Fe = Easily Offended?

[Norrsken]

"Why didn't you hold the door, you little punk ass bitch?"

I'm crying.

When you become a senior citizen, you have a pass at screaming at young folks whenever they are rude to you.
Be patient.. the time will come. ;p

 

[violet_crown]

Out of curiousity, did you mistype as ENTJ at any point, and if so how did you come out of it?

If not, I guess "how do you know you aren't an ENTJ" or something.

What she posted doesn't resonate as ENTJ to me. When I'm describing structure it's more about processes and how things are accomplished. I'm usually pretty disinterested in how people who aren't close to me live if it doesn't impact those things. And I mean that in the sense that, people are free to do what ever they want (assuming it's not harmful), and I'm not going to make any judgements about it one way or the other.

An ESTJ might have more opinions on social norms, but even then they're not going to care as much as an Fe type.

I tried it on for a couple of weeks. I figure that I am Fe because I factor in how other people would react into most of my decisions. And I put a lot of energy into how my relationships are functioning at any given point in time.

ENTJs, like anyone else, care a great deal about our relationships. I also think it's pretty unfair to assume that we don't consider the impact of decisions on those around us, either.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

I've been thinking about this for a few days now and I have been sort of wondering if perhaps Fe users, whether dom, aux, tert, or even inferior, are much more likely to be offended by most things in life than, in contrast, to Fi users or Te users. I am somebody who can be offended quite easily, though I try to use my other functions to sort of ground me and to think about something or somebody from another angle, which isn't always so easy for me to do. It is much easier for me to just jump up, be offended, and judge the situation or the person harshly. I can't help but feel under attack when somebody talks to me in a way that I feel, whether its true or not, like they want to corner me and make me feel bad. It is getting better as I age, though, since getting older can make anybody more mellow. It goes like this:

1. I get into an event where I witness something or somebody behaving in a way that is socially or even morally unacceptable. It could be somebody being unnecessarily rude. It could be me seeing a loud and brash group of teenagers behaving badly.
2. I immediately judge them, of course, I do this internally with nasty thoughts. Then I cannot help but say it out loud, not loud enough to make the other person hear it (this happened maybe once or twice lol), but I'll tell it to close friends to vent out what I think of the situation.
3. I'll have someone smirk and say, "You seem offended." to which I then, once again, act offended by such a suggestion.

Even my young INTP brother, an inferior-Fe user, gets angry when he sees social injustices in real life. For example, we were both watching this show called 'What Not To Wear', and the stylists had to help this overweight woman out in terms of dressing and looking better. Suffice to say, they were being quite awful to the woman and she was reduced to tears during one of the short segments where the client can talk about their shopping day. My brother and I got pretty riled up, and we laughed about rooting for the client to go and beat the crap out of the stylists. ("She's taller than them, she can take them both!") I pretty much believed that the stylists were being too cruel, while my brother logically spelled it out that they were just being unprofessional, period. Things like that just makes me wonder about the Fe function.

So, what about you Fe-users? Do you get easily offended and pricked?

Are you sure you're not an Fi user?? A lot of what you said there to me was a (perfect) description of Fi.

Also, I think the opposite is true: Fi users are much more easily offended than Fe users!

 

[Yama]

Fi users are much more easily offended than Fe users!

why is being offended a competition? everyone gets offended about something and they don't even have to be Fi or Fe valuing. I think talking about how the reactions to being offended are different for different types is more interesting.

For me it's reactivity and taking personal offense. But part of that may be the e6.

 

[Tilt]

What she posted doesn't resonate as ENTJ to me. When I'm describing structure it's more about processes and how things are accomplished. I'm usually pretty disinterested in how people who aren't close to me live if it doesn't impact those things. And I mean that in the sense that, people are free to do what ever they want (assuming it's not harmful), and I'm not going to make any judgements about it one way or the other.

An ESTJ might have more opinions on social norms, but even then they're not going to care as much as an Fe type. is



ENTJs, like anyone else, care a great deal about our relationships. I also think it's pretty unfair to assume that we don't consider the impact of decisions on those around us, either.

I get along great with almost all of the ENTJs I have gotten to know. They think very similarly to me in many ways but they typically don't let the anxiety of how they will be perceived by others and interpersonal dynamics impact the necessary outcome of what needs to be done. I know that ENTJs do factor in people but it's slightly different than the Fe way. The premise of your whole decision-making isn't going to be on how is it going to impact things interpersonally in every little facet. It's not about being more caring... it's about social pragmatism. Fe, on the other hand, tends to let interpersonal dynamics/drama influence their decisions whether or not it's the most efficient/effective.

 

[violet_crown]

I get along great with almost all of the ENTJs I have gotten to know. They think very similarly to me in many ways but they typically don't let the anxiety of how they will be perceived by others and interpersonal dynamics impact the necessary outcome of what needs to be done. I know that ENTJs do factor in people but it's slightly different than the Fe way. The premise of your whole decision-making isn't going to be on how is it going to impact things interpersonally in every little facet. It's not about being more caring... it's about social pragmatism. Fe, on the other hand, tends to let interpersonal dynamics/drama influence their decisions whether or not it's the most efficient/effective.

This feels like a more fair characterization than what I'd gathered from your previous post, and I appreciate you elaborating.

It seems like how you were defining "relationships" is a bit different than I would. Maintaining relationships for me is a more intimate, 1-1 activity. Upkeep of a network of relationships is definitely beyond the scope of what interests me. I definitely recognize the value, though.

I've joked with [MENTION=20829]Hard[/MENTION] in the past that, for me, talking shop with ENFJs is always a matter of, "I recognize the game, but what you're playing for completely baffles me."

 

[skippythecat]

Deep down inside I wish to say I'm not offended by certain behaviors but I really am. Some are only offensive because it's rude to me. Conversation manners, for example, sets me off. Simple. I hate being interrupted. Now there are certain behaviors I consider rude by social norms because I expect you to know better and consider others as well. If you don't care I wouldn't care if you get offended. On a more personal level I would challenge and (may push) your boundaries. In a wider spectrum, eh, it ranges.

 

[Norrsken]

Are you sure you're not an Fi user?? A lot of what you said there to me was a (perfect) description of Fi.

Also, I think the opposite is true: Fi users are much more easily offended than Fe users!

I'm sure that I'm not a Fi-user.

 

[OrangeAppled]

How do you identify something as inherently wrong? What sort of actions or behaviors do you feel fall into that category?



The opposite, actually. I'm using the term "political correctness" in the sense of identity politics. Like, what kind of language do we use to respect groups who aren't our own.

My experience is that people who really buck at that concept tend to be Fe-users. An Fi-user who didn't feel like being PC wouldn't care about the taboo one way or the other. It goes back to what I was talking about re: disgust. Fe is more likely to care about the social pressure to follow that kind of speech, even if they don't agree with it, because they care more about the rejection/perceived disgust towards those who aren't PC.

I still don't get what you are saying then.... Fe types only use PC language for groups they identify with or approve of (what they see as "correct" or "normal", etc) and will freely disparage those they see as outside these groups?

While I do see shaming tactics in their arsenal, I often see it as more manipulative, striving to appear appropriate. Name-calling may be some inferior Fe thing in TPs, a way of openly shaming. I guess lower levels of each opposing preference (Ti or Fe) may show similar traits. I generally see Fe types as more aware of what is PC, and whether they adhere to it or not as more deliberate.

I would say Fi types generally don't want to get stuck on labels (focused more on intended meaning), and it may only be offensive if a label has deliberate, obvious negative value attached in way they see as unfair, and that can include labels for groups they don't identify with or agree with. Again, context will help determine how things are interpreted. In different ways, Fi and Te types can get accused of being oblivious. As Van Der Hoop notes, the fine feeling of the Fi type is frequently misunderstood because the expression is not socially correct* , and I think Te types get this but for appearing insensitive.

I find Te types more often "know the rules" but less so the emotional reasons (it seems more like "If I do x, I get y result), whereas Fi types can grasp emotional impact but find social protocol a big farce or an incomprehensible maze. Like Ti types, Fi types may become deliberately shocking or irreverent to belittle the Je system.

I think Fe & Te mentalities have similarities in this area too. I think there is often more similarity among the Je mentalities (or the Ji mentalities) than along the tandem construct (ie Ti/Fe).

*

Such people may also resist with extreme obstinacy anything that does not accord with their sentiments. This resistance may be justified, in so far as it is based on a motive of fine feeling; but the means used to give it emphatic expression is ill-suited to the external world, and in this respect incorrect. The consequence is that they are nearly always misunderstood, and they tend more or less to resign themselves to this situation. This contrast between a clear intention, directed towards harmony, and uncertain modes of expression, giving rise to misunderstandings, is found again and again in the lives of these people.

 

[meowington]

So, what about you Fe-users? Do you get easily offended and pricked?

Possibly, I think I'm easily offended.

But more importantly : Is Jake Gylenhaal easily offended ? Just a random thought

 

[Norrsken]

Possibly, I think I'm easily offended.

But more importantly : Is Jake Gylenhaal easily offended ? Just a random thought

One time he got kind of pissy during an interview because the host called his body hot for some wrestling movie he was doing.
"I made a great movie and all you got out of it was my hot body."

boiiiii

 

[Yama]

I generally see Fe types as more aware of what is PC, and whether they adhere to it or not as more deliberate.

This seems accurate to me.

 

[Norrsken]

This seems accurate to me.

How so? Can you give me an example?
I wonder how Fe-offense differs from other cognitive functions and what they personally find offensive.

 

[Yama]

How so? Can you give me an example?
I wonder how Fe-offense differs from other cognitive functions and what they personally find offensive.

Without ever having to be told "You can't say that! That's un-PC!" I've always just sort of internally known what's socially "okay" vs "not okay" to say. I choose to adhere to PC stuff because it's my personal choice as I see no reason to purposefully offend people. It's very rare that I say something offensive because of that, and if I do it's probably on purpose (though honestly, I can't recall myself ever purposefully being un-PC. Only purposefully PC). People may complain about having to "walk on eggshells" or whatever but honestly, I just see it as being respectful and I like to respect people so it's my choice to be PC. Like, I've always known that it's generally seen as offensive to call something "retarded." So I consciously avoid calling things "retarded."

 

[Jellyfish1234]

Personally I wouldn't say I'm easily offended/disgusted. For me it's usually the case that other people are, so I respect that and be as respectful as possible and perhaps encourage others to do the same, but I don't usually get disgusted/offended by things myself unless either someone's insulting me or I see someone being a genuine asshole to someone, I know the full story and know they are just being an asshole and think to myself that I wish someone would punch them in the teeth to sort them out, but it's only ever happened once and I had a dream where I met them and beat them up so I guess that's how I react haha? Not that I'd ever likely do that in reality though. I do remember one time as a kid I was on a skiing trip and this boy was being really rude and obnoxious to everyone, and I wouldn't say I was offended or disgusted but he was irritating me so when he walked past me I secretly stuck my leg out and tripped him up, which was kind of fun and shut him up for a while haha. But yeah overall I'd say I'm not one to get offended/disgusted by things such as PC or social etiquette, but I am as polite and respectful as possible because I know others get offended, which in turn affects me in a way I suppose.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Fi is easier to offend.

Fe is easier to disgust.

In my picture of the world it is the other way around, to be honest.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Even my young INTP brother, an inferior-Fe user, gets angry when he sees social injustices in real life. For example, we were both watching this show called 'What Not To Wear', and the stylists had to help this overweight woman out in terms of dressing and looking better. Suffice to say, they were being quite awful to the woman and she was reduced to tears during one of the short segments where the client can talk about their shopping day. My brother and I got pretty riled up, and we laughed about rooting for the client to go and beat the crap out of the stylists. ("She's taller than them, she can take them both!") I pretty much believed that the stylists were being too cruel, while my brother logically spelled it out that they were just being unprofessional, period. Things like that just makes me wonder about the Fe function.

So, what about you Fe-users? Do you get easily offended and pricked?

I can see alot of reasons to be offended by that particular scenario, so a variety of functions could respond negatively for different reasons - there is the individual pain of the person being bullied, there is the unprofessional behavior, there is a large sociological issue at play about women's acceptance in society. Plenty of fodder for offense.

When I see something destructive and cruel in the world, I wonder 'why' the person feels justified doing it. I would want to comfort the lady being bullied in that scenario, and it would make me very angry. If everyone involved is complicit - if I saw the dynamic and the overweight woman wanted the criticism even though it hurt, it would still disturb me, but I'd also leave it filed under 'one of humanities disturbing mysteries'. In what you describe, the overweight woman seems to be rejecting what is being done to her, so there is a feeling of supporting her voice and wanting to come to her aid.

Human beings are infinitely complex. Each individual experience defines perception. I personally have a funny way of not being offended on one level, but also getting offended on another level. I get offended if the person's behavior is encroaching on my inner, personal space. If they stay within their own space, I tend to leave them to their choices. I have zero desire to change other people's beliefs, feelings, or ideas. Each inner construct of reality is so complex that it is no small thing to start tearing it down just because I believe something to be the case.

I would intrude in some cases of bullying because if the power imbalance is great enough, it doesn't matter so much if I'm wrong about it. There is no danger in being wrong in attacking someone who has so much power over someone else, that your attack can do nothing to them really, except show the underdog that someone cares about them too. I feel fiercely protective of people being bullied. So in the case of their overweight woman being bullied, I'd fight for her regardless of how it is seen socially - if people cheered me on or threw tomatoes, I wouldn't care.

 

[Jaq]

I wouldn't imagine Fe users to be easier to offend than others. I'd say sensitivity towards being offended is something unique to that person.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

why is being offended a competition? everyone gets offended about something and they don't even have to be Fi or Fe valuing. I think talking about how the reactions to being offended are different for different types is more interesting.

For me it's reactivity and taking personal offense. But part of that may be the e6.

it's not a competition and you're right. Probably wrong phrasing there.