[ESTP] ESTP dating an INFP

[Lisateej1004]

I've recently met this guy who is an ESTP. We met in a concert I was organizing. He was very into me and got my number from a mutual friend. I too was attracted to him when I saw him during the concert. We dated until now (4 months).

At the beginning, he opened up to me and was very blunt and honest about everything; past relationships, etc. He had been single for 5years and claimed that he was real picky about choosing the right one. He told me that at his age, he thinks he shoud be settling down and hints that I satisfies his criteria. At that time, I took these lightly, as we just gotten to know each other and I didnt want to fully believe what he said.

After getting to know him more, everything was wonderful. We went on fun dates and experiences as we share the same thing in common; we are both musicians. He brought me to meet his best friends and invited me to hang out with them a couple of times.

I understood him so well, and always knew that he's the type of guy who lives in the very moment, and doesnt like to think far ahead into the future. He was always very rational and because he is a Thinker, as opposed to myself who is a Feeler, he makes me feel cared for by returning favours. E.g. I am more of the caring type hence always make sure he eats well, gives emotional support, etc. and he repays it with actions such as brings my car to workshop to get it fixed, drives me to the clinic when i was sick, etc. Because of these, I was always intrigued by him and I really enjoyed being with him. I'm very emotional and gets frustrated easily (a total opposite of him), but he'd know to make me calm and makes me laugh and forget about those small little things that I always overly look deeply into.

The thing is, as an INFP, I was always anxious because I never had closure with him. He hasnt been so clear about our relationship. I wasnt sure if he sees us as a couple, or just good friends. When i try to bring this up and TRIED to ask, he would always dismiss it and say he doesnt really wanna talk about "life". I havent even blurted the question out, yet he already tried to stray away from it. He would tell me to "stop overthinking" and "just go with the flow" or "just chill and relax".

I never had any issues with the way he deals with things or his lifestyles, but it's just that absence of closure makes me crazy! I dont want to end up knowing that he only sees me as a 'special' friend for the amount of time and emotions I've opened up for. Anyone out there, ESTPs or not, who could explain his actions. Is he just playing around with me? Or am I the one overthinking?

 

[Purple INFJ]

Relationships need a minimum of direct communication, if there isn't enough straight talk so that people understand each other, things can go downhill quickly, regardless of the MBTi of the person you're dating.

Either he wants to have a relationship with you, he doesn't, or needs to wait it out before settling.

I think it's okay if he wants to take it slow, but on the other hand, some clarity is needed.

I'm not really the best one to ask for relationship advice, as I've never had a girlfriend, but this is just what I think.

BTW, watch his body language. Try to see how he looks at you, as well as other non-verbal behavior. Also, consider how often he calls you vs. how often you call him. If you're calling him more often, maybe you could cut down a bit on those calls to see how he responds.

When a guy's into a girl, he won't find it easy to hide, in my understanding. He can try, but I think we're easy to read in that regard.

If only girls were as easy to read.

 

[highlander]

The thing is, as an INFP, I was always anxious because I never had closure with him. He hasnt been so clear about our relationship. I wasnt sure if he sees us as a couple, or just good friends. When i try to bring this up and TRIED to ask, he would always dismiss it and say he doesnt really wanna talk about "life". I havent even blurted the question out, yet he already tried to stray away from it. He would tell me to "stop overthinking" and "just go with the flow" or "just chill and relax".

I don't think it's too much to ask whether or not the relationship is exclusive. That would answer the question.