• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[NT] ENTP / INTJ folly revisited

myloveiselectric

New member
Joined
Sep 14, 2015
Messages
5
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7?
I'm an ENTP who has been talking to an INTJ for a few months now. We met through Tinder, so at least there's that level of confidence regarding mutual attraction, but we have yet to meet in person. He was the first to bring up that it was odd we hadn't hung out yet, but it's been me who has had to make the effort in endeavoring to make plans. I definitely used to be an ENFP, but have slowly migrated towards the T side as I've grown older. Given those tendencies and my extroversion, I do have a need for communication that clearly isn't reciprocated by INTJs, which is something I struggle with. However, I mentioned to him once that I didn't want to message him too often because I felt like I was bugging me, and he reassured me that I never am. This made me much more confident, but his fluctuation in whether he responds at all, or, if he does, whether it's a long or short response, still makes me feel as though I'm being a bother. Essentially, what I'm trying to figure out is how I should exactly go about my pursuit without annoying him or being too distant. Also, would I be correct in thinking that it's a good sign one of his best friends is an ENTP as well?
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
You need to meet him. The rest of the stuff is irrelevant until that happens.
 

Derpravity

New member
Joined
Feb 13, 2013
Messages
111
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I'm an ENTP who has been talking to an INTJ for a few months now. We met through Tinder, so at least there's that level of confidence regarding mutual attraction, but we have yet to meet in person. He was the first to bring up that it was odd we hadn't hung out yet, but it's been me who has had to make the effort in endeavoring to make plans. I definitely used to be an ENFP, but have slowly migrated towards the T side as I've grown older. Given those tendencies and my extroversion, I do have a need for communication that clearly isn't reciprocated by INTJs, which is something I struggle with. However, I mentioned to him once that I didn't want to message him too often because I felt like I was bugging me, and he reassured me that I never am. This made me much more confident, but his fluctuation in whether he responds at all, or, if he does, whether it's a long or short response, still makes me feel as though I'm being a bother. Essentially, what I'm trying to figure out is how I should exactly go about my pursuit without annoying him or being too distant. Also, would I be correct in thinking that it's a good sign one of his best friends is an ENTP as well?
In my experience, INTJs aren't always the best at knowing how their communication comes off to others, though they can be quite self-conscious. I might not read too much into one coming off as a little intermittently laconic.

Speaking for myself, I prefer people to be direct and honest, and I think it's a typical INTJ thing. I'd want the other person, if they were feeling a bit confused about how I talk, to just ask me about whatever it is, and I wouldn't want them to feel awkward about doing so. "Do you think I'm being x?" "How do you feel about y?" I'm pretty meta about conversation, I enjoy communicating about how to communicate better with people.

It sounds to me like he is interested. It's not a very INTJ kind of thing to express direct interest in something like meeting up in person if they didn't want to (we're generally not polite smalltalkers or bullshitters), and for him making that comment indirectly might have been a way to express that interest without feeling awkward. Depending how shy or passive he is by nature, you might find yourself taking the initiative a lot, possibly less so if he just needs to get more comfortable with you.

So that's my advice: ask him directly about things you're not sure about, and assume he means what he says. You can always say something like "I'm not sure if I'm being too pushy/talkative/(what have you), so just tell me honestly if I start to bother you," rather than worrying constantly about if you're ever crossing a line.
 

myloveiselectric

New member
Joined
Sep 14, 2015
Messages
5
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7?
You need to meet him. The rest of the stuff is irrelevant until that happens.
Yeah, I'm working on that, but some of the questions come in on whether I'm being overly pushy in trying to actually get some time scheduled. He lives almost an hour away, so it's a bit more difficult.
 

myloveiselectric

New member
Joined
Sep 14, 2015
Messages
5
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7?
In my experience, INTJs aren't always the best at knowing how their communication comes off to others, though they can be quite self-conscious. I might not read too much into one coming off as a little intermittently laconic.

Speaking for myself, I prefer people to be direct and honest, and I think it's a typical INTJ thing. I'd want the other person, if they were feeling a bit confused about how I talk, to just ask me about whatever it is, and I wouldn't want them to feel awkward about doing so. "Do you think I'm being x?" "How do you feel about y?" I'm pretty meta about conversation, I enjoy communicating about how to communicate better with people.

It sounds to me like he is interested. It's not a very INTJ kind of thing to express direct interest in something like meeting up in person if they didn't want to (we're generally not polite smalltalkers or bullshitters), and for him making that comment indirectly might have been a way to express that interest without feeling awkward. Depending how shy or passive he is by nature, you might find yourself taking the initiative a lot, possibly less so if he just needs to get more comfortable with you.

So that's my advice: ask him directly about things you're not sure about, and assume he means what he says. You can always say something like "I'm not sure if I'm being too pushy/talkative/(what have you), so just tell me honestly if I start to bother you," rather than worrying constantly about if you're ever crossing a line.

This is really helpful, thank you! It doesn't help that he's really busy right now, so it's making everything harder to interpret right now haha. I'll definitely try to be more open with concerns. Hopefully it'll all get a bit easier after we finally find time to meet.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Yeah, I'm working on that, but some of the questions come in on whether I'm being overly pushy in trying to actually get some time scheduled. He lives almost an hour away, so it's a bit more difficult.

If you're going to be indecisive about meeting, you'll probably be indecisive about other things and that won't go over well with an INTJ. He also mentioned it was odd that you haven't hung out. Maybe he thinks you don't want to. An INTJ is likely never going to match the communication an ENFP/T desires. If he's already had to reassure you about messaging, I don't think bringing up meeting is going to be an issue. And an hour away isn't much.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
I'm an ENTP who has been talking to an INTJ for a few months now. We met through Tinder, so at least there's that level of confidence regarding mutual attraction, but we have yet to meet in person. He was the first to bring up that it was odd we hadn't hung out yet, but it's been me who has had to make the effort in endeavoring to make plans. I definitely used to be an ENFP, but have slowly migrated towards the T side as I've grown older. Given those tendencies and my extroversion, I do have a need for communication that clearly isn't reciprocated by INTJs, which is something I struggle with. However, I mentioned to him once that I didn't want to message him too often because I felt like I was bugging me, and he reassured me that I never am. This made me much more confident, but his fluctuation in whether he responds at all, or, if he does, whether it's a long or short response, still makes me feel as though I'm being a bother. Essentially, what I'm trying to figure out is how I should exactly go about my pursuit without annoying him or being too distant. Also, would I be correct in thinking that it's a good sign one of his best friends is an ENTP as well?


On other words you are not ENTP but ENFP that is developing tertiery Te. :typology nerd:


You need to meet him. The rest of the stuff is irrelevant until that happens.


I could not agree more. There are reasonable odds that you may not even like each other when you actually meet.


If you're going to be indecisive about meeting, you'll probably be indecisive about other things and that won't go over well with an INTJ. He also mentioned it was odd that you haven't hung out. Maybe he thinks you don't want to. An INTJ is likely never going to match the communication an ENFP/T desires. If he's already had to reassure you about messaging, I don't think bringing up meeting is going to be an issue. And an hour away isn't much.


Correct.

Just do not play too many games or constantly postpone the meeting, because an INTJ my lose interest if there is too much drama or randomness. (I am talking from experience)
 

myloveiselectric

New member
Joined
Sep 14, 2015
Messages
5
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7?
If you're going to be indecisive about meeting, you'll probably be indecisive about other things and that won't go over well with an INTJ. He also mentioned it was odd that you haven't hung out. Maybe he thinks you don't want to. An INTJ is likely never going to match the communication an ENFP/T desires. If he's already had to reassure you about messaging, I don't think bringing up meeting is going to be an issue. And an hour away isn't much.

Okay, awesome. I wouldn't say I'm being actively indecisive, just secretly second-guessing myself as I try to contact him to find a time. So your point of view is very helpful in making me think I'm probably on a good track. Thank you!
 

myloveiselectric

New member
Joined
Sep 14, 2015
Messages
5
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7?
On other words you are not ENTP but ENFP that is developing tertiery Te. :typology nerd:
I thought that, but no matter how I many times I take tests, I keep getting ENTP, even though the ones I'm taking have rotating questions. Though my T side isn't that much stronger than my F (I usually get less than 20%). The one on 16personalities has the assertive/turbulent variants as well, so I'm thinking maybe it's my heavy turbulent qualities that make me just barely fall into ENTP as opposed to ENFP haha.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
There is something I'm not getting here. He is the one who asked why haven't the two of you met, yet. So are you here looking for alternative answers as to not meeting the guy? He is busy? WTF If the two of you were interested, you would have met already or MAKE TIME. Making time MEANS interested.

So what gives? Has he delayed your previous request to meet?

Meet and get it over with. Be honest, be direct, say what you want and let the chips fall where they may. Don't drag this out.

Ok, Have you asked the guy, to set a date on meeting you (place the ball in his court so to speak), or are you trying to relay that message "between the lines"? If you're doing it, cut that out. For now.

Am I being harsh? :unsure: Pull your finger...
 

evilrubberduckie

New member
Joined
Jul 16, 2015
Messages
836
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
this isnt a type thing more then its the two of yous insecurities or/and miscommunication stopping the both of you from actually meeting up in person.



Just stop reading into it too much, and go out on a date or two. jesus christ.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
ENFP awsome and yet aloof?

This girl speaks to me in person like there's no tomorrow but on text, it's like she gives me the impression that she doesnt want to speak to me. Which is misinterpretation on my part probably :p

Is that you OP?
 
Top