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Those with no romantic partner... do you have a specific type in mind for a romance?

type in mind?

  • Yes

    Votes: 8 28.6%
  • No

    Votes: 20 71.4%

  • Total voters
    28

Destiny

A wannabe dog
Joined
Aug 5, 2013
Messages
452
I'm looking forward to date ESTJ and ENTJ because their extroverted thinking lines up with my introverted thinking. I always thought these types were the most attractive... thoughts?

What if one day, you managed to meet an ESTJ or ENTJ but they aren't attracted to you, what would you do?
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
enfp. intp. pretty likely. that "change everything" power. and let's fucking LEARN! just inexhaustible. enfp wins because it's that plus realizing the power of belief. and because the little corners of their eyes squeeze you.
 

Pionart

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 17, 2014
Messages
4,039
MBTI Type
NiFe
I tend to be most attracted to NFs, not saying I wouldn't have a partner who wasn't NF, just that so far that's been the trend.
 

Kullervo

Permabanned
Joined
May 15, 2014
Messages
3,298
MBTI Type
N/A
For some reason, I seem to attract xNFJs to the exclusion of other types. Almost every girl I've ever felt a pull towards I at least suspect is one. (Among other reasons, the scarcity of xNFJs may explain why I find it hard to meet people.)

It isn't as if I'm actively looking for a personality but certain types notice me more. I do tend to pay a lot of attention to people's facial features though, and there's a Ni/Fe 'gaze' (similar to the Ni/Te one) that I tend to pick up subconsciously and it helps me feel comfortable around someone. Probably the girl feels the same way.

That my dates have been who they are has led me to believe that complimentary pairing is a myth. I think that people actually seek somebody like them, rather than unlike.
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
It isn't as if I'm actively looking for a personality but certain types notice me more. I do tend to pay a lot of attention to people's facial features though, and there's a Ni/Fe 'gaze' (similar to the Ni/Te one) that I tend to pick up subconsciously and it helps me feel comfortable around someone. Probably the girl feels the same way.

love the way you said this.

i can feel out types by affect patterns and get a sense of headspace by eye movement and other nonverbals pretty well. i'm sure many people can too. instinctual subtype might be the easiest of all. crossing headspace streams to me seems to give the clearest interactive context. affectively, sometimes it takes more time and familiarity to really lubricate and get rolling.

That my dates have been who they are has led me to believe that complimentary pairing is a myth. I think that people actually seek somebody like them, rather than unlike.

likability is one thing. power couple potential is another (even as, in my own estimation, the best value for the latter happens when you teach/challenge each other how to become whole people rather than simply being symbiotic and employing a strict division of labor).

i do seem, historically speaking, to be most attractive to this triad of 7w6, 4w3, and 1w9. the connection-sense feels really full. they're connectorness quality makes the process easier to start, and they're socially better than me, so they're able to deal with my sometimes very narrow presence and make things flow a bit more gracefully. probably the best, most favored, most enjoyable long-term partners for me. in terms of my raw, narrow desire, 7w8, 4w5, and 1w2 have a kind of captivatingness. they're more uncanny and a me inside out that i want to know, learn, and master, this kind of inner potential that gets invoked. and i WANT it, even when i don't always LIKE it. i want to conquer myself.
 

baccheion

New member
Joined
Jan 10, 2013
Messages
777
No, but I want a judger without the judger. Still all judger, but won't annoy me, get in my way, try to routinize/schedule my life, and all the other annoying things judgers do. I have no problems with judgers if they do their judger thing in their own world, and leave mine alone, but they never do. So, even with all the perceiver problems that would come from being with another perceiver, and while it would be nice to avoid them, happiness, peace of mind, satisfaction with life, liking your partner, etc puts them ahead of the judgers. By a lot. I can't take anymore of this nagging, annoying, judgmental, obsessed about things that don't matter, need to tell everyone what to do, need everything spelled out, scheduled, and done according to their timetable BS!

The only judgers that would work are INFJs, which is probably what's going to happen (or would've been what would happen, if the idiots torturing me didn't shit on my life).
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
No, but I want a judger without the judger. Still all judger, but won't annoy me, get in my way, try to routinize/schedule my life, and all the other annoying things judgers do. I have no problems with judgers if they do their judger thing in their own world, and leave mine alone, but they never do. So, even with all the perceiver problems that would come from being with another perceiver, and while it would be nice to avoid them, happiness, peace of mind, satisfaction with life, liking your partner, etc puts them ahead of the judgers. By a lot. I can't take anymore of this nagging, annoying, judgmental, obsessed about things that don't matter, need to tell everyone what to do, need everything spelled out, scheduled, and done according to their timetable BS!

The only judgers that would work are INFJs, which is probably what's going to happen (or would've been what would happen, if the idiots torturing me didn't shit on my life).


Yeah, I kind of want a crutch for the "J stuff" also. I want someone to organize stuff, but not tell me what to do, hahaha. I will note that my experience with an INFJ was good there, so let it be on record that I've stated something positive about an INFJ.

However, I was reading in that type and intimacy book that NJs may resent NPs plopping all the mundane organizational tasks of daily life on them, but I'm pretty sure everyone will resent that about NPs. In reality, we can pull our weight, but it just doesnt have the scheduled regularity others desire, or you cannot force us to notice/care until we want to.

While my relationships with other NFPs can be the easiest, I dont find myself romantically attracted; there is too much "knowing". Comfortable, but perhaps dull. With FPs in general, I may find myself always having to be the "logical" one, which I begin to resent. On the other hand, the air of acceptance is very refreshing.

FJs can be too much emotional maintenance. They can be very draining and I get tired of being their therapist and sounding board. I find some Fe-dom men charming, but I dont know about the long-run. I'm pretty sure my lack of social savvyness will bother them, and often I think they just want some cultural ideal, which is too much pressure. IxxP males get an easy pass for being male, but there are higher expectations for women in this area, some of which I fail to meet.

I feel like a TJ will just act like my dad (not my actual dad, who doesnt act like my dad) and criticize me a lot. In the book I was reading, it says INFPs do well with ESTJs because they dont mind being told what to do (paraphrasing) - Hahahahahahaaaa! Maybe an NTJ would work, but they are hard to come across. INFPs and ENTJs dont really run in the same circles, and to me, if you dont naturally cross paths, then its for a good reason.

TPs are also too child-like and I may get annoyed at having to be the adult. Se-dom, including ESTPs, tend to like me, but it can feel really shallow to me. It can seem like we are on the same page, until I realize it is the same page of totally different books.
NTPs and I argue too much, and even if fun at first, it's too exhausting for the long-term.

In the end, everyone is equally terrible. It will come down to who is willing to woo me, tolerate me, and look hot while doing it.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
In the end, everyone is equally terrible.

True although, I don't organize my ENFJ (and he looks very P when it comes to losing "stuff" and being physically unorganized)I'm too lazy to search for things, that's my reason for being organized. I know I couldn't function in an environment of chaos, my two ENFP friends are like this and some days I want to smack them repeatedly. But I don't, because I like them and I try to help them when they ask but they say I'm too rigid....

Here is a calender. You can write whatever you need to do or have done on each day in the box.
I don't want to do that, I want to be flexible.
The bills aren't flexible. The kids doctor appointment aren't flexible. Life isn't flexible.
I'll remember it, I don't need to write it down.
You know how many terrible things have happened to people who say - I don't need to write it down?
Why are you yelling at me??
I'm not yelling. And you better not cry or I will give you something to cry about....

It's funny and sad at the same time.
 

great_bay

New member
Joined
Jan 29, 2015
Messages
987
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
541
I believe OrangeAppled said she was looking for an ENFJ or ENFP mate.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
True although, I don't organize my ENFJ (and he looks very P when it comes to losing "stuff" and being physically unorganized)I'm too lazy to search for things, that's my reason for being organized. I know I couldn't function in an environment of chaos, my two ENFP friends are like this and some days I want to smack them repeatedly. But I don't, because I like them and I try to help them when they ask but they say I'm too rigid....

Here is a calender. You can write whatever you need to do or have done on each day in the box.
I don't want to do that, I want to be flexible.
The bills aren't flexible. The kids doctor appointment aren't flexible. Life isn't flexible.
I'll remember it, I don't need to write it down.
You know how many terrible things have happened to people who say - I don't need to write it down?
Why are you yelling at me??
I'm not yelling. And you better not cry or I will give you something to cry about....

It's funny and sad at the same time.

I actually keep a calendar like that. I have no problem admitting I am bad at remembering dates. Scheduling is less my issue than physical organization of living space and doing mundane chores. I zone out a lot and take forever to do such things, and I also put it off because it overwhelms me and feels so tedious.

I believe OrangeAppled said she was looking for an ENFJ or ENFP mate.

I may have said the ENFJ as a type seems to most closely resemble some of my ideals for a partner, but I am not "looking" for any one type. A person's best fit type doesnt guarantee certain traits at all, nor are certain traits exclusive to any one type.
 

grey_beard

The Typing Tabby
Joined
Jan 28, 2014
Messages
1,478
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Yeah, I kind of want a crutch for the "J stuff" also. I want someone to organize stuff, but not tell me what to do, hahaha. I will note that my experience with an INFJ was good there, so let it be on record that I've stated something positive about an INFJ.

However, I was reading in that type and intimacy book that NJs may resent NPs plopping all the mundane organizational tasks of daily life on them, but I'm pretty sure everyone will resent that about NPs. In reality, we can pull our weight, but it just doesnt have the scheduled regularity others desire, or you cannot force us to notice/care until we want to.

While my relationships with other NFPs can be the easiest, I dont find myself romantically attracted; there is too much "knowing". Comfortable, but perhaps dull. With FPs in general, I may find myself always having to be the "logical" one, which I begin to resent. On the other hand, the air of acceptance is very refreshing.

FJs can be too much emotional maintenance. They can be very draining and I get tired of being their therapist and sounding board. I find some Fe-dom men charming, but I dont know about the long-run. I'm pretty sure my lack of social savvyness will bother them, and often I think they just want some cultural ideal, which is too much pressure. IxxP males get an easy pass for being male, but there are higher expectations for women in this area, some of which I fail to meet.

I feel like a TJ will just act like my dad (not my actual dad, who doesnt act like my dad) and criticize me a lot. In the book I was reading, it says INFPs do well with ESTJs because they dont mind being told what to do (paraphrasing) - Hahahahahahaaaa! Maybe an NTJ would work, but they are hard to come across. INFPs and ENTJs dont really run in the same circles, and to me, if you dont naturally cross paths, then its for a good reason.

TPs are also too child-like and I may get annoyed at having to be the adult. Se-dom, including ESTPs, tend to like me, but it can feel really shallow to me. It can seem like we are on the same page, until I realize it is the same page of totally different books.
NTPs and I argue too much, and even if fun at first, it's too exhausting for the long-term.

In the end, everyone is equally terrible. It will come down to who is willing to woo me, tolerate me, and look hot while doing it.

Somehow, your complete characterization of every possible type and their challenges to pairing with you, brought the following to mind :whistling::

https://xkcd.com/1052/ (if you poke around, you can find YouTube of it being sung to the tune of "The Sergeant-Major's Song" ... :D
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
5,950
MBTI Type
N/A
Enneagram
N/A
In the book I was reading, it says INFPs do well with ESTJs because they dont mind being told what to do (paraphrasing) - Hahahahahahaaaa!

In the "Type and Intimacy" book? Ya, I read that part, and I found myself bristling at some of the stereotyping. So I had to remind myself it was just very loose generalizing with limited ability to reflect the depth of information I was hoping to find. I don't think I know any INFPs who enjoy being bossed around! His need for schedules and seeing tangible results in real-world to-do projects though can really tax me, but I do try to find a good compromise, as does he. When I was younger, I was not as good at this balance though and I did try to do things his way rather than mine, because he seemed to care more and I wanted to please him. I can still get unbalanced from time to time, and I know it's happening when I start to feel resentful of his lack of awareness as to how bendy I am being to his neediness in this way.

In the end, any partner is going to require bendiness somewhere I guess; there will always be one area that's a particular challenge point.
 

Rasofy

royal member
Joined
Mar 7, 2011
Messages
5,881
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
ENFJs seem to better embody my lady in the streets, freak in the sheets ideal.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
However, I was reading in that type and intimacy book that NJs may resent NPs plopping all the mundane organizational tasks of daily life on them, but I'm pretty sure everyone will resent that about NPs. In reality, we can pull our weight, but it just doesnt have the scheduled regularity others desire, or you cannot force us to notice/care until we want to.
And they say Fi isn't selfish.

While my relationships with other NFPs can be the easiest, I dont find myself romantically attracted; there is too much "knowing". Comfortable, but perhaps dull. With FPs in general, I may find myself always having to be the "logical" one, which I begin to resent. On the other hand, the air of acceptance is very refreshing.
Who wants to be with another lazy bum. Nothing will ever get done. And your "logical" one is you getting angry ESTJ, but at least you are DOING "something".

FJs can be too much emotional maintenance. They can be very draining and I get tired of being their therapist and sounding board. I find some Fe-dom men charming, but I dont know about the long-run. I'm pretty sure my lack of social savvyness will bother them, and often I think they just want some cultural ideal, which is too much pressure. IxxP males get an easy pass for being male, but there are higher expectations for women in this area, some of which I fail to meet.
You KNOW you need them, because you hate being told what to do and Fe can do that, without hurting your precious Fi.

I feel like a TJ will just act like my dad (not my actual dad, who doesnt act like my dad) and criticize me a lot. In the book I was reading, it says INFPs do well with ESTJs because they dont mind being told what to do (paraphrasing) - Hahahahahahaaaa! Maybe an NTJ would work, but they are hard to come across. INFPs and ENTJs dont really run in the same circles, and to me, if you dont naturally cross paths, then its for a good reason.
"criticize" you :dry:
Yes, stating facts that you haven't done anything is criticising you and making you realise that you did exactly that. While you reckoned you are so smart, yes you are. But you still try to figure out how the smart part mixes with the actual doing part happens. Then you get to tell other people what to do because you feel you are so entitled "knowing" how smart you are at telling them what to do because you know how people should NOT tell you what to do.

So the only way to get you to do something is to get you angry and then you turn into a little ESTJ who wants all the answers right now. Then we leave you by yourself and you surprisingly amount to doing a shit load of stuff. At least stuff got done, in the known way. While the NTJ shakes their head, thinking, where was all that N now? Doing it the only way that is known to work? haha the irony.

TPs are also too child-like and I may get annoyed at having to be the adult. Se-dom, including ESTPs, tend to like me, but it can feel really shallow to me. It can seem like we are on the same page, until I realize it is the same page of totally different books.
NTPs and I argue too much, and even if fun at first, it's too exhausting for the long-term.
Another case of nobody doing anything.

In the end, everyone is equally terrible. It will come down to who is willing to woo me, tolerate me, and look hot while doing it.
That includes yourself.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
I think some people could be happy with a fairly wide scope of people, as long as they are decent. Others would be happy with an extremely narrow scope of people. I think I'm in the latter category. It is not an expectation that my partner be perfect, not a lack of understanding my own flaws. However, even on paper, I can see myself easily being frustrated or heartbroken over some of the traits that would be common to each respective type. Of course, love changes our perspective, but I've concluded that probably it would be easiest to remain single.

If I had to choose for compatability though, I would probably pick ENFJ.
 

grey_beard

The Typing Tabby
Joined
Jan 28, 2014
Messages
1,478
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I think some people could be happy with a fairly wide scope of people, as long as they are decent. Others would be happy with an extremely narrow scope of people. I think I'm in the latter category. It is not an expectation that my partner be perfect, not a lack of understanding my own flaws. However, even on paper, I can see myself easily being frustrated or heartbroken over some of the traits that would be common to each respective type. Of course, love changes our perspective, but I've concluded that probably it would be easiest to remain single.

If I had to choose for compatability though, I would probably pick ENFJ.

Which raises the interesting follow-up question, "Ah, yes, but with what Enneatype to match your 1w2 so/sx ?" :thinking:
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
And they say Fi isn't selfish.
How can a cognitive function be selfish?
This is an NP issue. I have seen the interiors of INTP apartments....

Who wants to be with another lazy bum. Nothing will ever get done. And your "logical" one is you getting angry ESTJ, but at least you are DOING "something".

Au contraire, it means I have to say stuff like, "We already have 5 cats, so we cannot rescue another." Certainly I am the "bad" guy, but yelling is not necessary. Things are pretty relaxed with FPs. Dont be jealous that our double pairing is like Disneyland.

There was nothing about lazy bum...sounds like projection of your own self-criticism? Or some anger towards an ex?

You KNOW you need them, because you hate being told what to do and Fe can do that, without hurting your precious Fi.

Other types don't "hurt" me when they try to micro-manage, they just become annoying because they dont see the method to the madness. Fe guilt-tripping and manipulation tends to equally not work with me, and then they are the ones who lose their minds.

No, it doesnt make me lazy to not care that my home doesnt look like a Martha Stewart magazine cover. But yeah, I do want someone else to unload the dishswasher if I promise to scrub the toilet.

"criticize" you :dry:
Yes, stating facts that you haven't done anything is criticising you and making you realise that you did exactly that. While you reckoned you are so smart, yes you are. But you still try to figure out how the smart part mixes with the actual doing part happens. Then you get to tell other people what to do because you feel you are so entitled "knowing" how smart you are at telling them what to do because you know how people should NOT tell you what to do.

So the only way to get you to do something is to get you angry and then you turn into a little ESTJ who wants all the answers right now. Then we leave you by yourself and you surprisingly amount to doing a shit load of stuff. At least stuff got done, in the known way. While the NTJ shakes their head, thinking, where was all that N now? Doing it the only way that is known to work? haha the irony.
:shock:
Is this about your inferior Se again?
Let's see...indulging oneself and being out of touch with factual reality...yep, inferior Se. Not taking action and exploring opportunities as they arise....more inferior Se. Criticism of just doing stuff and not overthinking it beforehand? Fear of Se, perhaps.

Me? I get paid to do creative stuff. That's my job, along with volunteering 15 hours a week. No one gets mad at me for not doing stuff....they get mad at me when I get sick because I dont slow down and rest. Tell me how I'm lazy again? You are playing your role well, though ;).


Another case of nobody doing anything.

No, try a case of people doing plenty, but ruining their credit in the process. ;)

What makes you think P types don't DO anything? Just cuz we dont organize our sock drawers doesnt mean we don't do anything.

That includes yourself.

Am I not an FP? Hence, the need for someone to tolerate me ;).
 
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