Do you organize or leave to improvisation/chaos...
CHAOS
I can thrive on it but it also gets exhausting and can lead to burn-out.
Ideally, life would let me do things furiously in bursts of chaotic energy, and then I'd just recuperate and be "lazy" for months on end, then start it up again...
Your physical environment of stuff?
MESS
Your schedule and plans?
I use an app where I can scribble down what I am doing each day (I don't like typing into text fields; I like to scribble as if using pen) or else I don't know what planet I am on.
I also semi-organize my finances on a calendar (how much in, how much out), which is a bizarre way of doing it.
I hesitate to commit to certain things too far in advance because I don't want to agree to something, then something better comes along, and then I feel obligated to follow through on my commitment but it's not what I really want anymore...
Sometimes I can maintain excitement about something if it continues to hold all this potential for amazingness in my mind (something totally new can strike me this way), but other times, something which initially sounded good can increasingly begin to feel like a burden, or like it is now an interruption to something else I'd rather do now, despite my initially being enthusiastic about the plan. This often happens with stuff committed to very far in advance - the idea begins to lose its luster.
The more repetitive something is, the more I will lose motivation to do it. I have a hard time with being motivated for a job I have done for a year or more. My interest can plummet really quickly once I've "figured it out" and now I am just doing the same stuff over and over. I have a hard time with routine and maintaining stability in life, honestly. I may begin to subconsciously sabotage myself, which I have to keep aware of so I can counter it. This begins to show as running late, forgetting stuff, not planning ahead, goofing off, etc. I just really don't want to be there.... I sometimes begin looking for an "out" or a way to change things up so as to get re-energized.
I am so stereotypical P in many ways.
You inner ideas, feelings, philosophies, inner construct of reality?
I spend copious amounts of time and especially emotional energy defining what I think and feel about everything, and I have many different "worlds" where I sort of explore and even construct various ideas, so that these worlds can come to represent what I may term "value concepts". They embody themes I seek to recreate in my reality. I guess you could call this "organization", but the end result may be more like a detailed picture than an encyclopedia.
The external way you express your philosophies, ideas, feelings, inner construct of reality?
See above...I argue with myself, teach myself, explain to myself, clarify to myself... I often construct metaphors and lines of reasoning in my mind to explain some "pre-verbal grasp" I have about something, and if the opportunity arises for me to use it to explain it to someone else, then I might do that. I tend to tackle things that seem apparent to me but that I haven't quite found expressed anywhere else yet, or not satisfactorily. A lot of times these are "truths" about human nature or spiritual concepts or stuff like that.
Your impressions of new experiences?
I don't think I really organize these. Something just "is". I suppose I notice how I feel about it, and if asked to invest energy in such a thing again (or something similar), then I may consider if it is worth it to me. Experience can come down to energy and morals for me, and if the price is not too high for either, then sure, I may engage with it.
When younger, I used to not be able to really process stuff as it happened. I always had this disconnected observer feeling. So then I'd go home and kinda relive it via fantasy and then it was so much more intense for me. I often "added" to it, and I'd sometimes imagine myself as someone else in the experience (probably someone I had observed).
I realized later that a lot of this was not being able to experience emotions in the presence of others as strongly as I do alone in my head. I feel more comfortable with "in the moment emotions" now and I relive things far less now. I tend to really just move forward all the time. I am not very sentimental for this reason. Once I thoroughly process it emotionally, then I don't have a strong need to revisit it again.
Your interactions with others?
Pretty similar to the above.... stuff just "is" and if very unpleasant, too energy draining, or seeming like it encroaches on my morals or asks me to compromise my integrity, then I avoid it. I feel what I call a benevolent indifference towards most people, and I am very comfortable with suspension of judgment about people. I have no need to peg them as being any particular way or having any particular value, with the exception that I like to psychoanalyze people and consider what is driving them and how their brain works (& typology gave me a great vocabulary to use for this). Impressions may build up, but unless there is something very ideal about them to me (I feel a particular connection to them) or they pointedly violate some ideal of mine (usually a prevention of me doing something I deem important), then I don't really have much feeling about them at all.
Sometimes if I feel obligated to interact according to some value of mine, then I can put up with energy draining, unpleasant stuff. This is a big conflict with me in life, admittedly. There are people I respect in some capacity and must work with in some way, but I don't really like them and may feel I have to compromise more than I'd like to because of some common purpose I hold to be bigger than myself.
I don't usually have any particular problem with such people as far as their way of being,
except that I feel like they are trying to shove me in a straight-jacket or are judging me for not being their identical twin. The more someone in an interaction is trying to corral me into some concept they have of how things should be, the more repulsion I can feel towards the interaction.
Anything else?
Also, if there are any people who are ever in a position of instructor or teacher, how do you organize or leave to improvisation your materials and interactions with students?
I have avoided formal teaching, but I do sub-teaching and tutoring because I can really just show up and teach. I generally don't have to plan assignments or grade papers and whatever organizational stuff is needed that is probably even worse than what I just described. I am too good at winging it sometimes... Instead of planning how to explain something or strategizing what may be effective, I just read the students in the moment and ideas ping to me about how to reach them. It's kind of like having a general end location but changing the route up as needed. I may swing left if I see congestion up to the right, even if I didn't plan on going that way (and indeed, I likely planned nothing at all).
Growth!
