Am I the elusive XXXX type or am I just really messed up?

[themostsalient]

Hey community,

(preface: this post gets much more interesting towards the end, even though it starts off as what looks like a standard "bla bla what is my type??" post, I provide a lot of juicy info that probably make it easy to answer for some of the more knowledgeable readers in this forum)

I'm new to this forum and hope to learn more about MBTI for reasons I have outlined below. Despite years of interest in the MBTI and having a pretty decent ability to predict people's types (before subjecting them to one of the myriad online tests), my understanding of MBTI is inadequate compared to some of the stuff I'm seeing on this site (I still don't really get the whole lower case e/i thing, e.g. "Fe", "Ti", "Ne", etc.)

I have done the MBTI test for years now, and have done a variety of tests, and have speculated about my type with a few friends of mine who are also knowledgeable about it. People have a hard time labeling me. My best friend, who is an ENFP (heavily weighted on all four scales), is way better than I am at accurately predicting people's MBTI results and even he has had some difficulty with me. For years he thought I was an ENFP like him, then realized I was probably an ESTJ, and is now settling on ESTP.

I've received the following results in the past, and in reading about each of the personalities I felt like they were all spot on at the time or, at least, covered some ground in explaining me.

I've gotten ESFP (I was convinced this was right), ESTJ (same), ESTP (same), ENFP (same), and most recently in perhaps the most sophisticated test I have done at my law school, I (shockingly) got INTP, and each of those letters was rated 1 or 2. Yup. This was after I felt like I was starting to settle on ESTP, all things considered. I can't stress enough that this was a great test and it felt like the most impossible one to "game".

Now, before I get to my main question, a few points about me:

1) A BIG thing in my childhood, as early as ages 5, 6, 7, was I wanted to be *everything*. I would see someone reading a book, and think to myself that being bookish and introspective and patient was such an amazing thing. Then I'd see popular people who were outgoing and well dressed and thought that that was something to aspire to as well, that a life without it is meaningless so I worked on being more like that.

I would hear about people who enjoyed solitary walks in the woods, pondering the meaning of life and think that a life without that kind of experience was worthless. Same thing when I would see people who had no trouble expressing their emotions (I'm a man who thought it was important for men to cry from a young age... and I do cry, regularly, in public.) Same thing when I saw people who were capable of making completely cold, calculated decisions that may hurt in the short term but were the "right"/logical thing to do (I was incredibly blasé about, and even encouraged, my parents' divorce because I saw that they were incompatible and felt "well, they shouldn't be together..." my poor little sibling had very different feelings about it.) Same thing when I saw people who were laid back, flexible, and go-with-the-flow. Same thing when I saw people who were always punctual, organized, and were good at using their planner.

2) Now, I assure you that I can provide you with many, many examples of myself manifesting all the ways of being above. I think the only one where things might be more lopsided is on the P/J scale (more P than J), but even then only slightly because... I definitely like things *a certain way*. I hate being late, I detest disorganized people, and I think if my life wasn't so tumultuous (more on that below) I would manifest much more J tendencies. In short, I have huge expectations in life, and make decisions with those expectations in mind. I like taking the long view a lot. I think a lot about what life is going to be like for me 1, 5, 10, 30 years down the line. I find other Ps to be frightening, the way they lose themselves in the moment. I am always the J in a group of Ps, and I'm always the P in a group of Js.

3) Which brings me to the next point: I am a *super* contrarian. Whatever "type" I'm around, I just start behaving and manifesting conduct that is counter to their type. I'm shy in a room full of Es, I am a leader in a room full of Is, I'm the sensitive one who teaches emotionally intelligent communication strategies to an XSTJ, and so on. I am the life of the party around squares, and the square around party animals. I do drugs but in moderation. I'm a hardcore pleasure seeker but justify it by making sure my life is "together".

4) Everyone pisses me off on some level. I feel like everyone is inadequate. I have bad feelings towards every MBTI type.

5) Far from being this super human, "jack of all trades", I actually think I am a complete failure in life. I could go into more detail about it, but let's just say I lead a pretty average career, have had some moments of genius where everyone around me thought "wow, this guy is capable of amazing things" but always fell far short of expectations between those moments. I am currently working as a lawyer, and hate it, and knew I was going to hate it, but I did it anyway. I have a solid job now but if you factor in paying off student loans it's actually not much of a salary at all. Plus I find the work of reading word documents all day HORRIBLE, and I wish I was outside *doing* things and creating things that I could see and touch (remember, I got INTP on the most recent, sophisticated test).

6) I have had a super tumultuous life. I moved out of my parents' home when I was in my early teens and moved alone to a different continent. I had no parental supervision since that time, but somehow scraped by high school without much trouble (I rebelled in ways that were considered obnoxious to my classmates but I never did anything that I would consider harmful or dangerous or ill-willed... I was more like the kid who "stood out" and refused to conform, as long as I wasn't hurting anyone or myself). In high school, I was fully committed to being an actor at the time and spent thousands and thousands on workshops for years (ESFP?) but then, OF COURSE, I decided I had to go to university and study social sciences because (I shit you not, this is the truth), I was so bad at social studies in high school (failed it two years in a row) so I wanted to be a more worldly person who understood things like politics, philosophy, world affairs, economics, you know cocktail party topics. I succeeded at that but at the end of it all I decided to go to law school because money. Meanwhile I had immigration related drama because I was trying to move to the US, which stunted my career development, and to make money during that time I did "adult" work. This job was easily the most enriching, wonderful that I've ever had in my life were it not for the stress that immigration was causing me. I took it very seriously too. I wanted every gig I had to be a success, for all parties involved to be happy. I felt really connected and balanced. I was usually on time. I studied the roles and the requirements.... and in the meantime I studied for (and crushed) the LSAT, applied to reputable schools, was granted scholarship money... then my immigrant visa came through. I had a good cry that the drama was over, packed my bags, and moved to my new, adopted country just a couple of months before my first law school semester began. I didn't really have time for a plan B and it was late in life. I was skeptical that law school would be for me (it wasn't) but I was already "getting old" and I had to commit to something... so I ended up here. Hating my job. Hating reading. Hating everything.

My question to you is... is this what one would expect from someone who is a legitimate "well-balanced" case? Or do I have some weird underlying issue that is skewing the results of every single test that I'm doing? Or does my story suggest that I am actually one of the types, but it's been obscured by a striving for "balance"? If so, which type?

I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life and a start would be to see if I actually do belong to an MBTI type or not. That's why I provided my story. Any insights would be appreciated.

Much love to anyone that can help.

 

[lexay]

Hallo!! Sorry, I didn't read your post that much. I have a pretty short attention span and I wanted to get right to work.

The thing about this 'XXXX' thing is that it isn't well balanced. MBTI types like INTP (mine for example) are well balanced! It consists of the cognitive functions Ti, Ne, Si, Fe. You'll notice the alternating 'i' and 'e' at the end of those. THAT is what balances them! everyone has alternating introverted and extroverted thought processes. Having 'XXXX' would mean you have no thought processes, essentially empty, and of course that isn't you or anyone alive. MBTI is about HOW you think and interact with these thoughts.

I, for example, use Ti when I am first presented with something ('dominant function'). Ti means Introverted Thinking. This is essentially a better way of saying Logic, or rather my own logic. Now you may think, "Everyone is logical right?!". Well yes, everyone has their own logic system, but mine is based on analyzing and making sure everything works like a gear in a clock. If the clock doesn't work, then it is wrong and illogical. I don't account for my own or others feelings at this point. For me, morality and values have nothing to do with logic. For others, it does!

I recommend going to this tumblr page: Cognitive Functions - Funky MBTI in Fiction . They have a lot of stuff on cognitive functions and explains them in a very straightforward and realistic way without jargon. Try to see which is your dominant function, look up what 2 MBTI types have that as their dominant function and go from there. Remember, you're dominant function is what thought process you use first without even THINKING about it. It comes completely natural. Good luck!

P.S. Sorry for not paying attention to your post and your life story. I just wanted to answer the question at hand :S

 

[themostsalient]

If you read the rest of my post (it's not *that* long, is it?), I think it shows that I might very well be empty on the inside, as you say a true XXXX would be. Any thoughts?

 

[lexay]

Hello again! So I took the time to read everything (It actually wasn't as long as I thought haha sorry) and I think you work with Se and Fi predominantly based on everything you wrote. You wanted to experience everyone else's way of doing things and thinking early on which sounds very Se to me. And later on you talk about how you wanted to be the best, but felt you didn't live up to it? That you wanted to be unique and not conform. You also talk about how you 'hate everything and others'. That sounds pretty Fi. You care alot about how you feel about yourself and judge others as well.

Those two Functions working together make ESFP! You could also be ISFP if they are inverted. The four cognitive functions for ESFP are Se Fi Te Ni. I would actually definitely say you fit that. Though you could be ESTP, which would relate to how you got INTP on the test. Both have Ti (Dominant in INTP and Secondary in ESTP), and the Fe in ESTP could be explained by how you cared about how those felt involved in your job. I find this to be a thin connection though. (I don't really agree with typing someone from text. Or at all really, you know how you are best. So if you don't agree with this, then you can burn it)

I sorta explained Se and Fi. Te is hard to see in anything you wrote, but it basically means you prefer facts and think in plans, strategy. Ni, I saw a little bit perhaps, when you knew you were not going to like your job, but you went with it anyway. It shows you saw how it would play out, but you sort of ignored it (inferior/4th place Ni).

About the J/P and the whole Organized/Disorganized thing. It doesn't really mean anything whether it's J or P. As an INTP I'm supposed to be one of the most disorganized people in the whole world. Which I am. But only with external things, like my room (soooo disorganized), but I go to school and always get my work done on time and neatly. While INTP does indicate I have a strong disorganized streak, it doesn't define every aspect of me. It just tells me how I think! (which relates to behavior, but doesn't necessarily define my behavior). All the other stuff you hear about MBTI like ISTP's ride motorcycles and sweat oil grease are funny stereotypes. They are nice and get you a veeerrrrryyy broad idea of what it is usually like, but at the end of the day, it really doesn't mean anything.

(I should also note that most MBTI tests use the E/I, S/N, F/T, J/P as a spectrum. Only some use actually cognitive functions, which can lead to some misconceptions. Also note that technically everyone uses all of the functions at some capacity. You can see how I use mine in my signature below. And also that the spectrum style allows for people to be in the middle of Judging and Perception, but this doesn't negate them from having a specific order of functions.)

Anyway, you can't be XXXX. That would mean you're empty in the head, as in no brain. And you seem to have a pretty good grasp of how you think anyway. Now feelings of emptiness are another thing, and I hope that you don't always feel that way. If you do then maybe you should talk to someone about it? I know the feeling and it's not great to keep that bottled up. I hope this helps, and read more about it if you want. Especially the cognitive functions to see what really fits you (no one knows you better than you!) and maybe some stereotypes to laugh at.