How is your relationship with your opposite type?

[CitizenErased]

I'm curious about relationships between opposites. I'm INTP and I found that ESFJs drive me mad, to the point of little panic attacks.

So, what's your experience with them? Has any of you found that opposites are worth a try? If not, what's the trick to deal with them?

 

[JClassic]

My mom is my opposite, she is an ISFJ/P

Can't say anything bad because she is my mom. But I can say she can be profoundly annoying, very "feely" and emotional but a good worker.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

I am pulled towards ISTJs but then I invariably end up being bored by them and I move on.

 

[rmrf]

I only know one ESFJ, probably the most extrovert person I've ever seen; like the starts conversation with almost any stranger he sees type.

Bumped into him at the smoking area on campus, when he offered me 2 cans of monster for a cigarette. We'll randomly bump into each other and make conversation. seen him maybe like 10 times. We hung at the university bar once, but it was a bit socially awkward, because after like half an hour of talking, we drained each others Ti-Fe, respectively. Was really awkward because he was trying to communicate something through Fe-Ne, and I pretty much said "hey man can you just say what it is". He told me he felt sorry for me, as it must be so hard not being expressive and having social anxiety. Was quite an uncomfortable interaction, happened just as university was ending for the year, and so I'm glad I won't bump into him for a few months.

Only other ESFJ I know is my doctor, she's nice, but I feel like too much of the interaction is socialising and making small talk, she clearly does that with everyone because her appointments are always backlogged, I go to her pretty much because she'll prescribe what I want, not in the sense of drugs (although she is the doctor in charge of my ritalin), but just because i have a lot of autodidactic knowledge of medicine, so I do a lot of research on whats best. Sometimes she's almost uncomfortably nice.

The way I'd describe ESFJs is that "they vigorously Fe at you"

 

[Lia_kat]

I have an ESTJ boss. She's unpredictable and just feels uncomfortable when I start getting emotional or demanding about how we should be treated within the company. I can see right through her and she doesn't like it. She keeps her distance but can also (if she's in a bad mood) be somewhat controlling. I hate it. Plus she's all about the budget, graphs, numbers, etc without really interacting or seeing what her employees do on a daily basis. I just find her annoying.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Poor.

But one thing to note, is that bad instances of your opposite type will appear to stick out and be far more offensive than they are. Even your opposite type's good qualities, when used well by them, can illicit an uncomfortable reaction anyways because you're seeing some unconscious and latent aspects of yourself laid bare that you normally try to suppress.

It's not them, so much as you.

 

[Tilt]

I have yet to spend extended amounts of time with any ISTPs... I seem to attract INXPs and EXFJs the most in my social group. It would be quite interesting nonetheless.

 

[Poki]

As long as everything runs smooth we get along awesome. Reality doesn't allow that and things just spiral more and more quickly.

Married to opposite for 11 years or so...I don't remember. We had lots of good. At end there was lots of "see this is why we should be together" from her when we laughed and joked and had an awesome time. The drag down knock out yelling is when I said "see, this is why I left". It's huge swings between extremes. In this one case it wasn't worth it to me, I have never even real close to other ENFJ. I work with one, much older, and she is very nice, sweet, but she has this negative snide side when things don't go as planned that grates on me.

Stupid arguments. IMHO. For example, we were told we were gonna be laid off at end of year in january. So I used a temp agency and got a contract to hire job making 50% more money. No more overtime. When I went to transfer from contractor to employee they stiffed me out of a 1k sign on bonus. She got mad and started arguing with me because I wasn't gonna throw a fit over it. I wasn't gonna risk the repercussions of a fit over 1k dollars. My monthly income increase from this job was over twice that. Yet we got into a huge argument that lasted several weeks.

Hell, my first bonus with the company was suppose to be cut in half because I was an employee for only 6 months. They not only gave me my full bonus, but added an additional 50% because of my performance which was quite a bit over 1k extra the i got that I shouldn't have.

 

[gromit]

I dunno, ESTJs/ENTJs kinda make me nervous at first. But some once you get to know them, they are really fun and likeable.

 

[prplchknz]

better me and my sworn enemy are no longer sworn enemies and I no longer wish the worse thing imaginable on her. now it's like we're not quite friends but its more live and let live. so i guess that means its better than it was but still not great. i'm not a saint i don't have to get along with everyone i meet, plus i don't want to be a saint. That would make me morally superior and morally superior people make me sick. and its bad enough that others make me sick it be hellish if i made myself sick.

 

[Virtual ghost]

"Nonexistent" would be the most correct thing to say.

 

[Fury]

Authority figures who are ISTJ's tend to annoy me as they want things to be done in one specific exact way and would reject anything else. Other ISTJ's aren't so bad.

 

[Andy]

Almost none existent. We usually move in such different circles that I rarely meet ESFPs. When we do, it tend to result in benign disinterest. We both tend to regard each other as generally harmless and allow each other to go about our lives as we wish.

 

[Riva]

Ideally I believer the opposite type should be the type that has the exact opposite of your functions, not the type which has your functions in the reverse oder. So if you are an INTP your opposite type should be Te, Ni, Se, Fi (ENTJ) as opposed to the type that has your functions in the reverse order which is (Fe, Si, Ne, Ti) ESFJ for INTP because the former type has NO functions similar to yours.

Hmm.. now come to think of it, a person with reversed functions might have reverse priorities because the way they take in information (coginitive functions) are completely different to that of yours.

How about the type which not only has no function similar to you and these functions are in the opposite order. So that would be ESFP for INTPs.

-----

So I'll cover my experiences with all three types assuming I am an ESTP. That means INFJ, ISTJ and ENFP.

INFJ - great. I find them to be awesome buddies. They are loyal, friendly, warm, well read (I think they are only second to INTPs in their reading enthusiasm, unless we are talking about INTJ e5s) and dependable. I like the word dependable when measuring friendships. Dependable and socially compatible are what I look for in friends and on those rare occasions someone who is extremely different to me but can help me grow as a person.

On the negative side, they kinda ride of ride a high horse and have sensitivity issues. However, you'd only be negatively affected by their high horse syndrome if you get too close to them.

INFJ males I have noticed are off their heads. Yes I was talking about INFJ females up there.

ISTJ - These guys are the best. Dependable, loyal, does not have sensitive issues, no drama at all. On the negative side, they are kinda cynical and negative. Awesome story tellers too they are. Gives good practical advice when asked for. I could imagine myself settling down with an ISTJ e9 So dom.

ENFP - They could drive you nuts since they are so disorganized and this also makes them less dependable. They have one redeeming quality as friends, they truly try to understand you, don't try to change you (yes that is awesome) and try to bring the best in you. These happen usually in bursts, not planned well thought out conversations. Ethical too.

 

[rmrf]

I see the type as reversed functions (ENTJ) as my Shadow type. Shadow type in this typology context is a closely related but distinct concept to the Jung Shadow. While not 'opposite' like ESFJ, it's like the non superimposable mirror image, same temprament but reversed focus (J/P) and direction (I/E)

 

[CitizenErased]

My mom is my opposite, she is an ISFJ/P

Can't say anything bad because she is my mom. But I can say she can be profoundly annoying, very "feely" and emotional but a good worker.

Well, my mother is also ESFJ and we speak different languages.. I think she's paranoid and she thinks I'm a psychopath. I met some other ESFJs but things didn't go any better.

 

[CitizenErased]

Ideally I believer the opposite type should be the type that has the exact opposite of your functions, not the type which has your functions in the reverse oder. So if you are an INTP your opposite type should be Te, Ni, Se, Fi (ENTJ) as opposed to the type that has your functions in the reverse order which is (Fe, Si, Ne, Ti) ESFJ for INTP because the former type has NO functions similar to yours.

Hmm.. now come to think of it, a person with reversed functions might have reverse priorities because the way they take in information (coginitive functions) are completely different to that of yours.

How about the type which not only has no function similar to you and these functions are in the opposite order. So that would be ESFP for INTPs.

-----

So I'll cover my experiences with all three types assuming I am an ESTP. That means INFJ, ISTJ and ENFP.

INFJ - great. I find them to be awesome buddies. They are loyal, friendly, warm, well read (I think they are only second to INTPs in their reading enthusiasm, unless we are talking about INTJ e5s) and dependable. I like the word dependable when measuring friendships. Dependable and socially compatible are what I look for in friends and on those rare occasions someone who is extremely different to me but can help me grow as a person.

On the negative side, they kinda ride of ride a high horse and have sensitivity issues. However, you'd only be negatively affected by their high horse syndrome if you get too close to them.

INFJ males I have noticed are off their heads. Yes I was talking about INFJ females up there.

ISTJ - These guys are the best. Dependable, loyal, does not have sensitive issues, no drama at all. On the negative side, they are kinda cynical and negative. Awesome story tellers too they are. Gives good practical advice when asked for. I could imagine myself settling down with an ISTJ e9 So dom.

ENFP - They could drive you nuts since they are so disorganized and this also makes them less dependable. They have one redeeming quality as friends, they truly try to understand you, don't try to change you (yes that is awesome) and try to bring the best in you. These happen usually in bursts, not planned well thought out conversations. Ethical too.

Interesting analysis! Regarding your 3 opposites, I haven't met any INFJs yet, and I agree that ISTJs are loyal friends. My brother is ENFP, and I agree, though I share the disorderliness trait, so I don't find it a life-or-death issue.

But continuing with your 3 theories, I find ESFJs (reversed functions) a type I can't deal with, ENTJs as a type that helps me come back to earth when my absent-mindedness has gone too far, hence a type that I cherish, regardless of their too-organized lives, which drive me crazy most of the time. And about ESFPs, I used to have an ESFP boyfriend, and I found tgat his personality helped me "getting out of my cave". Even if we differed in our life approaches and ways of having fun, I still think it was a good combination.

It would be great to know more what others think of the 3 opposites and see which is the "worst" possible option for a relationship, be it friendship, or any other!

 

[á´…eparted]

I am currently friends with one ISTP, and he's kinda "soft" for one. We're not particularly close, but I would consider us friends for sure. He's the only ISTP I can recall ever being friends with.

I can have issues with the type, and typically we have very little common ground and often find each other boring (common interest is rare). Otherwise I am fine with them.

 

[Yama]

I don't like or dislike anyone based on type. But there does seem to be a correlation between me and my dual and miscommunication. Some of them I get along just fine with, and others I cannot stand. But this is true for me of any type really. I will say that they are generally not the kind of person that I am naturally drawn towards.

 

[Eluded_One]

I dont know any ESTJ's personally, but the ones that I do suspect of being ESTJ's are the people I prefer to stay away from. I'm sure they feel the same way about me. It's not their inferior FI that detracts me, as I have known several ENTJ's that I particularly get along with. As [ENTJ,] their interests with sci-fi, worldly mysreries, and their constant conflicting nostalgia are common-ground to our discussions.