INTP female and ENFJ male interaction

[Eanaomi]

Heyyy , I'm new to the forum so I'm sorry in advance if I'm not doing this correctly lol. But....
I was wondering how this particular MBTI dyad would work and this is mostly because 1) I'm interested in the ENFJ personality as an INTP, from what I've seen they are naturally really great at making people feel comfortable and appreciated which I find amazing as well there seems to be more depth to their motivations than they let on despite their grandiose presence. 2) I usually read about this relationship from the perspective of an INTP male w/ an ENFJ female which still leaves me without an accurate conclusion.
My issue with number 2 is that there aren't really that many INTP women and all I can conclude is that INTP women are pretty different from INTP men and I feel the same can be said about ENFJ men vs women.
From an INTP woman perspective we can be pretty well rounded, I've noticed for some, myself included, T/F is usually 60/40 or very close to 50/50 and we sometimes may come off as INFPs IRL to someone who isn't in close contact (when I took the test as a teen I was typed INFP, very idealist, but that was just my auxiliary function Ne) After analyzing my behavior from childhood on up I truly am an INTP. Sometimes I just HATE how we get pigeon holed lol. Additionally, because of socialization we do tend to have chameleon like behavior something I never hear INTP men experience.
Ok. Rambling aside please just provide me with your thoughts, opinions, experience, whatever...I am honestly very curious and am trying to catalog more data about the female INTP - male ENFJ interaction.

 

[All]

I'm INTP female too. Being INTP female is not easy, and many INTP females also can't relate to other females and INTP males too.
INTP wants their partner to simulate them to think deeper, so an ENFJ may not be able to do that for a long time. INTP dating ENFJ is usually romantic, but may be difficult to last long. P.s. the case may be different if you have strong INFP tendencies.

Heyyy , I'm new to the forum so I'm sorry in advance if I'm not doing this correctly lol. But.... I was wondering how this particular MBTI dyad would work and this is mostly because 1) I'm interested in the ENFJ personality as an INTP, from what I've seen they are naturally really great at making people feel comfortable and appreciated which I find amazing as well there seems to be more depth to their motivations than they let on despite their grandiose presence. 2) I usually read about this relationship from the perspective of an INTP male w/ an ENFJ female which still leaves me without an accurate conclusion. My issue with number 2 is that there aren't really that many INTP women and all I can conclude is that INTP women are pretty different from INTP men and I feel the same can be said about ENFJ men vs women. From an INTP woman perspective we can be pretty well rounded, I've noticed for some, myself included, T/F is usually 60/40 or very close to 50/50 and we sometimes may come off as INFPs IRL to someone who isn't in close contact (when I took the test as a teen I was typed INFP, very idealist, but that was just my auxiliary function Ne) After analyzing my behavior from childhood on up I truly am an INTP. Sometimes I just HATE how we get pigeon holed lol. Additionally, because of socialization we do tend to have chameleon like behavior something I never hear INTP men experience. Ok. Rambling aside please just provide me with your thoughts, opinions, experience, whatever...I am honestly very curious and am trying to catalog more data about the female INTP - male ENFJ interaction.

Heyyy , I'm new to the forum so I'm sorry in advance if I'm not doing this correctly lol. But.... I was wondering how this particular MBTI dyad would work and this is mostly because 1) I'm interested in the ENFJ personality as an INTP, from what I've seen they are naturally really great at making people feel comfortable and appreciated which I find amazing as well there seems to be more depth to their motivations than they let on despite their grandiose presence. 2) I usually read about this relationship from the perspective of an INTP male w/ an ENFJ female which still leaves me without an accurate conclusion. My issue with number 2 is that there aren't really that many INTP women and all I can conclude is that INTP women are pretty different from INTP men and I feel the same can be said about ENFJ men vs women. From an INTP woman perspective we can be pretty well rounded, I've noticed for some, myself included, T/F is usually 60/40 or very close to 50/50 and we sometimes may come off as INFPs IRL to someone who isn't in close contact (when I took the test as a teen I was typed INFP, very idealist, but that was just my auxiliary function Ne) After analyzing my behavior from childhood on up I truly am an INTP. Sometimes I just HATE how we get pigeon holed lol. Additionally, because of socialization we do tend to have chameleon like behavior something I never hear INTP men experience. Ok. Rambling aside please just provide me with your thoughts, opinions, experience, whatever...I am honestly very curious and am trying to catalog more data about the female INTP - male ENFJ interaction.

Heyyy , I'm new to the forum so I'm sorry in advance if I'm not doing this correctly lol. But.... I was wondering how this particular MBTI dyad would work and this is mostly because 1) I'm interested in the ENFJ personality as an INTP, from what I've seen they are naturally really great at making people feel comfortable and appreciated which I find amazing as well there seems to be more depth to their motivations than they let on despite their grandiose presence. 2) I usually read about this relationship from the perspective of an INTP male w/ an ENFJ female which still leaves me without an accurate conclusion. My issue with number 2 is that there aren't really that many INTP women and all I can conclude is that INTP women are pretty different from INTP men and I feel the same can be said about ENFJ men vs women. From an INTP woman perspective we can be pretty well rounded, I've noticed for some, myself included, T/F is usually 60/40 or very close to 50/50 and we sometimes may come off as INFPs IRL to someone who isn't in close contact (when I took the test as a teen I was typed INFP, very idealist, but that was just my auxiliary function Ne) After analyzing my behavior from childhood on up I truly am an INTP. Sometimes I just HATE how we get pigeon holed lol. Additionally, because of socialization we do tend to have chameleon like behavior something I never hear INTP men experience. Ok. Rambling aside please just provide me with your thoughts, opinions, experience, whatever...I am honestly very curious and am trying to catalog more data about the female INTP - male ENFJ interaction.

 

[CoffeeEnthusiast]

The attached picture shows compatibility between INTP and ENFJ types. Apparently, and as long as this chart tells the truth, the ideal match would be ENTJ's. Interestingly enough, you said you were typed as an INFP before, which isn't that far away from INTP, and it happens to be that the ideal match for ENFJ's are INFP's. I'm no versed in MBTI whatsoever, thus I can't give a fact-based opinion about the issue or whether male/female types act differently, but I'd say there are a number of things shared by both types, at least both act with a leaning toward Intuition over Sensing.

 

[Totenkindly]

In the end, all that matters is your relationship with him. If it works, it works; if it doesn't, it doesn't.

That being said, there could be some pitfalls in the area of:

1. Energy/Stimulation level -- ENFJ wants more and wants to be engaged more regularly with others typically, INTP tends to want more alone time and less webbed into various relationships.

2. Ti vs Fe -- Ti can seem cold and impersonal and maybe even heartless, Fe can seem fake and superficial and draining. Both folks have to respect their differences and see the value in them.

3. J vs P -- More structure vs less structure. So this impacts the daily schedule, the formality of dinner and work schedules, how home tasks get accomplished and to what degree of completion, interpersonal discussions and reaching consensus, etc.

The N factor is an important boon here because it will loosen up some of the extremities of other functions in the mix and also offer a point of connection between the two.

I have not dated an ENFJ guy but I was interested in one or two, and/or had them as friends. I found them more sensitive than I had expected, and probably read their extroversion as more personal than it actually was (i.e., what seemed engaging to me and thus "special" on the receiving end, I realized is simply how they would engage everyone; for me, the quiet introvert, I was reading it as more than it was). They seemed more flexible than other J's, though, and were able to follow my internal thinking if I explained a bit of it.

 

[Eanaomi]

I have not dated an ENFJ guy but I was interested in one or two, and/or had them as friends.

How were they as friends? Did they initiate more in the friendship and we're okay with it? Also you mention they were more sensitive than you were expecting, I'm sorry to pry, but could you give me one scenario I'm very curious!

 

[INTP1W2]

INTP male with ENFJ female. Lots of struggles in this matchup anyways. With every situation there is pros and cons. Clashing with the oversensitivity but no effort to make real, consistent changes on her part. Drives me insane not making real effort to tackle her own problems and instead reaches out for help. Well...it's not "help" but more like, "Hun, can you do this for me because...:

• You have always done stuff like this.
• You do this type of stuff better than I.
• You are better at figuring out stuff like this.
• You're more patient than I am.

To me...all excuses to avoid doing and learning how to do what she needs to do. In summary, doesn't want help but wants someone else to do it for her. Could be not as healthy an ENFJ as could be.

She has a big heart, is very tiny and small (eats like a bird) and very soft spoken. Loves to laugh. Cares a great deal about people. But lets people walk over her, especially family. Seems indirectly materialistic.

I'm interested in hearing from the group how the MBTI and cognitive functions apply here. Might help me understand what's going on much better.

 

[Population: 1]

INTP male with ENFJ female. Lots of struggles in this matchup anyways. With every situation there is pros and cons. Clashing with the oversensitivity but no effort to make real, consistent changes on her part. Drives me insane not making real effort to tackle her own problems and instead reaches out for help. Well...it's not "help" but more like, "Hun, can you do this for me because...:

• You have always done stuff like this.
• You do this type of stuff better than I.
• You are better at figuring out stuff like this.
• You're more patient than I am.

To me...all excuses to avoid doing and learning how to do what she needs to do. In summary, doesn't want help but wants someone else to do it for her. Could be not as healthy an ENFJ as could be.

She has a big heart, is very tiny and small (eats like a bird) and very soft spoken. Loves to laugh. Cares a great deal about people. But lets people walk over her, especially family. Seems indirectly materialistic.

I'm interested in hearing from the group how the MBTI and cognitive functions apply here. Might help me understand what's going on much better.

First off here’s to tiny girlfriends that eat like birds.

Second I really don’t know my functions very well. So I’d come at it from a non MBTI perspective and ask what is the family dynamic? Is she the youngest? The quietest? What are her parents like? Because at the end of the day we are very much our family. They’re the first people we bond with and usually the ones we’ll let get away with murder as opposed to anyone else. I think if you understand her family (her parents especially) you’ll understand her better. A lot of our personality is tied into that first relationship.

Sorry if that isn’t helpful but I’m learning a lot about my girlfriend through her family and their history of interaction.

 

[INTP1W2]

First off here’s to tiny girlfriends that eat like birds.

Second I really don’t know my functions very well. So I’d come at it from a non MBTI perspective and ask what is the family dynamic? Is she the youngest? The quietest? What are her parents like? Because at the end of the day we are very much our family. They’re the first people we bond with and usually the ones we’ll let get away with murder as opposed to anyone else. I think if you understand her family (her parents especially) you’ll understand her better. A lot of our personality is tied into that first relationship.

Sorry if that isn’t helpful but I’m learning a lot about my girlfriend through her family and their history of interaction.

Cheers! Yes, I'm still trying to learn the functions stuff; I'm new to it.

She's a twin and they have an older brother. Yes, the quietest. I've only known her 4 yrs. She just reconnected with her father at the end of last year; they had no contact for like 5 years. She speaks of good times with her dad and her son prior to loss of contact. Very close to her mom who passed from cancer in the early 90's. Family members often say she looks just like her mom.

It would be hard for someone to get to know me if looking to understand my family, parents especially, because my siblings and I were abandoned when I was 5 and I'm the oldest. I think family history may give context whereas cognitive functions, typing, tri-types and other personality tests will give insight into the inner workings of a person. That would be the level that friendships and relationships work at.

 

[Population: 1]

Cheers! Yes, I'm still trying to learn the functions stuff; I'm new to it.

She's a twin and they have an older brother. Yes, the quietest. I've only known her 4 yrs. She just reconnected with her father at the end of last year; they had no contact for like 5 years. She speaks of good times with her dad and her son prior to loss of contact. Very close to her mom who passed from cancer in the early 90's. Family members often say she looks just like her mom.

It would be hard for someone to get to know me if looking to understand my family, parents especially, because my siblings and I were abandoned when I was 5 and I'm the oldest. I think family history may give context whereas cognitive functions, typing, tri-types and other personality tests will give insight into the inner workings of a person. That would be the level that friendships and relationships work at.

I tell my girlfriend she needs to put some lead weights in her clothes so she doesn’t get swept up by a stiff breeze. (5 feet tall 95 or so pounds eats a cracker and is full) I usually get a smirk and a playfully sarcastic remark in return.

Anyway that’s all very interesting information right there. If you analyze it along with her strategies for dealing with life over the 4 years you’ve known her you can see tendencies and patterns of behavior I’m sure. Perhaps she turns to you so often because you’re a stable pillar in her life. Her mom’s death hit her hard I’m sure and whatever she and her father have as a dynamic doesn’t sound particularly stable but may be now getting there. I’m definitely not trying to pass any judgements myself just throwing ideas out there. Your background with having to to tackle a more adult role at a very young age might mean you’ve developed a strong decisive independent mindset with an emphasis on leadership if you had to care for younger siblings. She may gravitate towards that confidence. That doesn’t mean she can’t develop those attributes in herself which is why it sounds like you’re trying to encourage those things in her.

Anyway entirely speculative from an outsiders limited perspective. There are people around here that do know their stuff when it comes to cognitive functions. Hopefully you will stick around and study the various materials and interact with members and gain a clear understanding of everything. I’ve been about for a year and I tend to have a rather organic approach to MBTI so I’m absorbing it even if at a snail’s pace. Enjoy your time here!

 

[INTP1W2]

Thanks, Population1! That's the kind of insight I'm seeking from the thread. You are correct that I'm also trying to develop some of those things in her. She's definitely fighting that!

I checked out many of the threads here before joining myself. There a lot of knowledgeable people in the areas of personality as measured in many of these tests. I'm am both amazed and humored by what people share about my types (which I find very, very true) and I love hearing those who know themselves well and break down how these things play into their own behaviors, fears, thoughts, etc.