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Keirsey's soulmates: ENFJ/INTP

Littlelostnf

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:doh: This. Is what. I mean. There's a small ticker tape of profanities scrolling through my brain. I *don't* dig in to just anybody either, so when I finally DO find someone I click with, it's a point of despair when they flake out. (Or turn out to be married... :huh:)


Nor do I...(Dig into someone) and when I do and it doesn't work out..I'm like a black widow..I want to just eat them. I don't give of myself easily (the real me) so if I do...it's like...UGH...I just gave you some of me...I want it back! If we're not together I don't even want you to know... (well that's not how it's been with every guy but two jerks are wandering out there with knowledge they should NOT have!

:)
 

MacGuffin

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Did you not just read about me eating people who know to much. :) Sorry it's so way long that sometimes I bore myself thinking about it let alone "talking about it"
You drained him of his essence, leaving behind nothing but an empty husk. You removed his tiny heart, putting it in a locket that you like to take out from time to time to look at and smile fondly.

Yes?
 

Domino

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Three times doesn't seem that rare.

You don't understand. I'm flush with people all day. The sheer volume of bodies should have me clicking left and right, but it doesn't. I can't just "date". I hate dating. I hate having to be fake and prettied up to impress someone.

(The third guy, thank goodness he left before anything cosmically awful could happen. You may strike him from the record. He had enough sense and INTP self-control to leave. I can still respect myself too. Marriage is sacred to me.)

But the other two? I cried for YEARS when they left. I couldn't get on because of them. Wouldn't date. Wouldn't even consider another man. It was a horrendous horrible ripping of my person and I limped along for ages just trying to get myself back together. Even now, I still get jacked up about them and feel like an idiot for crying sometimes when it must be true that they've long since forgotten about me.

Once people are ground into me, they never. Come. Back. Out. Like splinter too deep in your finger to reach. That's the maddening god-awfulness of it. I'm going to absorb him into myself without any conscious choice on either part and it's going to be a nightmare. Wuthering Heights? That intense mess is for real.

Some people around here haven't found one yet.

Neither have I.

It's this level of passion I find intriguing in Fe dom's. If they are good people also, it is also a source of great admiration and respect for me too-- This "wearing their heart on their sleves."

But I have to be honest when I say that I have never felt that level of passion for anything myself, and that is part of the draw(and the fear).

I feel I am at my best when calm and collected. I don't really function well when worked-up. So I tend to drive myself towards a "peace-of-mind."

The problem with this striving is that peace-of-mind, and apathetic are very close together states.

Perhaps my soul yearns for a way to avoid apathy, while still being calm. To be frank, sometimes I could use a good kick in the rear. But only if it is done with love AND respect will it be appreciated.

The other major issue is, I have no clue what it is that I (can) give an ExFJ. I don't like to be a free-loader.

Interesting and insightful post, Y. :yes:

Love and respect are not optional.

And why would you be a freeloader? Don't you believe you bring your own unique "brand" to the relationship?
 

Littlelostnf

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You drained him of his essence, leaving behind nothing but an empty husk. You removed his tiny heart, putting it in a locket that you like to take out from time to time to look at and smile fondly.

Yes?

Well I certainly hope so. :devil:
I'm sure you can't possibly think that ill of me
you surely must be talking of another type.

I'd rather have given him a heart but it was not to be.

Doesn't have one to this day....hmmm maybe I did take his itty bitty :heart:...gotta look amongst the clutter in my hall closet.
 

Littlelostnf

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You don't understand. I'm flush with people all day. The sheer volume of bodies should have me clicking left and right, but it doesn't. I can't just "date". I hate dating. I hate having to be fake and prettied up to impress someone.

(The third guy, thank goodness he left before anything cosmically awful could happen. You may strike him from the record. He had enough sense and INTP self-control to leave. I can still respect myself too. Marriage is sacred to me.)

But the other two? I cried for YEARS when they left. I couldn't get on because of them. Wouldn't date. Wouldn't even consider another man. It was a horrendous horrible ripping of my person and I limped along for ages just trying to get myself back together. Even now, I still get jacked up about them and feel like an idiot for crying sometimes when it must be true that they've long since forgotten about me.

Once people are ground into me, they never. Come. Back. Out. Like splinter too deep in your finger to reach. That's the maddening god-awfulness of it. I'm going to absorb him into myself without any conscious choice on either part and it's going to be a nightmare. Wuthering Heights? That intense mess is for real.

What the hades is wrong with us...I can't even stand that I'm this way...and yet I am. I'd like to be a cool calm Ms about love and I can't help the intensity. I gotta find myself the man who makes me feel like the Anais quote...WHERE THE HECK IS HE!!!! :steam:
 

MacGuffin

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I'm sure you can't possibly think that ill of me

Ill? I'm impressed!

What the hades is wrong with us...I can't even stand that I'm this way...and yet I am. I'd like to be a cool calm Ms about love and I can't help the intensity. I gotta find myself the man who makes me feel like the Anais quote...WHERE THE HECK IS HE!!!! :steam:

Really... if you are looking for that kind of man, probably not best to look among the INTPs. Sorry, animenagai.
 

MacGuffin

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Ah well your loss.
Yes, I just don't think 95% of the INTPs can give you that.

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."

The INTP is a detatched observer. Making enormous demands is out of the INTP wheelhouse.
 
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I think she's just referring to the illogical assumption that any one human, regardless of who that human is, could possibly be thoroughly enjoyed by every single other human on the planet. Prolly one of those xxTx moments where the logic filter is grating against her brain loudly.

That's one way of looking at it. But I think the INTP qualm is the illogical idea that you can compel someone out of a decision that, by definition, must be arrived at autonomously.
 

proteanmix

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Yes, I just don't think 95% of the INTPs can give you that.

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."

The INTP is a detatched observer. Making enormous demands is out of the INTP wheelhouse.

Yeah, I have cynicism cloud trailing me. That's a pretty tall order for anyone to fill.

I guess my expectations are different from what has been voiced in this thread. I don't like turbulent romantic relationships, nor do I think that I'm a turbulent person. I try to match my output to the other person's output. Nor am I sure I want all my buttons pressed in a relationship. Periods of intensity are good but that level of entwinement is exhausting. It just feels like running your car on gas fumes and not anything enduring. You can't realistically expect that level of passion to be sustained? Maybe I'm misunderstanding?

Pink, I have a question: It seems like your relationships with these guys suffered an abrupt ending. How do you think they would've played out if they naturally ended?
 

ygolo

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And why would you be a freeloader? Don't you believe you bring your own unique "brand" to the relationship?

Not sure. I like to think that I give. But they way I give tends to be more "diffuse" or to many parties at the same time.

I generally feel like I am (will be) unfair to whatever woman I am in a relationship with.

I just don't have a lot to give emotionally... an ear to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, not being judgemental in most circumstances... but thats about it.



"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."

The INTP is a detatched observer. Making enormous demands is out of the INTP wheelhouse.

Sometimes the demands are put-on without realizing it. I used to drive my X-fiance crazy for reasons I never fully understood. Something about being busy/preoccupied with work/school/hobbies. The weird thing is she seemed to like that. The more I tried to do what she actually asked, and spent more time with her, the more she lost interest. I guess I became too little of a challenge.
 

Littlelostnf

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Yes, I just don't think 95% of the INTPs can give you that.

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."

The INTP is a detatched observer. Making enormous demands is out of the INTP wheelhouse.


Hmmm that's interesting as it seems as if you're taking enormous demands to be something that requires something of you other than being who "you" are. The INTP's I know make those demands whether they know it or not. It's about who they are...I know you guys think you're low maintenance and in many ways you are...but in the ways that float my boat...you do make enormous demands...you're not THAT easy to live with you know. :)
 

MacGuffin

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Hmmm that's interesting as it seems as if you're taking enormous demands to be something that requires something of you other than being who "you" are. The INTP's I know make those demands whether they know it or not. It's about who they are...I know you guys think you're low maintenance and in many ways you are...but in the ways that float my boat...you do make enormous demands...you're not THAT easy to live with you know. :)
In what way do we make enormous demands?
 

colmena

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Hmm. I do like it when people close the cap on the shower gel.
 

Littlelostnf

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In what way do we make enormous demands?

When INTP's find someone to share their lives with who truly gets them. It's amazing how much they want their partner to truly understand them...and that my friend is not easy for everyone to do. It's not explicit demands they are implicit.

It's also about an INTP's partner being alright with themselves..they have to be...and I don't mean in a physical sense...(he's off at the computer or work or in his head and I'm at this party alone) I mean being sure of themselves and not needing alot of demonstration of their partners feelings....that requires something...that places a demand on an INTP's partner right there. Not a bad demand..but a demand

Does that make sense?....
 

MacGuffin

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When INTP's find someone to share their lives with who truly gets them. It's amazing how much they want their partner to truly understand them...and that my friend is not easy for everyone to do. It's not explicit demands they are implicit.
Why does that float your boat?
 

Littlelostnf

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Why does that float your boat?

I kept adding on...see above.
I like how they make me feel about myself...
That sounds selfish...? Not sure I can explain until I eat...

Only Cherrios and coffee this am at 9 and nothing else is not good for the thought process.
 
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