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How to get over being drained by other people?

badger055

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Aug 29, 2012
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570
How do they drain you?

I don't know they just do. If I feel drained for a few days I know it was because I was socializing the days before. I have to recharge with solitude. I think it has gotten worse the older I got. It wasn't so bad when I was a kid.
 

ceecee

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I don't know they just do. If I feel drained for a few days I know it was because I was socializing the days before. I have to recharge with solitude. I think it has gotten worse the older I got. It wasn't so bad when I was a kid.

You don't. You tell the people close to you that you require this. I need to recharge every day, especially after socializing. This isn't a flaw in you, I assure you. It's very normal for many of us.
 

Amargith

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You don't. You tell the people close to you that you require this. I need to recharge every day, especially after socializing. This isn't a flaw in you, I assure you. It's very normal for many of us.

This.

Even as an extrovert, I require regular time alone or I end up feeling like I can't breathe and haven't slept in days.
 
W

WhoCares

Guest
People are draining, mostly human interaction is a never ending process of venting about frustrations. If you have your own frustrations then listening to someone else's feels like a burden. I also find people are incapable of interacting without requiring someone of the other, just being in the presence of that expectation is tiring. Me? I spend alone time everyday. The more I can get the better, of my 16hrs awake I would spend more than half in solitude. I'm only up for people in short bursts and no more than a single interaction period in a day. Other people interrupt my internal thoughts too much.
 

hornet

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Figure out what types drain you the most and how they drain you specifically.
Then you avoid said types like the plague. (Requires quite good typing skills)
If you have to interact with them figure out ways to minimize them getting to drain you. (Requires you understanding how they drain you)
This is bullet proof, but guess what, I bet you won't do it.
You are looking for a magic bullet, not having to work for it. :dry:
 

two cents

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Figure out what types drain you the most and how they drain you specifically.
Then you avoid said types like the plague. (Requires quite good typing skills)
If you have to interact with them figure out ways to minimize them getting to drain you. (Requires you understanding how they drain you)
This is bullet proof, but guess what, I bet you won't do it.
You are looking for a magic bullet, not having to work for it. :dry:

This is good advice, but too focused on types. A person's type doesn't tell you everything you need to know about them. Individual people will affect you differently, and you need to pay attention to that, and, as much as possible, cut out the people in your life that drain you the most. Sometimes this may require really drastic measures (like changing your address and phone number and not giving them the new one).

Other people will drain you less, or, maybe, you might be lucky enough to meet one or two that don't drain you at all. Keep those people around.

And, whatever you do, make sure you have the resources to maintain your desired amount of distance/solitude.
 

two cents

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If you have your own frustrations then listening to someone else's feels like a burden.

This part is the exact opposite for me. Listening to other people's problems makes me temporarily forget about my own. It can be a nice break.
 

hornet

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This is good advice, but too focused on types. A person's type doesn't tell you everything you need to know about them. Individual people will affect you differently, and you need to pay attention to that, and, as much as possible, cut out the people in your life that drain you the most. Sometimes this may require really drastic measures (like changing your address and phone number and not giving them the new one).

Other people will drain you less, or, maybe, you might be lucky enough to meet one or two that don't drain you at all. Keep those people around.

And, whatever you do, make sure you have the resources to maintain your desired amount of distance/solitude.

Well when you have eliminated all the type related conflicts in your life...
I wonder what is really left???

You have to resolve all 15 Renin dichotomies.
http://wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=Reinin_dichotomies

Plus all Enneagram related issues.
I dunno really what is left after that. :thinking:

Edit:
Never mind, this is a classic benefactor/beneficiary relation.
I'll think I'd rather go and do something useful with my life than have all my advice surface validated,
but none the less shot down.
 
W

WhoCares

Guest
This part is the exact opposite for me. Listening to other people's problems makes me temporarily forget about my own. It can be a nice break.

Maybe the reason for our difference is my internal drive for problem solving. I cannot listen to a problem without simultaneously seeking a solution for it. To listen to a lot of venting that finds no resolution other than (now I feel better) is frustrating for me. So just the act of hearing about the problem sucks up my energy and headspace time as I automatically seek a solution. Often though, people dont want solutions or in venting they were not seeking any advice, so my time and energy is wasted.
 

two cents

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Maybe the reason for our difference is my internal drive for problem solving. I cannot listen to a problem without simultaneously seeking a solution for it. To listen to a lot of venting that finds no resolution other than (now I feel better) is frustrating for me. So just the act of hearing about the problem sucks up my energy and headspace time as I automatically seek a solution. Often though, people dont want solutions or in venting they were not seeking any advice, so my time and energy is wasted.

That's a common INTJ complaint!

Believe it or not, I also spend a lot of time during this sort of interaction thinking up various solutions for their problems. That's kind of part of the distraction. And I'm also frustrated when I can't offer any.

But I've learned first hand how helpful it is to just have someone listen, and commiserate, and maybe hold you, and reassure you (even in a very non-committal way), so I feel better when I'm able to offer these things. If you think about it, it's not that weird that they would help -- the vulnerability they offer and the comfort you offer are both very important currencies of human interaction, and exchanging these does change how we feel, both in the moment, and more generally about where we stand with people.
 

baccheion

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Do you really like these people? When I get drained like that it's because I'm around people I don't like. If that's the case for you, then I'd get away from them.
 

Doctor Cringelord

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Even people I like can exhaust me to no end. Especially if they don't want help but still expect you to listen to them rant about how much their lives suck.. to kind of echo what [MENTION=16264]WhoCares[/MENTION] said
 

badger055

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Do you really like these people? When I get drained like that it's because I'm around people I don't like. If that's the case for you, then I'd get away from them.

Hmm yea I get energized being around people I do like. I have to be able to let all my guards down and be completely raw. Not easy to find people I like though. It's sort of a reoccurring problem. Do I change myself or do I change the people I'm around.
 

Evo

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Hmm yea I get energized being around people I do like. I have to be able to let all my guards down and be completely raw. Not easy to find people I like though. It's sort of a reoccurring problem. Do I change myself or do I change the people I'm around.

Yep. exactly :dry:

When you figure the answer to this out I want it.

From what I've gathered though...we prolly need a balance of both or some crap.

Yea, you need to be around diverse people to grow...blah blah blah....but not to the point that it's overwhelming and permanently draining.
 

Coriolis

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But I've learned first hand how helpful it is to just have someone listen, and commiserate, and maybe hold you, and reassure you (even in a very non-committal way), so I feel better when I'm able to offer these things. If you think about it, it's not that weird that they would help -- the vulnerability they offer and the comfort you offer are both very important currencies of human interaction, and exchanging these does change how we feel, both in the moment, and more generally about where we stand with people.
I'm not sure that these currencies are so universal. Our responses to them certainly are not. INTJs in particular tend to prefer other modes of interaction. I for one DO want help with a concrete solution, and otherwise prefer to be left alone.

Hmm yea I get energized being around people I do like. I have to be able to let all my guards down and be completely raw. Not easy to find people I like though. It's sort of a reoccurring problem. Do I change myself or do I change the people I'm around.
You cannot depend on changing others, and should not try. Ultimately the only person you can change or control is yourself. You can control your responses to people, which includes whether you seek out, tolerate, or avoid someone. You can also change your perspective. That is harder to do, but can be more effective in making change across the board. It only works well if aligned with your values.
 

Dannik

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Do I change myself or do I change the people I'm around.

My feeling is change neither;
express the real strange eccentricities of your self fully
and if you are true to yourself you will (slowly! over time...) attract like-minded people!
 
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