Conscious Thought on Socializing With Intent

[á´…eparted]

In vent last evening I was having a conversation with [MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION] about socializing, and the thought required that goes into it. More specefically, how to push/pull things around to get what's needed.

For me, when I socialize, I don't really need to much (if any) conscious thought into it. I more or less know what I will need to say/do in real time and it all ends up working out, even if I have a goal I want to reach with the conversation (hence the "with intent" part), action, etc. When speaking with them, they professed that this sounded like a lot of work. I've heard this sort of response before, but after reflecting on this I am curious to how common this is. I suspect this does relate to me being an Fe-dom, but I am of the opinion that this doesn't have to be type-dependent. How easy/natural is this? I actually do find it rather odd that this sort of stuff is regarded as "difficult". I can see how it might be felt as such, but it still doesn't detract from the fact that part of me finds it surprising.

To explain what I mean, I'll share a story that personfies this a lot (it was the one I was telling last night):

Here at my university, there is a group of students that plays Humans Vs. Zombies (HvZ), it's essentially a week long game of tag. The basic premise of the game is this: There are two teams, the humans, and the zombies. Everyone starts off as a human (except for a select few; more on that in a bit). The humans goal is to survive, and stun zombies by hitting them with a nerf projectile. This effectively stuns the zombie for 15 minutes and they can escape. The zombies goal is to tag humans. Doing so converts that human into a zombie. Both factions have indicators on them so it's clear to see what side they are on. To start off the game, a few are picked to be the original zombies (OZ). They wear indicators that say they are humans, they care nerf blasters, etc. But they're really zombies (they can be stunned, and smart players "stun check" humans during the OZ period). They are essentially a spy asassian. They need to be sneaky, covert, etc. and tag the humans without another human noticing and then blowing their cover, and make sure any attempt they make is successful.

I was picked to be the OZ during the fall 2012 game. I tagged 18 people over 2 days (former record was 7 over 3 days). Simply put, I kicked ass at this as I was able to fully put socializing to the test. I have many tag stories from this, but I am going to explain just one.

I was walking down the main road acting like a paranoid human, which doubly allowed me to see where humans were at all angles. I was also carrying a gallon water jug for a mini-mission. I see a human girl walk out of a building a ways away from me and I think to myself "nah... too far away". But, something clicked in my head. I switched over to autopilot. It was almost like I was watching myself do this. I waive to her and say "hey! have you heard about the mini-mission the mods are running right now?" She stiffened and clearly was on guard, so I kept my distance. I was well out of tagging distance. She fiddled with her bike lock and stuff. She hadn't heard about it, so I explain. "Yeah, we transport waterjugs back and forth and each one the players bring increases a total the mods will donate to charity". As I'm doing this, I am looking behind myself over my sholder. There are a lot of people around (mostly non players) as it is class passing time. It seemed like I was looking for zombies, but I was really looking for humans. I did not want to get caught. I go on to ask her about any zombies she saw, I explain to her how I saw a few (which I did) and what happened. As I am doing so, I am sort of pacing around a little bit. Acting animated so I can close my distance between her and I without her really noticing too much. She seemed to be more or less comfortable, and she placed her nerf blaster in her bike basket. Perfect. I was trying to talk with my hands, but because of the heavy water jug, and the nerf blaster I had, it was difficult (I had kept holding them instead of putting one down so it looked like I had no free hand to tag with). So, I moved them both to one hand, so I could emphazise a point I was making with my free hand. Midway doing this, I lunge forward, tag her, and say "btw I am OZ" (this whole event occured over about a minute or two). She then tilts her head up and shouts "FUCCCCCCCKKKKK!", and I say "Shhh! Quiet! You can't give me away!" She was pissed because her halloween costume was based on her being human, which, well, that wasn't happening anymore. She also said "Something seemed off, but I started falling into your trap, and I couldn't stop myself." which made me crack up even more. I took her feedcard and went on my way.

Throughout this, I didn't have to think. There was very little conscious effort on my end. I knew the end goal "tag her", and I wanted it to happen. I put it in the back of my mind, and let my brain do its thing. Yes there was a little planning. Noticing details, subtle things, what not, and acting accordingly for what I needed to do, but it really didn't take much mental effort. I just don't need to think about that sort of stuff too much.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or does this feel like it's too much mental effort and wouldn't come naturally. Mind you the example I gave is pretty extreme, but I did that to highlight the nature of it at full max effect. Everyone socially pushes and pulls around. You want to talk about a specefic thing with someone, so you bring it up. You read someones body language to tell how they feel about something and adjust accordingly. Everyone does it to some extent. However, some push it further for higher goals and what not. Say you have a friend who bought you a present, and you want to know what it is. You can (over time, might take days) ask them questions or push the conversation to get them to drop hints to find out what it might be.

So. Do you do this? If not, why not? Discuss! (also if any of this is unclear, ask and I can try and reexplain, this is somewhat hard for me to write out to get at exactly what I mean).

EDIT: I just noticed that I seem to talk about social stuff a lot. Not just here but in person too. Stereotype it may be for my type, but I just find this sort of stuff so interesting/fascinating!

 

[ancalagon]

For me, when I socialize, I don't really need to much (if any) conscious thought into it. I more or less know what I will need to say/do in real time and it all ends up working out, even if I have a goal I want to reach with the conversation (hence the "with intent" part), action, etc.

I have a mode kind of like this; sometimes I can slip into it and things start coming out of my mouth that are perfectly fitted to the social situation ... usually. Sometimes I slip into that mode and the wrong things come out. I have an inner conversation superhero, but he's not like Superman, with bullets bouncing off his chest as he catches the bus that drove off the cliff. He's like a guy who bought a spandex suit at a costume shop, and, through many hours of practice, is getting pretty good at not tripping over his own cape, most of the time.

How easy/natural is this? I actually do find it rather odd that this sort of stuff is regarded as "difficult".

Socializing with someone I don't know in order to reach a goal is pretty much the hardest thing I can think of. I am intellectually aware that there are people who can actually do that sort of thing easily (and even like it!), but it is difficult to imagine.

I think it would make sense if this is Fe we are talking about. Fe-dom = natural/easy/skillful; Fe-inferior = unnatural/hard/not-quite-entirely-unskilled-but-pretty-close.