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  1. #31
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007


    absent minded is another
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  2. #32
    royal member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    5w6 sp/sx


    I don't like to expose my problems.


  3. #33
    Glam Fool Video's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    4w5 sx/so


    I relate to the concept of all things being rooted to other things inside, and the resulting felt domino effect when one is disturbed. Add that to growing up as a very emotionally expressive person among family that really, really wasn't, and that's a recipe for issues with self-gaslighting. "No one should have to see that." "My needs are abnormal. They're too much to ask from reasonable people." I avoid intimacy because the thought of another person discovering and living alongside what's in this mind horrifies me. Teach them? It doesn't seem fair. When someone wants a lover, they're not signing up for all this. When someone is interested in me, it gives me chills, and I don't ask for help unless the helper is getting paid.

    Most of the things I could put here come down to an immolating hostility toward my raw materials. I was a hypersensitive and impressionable child, still have the capacity to be so as an adult, and want to push myself further from that origin than is physically possible. Upset? Toughen up. Tired? Work harder. Need something? Play a game and see how far I can go without it. Injured or sick? Usual expectations still stand: don't baby yourself. Stop getting stuff done to watch a movie or go to the bathroom? Uncomfortable. Be an adult, self-improve, don't share myself with anyone until I've become who I am meant to be - who I would be if I was working hard enough! Goooo! Don't just sit there - you might never get up. Competitive. Comparison with people who exemplify integrity and the courage to be authentic plays a role.

    A sense of agency maintained by assuming full responsibility for everything that happens in my life short of dread illness and natural disasters. It gives choices more weight than they have in reality; things are taken too seriously.

    Finally, an unconscious need to be taken care of. Sometimes it takes all the will I have not to give in to the temptation of crying for rescue. I see this as my ugliest trait, a singing siren to be gagged at all costs. May turn down a line of support because I want it too much, or lean on someone once and then wake up the next day feeling like I've come off some embarrassing bender.
    4w5 6w5 1w2 sx/so

    A lonely island where only what is permitted
    to move moves, becomes an ideal.

  4. #34
    just a vessel EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    173 so/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by Misty View Post
    Be an adult, self-improve, don't share myself with anyone until I've become who I am meant to be - who I would be if I was working hard enough! Goooo! Don't just sit there - you might never get up.
    Oh boy. This. So much this.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w8/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    member of the month (May 2018)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  5. #35
    Unapologetic being Evo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    1w9 sp/sx
    ESI Fi


    -high need for control
    -having a feeling of pressure from everything
    -i have "have to" syndrome, where I feel responsible to do what is asked of me, as if I owe people.
    -i don't give up, even if I am burnt out
    -i cut people out of my life easily
    -but I also forgive too easily
    -and lastly, I'm a walking contradiction
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner

  6. #36


    My refusal to engage with society. I know I have to but I just cant find enough redeeming qualities in humanity to want to do so. It feels to me like the greatest injustice that I must engage with the one thing that has never been kind to or included me. i cannot forgive humanity for being arseholes, human frailty is no excuse in my book.

    The fact that I live my whole life running from fears rather than engaging with life out of interest. I feel like I am ill equipped to deal with life.

  7. #37
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    4w5 sp/sx


    Timely thread. My main problem is my fear and my reaction to it. I'm reactive and when I make choices in the face of fear they are dramatic. There's that step that I miss where I sit and think things through. The problem is rarely inaction. I need to run more often. If I feel a problem is too big for me, I feel like I need to do something to it to deflate it, explode it, anything besides just let it be.

    Fear is such a big part of my psyche that I rarely recognize it. Most of my preoccupations are centered around shadow fear. I spend my life traversing and being informed by shadow terrain instead of the actual lay of the land.

  8. #38
    Senior Member OptoGypsy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    4w5 sx/sp


    Trolling in real life which pisses people off. It's as if I have a gun in my mouth and I don't care because I love the taste of metal.

  9. #39
    MyPeeSmellsLikeCoffee247 five sounds's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    729 sx/sp
    IEE Ne


    - too many ideas at a time. it's hard for me to focus on one.
    - disorganized, poor time management and spatial awareness
    - anxious/impulsive
    - disinterest in the here-and-now. i prefer being in my head, but want others there with me.
    - ignore responsibilities that i don't deem important, even if they actually are
    - easily bogged down by responsibilities (especially the ones i deem important)
    - huge sense of obligation toward others, often leading to feelings of guilt
    - switch drastically from "doing the right thing" to rebel mode
    - i'm uncomfortable with how much i desire and respond to affirmation
    - i become consumed by feelings or experiences and am unable to see outside of them (not sure if i would kick this if i could. it's kinda magical.)
    - switch drastically from being overly self-critical to overly forgiving of myself
    - strong passion and drive inside and a million different changing directions of focus. it's a frustrating combination of forces.

    there are so many more. 99 problems, man.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  10. #40
    I am
    Join Date
    Jun 2013


    low self confidence, inner insecurity (I don't believe in my abilities) and an over sensitivity that comes from these 2, I always need an approval from others, that what I do is okay. In the contrast of these characteristics I have high goals and ideals on my own self, that are often unrealistic and I often fail to accomplish them. I am never satisfied with what is, who I am and I always try to change something in a naive hope, that it will bring me closer to my unrealistic goals. Because I have such a high idealts, it's extremly hard to satisfy me and so I tend to be depressive, feel incomplete like I still miss something and have the feeling of longing. Because of this I also feel often empty and burn out.
    I don't know why, but I am extremly lazy, hedonistic, irresponsible, careless, childish and immature. I am selfish, egoistical and rarely think about needs of others. I am self absorbed. I can't work on anything which is not pure fun, I search for fun and excitment and yet I am drown in bad moods and negativistic viewing of life and future.
    "I never felt oppressed because of my gender. When I'm writing a poem or drawing, I'm not a female; I'm an artist." - Patti Smith

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