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Verbal affirmation

Destiny

A wannabe dog
Joined
Aug 5, 2013
Messages
452
I'm conducting a research here.

Do you use Fe or Fi, and how do you prefer people to express their love to you? Do you prefer love to be expressed through words, or through actions?

Being an Fi dom myself, I noticed that I prefer it when people expressed their love for me through actions, I find this much more sincere.
I don't need much verbal affirmation from people, but I do need to see them expressing their love through their actions. For example, if someone loves me, I expect them to be loyal, trustworthy, and dependable, to be there for me when I need them, to treat me with respect and kindness and gentleness. All these little things meant a lot to me. I don't need them to tell me verbally that they love me, but I need to see them expressing their love through their actions.
 

Kullervo

Permabanned
Joined
May 15, 2014
Messages
3,298
MBTI Type
N/A
I'm conducting a research here.

Do you use Fe or Fi, and how do you prefer people to express their love to you? Do you prefer love to be expressed through words, or through actions?

Being an Fi dom myself, I noticed that I prefer it when people expressed their love for me through actions, I find this much more sincere.
I don't need much verbal affirmation from people, but I do need to see them expressing their love through their actions. For example, if someone loves me, I expect them to be loyal, trustworthy, and dependable, to be there for me when I need them, to treat me with respect and kindness and gentleness. All these little things meant a lot to me. I don't need them to tell me verbally that they love me, but I need to see them expressing their love through their actions.

Both are important to me, so this isn't a clear-cut question to answer.

I think that love is best shown through accepting the other person as they are, and through supporting them in times when they are emotionally vulnerable. It is tough to be attracted to a depressed man who has lost his job, but a high flying businessman with a wide social circle and a smile on his face every day is easy. What I am saying is...resisting the voice that tells you to leave, remaining loyal and pushing through adversity.

I also feel really moved by the most simple compliments, like being told by a romantic interest in the middle of a conversation that she has been thinking about me while I'm not around. Basically, I want to know that I'm valued, and that the person who is valued is me and not some other, idealised figure that my girlfriend wants to change me into. A lot of women suffer from the delusion that they can change men into something more "acceptable". You can't, so acceptance is key.

I am sure you can see a lot of similarities between the way I envision love and the way you do, we are both Fi users after all. I actually find being told "I love you" a little shallow and generic.
 

Galena

Silver and Lead
Joined
Mar 12, 2013
Messages
3,786
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Actions, strongly. Others' words are rather lost on me if they aren't backed up by something tangible, and likewise I don't assume much weight of my own words unless I, too, have something to show for them. I don't talk very much and am constantly surprised by how much people will dare to say before it's provable.
 

á´…eparted

passages
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,265
This isn't type related. People will want and need both kinds of affirmation at different levels, and function isn't going to dictate that.

It actually depends on the person for me. Some people I prefer words, others I prefer actions. Why? It's about what is implicitly not said. Having either words or actions fills the void. Generally though, I do have more solid certainty with actions, in particular if it is unprompted.
 

SD45T-2

Senior Jr.
Joined
Feb 18, 2012
Messages
4,229
MBTI Type
ESTJ
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1w2
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
IIRC, we've had a few threads about about love languages.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Fi and verbal.

I'm not huge on other people doing stuff for me because I'm kind of picky about how I want things done. I generally prefer the verbal support and just asking for help when I need it.

Big exception: being trustworthy. I suppose that is an action. That is the one single most important thing anyone can demonstrate to me.
 

gromit

likes this
Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Messages
6,508
I like both. Words can be nice, and kind deeds too. As long as it doesn't feel like the other person is doing it looking for something in return.

Fi.
 

AzulEyes

New member
Joined
May 16, 2012
Messages
622
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Fi (secondary function) and I need words. I need to hear, "I love you."

Actions rock - I like those a lot and find them endearing and grounding. But words (verbal affirmation) is my love language.
 

Forever_Jung

Active member
Joined
May 23, 2009
Messages
2,644
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Even if you love verbal affirmation, you need some level of action. In the end actions always matter more. You have to be pretty crazy to date an "all words, no deeds" partner for very long. But an "all deeds, no words" partner could theoretically work for me, even if that'd be very hard to take.

That being said, I CRAVE words of affirmation. I never cared about my grades in school, but I always loved reading the teacher comments.
 

Lady Lazarus

Permabanned
Joined
Jun 30, 2014
Messages
2,148
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Fi and verbal if I were only allowed to choose one.

I don't need excessive affirmation as in declarations of love 24/7 being that I mostly just assume that the people I've been with have loved me being that we were in no way forced to stay in the relationship, I suppose it helps that I can usually more or less read them via vibes. However, it's always nice to hear those three words sincerely from someone you love, need be damned.

Although, I will say both are rather important to me in that actions are necessary backing as saying you'd never leave me(hello cheesy) and then running away at the first sign of trouble makes your statements and promises begin to hallow in my eyes.
 

Hitoshi-San

New member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
1,078
MBTI Type
esfp
Enneagram
???
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Fe.

Words, actions, doesn't really matter as long as I know they're being sincere and they're not being smothering or obnoxious. For some odd reason, if it's physical contract, I'd like to be the one to initiate (like, hugging or holding hands. Jeez guys) If someone tells me they like something about me or compliment me somehow, I will reply back to them and take it well. At times I can feel like a pain if people are running around treating me like their queen, so actions only go so far with me.
 

LonestarCowgirl

New member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
482
A tad of F-e. A tad of F-i. Love expressed through song is special. Preferably with acoustic guitar.
 

INTP

Active member
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
7,803
MBTI Type
intp
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5w4
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sx
There was some topic on love languages somewhere, which includes this verbal/action thing and since many people openly display their type, you can get some answers from there
 

Glint

ಠ﹏ಠ
Joined
Sep 8, 2014
Messages
105
MBTI Type
TiNi
Enneagram
5
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Fe > Fi

Actions will always, always mean more than words. Especially in a situation where there's actions and words that contradict each other.
I evaluate a person's intentions by their actions and hold words at face value until proven. Words take on more value once I've known someone long enough to kind of pick up on the undertones of what they say.

HOWEVER sometimes it's just difficult or impractical to express your care for someone in actions all the time. I am very withdrawn and have trouble being affectionate but I do appreciate it when someone I trust or have known for a long time takes the time to say something nice to me. In fact, I would consider the words to be the action in that case. The action of acknowledging that I matter to them.

I don't trust my emotions and having the verbal confirmation takes a lot of anxiety away from trying to guess and, well, missing lots and lots of opportunities.
 
Joined
Jun 25, 2014
Messages
1,447
MBTI Type
*NF*
Enneagram
852
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm supposed to have Fe as a third function. And I'm not the best to express my deepest feelings unless I write them of unless I make them artistic in a way or another. In case of a too emotional situation I can become stressed and become out of touch with my feelings and rather critical. The person in front of me has to be careful we really understand each other 1st. I need some distance to accept my feelings. "My man" who is ENTJ uses Fi as a fourth function.

When we are having a verbal fight (because both of us don't focus too much on feeling but crave affirmation and are very individualistic) we know each other limits, and we respect them. This is a proof we care for each other. We both enjoys long and deep conversations and debating ideas, and after a while, feelings that we have put aside, as we speak, become natural and come out (not too strong but we know we are sharing some). Action (going out or making love) is another part of the picture, making the relationship more intimate...

For sure, I can't date somebody who is bad at communication and who is not a friend of Philosophy and... teasing.
It makes the relation much more intense and interesting.
Action without words would be almost frightening.

I think the best way I show my feelings is by a simple touch or, a good tease, and a very sincere open smile.
If the person shows feelings the same way, with a mix of tenderness, positive body language and spontaneous attitude, we are on the good way...
 
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