[MBTI General] MBTI and Love Languages

[highlander]

This is a graph illustrating how common Love Languages were for a particular MBTI type. A few interesting overall observations:

• There is a pretty broad mix of preferences across all the types
• Quality time in general is the top love language by most participants
• Gifts is the least common love language across the board
• ESFPs are most likely to prefer Physical Touch
• ESTPs, INTJs, ESFJs, ISTPs and ISTJs are most likely to prefer Acts of Service
• ENFPs and ENFJs are most likely to prefer Words of Affirmation

From: Here Is The Top ‘Love Language’ For Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type | Thought Catalog

 

[SearchingforPeace]

Interesting that ISFP and ISTP are the only ones who put gifts on the radar.

And INTPs really love that quality time....

 

[highlander]

Interesting that ISFP and ISTP are the only ones who put gifts on the radar.

And INTPs really love that quality time....

I dated an ISFP in college for three years and she was definitely all about gifts.

 

[Somewhere Smile]

This is so accurate.
In my past relationship with an INFP, I really liked hearing him tell me what he liked about me, and I loved his sweet compliments. He was just so adorable ^_^

When he told me that he admired my character, especially my honesty and my kindness, I melted.

 

[Poki]

Seems good, I am so used to words of affirmation that while appreciated aren't a love language.

Physical touch I die inside without

Not a gifts person, enjoyed, not love language

Acts of service, yeah, gotta hit right dialect or it doesn't do much, not looking for a mom to take care of me

I do enjoy quality time...that's together time, not necessarily doing certain things together. Can just be laying in bed chatting

 

[Ene]

I notice that acts of service didn't score particularly high, but for me, it would be neck in neck with quality time and words of affirmation. In fact, it IS quality time. The number one indicator of love to me is a person who keeps his word and follows through on his promises. The guy who unepectedly picks up a hammer and helps me repair my building or sweeps my floor because he sees Ive got too much on my plate says that I matter without saying a word. A person who has my back when I'm in trouble, I know I mean something to them. Without actions, words are just empty to me. Don't get me wrong, I need words of affirmation, but I need them with corresponding action. I need a physical touch but the touch is so much sweeter when it comes from someone who will go to bat for you, even when it looks like you're playing a loosing game.

I don't know how it corresponds to type but across the board I'd say that when a person loves you they 1. Want to be with you for no particular reason. 2. They support your dreams, tell you so and back your efforts. Actions do speak louder than words, at least they do to me. Yes, tell me that you appreciate me, but more importantly...show me. Show up. Help me. Dont leave me holding the bag and paying the bills. 3. They share at least some level of physical intimacy with you 4. They think of you even when you're not there and that prompts them to pick up something now and then, simply because they think you might enjoy it.

So, basically, I think all types need all the languages and maybe preference is more life experience related than type related.

 

[highlander]

I notice that acts of service didn't score particularly high, but for me, it would be neck in neck with quality time and words of affirmation. In fact, it IS quality time. The number one indicator of love to me is a person who keeps his word and follows through on his promises. The guy who unepectedly picks up a hammer and helps me repair my building or sweeps my floor because he sees Ive got too much on my plate says that I matter without saying a word. A person who has my back when I'm in trouble, I know I mean something to them. Without actions, words are just empty to me. Don't get me wrong, I need words of affirmation, but I need them with corresponding action. I need a physical touch but the touch is so much sweeter when it comes from someone who will go to bat for you, even when it looks like you're playing a loosing game.

I don't know how it corresponds to type but across the board I'd say that when a person loves you they 1. Want to be with you for no particular reason. 2. They support your dreams, tell you so and back your efforts. Actions do speak louder than words, at least they do to me. Yes, tell me that you appreciate me, but more importantly...show me. Show up. Help me. Dont leave me holding the bag and paying the bills. 3. They share at least some level of physical intimacy with you 4. They think of you even when you're not there and that prompts them to pick up something now and then, simply because they think you might enjoy it.

So, basically, I think all types need all the languages and maybe preference is more life experience related than type related.

Well they are just statistics indicating some kind of likelihood. As the numbers show, there is a broad distribution for all the types. My preferences are for 1) words of affirmation and 2) physical affection - and neither of those correspond particularly strongly with the INTJ averages. Those two come out #4 and #3 respectively in the list. Acts of service mean very little to me. So my preferences are less common for an INTJ.

 

[highlander]

This is an interesting related article

How Does Each Personality Type Ask, "Do You Love Me?" - Personality Hacker : Personality Hacker

 

[LonestarCowgirl]

This is so accurate.
In my past relationship with an INFP, I really liked hearing him tell me what he liked about me, and I loved his sweet compliments. He was just so adorable ^_^

When he told me that he admired my character, especially my honesty and my kindness, I melted.

Me too, I like it sweet: a sweet serenade, sweet poetry, sweet nothings... when my ESFJ compliments some female members of my family, they'll whisper he's insincere, but I love it and bask in positive affirmation and compliments of all kinds.

I'm ENTP, btw.

 

[saveliseb]

MBTI and love languages are very interesting to me. I'm so glad I found this! The only thing is- I'm an INFP and words of affirmation is my least love language. Quality Time was correct, though. Thanks for sharing!!

 

[highlander]

Poll added

 

[cascadeco]

I don't have a super solid sense of what my top love languages are, so I'm not going to vote, but I *think* they are Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation.

I actually really like getting gifts, I can get excited about that, but I think it has a lot more to do with the surprise element -- and just the effort someone put forth to think of something I liked and surprise me with it. (The key is though a meaningful gift/surprise -- not like some ritualistic thing). So I don't actually think it's a love language for me - I just like the surprise. Like last year my mom sent me something in the mail and it was so fun to receive that, because I rarely get packages. That sort of thing.

Re Acts of Service, I think that I appreciate them, but I'm pretty sure it's not my love language, and sometimes I think it can have the reverse intended effect -- i.e. the person thinks they are doing something I really want them to do but I didn't 'need' it to be done. That sort of thing.

Re. Quality Time, that's obviously super important for a relationship, but over time I'm starting to realize it's probably not in my top 2.

 

[Lexicon]

My love language rankings seem to precisely match the graph rankings for my type.

INFJ

From highest to lowest:

Quality time
Words of affirmation
Physical touch
Acts of service
Gifts

Actually, I'd probably rank the top two as equally important to me to give as well as receive, the next two also equally important as the other, but below the 1st two. Although acts of service tend to make me feel dependent and uncomfortable, I can appreciate the intention behind them.

Gifts- I could care less about giving or receiving to show affection. It's just stuff, to me. There's a certain emptiness to material objects (when given as a token of affection) that I find off-putting, much of the time.

 

[xXMariahXx]

Quality Time (#1):
My entire life I've had a deep craving for it and fulfilling satisfaction when having it. Just sitting and talking with someone, opening up about each other. That's mostly what I need to be happy in any relationship.

Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch:
For years I haven't been able to figure out which one comes next on my love language list. With Words of Affirmation, I'm constantly sprinkling it into conversation. I want to help people know they're valued, special, and loved. And when people give me words of affirmation, I absolutely thrive on it. As far as Physical Touch, when someone pats my back or lays their hand on top of mine or gives me a warm hug... I can't even explain... I have such a strong reaction. Like, feel-good chemicals flood my mind and body and I feel like a child who is completely nurtured.

Gifts:
I relish in giving gifts as a way of making someone feel special.. and giving in general as a wonderful expression of love. It's just that.. when given a gift, it's harder for me to receive it as love.

Acts of Service:
I have a hard time comprehending this as an expression of love. That accounts for a good deal of my relationship/communication issues with my Acts of Service mother.

 

[á´…eparted]

My number 1 is physical touch... I'm really basic.

The patterns here aren't all that strong as far as I can tell.

 

[Yama]

What I believe to be my love language preferences aligns most with ESFJ.

 

[elcie]

I'm surprised gifts is ranked so low for ESTP?
And that acts of service is third for us...thought it would be first.

 

[OrangeAppled]

It really varies for me on the type of relationship.

Touch from me means a lot, but it is only with those I feel very close to. A lot of people are uncomfortable with touching in a non-romantic way, so I tend to hold back. I was very cuddly with a select few people as a child, but I dont get huggy with family now. As an adult, this love langugae is mostly reserved for a romantic partner. Still, I feel starved for human touch a lot, and I think part of it is American culture.

So touch scores as my top, but is tied with Quality Time (the most common for INFPs and what I voted in the poll).

Quality time means a lot from me too, because I feel limited in my energy. I think we may project our own sense of limited resources on others, so when they choose to "expend" something on us, it seems meaningful.

A close third is words of affirmation, but this comes with a contingency of it not just being politeness, rote, or banal. Acts of service is next, but I've scored this as top in the past. This means more to me from family than friends or a romantic partner, I think.

I certainly appreciate thoughtful gifts, but it feels less important. I have an INFP friend who says this is her top love language, and so I have tried to keep that in mind. I think they like the idea you were thinking of them when they were not around, know them well enough to know their tastes, etc. I actually find this language easier to express in than others, even though it is what I prefer to receive.

 

[Dyslexxie]

Not sure if I agree with this as much.

While I do value quality time, I find it suffocating if all they want to do is see me. Sometimes I need off time, I can't always just be on to entertain others. One that I thought would be much higher for ENTPs was physical touch. At least for me, I need proof of everything, and what more proof do you need than physical affection? Words are meaningless but touch? It speaks much louder than words sometimes.

 

[Coriolis]

Well they are just statistics indicating some kind of likelihood. As the numbers show, there is a broad distribution for all the types. My preferences are for 1) words of affirmation and 2) physical affection - and neither of those correspond particularly strongly with the INTJ averages. Those two come out #4 and #3 respectively in the list. Acts of service mean very little to me. So my preferences are less common for an INTJ.

I wonder if there is a greater correlation with enneagram.

Mine are a reasonable match: quality time, then acts of service, then words of affirmation.

My INTP's first choice is physical touch, followed by acts of service.