When Fe meets Fi......

[SearchingforPeace]

Intense emotions touch me directly.....

If that is true to most Fe dom I guess... I understand why they feel "kind of frustrated" when they feel some "volcano" are boiling inside but... aren't satisfied because it does not

Have you never yelled and screamed at people? Or just been extremely upset?

Yes I can be. Mainly in my intimate relationships. I have plenty of stories aside...

Then you caused discomfort in others whether you understood that or not. Such emotional displays cause distress on others. Our natural response is to become uncomfortable.

Of course, many in society have become desensitized to physical and emotional violence, especially through TV. But becoming desensitized only means it leaves our conscious mind.

The FJs I know are all very atuned to sudden changes in the exterior environment and emotional discord.

My ENTJ friend is very mild mannered, but he explodes at his ISFJ wife once a week. He says it just builds up and he needs to let it out and directs it at her. They have been near divorce several times and he is just now beginning to understand how insensitive and mean he has been for 15 years....

Poor ISFJ I think after my bad experiences (2years) I could only go away from ENTJ. For my own good.
They (Or should I say he used to...) rationalise our feelings, minimise them, scratch them, mock at them, disrespect them totally.
Fights all year long. Superiority complex on his side and pride.
Maybe here again that is a question of healthy/unhealthy and what we consciously/unconsciously look for in a relationship.

After him, I had peace and harmony with my ISFP lover. Another planet. No fight. Understanding...

Yes, he is lucky she didn't leave. But he is now 40 and trying to transform into a better person. She seems happier these days. And she needed someone who didn't push emotional stuff because she had a very hard childhood, as did he.

Being heard is very important, I know.....but would be upset if you found out after the fact that the entire problem could have been avoided, and the ENFJ didn't do so just to respect your space?

Maybe we just have different definition of deep and meaningful, because I rarely ever have one with a S......

Probably.... I can have a meaningful conversation depending on the person's sensitivity, confidence, generosity, and spirituality much more than based on any "s" or "n" criteria.
That isn't relevent to me.
I follow my own instinct...

I have good conversations with anyone. And have.

But it sounds like deep and meaningful to you means highly personal, right? I usually think of those words signifying a intellectual or philosophical conversation.

Either way, I love and treasure the 3 to 4 hour conversations with great depth and stimulation.

Why should a Fe dom give you inner feelings for you to read? I can be in a world of extreme emotional pain, but if good luck finding that. I can cover it up pretty well.....
Once again : NO. This is not what I said. That is your own interpretation (no offense).
I am trying to understand in the most precise way some experiences about Fe dom with Fi dom and I thank you anyway for your own stories.
I never expect to receive something FROM THE OUTSIDE. Truth and love, security and care are inside of me. I know it too well and this is MY JEWEL

Truth is very inside for me (Ti after all), but love and care are very external. I feel love through my relationship with others. I feel love through connection. I feel love as I open myself up to the world.

I probably need people to express their feelings, opinions, and be receptive in an authentic way with their own and "free style" to feel good with my surrounding...

So you do need external input......hmmmmm.

If everything was internal, why do the surroundings and how people act matter?

Going back to your original post on this "I can't read the real feelings of Fe there."

It seems you want the Fe user to express inner feelings and discount their external feelings. Am I right?

But those outward feelings are real. That is their true and authentic self.

So it appears you want to read their inner feelings, right?

But those are actually less "real" in that those are not conscious.

So, I can authentically be Mr. Sunshine and be trembling in pain inside. Hell, I do that every single day. If I let out the pain, it really messes people up. Which in turn messes me up. So, I can't just let it out to others. There are just different sides to me and maybe one day there will be just one.

And as you have said,

When I'm with someone I don't know yet, that all depends of my intuition and how clear the other person is to me. I'll wait for the other person to express himself/herself so I can know what are his/her values.
I behave the same in the groups I belong to. I feel people's intentions very fast and I observe their qualities. I never judge but I make precise choices based on my preferences and what is fair to me.
When you write the word "contradiction" that is only one for the outside world ! Not for me. In fact, it is the way I feel.

As a Se dom, your intuition isn't your strength. But Se doms often pick up nuances and such, but that isn't intuition.

You say you feel other's intentions quickly.

Fi looks inside for reference to the outside world. Everything is relative to your interior feelings. You say you don't judge others, but making those "personal choices" is judging.

Put this all together, and I see you can't read Fe doms, so you have nothing to reference or judge against.

And while you haven't said they "upset" straight out, you have offered a large number of criticisms of Fe doms, assigning such to the unhealthy ones or ESFJs.

Maybe upset is the wrong word, but you have expressed what appears to be irritation multiple times now.

And contradiction is your own reluctance to share feelings (a very normal issue for every SFP I have ever known) while critizing Fe doms because you can't read them.

Sorry, sometimes Ni jumps ahead without explaining how it got there.

So, the Fe dom doing the Fe thing is them being truly authentic. They are not being fake by being sunshine and fun. It is an authentic expression of self.

That is new to me. I don't see how I could use my Fi outward. I think my Fi helps people to have their own values respected, to make them reflect over their values, to makes them develop new strength pillars
in their own life, to become proud of who they are, to respect their body their mind, their heart.

Fi is very good when for validating others.

Performers are often accessing their Fi. A actress friend says she becomes the person, authentically channelling the role. She compares it to an ENFJ actor she knows, that merely puts on the role......

We are probably automatically attracted to our shadow...in a way or another...

We seem to be. I know Fi pulls at me. I instinctively want the intensity, the passion, etc.

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

Thank you again for your time and your full answer.

Now let me focus on what interests me or what annoys me !

Then you caused discomfort in others whether you understood that or not. Such emotional displays cause distress on others. Our natural response is to become uncomfortable.

I know types 9 are lovely and hate discomfort. But think about that : You are a Fi user, and someone doesn't understand a thing about your own feelings and deny them (mainly with NT people),

imagine how you would feel !

I don't joke with feelings, even if I am probably the first one to joke around ... Really, I'd like to see you in some Fi shoes ! :tantrum:



The FJs I know are all very atuned to sudden changes in the exterior environment and emotional discord.

So I am, I think all all EXFX are more or less...


And she needed someone who didn't push emotional stuff because she had a very hard childhood, as did he.

That is totally understandable. I often say "birds of a feather flock together".


But it sounds like deep and meaningful to you means highly personal, right? I usually think of those words signifying a intellectual or philosophical conversation.

Either way, I love and treasure the 3 to 4 hour conversations with great depth and stimulation.

Depth and stimulation are part of the Sx energy. I can have a 3 or 4 hour conversation with a loved one_even over the phone_ before to have meal (even if I am quite hungry).

My enneagram teachers told me here we find out the subtype ! If you wanna take your meal 1st of all : you are probably a Sp subtype !

On the contrary, If you wanna share ideas and enjoy the conversation you are probably Sx !

Yes I do enjoy highly personal conversation. Even all my friends tell me I must change my actual job and turn into a psychoanalyst.

Everywhere I go people tell me very personal stuffs and I love listening and understanding the subtle details and meanings.

I love intellectual and philosophical conversations if they remain in the big lines... That is probably why I got also bored with that last ENTJ.

Moreover, to him, there was only 1 truth for each thing, which is to me totally ridiculous

If everything was internal, why do the surroundings and how people act matter?

Good Let me tell you ...honestly, I was not hoping for less from "you ENFJ". Good question.

Now I feel trapped Well my happiness depends on my comfort, my thoughts, my feelings, my quality of life, my passions, how well I organise, the colours in my house,

the atmosphere or the places where I chose to go..etc....but of course, without Fe, life would be a pain in the ass !

How people act do matter to me. But this is a secret between you and me only...

So it appears you want to read their inner feelings, right?

NO I don't give a damn


But those are actually less "real" in that those are not conscious.
So, I can authentically be Mr. Sunshine and be trembling in pain inside. Hell, I do that every single day. If I let out the pain, it really messes people up. Which in turn messes me up. So, I can't just let it out to others. There are just different sides to me and maybe one day there will be just one.


Can't we all have those "contradictory feelings" ? We are human by extension we are complicate and that is a damn good thing ! Being all white or just black would be boring !

Here it is intriguing me again, "being mr sunshine and be trembling of pain". I can seem very sensitive, touchy and be very happy with myself and the world I'm living in !

I can seem cold and distant, and yet, filled up with glittering stars I'm ready to share with the first person who deserves them...




As a Se dom, your intuition isn't your strength. But Se doms often pick up nuances and such, but that isn't intuition.


Yes but don't make me feel trapped again....You can't We all have both yin and yang, white and black, intuition and sensation.

Even if all the persons that are present on that forum to read comments and write their stories & feedbacks

are very curious and ready to push things to discover some truths here and there....That will remain a great mystery, for the best !


I was forced of developing my intuition when I was very young...childhood stuff... I think my sensing is around 59 and my intuition around 39, depending on the mysterious accuracy of the test


"personal choices" is judging.


NO. I can't agree with you on that point.

Look : maybe you choose to have a blonde wife with curly hair and big breast because you feel secure with blonde women with generous chest. That is your own choice isn't it ?

The same for you cat/dog/job/house/car/the food you love : It is not because you choose carrots that you hate camember.

Enjoying bathtubs does not mean you are disdainful with showers.

Aren't you?

Actually I'm writing again (apart from my personal diary) my novels and I must say : the freedom of speech....the freedom to choose words....the freedom to give them such or such a taste

due to the peculiar idioms I choose...The freedom of expressing images...

Fi is useful you know. I love to make people dream. Life is too harsh otherwise. And too sad.



And contradiction is your own reluctance to share feelings (a very normal issue for every SFP I have ever known) while critizing Fe doms because you can't read them.


I actually like your answers because they are challenging me. You have another view of the world. Like every person on that earth.

While you are looking over the buildings on your terrasse....what will you notice....There we are !

You are now turning your head towards the doors you see as closed. But if you look closer, they aren't ! They are just reflecting the sun...and that ray of light you didn't notice it (all J have problems with that).

I'm the last person to judge. I'm the first to choose at viewing things differently. Mainly because I've felt the "J" authority very dangerous when I was a child... and I will always feel it this way.

In a way or another, my creativity always rescues me from "strict rules".


Sorry, sometimes Ni jumps ahead without explaining how it got there.


Good... Should I jump to the conclusion that I'm kind of "normal ESFP" then ?




So, the Fe dom doing the Fe thing is them being truly authentic. They are not being fake by being sunshine and fun. It is an authentic expression of self.

Yes. I'm learning...



Performers are often accessing their Fi. A actress friend says she becomes the person, authentically channelling the role. She compares it to an ENFJ actor she knows, that merely puts on the role......

I am good on stage. My last teacher used to put me in the shoes of an introvert. I didn't like it first. I'm boiling inside and I didn't feel free to express feelings in a funny way.

That was very good to listen to them and consider them as something serious that need care (it has not always been the case unfortunately...)

The actors I see as "good" around me are not Te or Ti. Fe, Fi, Se, Si, Ne are pretty good. But that does not depend on MBTI types only, as practice, will to improve and pleasure are part of the personal

challenge before to belong to any artistic group.


Fi is very good when for validating others.

I encourage others to communicate. I hate insensitive people or critical people. That is not a jugement, it is one of my values.

I don't wanna bear the unbearable. I don't want shit on my back !

As an ESFP I am a very sunny person because I protect my own light...no mystery in here...

And of course I do enjoy sharing my lights. Whether on stage, sharing writings, sharing expression of the self and encourage other lights to come out...

Le siècle des lumières



We seem to be. I know Fi pulls at me. I instinctively want the intensity, the passion, etc.


I am trying to view Fe in a different way and I'm proud I am trying to open my heart/mind a little bit more. Each of your sentence, or others' comments/feedbacks are precious informations.

Sometimes I am not happy with my english vocabulary, but as far as I can see I'm not so misunderstood...


I had a very manipulative Fe dom mother. So I'm still very reluctant with Fe because I've learnt to protect myself.

But I have noticed I attract many enneatype 2 and enneatype 9. Maybe this is the consequence of my background

 

[SearchingforPeace]

Thank you again for your time and your full answer.

Now let me focus on what interests me or what annoys me !

Then you caused discomfort in others whether you understood that or not. Such emotional displays cause distress on others. Our natural response is to become uncomfortable.

I know types 9 are lovely and hate discomfort. But think about that : You are a Fi user, and someone doesn't understand a thing about your own feelings and deny them (mainly with NT people),

imagine how you would feel !

I don't joke with feelings, even if I am probably the first one to joke around ... Really, I'd like to see you in some Fi shoes ! :tantrum:

Lol, that is nothing. Try denying all your feelings more or less for decades....

The FJs I know are all very atuned to sudden changes in the exterior environment and emotional discord.

So I am, I think all all EXFX are more or less...

I suspect it is much different, as a FP. You are always looking inward to reference the outer world. I am focused outward by default. I don't reference myself at all when I look at others. I have recently being looking inward and it is a struggle and isn’t natural.

I have discussed this with a very in tune ENFP. The process is very different, but we determined that the outcome was similar enough

And she needed someone who didn't push emotional stuff because she had a very hard childhood, as did he.

That is totally understandable. I often say "birds of a feather flock together".


But it sounds like deep and meaningful to you means highly personal, right? I usually think of those words signifying a intellectual or philosophical conversation.

Either way, I love and treasure the 3 to 4 hour conversations with great depth and stimulation.

Depth and stimulation are part of the Sx energy. I can have a 3 or 4 hour conversation with a loved one_even over the phone_ before to have meal (even if I am quite hungry).

My enneagram teachers told me here we find out the subtype ! If you wanna take your meal 1st of all : you are probably a Sp subtype !

On the contrary, If you wanna share ideas and enjoy the conversation you are probably Sx !

Yes I do enjoy highly personal conversation. Even all my friends tell me I must change my actual job and turn into a psychoanalyst.

Everywhere I go people tell me very personal stuffs and I love listening and understanding the subtle details and meanings.

I love intellectual and philosophical conversations if they remain in the big lines... That is probably why I got also bored with that last ENTJ.

Moreover, to him, there was only 1 truth for each thing, which is to me totally ridiculous

If everything was internal, why do the surroundings and how people act matter?

Good Let me tell you ...honestly, I was not hoping for less from "you ENFJ". Good question.

Now I feel trapped Well my happiness depends on my comfort, my thoughts, my feelings, my quality of life, my passions, how well I organise, the colours in my house,

the atmosphere or the places where I chose to go..etc....but of course, without Fe, life would be a pain in the ass !

How people act do matter to me. But this is a secret between you and me only...

Are you sure you are not a ESFJ, yourself? Just kidding.

Atmosphere and environment are extremely important to all SFs. My wife struggles in places with the wrong vibe. Last week we tried out a competitor store to one we use a lot because her friends all tell her it is much cheaper. But when we went in, it felt very off for her and we left soon after. Even if we are paying a little more, it is well worth the comfort factor for her.

So it appears you want to read their inner feelings, right?

NO I don't give a damn

"The lady doth protest too much, me thinks"

But those are actually less "real" in that those are not conscious.
So, I can authentically be Mr. Sunshine and be trembling in pain inside. Hell, I do that every single day. If I let out the pain, it really messes people up. Which in turn messes me up. So, I can't just let it out to others. There are just different sides to me and maybe one day there will be just one.


Can't we all have those "contradictory feelings" ? We are human by extension we are complicate and that is a damn good thing ! Being all white or just black would be boring !

Here it is intriguing me again, "being mr sunshine and be trembling of pain". I can seem very sensitive, touchy and be very happy with myself and the world I'm living in !

I can seem cold and distant, and yet, filled up with glittering stars I'm ready to share with the first person who deserves them...

Yep, we can be contradictory. But can you be expressing extreme anger while feeling full of glittering stares inside?

Yes but don't make me feel trapped again....You can't We all have both yin and yang, white and black, intuition and sensation.

Even if all the persons that are present on that forum to read comments and write their stories & feedbacks

are very curious and ready to push things to discover some truths here and there....That will remain a great mystery, for the best !

Can't trap a ESFP. I know dealing with my ESFP son......

I was forced of developing my intuition when I was very young...childhood stuff... I think my sensing is around 59 and my intuition around 39, depending on the mysterious accuracy of the test

I did the same with my Ti......

"personal choices" is judging.


NO. I can't agree with you on that point.

Look : maybe you choose to have a blonde wife with curly hair and big breast because you feel secure with blonde women with generous chest. That is your own choice isn't it ?

The same for you cat/dog/job/house/car/the food you love : It is not because you choose carrots that you hate camember.

Enjoying bathtubs does not mean you are disdainful with showers.

But not many people are both cat people and dog people. Most have a preference. I actually love both equally, but a different approach is needed with one than the other.

But again, you might not like the term, but judging is what everyone does. We have preferences and make decisions. It is the essence of our personalities.

So, if I prefer large breasted blonds rather than skinnier red heads, I am judging in some form. If I reguse to date a suoer fun and otherwise perfect redhead with medium breasts solely due to looks (which sounds stupid to me to judge on thst basis), then I exercised judgment. If I actually go with the redhead anyway, I likely weighed the criteria and lowered the importance of blond hair and big breasts.

I am a very tall man. I excluded really short girls from possible dates. While I might have found a great short girl, a height difference of a foot or more just was not ok.

But for my tall ISTJ Japanese uncle, he had no problems with my very short redheaded ESFP aunt. But I digress.

We all use judgment. And it ok. It doesn't make us judgmental.

Actually I'm writing again (apart from my personal diary) my novels and I must say : the freedom of speech....the freedom to choose words....the freedom to give them such or such a taste

due to the peculiar idioms I choose...The freedom of expressing images...

Fi is useful you know. I love to make people dream. Life is too harsh otherwise. And too sad.

No disagreement from me. I love Fi. It just drives me crazy most of the time......

I actually like your answers because they are challenging me. You have another view of the world. Like every person on that earth.

Everyone is unique. And I really enjoy challenging..... it usually assists in growth.

While you are looking over the buildings on your terrasse....what will you notice....There we are !

You are now turning your head towards the doors you see as closed. But if you look closer, they aren't ! They are just reflecting the sun...and that ray of light you didn't notice it (all J have problems with that).

I'm the last person to judge. I'm the first to choose at viewing things differently. Mainly because I've felt the "J" authority very dangerous when I was a child... and I will always feel it this way.

In a way or another, my creativity always rescues me from "strict rules".

I am not very Jish like that, though I like things to make sense. The ESFPs I know are pretty free spirited like you express.

So, the Fe dom doing the Fe thing is them being truly authentic. They are not being fake by being sunshine and fun. It is an authentic expression of self.

Yes. I'm learning...

It is good. So many misunderstandings just because people speak the same language but mean entirely different things....

I encourage others to communicate. I hate insensitive people or critical people. That is not a jugement, it is one of my values.

Of course it is. But "Judge not, lest ye be judged" really means that even accepting the insensitive and critical ones. They most likely need more help than the easy going open ones. They are expressing their own pain and projecting criticism on others.

I don't wanna bear the unbearable. I don't want shit on my back !

That is my job. I take everyone's garbage, soothing them and getting shit upon. Oh, well....

As an ESFP I am a very sunny person because I protect my own light...no mystery in here...

And of course I do enjoy sharing my lights. Whether on stage, sharing writings, sharing expression of the self and encourage other lights to come out...

Le siècle des lumières

I am trying to view Fe in a different way and I'm proud I am trying to open my heart/mind a little bit more. Each of your sentence, or others' comments/feedbacks are precious informations.

I have gleaned a lot from interacting with FPs here. It really helps me communicate with my Fi dom wife, well, to at least understand her feelings no matter her words.

Sometimes I am not happy with my english vocabulary, but as far as I can see I'm not so misunderstood...

Doing great.

I had a very manipulative Fe dom mother. So I'm still very reluctant with Fe because I've learnt to protect myself.

Ah, I knew you had trouble with some sort of Fe dom. Parents can really mess people up. My ISTJ dad and ENFP mom are both extremely emotionally distant my whole life and really messed me up good.

But I have noticed I attract many enneatype 2 and enneatype 9. Maybe this is the consequence of my background

Maybe. Someone told me it was all about growth and development and parents, but who knows. I just know my childhood best friend is a ESFP, I dated ESFPs almost exclusively (they were fun for a short time), and married my ISFP wife, who frustrates me to no end with her difficulties discussing her feelings.....

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

"The lady doth protest too much, me thinks"

Never enough



Yep, we can be contradictory. But can you be expressing extreme anger while feeling full of glittering stares inside?

Where was I being angry ? Why ? Against... ????


Can't trap a ESFP. I know dealing with my ESFP son......

IS he a redhead too ?


But for my tall ISTJ Japanese uncle, he had no problems with my very short redheaded ESFP aunt. But I digress.

Could half of ESFP population be redhead ?

We all use judgment. And it ok. It doesn't make us judgmental.

That is a subtle difference. Thanks for explaining that...

No disagreement from me. I love Fi. It just drives me crazy most of the time......




Everyone is unique. And I really enjoy challenging..... it usually assists in growth.

Yes. No doubt.


I am not very Jish like that, though I like things to make sense. The ESFPs I know are pretty free spirited like you express.

Yes. It does not mean we don't like to make sense. As you said for any subject, we express things differently.

People who don't know me well (and don't mind their own business)tell me I reflect "too much upon things"

Once agin, "too much" does not exist if it is good for you and you work that way.

After all who cares ?!


It is good. So many misunderstandings just because people speak the same language but mean entirely different things....







Of course it is. But "Judge not, lest ye be judged" really means that even accepting the insensitive and critical ones. They most likely need more help than the easy going open ones. They are expressing their own pain and projecting criticism on others.

Yes. The problem is that they throw their bin on your back while you just wanna break free.

That is my job. I take everyone's garbage, soothing them and getting shit upon. Oh, well....

Why do you think it is "your job" ?


I have gleaned a lot from interacting with FPs here. It really helps me communicate with my Fi dom wife, well, to at least understand her feelings no matter her words.

You've not chosen her (or she didn't choose you) just by any chance...




Ah, I knew you had trouble with some sort of Fe dom. Parents can really mess people up. My ISTJ dad and ENFP mom are both extremely emotionally distant my whole life and really messed me up good.

Some parents are too much distant while the child needs care. Some give wrong cares and are present...while the child needs distance

(it is the case of my best friend who is INTP, quite unhealthy but I don't mind, I'll always love him).

I'd say distance is one of the main point, with communication (after those two I'd say Sex) are two pillars of strength.

They are very important and partners need to agree on them.

I've noticed many couples split up because of bad communication, sex, misunderstandings more than real lack of love...


"Maybe. Someone told me it was all about growth and development and parents, but who knows. I just know my childhood best friend is a ESFP, I dated ESFPs almost exclusively (they were fun for a short time), and married my ISFP wife, who frustrates me to no end with her difficulties discussing her feelings....."

When I meet a person, intimately, I know it will be a sport with obstacles. I'm looking for the real meaning of it.

If that person does not allow me to growth, I can't keep that relationship. I'm a very hard-to-please ESFP.

they were fun for a short time

Why only "for a short time" ?


In buddhism we say our little soul has chosen two parents/one/no parent figure to solve an inner problem.

To take care of your old scares we all cary since ages and ages ago...

But...not only ! As a child we also have a mission : make them see what they have to learn and accept. Tough job for each of us isn't it ?!!



Here is a good reason to try to make your Fe go inward (I know, that sounds great theoretically speaking).


Kiss to your son

 

[SearchingforPeace]

Yep, we can be contradictory. But can you be expressing extreme anger while feeling full of glittering stares inside?

Where was I being angry ? Why ? Against... ????

Just talking in general.

Can't trap a ESFP. I know dealing with my ESFP son......

IS he a redhead too ?

No. But I did realize my two red headed friends growing up most likely were ESFPs as well.....

But for my tall ISTJ Japanese uncle, he had no problems with my very short redheaded ESFP aunt. But I digress.

Could half of ESFP population be redhead ?

I know some with brown and black hair.

Of course it is. But "Judge not, lest ye be judged" really means that even accepting the insensitive and critical ones. They most likely need more help than the easy going open ones. They are expressing their own pain and projecting criticism on others.

Yes. The problem is that they throw their bin on your back while you just wanna break free.

That is my job. I take everyone's garbage, soothing them and getting shit upon. Oh, well....

Why do you think it is "your job" ?

Well, I feel every one's garbage around so easily. It impacts me directly. So, to help me have inner peace, I need to help others find it themselves. I am very good at soothing others, sitting in the fire of emotional turmoil, helping them get centered again. I do it with my wife and children. I help with strangers.

So, I feel, given my talents, I should help others. It benefits me in that I really prefer harmony outside. Emotional debris hits me directly from others. So, helping others might be temporarily rough, but beneficial and necessary.

I have gleaned a lot from interacting with FPs here. It really helps me communicate with my Fi dom wife, well, to at least understand her feelings no matter her words.

You've not chosen her (or she didn't choose you) just by any chance...

Truer words were never written. We were pulled together with an intensity that remains indescribable.

But we also needed each other to grow and heal.

Ah, I knew you had trouble with some sort of Fe dom. Parents can really mess people up. My ISTJ dad and ENFP mom are both extremely emotionally distant my whole life and really messed me up good.

Some parents are too much distant while the child needs care. Some give wrong cares and are present...while the child needs distance

(it is the case of my best friend who is INTP, quite unhealthy but I don't mind, I'll always love him).

I'd say distance is one of the main point, with communication (after those two I'd say Sex) are two pillars of strength.

They are very important and partners need to agree on them.

I've noticed many couples split up because of bad communication, sex, misunderstandings more than real lack of love...

"Maybe. Someone told me it was all about growth and development and parents, but who knows. I just know my childhood best friend is a ESFP, I dated ESFPs almost exclusively (they were fun for a short time), and married my ISFP wife, who frustrates me to no end with her difficulties discussing her feelings....."

When I meet a person, intimately, I know it will be a sport with obstacles. I'm looking for the real meaning of it.

If that person does not allow me to growth, I can't keep that relationship. I'm a very hard-to-please ESFP.

Love is easy. Everything else is the real challenge....

they were fun for a short time

Why only "for a short time" ?

Several reasons.

1, I was immature and looking for pleasure. ESFPs liked to have fun and were easy to get with.

2, but, having them picked them for their looks mainly, I found I really didn't enjoy them as much when we were not on the same wavelength intellectually. I got bored.

So, I moved onto the next one and the next one.

In buddhism we say our little soul has chosen two parents/one/no parent figure to solve an inner problem.

To take care of your old scares we all cary since ages and ages ago...

But...not only ! As a child we also have a mission : make them see what they have to learn and accept. Tough job for each of us isn't it ?!!

Extremely.

Kiss to your son

I do.

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

So, I feel, given my talents, I should help others. It benefits me in that I really prefer harmony outside. Emotional debris hits me directly from others. So, helping others might be temporarily rough, but beneficial and necessary.

https://youtu.be/HlSPOzQG-Uk

That makes me think of that movie... that man (the actor James Gandolfini) puts all is energy in helping his wife and that stranger called Allison

(the actress Kristen Stewart).

He looks like a 9 in the movie. All he does is love. The story is very much interesting. If you ever watch that movie tell me if he is Fe dom in your opinion