Type and emotional connection?

[Jayce]

I've been thinking a lot about emotional connection and type. This stems from my own experiences. Even though I consider myself outwardly expressive, there are some people that can read me mostly and some types that think they read me but they are wrong most of the time. Then there are people who I can't find an emotional connection with at all and some that I find easy to find emotional rapport with. It might be that this has nothing to do with type but I'd rather find out.

(Please include the questions with your answers to make it easier to follow.)

0. What is your most prominent type?

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?

If you have any other questions that feel relevant, please add them.

 

[castigat]

mental illness influences my answers

0. What is your most prominent type?
ESTP

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?
yes and no. other people consider me empathetic more than i do, although i don't disagree with them. it's a natural and learned inclination. i say other people consider me more empathetic than i do because i can be pretty damn picky about it when instinct isn't overriding thought.

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)
i can get along and blend in pretty easily but since it's an instinct and done in service to others (amidst other reasons), it's largely a facade and i do have consistent times of feeling alienated from peers.

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?
not actively. i'm sure that, like any other person, i unconsciously seek intimacy, but i don't care for it on a surface level. sure it's an ideal, but not something i go after or pine for on a daily basis.

if i'm in any long-term relationship, friend or otherwise, the connection is important.

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)
nope lmao. that's in part because of the experiences i've had. i have a disconnect from emotion, trust issues, don't like having deep emotional conversations, etc. i also have very different expectations for "intimate" relationships, so it's hard to find someone i mesh well with anyway.

if by "mutual empathy" you mean "i'll do my shit, you do yours, and we can handle ourselves before we handle each other", then sure.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?
the closest relationships i have took years to cultivate so i don't know if the types matter as much (except for them all being Es), but:

best friend: ENTP
close friend: ESTJ, as far as i can tell
roommate, close-ish maybe friend: ESFP

for shits and giggles to see if it forms patterns for everyone, the people i'm currently friends with/have gotten along best with:
ENFP
ExFP (under investigation; i'm thinking S. could be wrong about the E.)

aaaaaand i haven't figured out the others.
no surprise all my friends are Es.

might also be relevant: i've found that i get along the least with fi-doms.

 

[Yama]

0. What is your most prominent type?

ISFJ.

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?

Not really. I act like I am--but unless I consider myself close to someone, I don't give a shit about their problems or their life.

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)

Yes. I have never belonged.

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?

Close friendships are the only thing in this world that matters to me. Besides Love Live.

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)

Does "intimate relationship" imply romantic partner? I don't do those. If it can mean close friendships, then yes, I find it extremely hard to form those because I am so distant and have so many walls up. It takes months of persistence for someone to tear them down. I have been in college for 5 years and have not even made so much as a casual acquaintance since high school.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?

This assumes I have found it. The types of those that I feel that I can be emotionally close to: ISFJ, INTJ, INTP.

 

[radneim]

0. What is your most prominent type?
INFP

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?
I second what Yamato said.

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)
I'd say I belong on an 80% level at home, 10% outside home.

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?
I guess. I doubt about the whole 'emotional connection' concept validity though. I value mutual willingness to understand fully what the other person is saying.

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)
Considering that's a thing, no, it's not easy. I find most people aren't neutral/objective enough so I can't really talk about my feelings with them.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?
Mostly INFP friend. From time to time with family members (ENFP, ISTJ, ENFJ)

 

[Coriolis]

0. What is your most prominent type?
INTJ

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?
Emotionally no. Cognitively - somewhat.

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)
Yes, but that's OK.

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?
It is important but it is more than sufficient to have just a few relationships that provide it. I find it impossible to seek emotional connection. By that I mean it either happens, or it doesn't. It cannot be forced, nor have I found a reliable means to select for it or its potential.

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)
No. It is the work of a lifetime. I try instead to do the things for the other person that having such a connection would suggest. Sort of like hoping the doing of good deeds will stimulate some faith, rather than the reverse.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?
INTP (SO); ENTJ, ENFP, INFJ (friends)

 

[ceecee]

0. What is your most prominent type?
INTJ

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?
Somewhat.

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)
Yes and I have never minded this.

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?
I don't really seek this, I never have so I can't put importance on it. If I have it (I do) great, but it's not a driving thing.

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)
No. I will never be very good at this. I give what I can and I understand as best I can and I'm honest about it.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?

ENFJ (SO), ENFP's, INFJ's (friends)

 

[Forever]

0. What is your most prominent type?
INFJ

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?
Yes, cognitively extremely well. I can tell immediately in most situations how I would feel. Emotional, I don't have a choice, I feel what they're feeling especially if I let my emotional barrier down.

2. Do you find it hard to belong (Like are you at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere)?
Yes, even at home if I'm not busy or I am overly procastinating. It's good that I distract myself. At school, work, parties...

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?
Yes. Most definitely so.

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)
No it's difficult based on the last relationship(s) I had (depending on how much breadth your definition of intimate covers) been feeling like it's completely one-sided and so it got pretty empty quick.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?
N/A

 

[Dyslexxie]

0. What is your most prominent type?
ESTP.

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?
Very much so.

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)
Not really, no. I'm fairly independent and selfish and I go through periods of heavy withdrawl, but I get along with everyone and make friends anywhere. As long as people respect my boundaries all is well.

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?
Yes and no. Really depends on what my state is generally. I find most people get too intense and unload their emotional garbage too fast, and that really scares me. It's almost like I can be here and be a sounding board but just leave me in peace. I've had so many relationships (esp work and school where I don't really have a choice) where it's very one sided and the other people pour their guts out and I'm just like "yep, just sitting here eating snacks", without every sharing anything about myself, and oftentimes they don't even notice. I'm going on 2 years with some people now and I bet you they don't even know how old I am but I know their entire life story. I don't seek that at all, that's for sure! I like some emotion but more surface level and impersonal.

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)
It's not that hard and I can find it easy to relate, but I will generally block people out before it gets to that intensity level. I'm a very impersonal empath. Also there's that one-sided thing I mentioned earlier where I might get it but I don't have any interest in participating. There are walls for a reason and I like them very much. I'm the emotional level of what America will be soon.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?
ENFJs tend to be like an emotionally acceptant/stable version of me. ENTPs are the less emotional me that get why I pull away when things get too sappy.

 

[Obfuscate]

0. What is your most prominent type?

intp

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?

i had until just now, when i read this:

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?
Yes, cognitively extremely well. I can tell immediately in most situations how I would feel. Emotional, I don't have a choice, I feel what they're feeling especially if I let my emotional barrier down.

i have no idea anymore... i guess that i had considered accurate identification of emotion to be empathy... i have a sort of "semi-permeable membrane" that keeps the emotions of others separate from my own... when i identify emotions that would be harmful for me to participate in, i most often simply choose not to... even with emotions that wouldn't be harmful for me to participate in, i will often choose not to engage in them emotionally... is it still empathy if you can choose to opt out?

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)

hard to belong? i wish this question came with more context... i find it alternately difficult and simple based on circumstance... i have trouble connecting to people who aren't Very open to connecting... when people are open to it, it all becomes very easy...

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?

sometimes... i do when it appeals to me, or i have a strong bond with a person... i find both the presence and absence of emotional bonds to be important...

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)

ummmm, sometimes... the word mutual muddies the waters... i am very capable of "pulling the plug" even when connected... i find it just as easy to "plug back in"... i guess as long as the other person wants to do so, i feel like it would be benefical for one of us (or both of us), and the prospect doesn't seem threatening or needlessly unpleasant it is very easy...

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?

with many types... i have had it more often with people that i haven't typed than with ones i have...

 

[Rouskyrie]

I've been thinking a lot about emotional connection and type. This stems from my own experiences. Even though I consider myself outwardly expressive, there are some people that can read me mostly and some types that think they read me but they are wrong most of the time. Then there are people who I can't find an emotional connection with at all and some that I find easy to find emotional rapport with. It might be that this has nothing to do with type but I'd rather find out.

(Please include the questions with your answers to make it easier to follow.)

0. What is your most prominent type?

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?

If you have any other questions that feel relevant, please add them.

0.) ENFJ.

1.) I would consider myself empathetic, but I don't go around calling myself empathetic. I will happily listen to the problems of others and otherwise empathize with them, as I enjoy doing so.

2.) I find it difficult to belong, but I try to find my place within wherever it is I go.

3.) I do seem emotional connection in life and my intimate relationships. It's highly important to me.

4.) No, I find it's rather difficult. However, I have a habit of idealizing people which fools me into thinking that such "true emotional connection" exists in the relationship even when it doesn't.

5.) I haven't found it yet.

 

[Verona]

0. What is your most prominent type?

INFJ

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?

Yes although I think there are different levels of empathy

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)

Everyone is unique so I think the idea of belonging is a bit contradictory. No I don't feel like I belong but like Rouskyrie said I make a place for myself

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?

Yes I seek out close relationships and yes they are extremely important to me

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)

No I don't think it is easy but I have been blessed enough to find it

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?

ISFP

 

[Pivotal]

What is your most prominent type?
INTJ
Do you consider yourself empathetic?
No, not particularly.
Do you find it hard to belong?
Yes, most of the time. This is natural, though.
Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?
It is not something that I actively seek. It may be important to form emotional connections with things and people, especially if it is quietly acknowledged and not the focus of a friendship. Emotional connections form very slowly for me.

Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships?

Somewhat. It may be difficult for me to find and identify a true emotional connection when one has formed. When it eventually comes to having an emotional connection in an intimate relationship, it feels natural to seek out or quietly appreciate that person. It is never a sudden development.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?

INTP friend. ESTJ father.

 

[Norrsken]

0. What is your most prominent type?
INFJ

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?
Of course.

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)
Yes. I never found a place or a group that I could safely call my home.

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?
Yes and yes.

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)
I'd say it is actually extremely difficult for me. While I can ignite initial attraction in other men, the under wells of the compatibility issue never reaches in full depth. In the end, it is always me who cared way too much more than the other person cared about me or the relationship.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?
I haven't dated many people in my life, but I suppose the ones I've had a connection with were either NT or NF men.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

0. What is your most prominent type?

ISFP, apparently.

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?

No.

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)

Sure.

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?

Yes.

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)

Easy is not the word.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?

ENFP. Strangely enough.

 

[Lord Lavender]

0. What is your most prominent type?
INTP

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?
To a degree yes. I can understand how other people feel and can put myself in other peoples shoes but I find it hard to show.

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)
Yep. I never feel as I truly belong anywhere.

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?
Yes to both.

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)
It is very difficult for me to find true connection with others. I cannot do this without the other person also having an understanding of how I work.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?
I haven't yet truly found anyone who understood me fully but the closest would be a ESFJ and a ENFP.

 

[Snickie]

0. What is your most prominent type?
Ti-dom. Arguments could be made for both TiNe and TiSe. In dichotomy tests, ISTP.

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?
Not really. Or maybe it's sympathy I lack. Not sure which, especially since they're so terribly defined.

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)
Usually I do, but if I've been in a place long enough and consistently get constructive interaction in that setting, I can be comfortable there. It's not something I think about unless I'm overwhelmingly uncomfortable or feeling particularly shameful about something.

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?
Not actively unless I'm struggling with something. Then I might write or call home about it.

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)
Nope. I can fake it sometimes, and then sometimes I can fake it 'til I make it. Most of the time my mind dismisses stuff as irrelevant to me so why should I care, and then I remember that this person cares and so I have to at least try to be sympathetic.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?
My mother claims INFP. I suspect she may be SiFe but maybe not.
My father claims INTP. I suspect NeTi with a strong Si grip but TiNe is not out of the question.
My elementary school best friend was probably FeSi.
Middle/high school best friend is SeFi. Possibly ENFP if you want to go by stereotypes.
College best friend #1 is INFJ/NiFe.
College best friend #2 is something. I don't know what. Probably P.
Current roommate is probably either SFP or NFJ. Really not sure on the FiTe/FeTi axis.

 

[ThePoetess]

0. What is your most prominent type?

INFJ

1. Do you consider yourself empathetic?

Yes and no. It depends on the people, the situation, my stress level, etc. I very much want to be empathetic to the strongest degree possible and it is something I am always working at.

2. Do you find it hard to belong? (Like you are at home in any situation but never really belong anywhere.)

Yes! I never have felt like I belong. Even in a room with my closest friends.

3. Do you seek emotional connection in your life and intimate relationships? Do you find it important?

Yes! I think it is one of the MOST important things in life.

4. Do you find it easy to find true emotional connection in intimate relationships? (By true emotional connection I mean the feeling of mutual empathy and understanding of each others feelings.)

No. Thus far in my life I have only found it (to a full degree) once.

5. If and when you have found it, with which type was it?

ENFP

Hope this is helpful!