits but not one type. What was frustrating for me was my dad kept saying, "sometimes you're this, and sometimes you're this, so therefore you could be any of these" when you're supposed to pick the most general behavior pattern and not go off separate, single cases. (For example, one time I got into a creative writing magazine, so I assume my father's logic could be applied here and then he'd say I was an IxFP because I'm "sensitive", "creative" and "ingenious", traits he attributes not only to writers in general, but to my writing and to me. I believe of course, this is in error. I'm always surprised to find how one person can see art so differently from another, same for topics like race which have a certain degree of objectivity to them as far as I've read about them.)

Generally people say I'm shy and quiet. My parents say I could be any variety of traits from open to guarded. Because there's no clear-cut common perceptions or misperceptions about me, it's hard to say whether those people could be right or wrong, and perhaps a bit hard to have a basis of understanding how I am as a person.

I like Enthusiastic Dreamer's idea of using himself as the "control" to explore others' observations of him. That's much the same idea I apply to myself. Others' perceptions come as neutral to me, and I don't really apply judgment to them unless it is something I myself usually apply judgment to.

Overall, to answer the question:
Has anyone else had people close to them give input that seems way off for the type they are?

I would say yes and no, because people either don't understand the question I'm trying to ask, or don't understand the answers to the question. (In this case, that would be a concrete type and not seven lol)
 

Yuurei

Noncompliant
Joined
Sep 29, 2016
Messages
4,509
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
Yes.

Apparently think better of me than. Ithought. I guess I am a bit hard on myself.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,226
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Does anyone else find that their perception of their own personality is very different than the way others perceive them?

My family has humored my interest in MBTI and given me their input and it was rather surprising for me. They all feel like I am an INTJ and that Te is my most obvious extroverted function. I am rather surprised because I think I am a feeler and that I am quite sensitive. They don't think I am sensitive and they think I am logical and rational and I rarely express emotions. Does this seem like normal feedback for an INFP to receive? I am a bit stumped.

Has anyone else had people close to them give input that seems way off for the type they are?
Our type expresses our real, inherent preferences, not the behaviors or coping strategies we adopt to navigate life. People will often appear to be another type in situations where they call on their less preferred functions to do what they need or want to do. This is why it is unreliable to type people based on observed behavior. I was once in a training session with a woman who appeared very much to be ISTJ: typical self-contained, organized, conscientious manager. She revealed she was really ESFP, but relied on this ISTJ-like persona to do well at work.

Also, there is considerable variation among individuals of a given type. I have heard other INFPs say they feel NT-like around other NFs who are perhaps more stereotypical in manner, but then around "real" NTs they can relax into their true nature and feel like the NFs they are.

I don't get much feedback on how I seem, especially IRL. The man recurring comment that might be at odds at least with INTJ stereotypes is that I am courteous and polite, often even helpful. From my perspective the behavior is goal-oriented, minimizing needless (unpleasant) interaction and maintaining distance, especially with people I don't know well. Helpfulness is just an expression of solving problems, promoting what I think is important, and enabling others to get necessary things done.
 

Trash Panda

Retired
Joined
Jun 7, 2016
Messages
415
I was told recently by someone irl that I seem like more of a thinker than a feeler. I have a well developed Te, maybe? Idk. I'm good at spouting facts at people, correcting people, I'm capable of using logic (surprise!), I can be objective/unbiased. Most people don't associate those with a dominant Fi user. :dry: Being a pedantic asshole is not type related.
 

treetophideaway

New member
Joined
Jan 2, 2017
Messages
64
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
Yes, I can relate. I'm an ISFP and have been told before that I am unsentimental because I don't really express my innermost feelings with others and I sometimes shy away when things get too overwhelming and personal for me. So at times I can appear cold, distant, and careless, but it's mainly because I don't feel comfortable opening up to others and prefer to keep everything to myself. My Fe-dom father has implied this to me many times before, and it actually hurts me inside when being told this because I'm naturally very sensitive. He's just a lot more open and apparent about things than I am. I think this could be considered a facet of Fi-dom.
I feel like I'm basically in the same situation but with my mother. I'm an ISFP; she's an ISFJ. So we have no functions in common. She said there's no way I could be a dominant feeler. She thinks I'm cold and distant, more thinking than feeling (which hurts me too). I feel, I just keep it to myself most of the time. All of my close family have a bad habit of assuming they know what I'm thinking/feeling or why I'm doing what I'm doing. They're frequently wrong. Like on the occasions I do try to explain my feelings and fail with the words, I then get frustrated/emotional because I'm really trying to explain my feelings which is hard for me. They usually say I'm trying to start a fight or that I just like confrontation or drama (which I don't get how they think I'm trying to fight and I hate confrontation and drama so that just makes me retreat inwardly).
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
7,708
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
738
I perceive myself as a giant asshole. Others perceive me as black hole of debate despair, and an asshole.
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
Messages
20,589
Enneagram
827
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I always get described as the dumbest smart person anyone knows and someone who does NOT notice their surroundings :(

apparently I lack practical-ness and frequently fail at my home improvement projects because I injure myself or get bored and I get made fun of for those things all of the time as well

I like to think that I'm less inept than I am frequently described as :sadbanana: I mean, I identify as some form of STP... I can't be that bad at those things, can I?
 

Galena

Silver and Lead
Joined
Mar 12, 2013
Messages
3,786
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
People have described me as T-like, at a surprising frequency.

Surprising because I perceive myself as the egregiously squishy F stereotype.
 
Top