Se is my tertiary function so I can access it somewhat easily. As I get older it becomes more frequently used as a protective tool, and a source of fun. My Se is always working, but if I want it to be at the forefront of my mind I have to make a conscious effort to do so, or be put in a situation that requires it to be at the front. HvZ (Humans Vs. Zombies) does this quite often and my Se goes into overdrive when I am playing
As for a present moment story, I am not so good at writing things like that. I can give it a shot though. This term I am taking a physical activity class called "Challenge Course", which essentially is a team building class (I ironically detest the team building and forced group dynamic bullshit) that eventually involves climbing up 30+ft telephone poles on a belay or safety system, going down ziplines, and crossing wires high off the ground. That aspect I love. I'll write about my experience this past Monday when I got to go up on the system
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I couldn't wait to climb the pole. I love heights, they're exciting. I am a closet adrenaline junkie, and I'm quite sensitive to the effects of it so it can be quite the experience. I was already getting a bit shaky hooking myself into the belay system. Funny thing about heights. I am not afraid of them, and actually like them, but my body does not like them. I'll be mentally ready to do something, but my body will shake, and it's difficult to control motion. It's telling me "you should be scared". In a strange sort of way, I like that. It's all the adrenaline talking.
As I check in, I start to ascend the poll. My attention narrows tremendously. I cease to hear who is around me. I do not see the ground. I don't see the sky or the field out in front of me. All I see is the pole I am against. All I feel is the cool metal struts in my hands, the upward tension of my harness, and the small space on the struts under my shoes. Se focuses in on what is needed only. I am in the now, for only that moment. As I ascend I feel a knocking in the back of my conscious telling me I am too high off the ground and the physical rise of anxiety creeps forth. I still do not know what is going on around aside from my own private world, and the notion of my "goal"; get to the top.
Upon reaching the top and firmly grabbing the safety of the poll my vision widens. Once again I notice the ground, the sky, the people below me and the people on the system. I can "relax" and widen the bredth of what happened, what is now, and what is to come. After a short moment of taking it in, Se knocks and says it's time to go. I hook in the crab claw system (short tethers) into the high elements line, disconnect the belay, and step forth. I look out at me and take in what I see. I don't think though, I only observe. By looking forward noticing the boards held up by 4 strings each, each in a line to create a swaying path, I suddenly understand my motions. My focus narrows again and I am only able to notice my own world, with only a small channel open if someone tries to speak to me. By body takes over and it make me move forward almost as if I am not controlling it. With each sway, balance check, and pang of anxiety and adrenaline, I move in concert forth and against it. The goal? Don't fall. Se then imparts a challenge. It realizes this is too easy for me, and tells me to let go of the ropes. Go handless. Push your limits and make it known that you can master this. One step and I instincitvely grab on. It's a challenge that can not yet be met. Onward to the next.
I reach another element line and part of the way across Se knocks again "time to fall off". Intentionally fall off the line. Experience the fall, raise the adrenaline levels, and find the fun in the fear. It's not as easy as I assumed, and Se has been slowly poking at this more and more. Once in the middle I prepare to step off and, I can't. My body refuses to let me. Se yells "do it!" yet I can't. Not yet anyway. Fe reaches out for a moment and communicates with another person across the line asking for "permission" saying "are we allowed to intentionally fall off". With this nugget, Se pushes harder and I prepare to fall off. I look at the ground 30 feet below me, and all of my focus tunnels in very narrow. Sounds lose focus, all I fee is my hand on the support rope and the wire beneath my feet. Hesitation has room no more and I let my self fall back. In that short brief moment, I am connected to nothing. The primal fear of iminent death grips hold and I tense up completely. Yet, it's exciting. I instinctively know I will be ok. It's all too much and I let out a yelp. I'm told a number of people turned to look at me. I feel the sharp tug of the harness system, and I begin to cackle.
Hanging there, my attention broadens and I announce how fun it was! My friend remarks that I am crazy as I pull myself back up, body shaking but ready for much more. All I can say back is "yeah I am nuts, but I like it that way."
I can't wait for tomorrow so I can do it again, this time leaping off!
I'm a sucker for physical challenges... there's an incredibly mundane adrenaline rush to things of that sort as well...
gotta love farms for practical knowledge
