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How is your relationship with your opposite type?

Kheledon

New member
Joined
Oct 5, 2015
Messages
572
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
136
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I had a three-year-relationship with a woman whom I now think was my conflictor type, i.e. the exact opposite (ISTp), and it became clear to me, rather quickly, that we were not a good match. I left her once when I moved away to another state for graduate school. She followed me, but once I left her the second time (to take a job in yet another state), she gave up the pursuit. It was not a good relationship.

That said, I am now in a 23-year-long relationship with my irrational supervisor, ISFp, and I haven't been able to escape from this one (though it has been a long, rough ride). Having children and enduring financial distress has made it difficult to make any significant change.

Presumably, according to Socionics theory, your best possible match, your dual, is opposite to you on the first three MBTI elements, but the same on the final one. My dual is ISTj, for example. I think there's merit in suggesting that opposites make good life-partners (because they can cover one another's weaknesses), but I agree that the last letter is essential. If you're a j, you will be much happier be with another j. If you're a p, you will be much happier with another p.
 

Lexicon

Temporal Mechanic
Staff member
Joined
Sep 28, 2008
Messages
12,342
MBTI Type
JINX
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Me - Ni Fe Ti Se

My opposite in my own functions: Se Ti Fe Ni would be ESTP.

I love ESTP's. Great adventuring buddies. They bring me out of my head a bit. I need that, sometimes. Their zeal for the here/now is a bit infectious. They make loyal friends, despite their often brash/impulsive behavior. Their bravado can be hilarious, and occasionally attractive, but I couldn't see myself being emotionally compatible with one on a deeply romantic level, just due to my own trust issues. I also feel like extraverts can be disappointed by the fact that I require a lot of alone time, so I may not always be available to be their partner in crime/attend events, and soforth.

Overall, they're great, though. Occasionally, I seem to be able to help smooth things over in situations that they want to handle in a more diplomatic manner, or sort of complicated feelings in a given situation for them,. Most of the time, I'm their 'awkward/weird' buddy they like to pick on/drink with/pick on/go do cool stuff with, I guess. :shrug:


My opposite in terms of the other functions I don't use would be Si Te Fi Ne - ISTJ

I get along fairly well with ISTJ's, though I don't have many *close* friends IRL who are this type. I did have an apartment roommate who was ISTJ. I appreciated their consistency/reliability. We didn't ever really get on one another's nerves. I dated an ISTJ when I was a teenager - and while he liked my abstract nonsense for awhile, the novelty wore off. My flakiness grated on him, and his rigidity/protectiveness, etc, did not sit well with me. We're still friends, though we talk infrequently. He called me up after his younger brother was in a car wreck/left in a persistent vegetative state until he was taken off life support. We talked often during that time, and I hope I was of some support. I feel like the ISTJ's I've known do have some degree of comfort discussing their feelings/problems with me, so that's always a plus.

I guess, in short, we get along well enough, just at a certain distance and perhaps infrequently. But we're there for one another when it counts the most.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
7,708
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
738
ISFJ -
They mean well but generally don't understand me in the least. I admire their memory for details, but I can die from Si exposure pretty quick. I tend to stay away and limit interactions to superficial / professional.

In a professional environment i really appreciate isfj's abilities.
 

Lyana

New member
Joined
Jan 25, 2016
Messages
1
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
My sister is an ESFJ. Like, the most typical ESFJ in the history of typical ESFJs. My relationship with her is basically me nodding to her emotional rants, her desperate attempt to gossip with a rock (me) and her (not-so-sad) sad day. In return, she listens to me and acts like a sound wall for me to bounce my ideas off on whenever I need. Neither of us 'like' each other's personality much. We just stick together because ohana.
I find that ESFJs can be good companions. They're loyal, supportive, nurturing and understanding. So long as you give them what they need to survive (appreciation, respect, care and an ear for them to talk off), it's all good. I generally don't like people who constantly need others, but some ESFJs really hit it off well with INTPs.
 

Galaxy Gazer

New member
Joined
Dec 27, 2015
Messages
941
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I have really mixed feelings about ESFJs.

What I dislike about ESFJs

1. Some of them just seem so... simple-minded. Whenever I try to talk to them about philosophy, religion, psychology, or even something like character development in a movie they like, I get no response other than "yeah haha."

2. I've found that they generally don't care about what's going on in the world unless it's part of a trendy movement involving hashtags and celebrities.

3. They tend to look down on most INxx types, or even introverts in general. They're literally always the ones I see talking about people who are awkward or offbeat. In high school, it was always the ESFJs who snickered when someone said they were into anime or tabletop gaming. Because how could anyone POSSIBLY be interested in something that's not a part of pop culture?!

4. They have this obsession with rules. Not their rules, though. Usually other people's rules. Being in a class or club with an ESFJ feels a lot like being monitored 24/7 to make sure I don't do or say anything bad.

5. They think patronizing introverts is helpful and kind. I've lost track of the times an ESFJ has put on a fake smile and tried, in an awkward attempt, to make small-talk with me because they thought I was a loser with no friends. I'd honestly rather have someone insult me to my face than pull this kind of shit.

6. Their Si really gets to me. In the tertiary slot, Si is basically like, "I make judgments based on my experiences and what has/hasn't worked in the past." In the auxiliary slot and combined with dominant Fe, it seems to be a lot more like, "I make judgments based on what's normal and what most people do." I once overheard a group of ESFJs making fun of a girl for asking a guy out, apparently because "that's just, like, no."

What I like about ESFJs

1. They don't get offended easily. I've never had an ESFJ stop me in conversation to tell me not to use a slightly offensive word or confront me about stereotyping/generalizing. I don't have to watch what I say around them and I love that.

2. Once you find a way to relate to them, they become the nicest, most supportive people ever. Socializing with ESFJs is my favorite way to burn the extra introvert energy I've saved up.

3. They're hardworking, organized, and they follow through on their plans. This is probably my favorite thing about them because it's something that I lack. I've always loved working with ESFJs on group projects because I'd come up with a really great main idea and they would work ridiculously hard to make it happen.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
ESFP? I don't know any.
 

Dreamer

Potential is My Addiction
Joined
Jul 26, 2015
Messages
4,539
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
794
If me and an ISTJ can meet in the middle, then I'm good enough. I like to try and eek out that weird side of them, and I'm perfectly fine talking up Si with them. My sister in law is an ISTJ, and as long as this little transaction occurs, we can get on fine. At times though, she is flat as F! Sorry, nothing against ISTJs, just, sometimes this one at least, can be a bit dry for my taste.
 

Dyslexxie

Dope& diamonds.
Joined
Sep 2, 2015
Messages
1,250
INFJs? Two of my closest friends are INFJs, and every one I've met I've become quite close to so I would say quite good.
 

Flâneuse

don't ask me
Joined
Jan 16, 2014
Messages
947
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I get along well with ESTJs as leaders in professional and academic contexts and really benefit from the structure they help provide. I've had several ESTJ teachers and an ESTJ boss and I liked their clear communication style - I felt like I knew exactly what they expected, leaving no room for confusion. (If there's anything I can't stand from someone in a position of authority, it's when they give vague instructions and then penalize you for not doing the task exactly how they wanted.) Even when I have a clear goal, I have a tendency to waffle on choosing a course of action, getting sidetracked by a million different "what ifs" and their ability to quickly suggest the most practical and sensible course of action can be very helpful.

However, I don't think I've ever been friends with an ESTJ or even known one my age very well. It's not that I avoid them -- more like we tend to have different interests and different communication/connection styles and naturally don't cross paths that much.

Also, although rules and guidelines are helpful at work and school, in my personal life I tend to be driven by my own weird interests and values (and sometimes even my whims), with little regard for conventional 'shoulds' and 'should nots' and that can make me seem irrational and impractical to more down-to-earth types, especially SJs. (Two ESTJs I know, my grandmother and a family friend, seem baffled by some choices I make and make constant suggestions to help get me on "the right track", as though their track is the only valid one.)
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
783
I dont consider any type an opposite. An ISFJ could be at least be my opposite, cause they use the same functions like I do, just in different direction. Since I wouldnt know if Ni or Se was the opposite to Ne, I dont have any opposites. Just different working combinations.
 

Luke O

Super Ape
Joined
Mar 25, 2015
Messages
1,729
MBTI Type
INTP
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954
Curiously enough the only confirmed ESFJ I know is a woman at work in our training department who runs the official Myers Briggs Type Indicator course. I haven't had any problems with her ever. She seems a bit of a superficial character though.
 

geedoenfj

The more you know..
Joined
Oct 6, 2015
Messages
3,347
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
ISTP? Very nice people, a little stiff but it's okay because after trying to do things their way and fail they shall listen to me and do things my way [emoji12]
They're great helpers and I can depend on them..
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I feel like we both know that the other knows what is making the other tick to some extent, and yet, the amount of misunderstanding can be comical.

My specific experience with ESTJs is they seem to regard me as some degenerate who snuck in the back door of some institution/organization they are guarding and guiding, and so they are just waiting for the opportunity to put me in my place. Over time, they can begrudgingly respect me. Some of that is my own paranoia, I know.

They can also seem really bossy, nitpickh and like control freaks. I don't respond well to either. I have dealt with some who are not so finicky, but I dislike how they want people to prove themselves to them, as if they are the sole arbiter of who is capable or trustworthy. I can also find them to be prigs and self-righteous (the e1 variety especially). My melancholy may annoy them, but their endless restrictions are joy killers.

My other frustration with them is similar to my frustration with many people, which is that I feel like they willfilly misunderstand me and therefore misjudge me because they insist on one, narrow interpretation for everything. If I explain otherwise to them, often because they prompt me, then they think I am just calling them stupid, being rebellious, or inventing BS as a excuse. Often times, they don't even listen....they hear one word and extrapolate the rest (poorly), assuming the reasoning is the same as something they heard prior from someone else. It's like they cannot conceive there are more than a few viewpoints in the world.

Their frustration with me seems to be that I can seem unpredictable and therefore unreliable. They don't know what I am about, so they are suspicious of me. Then when they prompt me, they cannot understand what the hell I am talking about. They often think my interests are snobby or showy because they are not "down to earth". I think they find me pretentious, hence their desire to find reasons to dismiss me or belittle things I care about. Often, they may feel they are not cool or clever enough for me, and they get defensive about it. I am not judging them in that way though. I brush off their annoying traits as long as I dont feel judged or pushed to conform. Once a sense of being judged pops up, an open distaste on both sides can develop.

I also dont know where I stand with them half the time. They can have a facade of treating everyone equally, but then I see their favortism leak out. That is totally fine for personal relationships, but I dislike the facade of equal treatment or having no personal preference. Just own it!
I always prefer someone treat me the way they really feel. ESxJs in general seem like they will be nice to you out of some sense of duty, but I dont need it. I think we bond very differently, and the lack of an intimate feel about them is something that always strikes me. I cannot fathom being close to one.

I have also met some who have an amazing level of commitment, integrity, and self-sacririce. They are genuinely GOOD people, and I respect them. They seem really apt to maximize their personal potential in terms of work goals, but less so in personal relationships or their own emotional needs. So after awhile, they start to strike me as sad, because they look like robots going through motions to meet goals that dont really have any personal meaning for them. But then I get over it because they are probably still happier than I am.
 
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