Fe vs Positive Triad (279) vs SO vs General Friendliness

[Dreamer]

At the end of the day, for me, Fi looks inward to understand the outside world, Fe does not. Whether someone is so tinged with blue, to take [MENTION=30122]Brain in a Jar[/MENTION]'s analogy, that it appears they are strong Fe users when really, they aren't. It's important for people to look beneath the surface to truly find where their type lies. Not superficial behavioral tendencies often associated with this type or that, though, convenient that is.

 

[Lord Lavender]

At the end of the day, for me, Fi looks inward to understand the outside world, Fe does not. Whether someone is so tinged with blue, to take [MENTION=30122]Brain in a Jar[/MENTION]'s analogy, that it appears they are strong Fe users when really, they aren't. It's important for people to look beneath the surface to truly find where their type lies. Not superficial behavioral tendencies often associated with this type or that, though, convenient that is.

For a Fe user like myself it is even more affecting so to speak. Due to my So and heavy 2 my Fe is very strong for tert meaning that i look more like a xxFJ most of the time.

 

[thoughtlost]

It's very easy to to distinguish a 2 from the social-instinct. A person who is social-first is the way they are because they are aware of interpersonal dynamics and how we all relate to each other. As you know, a social-firstt person can be awkward or shy around people because they are so aware of that. What makes a 2 a 2 is simply their need feel loved by others. It's about being/seeing themselves as a lovable person.

Being Fe is not about being lovable (so that's what distinguishes it from a 2). It's closer to being a social-dominant person. I still don't have a grasp on how Fe is distinguished from the social instinct as well as I'd like (in fact, I don't have that strong of a grasp on any of these, but I am attempting to). Fe (for me) is best understood under socionics. But first, let's start with Fe. My friend is a 4w5 and how social dominance comes out is in her "relations" to others. She exists in reference to other people. She 'checks in' with others to know where she stands, what behaviors are okay with other or fits into the norm.

She also identifies with having Fe auxiliary (MBTI ...but socionics is easier), so if she truly is Fe, then I'd say Fe is about creating a "mood". In her case, it's usually a funny/silly mood where people can get along and interact positively with others. My 4w5 friend doesn't like it when she can feel negative energy. She likes to diffuse intense negative energy by either resolving a negative situation if she can.

The way I understand her "Fe' is that she is really communicative. She doesn't naturally have a "keep to yourself" energy, like I do. So the 4w5 and my other roommate like having someone to "come home to and talk to". For her, a happy home is a home where people are talking to each other and are actively creating an atmosphere where people can pleasantly talk to each other. However, I just want to go into my room not have to interact with others. It's not that I am not cordial and respectful. But for me, a happy home is a quiet home where I am not being nagged at to tell people how may day was or what I think about this topic.

And not to toot female-male stereotypes, but the easiest way I understand Fe vs. Fi is that Fe is like the overly-talkative wife (not the kind that tells you to clean up, but the one that wants to share your feelings/thoughts too much). Fi is like the closed-off husband that just wants to go to his den and drink a beer.

Edit:: I like using my 4w5 friend as an example, because it can be really hard when it's a enenagram 9. An enneagram 9 may look like they have Fe or social-instinct first when they do not. 9s are naturally other focused because they have a "diminished sense of self".

 

[Lady Lazarus]

On the opposite end of the spectrum of "due to conflation", my lack of general friendliness is likely part of why I'm not really allowed to be ISFJ. I tend to not have the awareness for requisite politeness because I prefer we all be free from those things. They feel as if they diminish interactions to mechanical things I won't get anything from. They're only useful when I try to force them really badly for my merging anxiety purposes.

I'm very choosy about who I'll give my energy to, because I see it as something not to be thrown around readily or easily. I want to know it means something and I want what I get back to mean something as well. Which is why I hate and suck at group interactions, they feel like absolutely nothing to me, which makes it hard to even try.

 

[Dreamer]

It's very easy to to distinguish a 2 from the social-instinct. A person who is social-first is the way they are because they are aware of interpersonal dynamics and how we all relate to each other. As you know, a social-firstt person can be awkward or shy around people because they are so aware of that. What makes a 2 a 2 is simply their need feel loved by others. It's about being/seeing themselves as a lovable person.

Being Fe is not about being lovable (so that's what distinguishes it from a 2). It's closer to being a social-dominant person. I still don't have a grasp on how Fe is distinguished from the social instinct as well as I'd like (in fact, I don't have that strong of a grasp on any of these, but I am attempting to). Fe (for me) is best understood under socionics. But first, let's start with Fe. My friend is a 4w5 and how social dominance comes out is in her "relations" to others. She exists in reference to other people. She 'checks in' with others to know where she stands, what behaviors are okay with other or fits into the norm.

She also identifies with having Fe auxiliary (MBTI ...but socionics is easier), so if she truly is Fe, then I'd say Fe is about creating a "mood". In her case, it's usually a funny/silly mood where people can get along and interact positively with others. My 4w5 friend doesn't like it when she can feel negative energy. She likes to diffuse intense negative energy by either resolving a negative situation if she can.

The way I understand her "Fe' is that she is really communicative. She doesn't naturally have a "keep to yourself" energy, like I do. So the 4w5 and my other roommate like having someone to "come home to and talk to". For her, a happy home is a home where people are talking to each other and are actively creating an atmosphere where people can pleasantly talk to each other. However, I just want to go into my room not have to interact with others. It's not that I am not cordial and respectful. But for me, a happy home is a quiet home where I am not being nagged at to tell people how may day was or what I think about this topic.

And not to toot female-male stereotypes, but the easiest way I understand Fe vs. Fi is that Fe is like the overly-talkative wife (not the kind that tells you to clean up, but the one that wants to share your feelings/thoughts too much). Fi is like the closed-off husband that just wants to go to his den and drink a beer.

This has been very helpful for me, thanks Thoughts! When people suggest Fe for me, Fe dom for one, I first think ok, yes, I do this, this, and that... Hmm, I must be Fe, but why do I relate so heavily to Fi then and all the nuances to it? The way you spelled it out, I can now attribute a lot of my actions to being So dom and being a type 2. I do seek out that affection and love from others so I'm more likely to make the effort to put myself out there and help others, to get it. Being So dom, I am also acutely aware of the social structure at play, and the "dance" that goes into social scenes. I am aware of it, but I don't partake in it. However, every so often, the two interestingly, will be the driver rather than some other needs, and I will throw myself into the situation knowing how to act, and what to do, to ultimately feed my 2 needs. Why do I still return to Fi even after all of this? Because I don't see a value in pushing a certain emotional atmosphere, and the way I understand others, is by understanding myself. It's always been that way, based on my internal emotional data bank, I can then start to understand others. Mind you, because it is a subjective experience, I'm not always right.

 

[Merced]

On the opposite end of the spectrum of "due to conflation", my lack of general friendliness is likely part of why I'm not really allowed to be ISFJ. I tend to not have the awareness for requisite politeness because I prefer we all be free from those things. They feel as if they diminish interactions to mechanical things I won't get anything from. They're only useful when I try to force them really badly for my merging anxiety purposes.

I'm very choosy about who I'll give my energy to, because I see it as something not to be thrown around readily or easily. I want to know it means something and I want what I get back to mean something as well. Which is why I hate and suck at group interactions, they feel like absolutely nothing to me, which makes it hard to even try.

This is interesting because your enneagram is in the positivism triad (279). Well, your head is 6w7 but that 7 wing is enough for me to point it out. My interpretation of Fe is productivity related. You want the best results out of people and that's Fe's job. A lot of people don't consider Fe to be productive or at the very least, not able to get as serious about it as Te.

Would you pin yourself as someone who values productivity?

 

[Lady Lazarus]

This is interesting because your enneagram is in the positivism triad (279).

If you mean it's unusual for a positivism type (I'm going to choose to take this mostly outside of tritype and mostly inside of core type for my own reasons) to hold a perspective like this one, I think the defense mechanisms among the three delineate a good hierarchy of positivism along the lines of 7>2>9.

Would you pin yourself as someone who values productivity?

Only in my professional life.

 

[thoughtlost]

[MENTION=25763]Enthusiastic_Dreamer[/MENTION],

Fe vs. Fi has been hard to tease apart because they are both a coin that you use to buy shit with ...so externally they can look the same.

I also think that people confuse so and sx A LOT. it looks like sp is easy to not confuse with anything...

I know a 4w5 (who identifies as Fe aux) who struggles being in groups because they are too many "dynamics" going on. She has to try to meet the dynamic needs of everyone and that can overwhelm her and she will fade into the background. She prefers one-on-one. With me, she is super loud and talkative and jokes around (along with sharing deep stuff) because with me, that is okay. With others, she will hold some of herself back as to meet the needs of the situation. She is okay with doing that, molding herself to the situation. She often says "I prefer that you tell me what you need from me" ...it comes across as 9ish, but it's not core 9. Sure, a core 9 does want to meet other people's needs, but in her case it's being Fe.

I relate to her in the sense that I tend to be what others need (a listening ear of whatever), but at the same time, it's different. I totally do not relate to feeling that there are so many people to mold to at a party. I tend to gravitate to the people to intrigue me most. This makes me look extroverted compared to her. It's funny how we flop because at home she is super loud and talkative and looks extroverted whereas I look extroverted in public because I am not shy to talk to someone I find interesting. My 4w5 friend was surprised that I could just walk up to a new classmate and introduce myself.


This is something that has confused me, especially since one-on-one is usually seen as being sexual instinct ...but I think I have a weak understanding of what the sexual instinct really is.

 

[Merced]

[MENTION=25763]Enthusiastic_Dreamer[/MENTION],

Fe vs. Fi has been hard to tease apart because they are both a coin that you use to buy shit with ...so externally they can look the same.

I know a 4w5 (who identifies as Fe aux) who struggles being in groups because they are too many "dynamics" going on. She has to try to meet the dynamic needs of everyone and that can overwhelm her and she will fade into the background. She prefers one-on-one. With me, she is super loud and talkative and jokes around (along with sharing deep stuff) because with me, that is okay. With others, she will hold some of herself back as to meet the needs of the situation. She is okay with doing that, molding herself to the situation. She often says "I prefer that you tell me what you need from me" ...it comes across as 9ish, but it's not core 9. Sure, a core 9 does want to meet other people's needs, but in her case it's being Fe.

I relate to her in the sense that I tend to be what others need (a listening ear of whatever), but at the same time, it's different. I totally do not relate to feeling that there are so many people to mold to at a party. I tend to gravitate to the people to intrigue me most.

This is something that has confused me, especially since one-on-one is usually seen as being sexual instinct ...but I think we have a weak understanding of what the sexual instinct really is.

Do you think that Te and Ti have the same relationship as Fe and Fi?

 

[thoughtlost]

Do you think that Te and Ti have the same relationship as Fe and Fi?

Well, I am sure I understand those two functions much much much less. I have a feeling that it's different. I know that Ti values understanding and that Te values using that understanding in relation to what the knowledge can do. A Ti person is not as tied to what knowledge can do... so they are more free to explore possibilities (xNTPs) or just doing or thinking up of new things, I guess.

 

[Dreamer]

For a Fe user like myself it is even more affecting so to speak. Due to my So and heavy 2 my Fe is very strong for tert meaning that i look more like a xxFJ most of the time.

I didn't realize you had 2 in you. Now it all makes sense, you NFP

I haven't noticed any posts of yours that seem overtly "Ti"...whatever that means, so at least in feeling, you do vibe Fe dom/aux. However, you're Ne is hard to miss too...you NFP! Haha I kid.

 

[Lord Lavender]

I didn't realize you had 2 in you. Now it all makes sense, you NFP

I haven't noticed any posts of yours that seem overtly "Ti"...whatever that means, so at least in feeling, you do vibe Fe dom/aux. However, you're Ne is hard to miss too...you NFP! Haha I kid.

Nah i am just an ENTP in a perpetual Ne-Fe loop making me a quasi-XNFP. I have a weak Ti and strong Fe for an ENTP but as i have said to several people this is why i am so successful as i am filling in a gap in the market left as all the other ENTPs are argumentative while a gentle and mild ENTP was highly demanded and I fulfil this niche .

 

[Dreamer]

Not sure how to quote two people at once, but [MENTION=27952]sarcasmsunshine[/MENTION] and [MENTION=18445]thoughtlost[/MENTION], personally the I/E versions of any of the functions seem like completely different animals to me. I've only been able to understand Ti through my understanding of Fi, and Fe through my understanding of Te. I think because since Fe and Te are such movers and shakers versus their introverted counterparts, I just see them remaining in completely different realms. For instance, I mean no offense to Fe users, but I find it hard to understand that as an emotional center for the individual. I suppose it's because I'm trying to understand Fe through Fi, which doesn't work, but if one's emotions are based off others, meaning the motivator for change within that Fe person comes from external sources and...

No wait...nevermind that above thought garbage, I gots it. I understand it now.

 

[Lord Lavender]

Speaking of all you ExFPs having quasi-Fe traits my so dom also gives me quasi-Te vibes as well. I feel the need to be seen as someone who has their shit together and yet like you ExFPs I dont relate or understand Te at all.

 

[Dreamer]

Speaking of all you ExFPs having quasi-Fe traits my so dom also gives me quasi-Te vibes as well. I feel the need to be seen as someone who has their shit together and yet like you ExFPs I dont relate or understand Te at all.

My personal affiliation with Te goes something like this 1: gets excited over new pens and post-its, plasters wall with to-dos and notes to keep in mind in color-coded fashion of course 2: Finishes project and sets out to complete the task list 3: a third of the way through, I lose interest and instead find myself surfing YouTube or talking to a friend.

Lesson learned, no matter how much enthusiasm and care I put into getting my stuff organized and planned out, if I don't feel like doing it when the time comes, I won't do it.

 

[Lord Lavender]

My personal affiliation with Te goes something like this 1: gets excited over new pens and post-its, plasters wall with to-dos and notes to keep in mind in color-coded fashion of course 2: Finishes project and sets out to complete the task list 3: a third of the way through, I lose interest and instead find myself surfing YouTube or talking to a friend.

Lesson learned, no matter how much enthusiasm and care I put into getting my stuff organized and planned out, if I don't feel like doing it when the time comes, I won't do it.

For me I feel as i have to put on a Te mask so to speak as for males Fe is seen as being weak. (xxFJ men are in my personal experience quite manly due to Fe standards but they show their true Fe side when they can). Like your Fi being colored by the So i face a similar thing with presenting a Te face even though i dont use Te in a function sense but relate strongly to Ti. My coin metaphor i would say works well. I have considered being a core 2w1 or 7w6 as lets face it i am not exactly stereotypical 5w4 (Social 5 does fit me very well though).

 

[SpankyMcFly]

If I (or you) find any sx-dom introverts, please tag em.

You can't swing a dead squirrel without hitting at LEAST 5 Sx doms around here. Birds of a feather and all that jazz, imo.

 

[Haven]

As a Fe so 269 I probably defy multitudes of stereotypes about my really unspecial combination of types. Anyway, like Yama said in the start of the thread that it's about what motivates you.

 

[Merced]

Oooooo this was a good thread. Bumping to revive it.

 

[Morpeko]

I am about as far as you can get from Fe and the social instinct... and the only way I could potentially be 2-like is if I disintegrate, and that is not a friendly thing.

I am never called friendly IRL, but I am sometimes called friendly online. I don't really know what that means, though. I can be personable to people who have shown some level of warmth toward me first, and I have a principle of treating others with respect if they haven't done anything to lose that. For me, it's nowhere near a main motivation, though. And not one of my defining traits.