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When Fe meets Fi......

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Jun 25, 2014
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Hi everyone,

Would you comment one of your personal stories if you are Fi or Fe dominant or have it as a secondary function.

When you meet someone being Fe or Fi (as a first or second function)....

I'm interested in knowing your feelings and behaviour. Do you enjoy that moment ? Do you lack understanding ?

Do you feel great with Fe/Fi ? Do you feel the other understand you ? Does that depends on the understanding of other feelings/your own ?

Do you think to be too much self-centered or rather too much focused on the outside world ? Do all those feelings depend on your level of integration/the other ?
 

Yama

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I don't know how many people I've met were Fi or Fe. I don't know a lot of people and rarely ever go out of my way to meet people. And if we're basing it off of first impressions, most would probably peg me as an Fi type due to my lack of stereotypical "Fe expressiveness" and introversion/privacy/emotional distance.

Overall, I haven't noticed a difference in how I react to Fe vs Fi types. I can get along with anyone who's willing to get along regardless of which feeling function they use. There aren't a lot of people who piss me off, but out of the pool of those who do, there's an equal number of Fe vs Fi types.

I find that either function in the dominant position can become overwhelming to me after a while.
 

andresimon

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Hi everyone,

Would you comment one of your personal stories if you are Fi or Fe dominant or have it as a secondary function.

When you meet someone being Fe or Fi (as a first or second function)....

I'm interested in knowing your feelings and behaviour. Do you enjoy that moment ? Do you lack understanding ?

Do you feel great with Fe/Fi ? Do you feel the other understand you ? Does that depends on the understanding of other feelings/your own ?

Do you think to be too much self-centered or rather too much focused on the outside world ? Do all those feelings depend on your level of integration/the other ?

I enjoy Fe, the only time I don't enjoy it is when they show a lack of authenticity. Fe will bend while Fi bends less. And I'm sure Fe hates it when Fi crushes the social norms lol.
 

ZNP-TBA

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I had an interesting interaction with an INTJ female friend of mine concerning 'Fi vs Fe.' Granted, we're both tertiary feelers only but I think some of these differences showed themselves. We briefly dated but decided on friendship as a better course probably because of the Fi and Fe differences.

She was always 'skeptical' of my Fe since I was rather open with my feelings and laid them out 'on the table' kind of like clockwork. She observed that I would anticipate her reactions and responses and then respond in kind. In other words I would adapt myself to fit her mood and she pointed out that I tended to 'mirror' her emotions but she questioned if mine were coming from a place of authenticity since I wasn't as private with them. Some of it made her feel uncomfortable because I'd casually express what she was feeling out in the open without even realizing it and she felt that was a bit invasive though she didn't blame it on me personally.

I pointed out she was correct in observing that I tend to 'mirror' the mood because it makes communication easier. I'll even try to change their feelings to be more receptive to the logic I'm laying out (Ti-Fe probably) and if there's one thing Fi users don't like is when people try to change their deepest sentiments whether its inadvertent or not.

I explained that I don't keep my feelings inside in some sealed lock box surrounded by a sacred prism of light. I'd rather have feelings out in the open since, for me, they're easier to understand in an objective sort of way. I know Fi users have 'fire' in their 'souls' but I don't. My soul is cold, rational, and calculating. :wink:
 
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I enjoy Fe, the only time I don't enjoy it is when they show a lack of authenticity. Fe will bend while Fi bends less. And I'm sure Fe hates it when Fi crushes the social norms lol.

Fi could bend in some occasions.....but not bend over:D Fe pisses me off indeed with what they call "social norms".

There are only social worms to me (or worse, social dinosaurs):bananallama:
 

magpie

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I have an old friend who I really don't get on with anymore. She's an ENFJ. Her type isn't the reason I don't like her very much anymore though. She's studying to be a minister and has become very preachy and acts now like she's watching herself when she interacts with me and other people. So it's all very contrived. I feel like she's going off a script I don't have and I can never fulfill the requirements of what she expects from an interaction.

This isn't necessarily an ENFJ thing though, anyone could behave like this for one reason or another.
 

Dyslexxie

Dope& diamonds.
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Sep 2, 2015
Messages
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I had a similar experience with ZNP, except the INTJ was a man. My Fe is all about emotional expression, and I've always said I'm only surface level with my emotions in the sense that I feel something and I express it and then it's gone. Or it's known. Anyway, the point is that my feelings aren't exactly hidden since I basically wear my emotions and they're evident in everything I do. I have the world's worst poker face and it doesn't help that everything makes me cry either.

Fi's are a lot more complicated with their internal processing, something that I struggle to understand and process because for me it's all out there and I can't deal with discovering hidden layers and withheld feelings and thoughts. They have a certain deep intensity that as an Fe I probably could never achieve. Fi's are like deep lakes with a lot lurking under the surface, and Fe's are like rapidly running rivers in my view.

Anyway, here's a relatable gif (well, relatable for me anyway):
lNLjK.gif
 

Qlip

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I find dominant Fe to be pretty invasive, facing it tends to make me feel like I'm on a game board. I get a small joy out of it, obstructing, surprising, facilitating, subverting it. The easiest way for me to get along with an ENFJ is we are working towards a common goal, or if they communicate their intents instead of just laying down their Fe.
 

Forever

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People don't like when I lay down my intentions for interactions oddly enough. I don't understand it all.

Do they think I have an agenda if I tell the person exactly why I am speaking to them? Maybe they feel like they're objectified or it becomes way too formal?

What happens when I meet an Fi user? Honestly I think most Fi users are way better at keeping social norms than I am. Ni Dom just makes you so weird and the thing is you're not even conscious of how weird you are and some people love you for that too. So secretly Fe.

My Fe is a slave to my Ni, it only really does what my Dom function wants it for which it becomes bad because I don't really care most of the time to meet people and feel special partially because Fe is a function people want and not pay in return.

Fe seriously feels like a checklist and that's why it can be a nuisance (ok am I smiling? Did I not say anything controversial or offensive? Am I attending to that persons needs? Oh what about making sure they're comfortable?) I have to seriously structure Fe out sometimes unless they're like close to me and then it's sort of natural but still some work because Ni takes over again once I am too comfortable with the person.

The thing about Fe though is as if the person has no personality behind them. (Watch my wording here I know Fe types have personalities behind them). I am easily drained of most of SFJ's because I feel like they're like that maid robot from the Jettsons.

Where as Te users are like go away after you do my job either ask me for a new one or go away underling. I just think intuitive dominants are the ones easiest to talk and blend with.

I'm sorry if I'm putting other types in the dirt but I am only saying what I receive in my personal experience. There's just a lot of people who I met where curiosity is not a part of their personality which doesn't make sense to me. It's like they have all the answers they'll ever need and only want certain responses when they ask for it. I know it's a gross oversimplification.

I don't think of personality types as much as I used to. I think evaluating everyone by mbti severely restricts my way of wanting to get to know the person better. It is a useful tool but only when that person has become a major part of you life.

I know I digressed but honestly I think most Fe and Fi users get along pretty well than these so called Fe Fi wars on the Internet.
 

Yama

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friendly reminder that Fe is not just following social norms and being part of the hivemind
 

cascadeco

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I know I digressed but honestly I think most Fe and Fi users get along pretty well than these so called Fe Fi wars on the Internet.

I think irl, so much plays out based on the individual. Some Fi users have more issues with Fe than others, and it goes the other way too.

But yeah, I'm not sure the level of misunderstanding between Fi and Fe is as huge as people can talk about on the forum. I could easily say there's just as much conflict and misunderstanding with mismatched perception -- because I think that's true.

I mean I'm reminded of the ENFP/ESFJ thread -- there can be big crossover between the two- and therefore ease of understanding. Similarly, I work with a coworker who I initially thought might be ESFP, but honestly I'm becoming more convinced of ENFJ.
 

wolfnara

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I grew up with a family who are mostly Fe valuing types, and it explains many of the misunderstandings that have happened in the past. They wouldn't understand if I was angry and such and wanted to be alone. They didn't understand the need for privacy sometimes. Not implying that Fe types are invading, only that low order Fe types have difficulty understanding Fi and in a family situation take things the wrong way. Most in my family belong to Merry quadras (Alpha/Beta) and dislike negative feelings as they are disruptive of the easy-going group feeling they want to maintain.

They tease and goof around a lot, avoiding any conversation that involves personal interests or anything related to discussion involving how someone relates to something personally. As an Fi-dom, the group talk feels very detached from the personal aspects of things. We do advise each other on things and inquire about personal lives, sometimes interests, but never along the lines of "I think it is...." "I feel like this should be...". The differences in Feeling values can divide my family sometimes, but without Fe we would often be by ourselves doing our own thing. Fe has the ability to assemble everyone as a group and create a more active and engaging environment.
 

andresimon

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friendly reminder that Fe is not just following social norms and being part of the hivemind

Fe dom's like ESFJ's are some of the best people I know. They tirelessly work to provide for others. F is all about meaning, when you look externally for meaning you naturally include others. Part of meaning is status, part of meaning is social norms, but it is not everything that is for sure.
 

RobinSkye

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I had an interesting interaction with an INTJ female friend of mine concerning 'Fi vs Fe.' Granted, we're both tertiary feelers only but I think some of these differences showed themselves. We briefly dated but decided on friendship as a better course probably because of the Fi and Fe differences.

She was always 'skeptical' of my Fe since I was rather open with my feelings and laid them out 'on the table' kind of like clockwork. She observed that I would anticipate her reactions and responses and then respond in kind. In other words I would adapt myself to fit her mood and she pointed out that I tended to 'mirror' her emotions but she questioned if mine were coming from a place of authenticity since I wasn't as private with them. Some of it made her feel uncomfortable because I'd casually express what she was feeling out in the open without even realizing it and she felt that was a bit invasive though she didn't blame it on me personally.

I pointed out she was correct in observing that I tend to 'mirror' the mood because it makes communication easier. I'll even try to change their feelings to be more receptive to the logic I'm laying out (Ti-Fe probably) and if there's one thing Fi users don't like is when people try to change their deepest sentiments whether its inadvertent or not.

I explained that I don't keep my feelings inside in some sealed lock box surrounded by a sacred prism of light. I'd rather have feelings out in the open since, for me, they're easier to understand in an objective sort of way. I know Fi users have 'fire' in their 'souls' but I don't. My soul is cold, rational, and calculating. :wink:

Yeah, this sounds about right. I think Fe, in different stacking locations, become sort of manipulative to the feelings of a group or between individuals in different ways. For a TP type, with tertiary or inferior Fe, it usually just means that they tend to try to analyze emotions through their Ti, and are willing to experiment with it so far as their Pe function will conceive of and then Ti will deem reasonable. For a FJ, however, I sometimes get more wary, and this is what has lead to my particular dislike of Fe - is that it tries to control so rigidly. More so than Te, I think. As Te often seems like it can get things done without having to be an infringement upon others (perhaps in the future of my career I'll actually find Te to be worse, limiting my own methods in the workplace), whereas Fe needs to have harmony, and is willing to compromise the fuck out of everything else to get there. The way I, for one, view my use of Fe is by avoiding too much unnecessary interaction. I don't go and actively meet strangers so much, unless it's potentially very fruitful, and I don't continually interact with people whom I'm likely to have useless conflict with. So I preserve harmony (use Fe) by rationalizing (Ti) that based on previous patterns (Ne-Si), I will be better off alone in many situations. And really, I am often best off just in my own little room, inside my head, working on whatever activities interest me and not having to think about feelings. (because what's really the point, in my case?) An FJ, however, needs to have that Fe, and will seek out drama and situations which are disharmonious in order to become the social fixer. I really rather not have part in that, as I think I can avoid the situation before it happens.
 
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Now let's push the subject a little bit farther... Do Fe feel more attracted to Fi than Fi can ?

I can read lots of Fi dom recognise the social warmth and generosity, the quality of Fe dom to engage fully in their environment.

I can't read the real feelings of Fe there :shrug:


They tease and goof around a lot, avoiding any conversation that involves personal interests or anything related to discussion involving how someone relates to something personally.


That behaviour ! That behaviour for an ESFP who loves fun is first of all admirable, impressive and I do feel attracted to such an exhibitionist attitude....at the first sight !

But as the most unhealthy Fe don't ask questions about YOUR real interests, feelings, all that "Fe show" becomes very quickly superficial to me. With unhealthy ones of course...

They can even think they know what is good for me without taking time to have a frank and serious discussion about my needs and tastes ! (Immediate Turn off_)

Unhealthy Fe are not in touch with their own tastes and needs. Which doesn't help to have a deep and meaningful conversation (mainly if your subtype is sx).


I don't know if all Fi dom (or having it as a secondary function) are the same as me. If someone wanna know me personally, they'll have to ask questions about my feelings.

I'll be aware of them but I'll never ever display them. Feelings are precious to me.


Some Fe dom I know, a bit more healthy,seem to enjoy a more focused and individualistic approach of things (whatever it is ...art, philosophie, trips, psychologie)

without thinking expressing oneself is being selfish. :mellow:


So for Fe, I'd like to know...... how healthy you think you could be at the moment ? Does Fi help you knowing your needs ?

Do Fi tend to get on your nerves ? Do you judge them selfish or lucky to have such a nature ?

:hi:
 

Numbly Aware

I wanna fcken feel right
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Hi everyone,

Would you comment one of your personal stories if you are Fi or Fe dominant or have it as a secondary function.

When you meet someone being Fe or Fi (as a first or second function)....

I'm interested in knowing your feelings and behaviour. Do you enjoy that moment ? Do you lack understanding ?

Do you feel great with Fe/Fi ? Do you feel the other understand you ? Does that depends on the understanding of other feelings/your own ?

Do you think to be too much self-centered or rather too much focused on the outside world ? Do all those feelings depend on your level of integration/the other ?

Fi users are the only type that know how to get me to self-destruct.
I have to psychologically convince myself that it's okay whenever I interact with them.
I don't how or why.
I try to get along.

Besides that, I hold a lot of respect for ESFPs. One day, I hope to have an ESFP child. I really look up to you guys.
 
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