Can We Ever - Truly KNOW - Another?

[PeaceBaby]

Your OP: "Can We Ever - Truly KNOW - Another?"

Answer: No. And that's ok.


We may be fortunate to know someone deeply, be even close enough to feel that their heart beats in concert to ours and their thoughts are practically telegraphic to our own mind. But truly knowing another? Is a human presumption to imagine so. Somehow that's the way things are meant to be, imho.

Good idea to can-opener what's on our own shoulders first.

And this topic reminded me of the following, can't resist posting:

[ZNP-TBA]

how can one person expect to have a complete grasp or understanding of another? One whose mind we do not inhabit. Whose behaviour may differ from one social interaction to the next?

Yep, it's an irrational expectation. If these are your standards then prepare for a lot of disappointment. However, there is consistency to consider. While we will never be able to predict every action ( that would be boring anyways) we can learn to rely on a certain consistency of behavior once we've observed the patterns.

It is not dishonest to hold back some things until one's pragmatic side gives a go-ahead. (Of course there are exceptions: things people clearly deserve to know regardless of one's own feelings. Then being transparently candid IS required).

Depends on whether the withholding is actually causing harm or has the potential to cause a lot of harm to someone. If a wife was cheating on her husband but argued " If he asks me I'll tell him I'm seeing other men but I won't tell him unless he asks" I don't think anyone would see that as anything other than still being dishonest.

Also, for whatever reason people tend to let me know a lot about themselves fairly quickly. It's not that I try to expressly solicit this information but it just sort of happens. I'd advise any woman interested in me or someone like me to NOT tell me/us everything about themselves even though it feels so natural and so easy. I like little mystery.

I'm wondering if the OP was actually related to this point in particular.

Can you relate or are you open from the get-go? Are you frustrated when people hold back parts of themselves…preferring it all to be ‘out on the table’?

'Out on the table' sounds very familiar.
Yeah, I'm open from the start and I don't mind if things are held back except in conflict. If someone's style in dealing with conflict is brooding then I find this extremely frustrating.

Would you be content knowing you have MORE of someone than anyone else? That more will be forthcoming though some things may remain unknowable?

Do you mean that 'more' is something that can't be easily expressed or verbalized?

Does honouring connection still allow for respectful freedom & independence? Or do you desire more in YOUR connections (friendship or otherwise)?

My connections to my friends growing up ( who are all long distance now) tend to be enduring. I have pretty flexible 'requirements' when it comes to friendship. In romantic relationships I desire more connection (i.e. physical intimicy, etc.) but I absolutely need my freedom and independence (space to breathe from the relationship and develop my own interests outside of romance). I have no problem telling a woman she is my only romantic interest and my everything when it comes to that BUT romance itself isn't my only interest in life.

[ceecee]

Your OP: "Can We Ever - Truly KNOW - Another?"

Answer: No. And that's ok.

This.

[SD45T-2]

[Cloudpatrol]

NICE! Great Canadian band with one of my all time fave drummers.

That aside...the lyrics are splendoriffic in relation to this topic.

Thank you kindly

[Cloudpatrol]

Oh...I see. Do you mean it seems I have been drinking when you are reading my texts written with much care here ?

Ha! Oui, that is how I will be picturing you writing now

[Cloudpatrol]

This.

I personally agree. Post was written as reaction to observations and a desire to know how people felt about those qualities reticent in nature

[Cloudpatrol]

@ZombieNinjaPirate

Yep, it's an irrational expectation. If these are your standards then prepare for a lot of disappointment. However, there is consistency to consider. While we will never be able to predict every action ( that would be boring anyways) we can learn to rely on a certain consistency of behavior once we've observed the patterns.

Agreed. The OP was meant to elicit response and was not a statement of my own beliefs. Patterns can be a predictor of future behaviour.


Depends on whether the withholding is actually causing harm or has the potential to cause a lot of harm to someone. If a wife was cheating on her husband but argued " If he asks me I'll tell him I'm seeing other men but I won't tell him unless he asks" I don't think anyone would see that as anything other than still being dishonest.

Yep, exactly the sort of circumstances I was originally speaking of {(Of course there are exceptions: things people clearly deserve to know regardless of one's own feelings. Then being transparently candid IS required).}


I'm wondering if the OP was actually related to this point in particular.

I was genuinely curious about all I asked in equal measure. After reading the "Love Types" thread I wanted to pick brains of people re: how they felt about the process of getting to know someone, how much intimate knowledge was desired and what feelings 'reticence' engendered.

'Out on the table' sounds very familiar.

Not sure if I have overused this expression? Or if you have recently played poker...

Yeah, I'm open from the start and I don't mind if things are held back except in conflict. If someone's style in dealing with conflict is brooding then I find this extremely frustrating.

I would imagine that most would find brooding, frustrating to deal with?



Do you mean that 'more' is something that can't be easily expressed or verbalized?

I purposely did not elaborate because I wanted the post to be less about my own beliefs and more about other people's interpretations.

Personally, I would compare it to the person having access to a fully-drawn, color, animated portrait of their person instead of a (silhouette, b&w, sepia, or coloured but not animated) view that others (with less access) might see.
[B]

My connections to my friends growing up ( who are all long distance now) tend to be enduring. I have pretty flexible 'requirements' when it comes to friendship. In romantic relationships I desire more connection (i.e. physical intimicy, etc.) but I absolutely need my freedom and independence (space to breathe from the relationship and develop my own interests outside of romance). I have no problem telling a woman she is my only romantic interest and my everything when it comes to that BUT romance itself isn't my only interest in life.

Sounds entirely reasonable. I can relate to having enduring (and distance) relationships. Also, honouring romantic interest while having many varied interests outside of it.

[Cloudpatrol]

@PeaceBaby

And this topic reminded me of the following, can't resist posting:

xkcd is one of my top fave cartoons, and I hadn't seen that one. Great observation perfectly illustrated


Answer: No. And that's ok.


We may be fortunate to know someone deeply, be even close enough to feel that their heart beats in concert to ours and their thoughts are practically telegraphic to our own mind. But truly knowing another? Is a human presumption to imagine so. Somehow that's the way things are meant to be, imho.

I actually agree with you. I am glad that it IS this way. It allows for connection but also continual discovery, change and growth.

Good idea to can-opener what's on our own shoulders first.

I value that thought (and also the phrasing).

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

Ha! Oui, that is how I will be picturing you writing now

One more absinthe et qu'ça saute ! The english version ? Forget it !

"Tea for two and two for tea............"