Okay, so for the past several years I've been miserable. I went to work (IT), they had me doing nothing but maintaining systems... doing reports... nothing particularly inventive or exciting. Basically the shitwork of IT. I had no desire to put the effort in to leave, but i was longing to escape that hellhole. I never had any good ideas anymore and thought my brain was literally broken. I couldn't fix a computer problem to save my life.
And then they decided i was no longer in the budget. Oddly enough i was relieved... and happy. My contracting company brought me back to their office and so many of the people that i used to work with (that have been telling me to escape for years) reached out to me for possible job offers in more lucrative fields. Since then I've already come up with an idea for a website and a service I'm going to program myself. I've mentally woken up. I can think of possibilities now. I'm actually interested in programming again (something i had shelved due to lack of interest). And my emotions and sensitivities are returning. I can be particularly sensitive in social situations sometimes. Like, if I do something awkward i feel shameful for my actions... i still remember things I've done awkward years later but I've been shut off from them now. and i can feel my awkardness returning (but I'm kind of glad - i was stagnant. not making any progress).
I've always been good with computers, and science and math. but have struggled with cognitive things for awhile and was wondering what my brain was doing tucked away all this time. I'm currently taking antipsychotics (the official diagnosis is schizoaffective but at this point who knows - it was 15 years ago i was diagnosed) and they seem to stunt my thinking a little so that certainly could have been a factor. If i was ever in a good mood and forgot to take my meds for a day (i take them at night so i can forget sometimes) my mental faculties are sharpened. but if i am off them and am in a bad mood... i go completely mentally stunted and depressed. Can't answer simple questions, etc. So that certainly didn't help my mental situation but now that i am happy, and on my meds still i can see that my brain is still working - even if it isn't 100%.
Seeing as how I've somehow woken up intuition and emotions... did i just prove that i am an INTP awakening Ne and Fe? or is it now that all my functions are enabled and working together they are all stronger and my type is still unknown? Am i overthinking that last part?
And then they decided i was no longer in the budget. Oddly enough i was relieved... and happy. My contracting company brought me back to their office and so many of the people that i used to work with (that have been telling me to escape for years) reached out to me for possible job offers in more lucrative fields. Since then I've already come up with an idea for a website and a service I'm going to program myself. I've mentally woken up. I can think of possibilities now. I'm actually interested in programming again (something i had shelved due to lack of interest). And my emotions and sensitivities are returning. I can be particularly sensitive in social situations sometimes. Like, if I do something awkward i feel shameful for my actions... i still remember things I've done awkward years later but I've been shut off from them now. and i can feel my awkardness returning (but I'm kind of glad - i was stagnant. not making any progress).
I've always been good with computers, and science and math. but have struggled with cognitive things for awhile and was wondering what my brain was doing tucked away all this time. I'm currently taking antipsychotics (the official diagnosis is schizoaffective but at this point who knows - it was 15 years ago i was diagnosed) and they seem to stunt my thinking a little so that certainly could have been a factor. If i was ever in a good mood and forgot to take my meds for a day (i take them at night so i can forget sometimes) my mental faculties are sharpened. but if i am off them and am in a bad mood... i go completely mentally stunted and depressed. Can't answer simple questions, etc. So that certainly didn't help my mental situation but now that i am happy, and on my meds still i can see that my brain is still working - even if it isn't 100%.
Seeing as how I've somehow woken up intuition and emotions... did i just prove that i am an INTP awakening Ne and Fe? or is it now that all my functions are enabled and working together they are all stronger and my type is still unknown? Am i overthinking that last part?
