[NF] infj intj and extroverted feeling?

[chado]

im just trying to understand extroverted feeling,because it seems so different to introverted feeling,eg infjs can be cold inside yet show warmth when around people?,
its just hard to understand extroverted feeling in general
also would sme infjs be mystyped as intjs because on the inside they can be cold and aloof,? because of ni and ti
yet infjs say that extroverted feeling doesnt look at ones own feelinsg and infjs can indeed be cold on the inside yet most of the questions on a personality test asks things like are you an emotional person,do you make decisions with your heart and to answer that yes then it means you go more with your heart yet you say on the inside you cold?becase of ni and ti?
in other words extroverted feelers,say that they can be cold on the inside,eg enfj and infj both have ni and ti yet the quetsions on a mbti test asks things like''do you worry about the consequences of your actions ect,and to answer that it means you would have to be a wamr person? does this coontrdict itself other wise all infjs would come out as intjs?

 

[Norrsken]

That whole cold on the outside/inside thing is a crock of shit, honestly. Extroverted feeling is much more friendlier appearing than introverted feeling because Fe reaches out to others while Fi notes their own emotions from the inside without outer confirmation. I'm not saying that Fi users don't look friendly. I'm saying that Fe users have more obvious expressions of emotions and are more comfortable with outside confirmation than Fi users do. INTJ people do not have Fe, FYI.

 

[Forever]

I still don't understand how I exactly use Fe. Everywhere I read, Fe is supposed to be this nice function but I don't know what I do in particular is "nice".

The current me is very nonchalant. Most of the time I speak when spoken to and I smile and laugh sometimes sincere and sometimes just out of instinct but I don't go out of my way and help people. I help people if the problem is seen along or near my way.

I guess I am altruistic of others in the sense is that no matter what I feel I have a sense of the other person around me. It would seem that people do not have this gift because if they are angry or consumed with an activity, people tend to be less in focus to their psyche and awareness. It isn't always 100% all the time but I forgive incredibly easily, unless you start to do things mean to me intentionally and then I distrust the person very quickly.

I don't smile to anyone anymore and people respect me now. I do ask my parents for advice but I'm at the age that their advice isn't that helpful as I once thought it was but yet I'm desperate to find an answer which will make future interactions run smoothly as possible.

Now where I'm living at, people talk to me want to get to know me, indulge their secrets or feelings to me. I don't try to identify what they're feeling but rather be a listening ear. I can feel people's emotions when powerful in a heartbeat. It's such a psychic experience I swear because I can feel someone's dread and anxiety on one subject and speaking that same other subject I feel nothing but myself.

I still feel things like if I am ignored or what I have to say is petty to individuals I'll fall silent and sad. And when people tell me to calm down when I haven't raised my voice is definitely a way to make me raise my voice.

I'm painfully self aware of my actions. To find more fulfillment and love myself better, I change perspectives. I then to be more at ease and can understand why some people may react to what I had perceived as bad as now good.


I guess I have Fe/Ti but I tend to generally follow rules and I like somethings that are unique to my persona as well. At the end of the day I know I'm just different then many people around me, not because of only feeling but the actions I do as an NJ type. But to a much less extent, I know the importance of blending in now.

 

[Coriolis]

That whole cold on the outside/inside thing is a crock of shit, honestly. Extroverted feeling is much more friendlier appearing than introverted feeling because Fe reaches out to others while Fi notes their own emotions from the inside without outer confirmation. I'm not saying that Fi users don't look friendly. I'm saying that Fe users have more obvious expressions of emotions and are more comfortable with outside confirmation than Fi users do. INTJ people do not have Fe, FYI.

Actually, we do, but it is close to the bottom of the barrel for us, so we generally prefer to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist. The best we usually do is to emulate it using some combination of Ni/Te/Se, learning which actions produce which reactions from others, and choosing the ones we want in a given situation.

 

[Norrsken]

[MENTION=9811]Coriolis[/MENTION], my mistake and I should have been more clearer before that INTJs do have Fe but just not in their top four function stack. Sorry!

 

[Fidelia]

Each function (it seems to me) will create warm externally/more reserved inside if it's extroverted, and cooler externally/more gooshy inside if it's introverted. So most people are a mix of warmth and coolness, depending on what area of their live or interaction you are talking about. I think the overall mix makes for a warmer or a cooler overall external impression, (hence the perception of introverts vs extroverts being shy or gregarious). And I also find certain functions seem maybe a bit warmer or cooler depending on what clicks best with you. So there's perception, the basic function stack, plus both parties' personal experiences, insecurities, maturity, age, culture and everything else to factor in. It's kind of hard to parse it all out.

In some ways, people would perceive me as almost extraverted because of my Fe warmth to a fairly wide group of people. Some of that is a result of being the child of a fe dom mother, and some is from being a teacher. In other ways, I'm very protective and don't take a lot of chances socially except with those I am close to, so even though I'm friendly, some people might feel kept at arm's length. (That's something I'm working on). I'd say generally, the people who get to know me well would be surprised at how much more candid, playful, and mushy I am than they may initially have had the opportunity to see. It's something that almost feels beyond my control, although I'm finding that as I understand better why I do certain things, it allows me to change stuff about myself that is causing misperceptions in my interactions. I am pretty open, as long as someone wants to get to know me well and approaches in the right way, but quickly halt the progression of the relationship at varying points to protect myself so that I don't feel resentful to other people for stepping on my feelings. To some extent that's okay, but I take it too far, and so am realizing that resilience to being hurt or surprised by someone's reaction to something I care about (and by extension my taste or decision making abilities) is only built through experiencing it enough to get better at dealing with it constructively. What I fear tends to be more how I will react to the surprise, or dealing with the time it takes to process those emotions (which for ni doms is sooooooo annoyingly long, especially when they are not sure of their perceptions, but still have the emotions), so I avoid it and in doing so, don't improve at it and still fear it. Just like with any phobia, repeated small bits of exposure for increasing lengths of time or proximity is what helps the brain overcome it's belief that avoidance is what will protect oneself from harm.