THE INTJ STARE. love it or leave it?

[justwannabeMe]

They don't all do it, but it seems that most do. INTJ's and ... staring. I've also read its commonly found in the sp/sx stacking, too.

So, for amusement's sake, I'm calling out to all of you who have a memory of an INTJ staring at you.

Did you like it? Or not so much?

I know other people stare, too, but lets face it -- its totally an INTJ thing. No?


As for me, I pretty much love it. There is this one person who does it a lot recently; details shall be withheld. I'm perfectly happily married, and he knows my spouse and kids, but I think through conversations I have with him I have sparked his interest and I catch him jumping and turning after --staring--. Its nice that someone is curious enough about you to bother staring. I highly doubt he would ever be so low as to entertain much in the way of thoughts of infedelity, its seems to be curiousity or interest of some nature. He also does the ~ pretend not to listen or notice or ... whatnot thing. He is likely a 5, too, I'd guess. It's funny. There have been 3 times he has done it, just been staring like a serial killer lost in thought, eyes intensely fixated. I wouldn't dare get so lost in staring at a person, I just glance. just glllllance! I doubt he would break eye contact at all - except that its weird. because I'm married. duh.

There was another INTJ who did it SO MUCH. I mean standing 2 feet from you - just staringgggg. I was a teenager, and in love with him, and insecure... so... that was too much for me. ... yeah. too much.

My INTJ girlfriend doesn't really stare. so... I dunno.

Thoughts on the topic? Please share. Theres no real objective here ... its just a subject that tickles me. makes me chuckle. Also - do tell if YOU are an INTJ and you know you have a staring problem! hah! Whats going on inside of you. What could be so interesting that you want to stare?

 

[Amargith]

Im a fan. Ive come to consider it a challenge over the years. Either they are mighty intrigued, mighty annoyed or wanna deliberately push you away. Whatever the case, it's like throwing down a gauntlet imho, so lets play

I remember that mine back in the day the first time he met me wouldn't stop staring. When I asked him about it, he just said he was enjoying the view. He rarely does it with anyone though...just people who intrigue him, and I see him deliberately scowling when people are invading his personal space

And yeah, they don't seem to get that it is considered rude, and if they do, they seriously don't care. I kind of find it refreshing coz it means I don't have to be Ms. Manners either around them

 

[OrangeAppled]

The immediate memory that comes to mind is my INTJ cousin... I'm about 10 years older than him. I used to babysit him when he was a small child & I was a teenager. He apparently had a massive crush on me as a kid (did not understand what being related meant yet; got angry when he discovered what it meant). He used to put my photo on his school binder & he asked his mom if I was a model (awwww!).

In this story, he is about 7 or so and I'm about 17.

So I'm staying at my aunt's house and I take a shower one morning.... I start to get this feeling that someone is there. I turn around....and there is my little INTJ cousin standing in the doorway of the bathroom just STARING unabashedly, watching me shower. I'm like, "What are you doing, child?!" and he just STARES, hardly even blinks, no expression, not the slightest sense of inappropriateness or shame. So I say, "Shut the door!". Then he just casually pulls the door shut.

You know those horror/suspense movies with the "creepy kid"? People in the movie are doing something, then they turn around and find the kid has been staring at them quietly for who knows how long. Then they talk to the kid & the kid just keeps STARING. And the person starts to get all panicky as DOOM is being projected out from the child's eyes. Occasionally the kid utters something innocent yet cryptic enough to give you the heebie jeebies... That's a Ni-dom kid.

 

[Lexicon]

My ENTJ ex always stared.. I'd stop midsentence and be like . . . WHAT, DAMMIT?!

I'm actually pretty bad with holding eye contact in general (unless I'm trying to assert something important). Staring triggers a lot of self consciousness/nervousness, so I found myself staring at my shoes often when my ex stared at me.
At one point, he wrote "it's" & "ok" on two strips of tape & put them on each toe of my sneakers.
I hadn't noticed til I actually looked down during one of those staring moments. He seemed very proud of himself.

An ENTJ female friend of mine liked to pick on me if I trailed off because I felt awkward for talking for so long, shifted uncomfortably as her gaze tended to be rather static. She'd say, "quick! everyone stare at Lex!" since she knew I hated it.



INTJs are even worse with the staring intensity, in my experience. I mean, the ones I've known have been good friends, etc, so it's all right (I can appreciate the intensity, even w/my neuroticism), but they pick up on that right away, & point it out to me, amused. Make fun of me about it. Then continue to stare. Rinse repeat.

Asses.

I'm not complaining, really. I must be somewhat of a masochist

 

[justwannabeMe]

oh my gosh. that is hilarious. i can just see it. great share! O.O

 

[justwannabeMe]

the shoe thing is great. ha!

 

[justwannabeMe]

"mighty intrigued". yes. its nice to be found intriguing

and, seriously, if someone is going to stare ~ you know you can relax and tease them about it. so funny. ... come to think of it, I think I asked the guy (from my teen yrs) "...what?!" before too. he didn't care. but, really, I think I've become that person who doesn't care, too. not that I use staring as my outlet; I usually just say something completely unabashedly and shrug. social codes be damned, at least for a bit.

 

[Riva]

Intjs usually don't make eye contact from what i've noticed. Staring and making eye contact are two different things. They do stare though. Ntjs are impatient conversationalist. So they'd probably stare until you reply. Staring at a hot chick taking a shower is a part of the male gene and not type related .

 

[Metamorphosis]

Interesting thread. I would say I have 3 thoughts on this, and they all kind of stem from...a feeling of separation from the real world so it's generally more common in more extroverted settings (ime).

1. Very often people think I'm staring at them when I'm actually just staring into space in their general direction. I may even be looking directly at them and just didn't notice they were there or they walked directly into my line of sight when I was staring into space and they stopped there. That's led to all kind of interesting situations.

2. I didn't actually notice that I did this until I saw it in other INTJs, but we seem to actually move our bodies significantly less than other people unless we're actively engaged in something. I think it's actually partially what makes us appear more stable/in control. It's not uncommon to see an INTJ adopt a pose and stay exactly like that for awhile without fidgeting or anything and I think that just extends to the way we look around and look at things.

3.

And yeah, they don't seem to get that it is considered rude, and if they do, they seriously don't care.

I'm familiar with this and I'd say that's correct. If I'm looking at someone because I like looking at them then I wouldn't consider that rude. It's flattering .


The thing that gets me about the OP is that you mention breaking eye contact in the staring piece. I wouldn't consider it the same thing. There's a difference between actually holding eye contact and staring at someone in the ways that I've mentioned above. The only way I could see them being confused would be if there was a fair bit of distance between the two people. If I'm holding eye contact with someone it's intentional. I notice you're an INFJ, though. Like ENFPs and INTJs, I've noticed that INFJs and INTJs can have some intense eye contact. The thing about eye contact like that is that it's like having your own intimate conversation in a room full of people and that's a powerful thing. Just keep in mind that it's not the same thing as general INTJ staring.

Also, I would never have long eye contact/staring with someone that I knew was in a relationship if I had any respect for the guy, especially if he were there.

 

[justwannabeMe]

I recall a lot of INTJ eye contact. from intimates and friends, anyway. maybe at least a couple of aquantances.

 

[Metamorphosis]

Intjs usually don't make eye contact from what i've noticed. Staring and making eye contact are two different things. They do stare though. Ntjs are impatient conversationalist. So they'd probably stare until you reply. Staring at a hot chick taking a shower is a part of the male gene and not type related .

Good point. When I make eye contact with someone, it's generally for a reason, especially with guys. When I make eye contact with a guy it's also generally for opposite reasons than with a girl.

 

[justwannabeMe]

Interesting thread. I would say I have 3 thoughts on this, and they all kind of stem from...a feeling of separation from the real world so it's generally more common in more extroverted settings (ime).

1. Very often people think I'm staring at them when I'm actually just staring into space in their general direction. I may even be looking directly at them and just didn't notice they were there or they walked directly into my line of sight when I was staring into space and they stopped there. That's led to all kind of interesting situations.

2. I didn't actually notice that I did this until I saw it in other INTJs, but we seem to actually move our bodies significantly less than other people unless we're actively engaged in something. I think it's actually partially what makes us appear more stable/in control. It's not uncommon to see an INTJ adopt a pose and stay exactly like that for awhile without fidgeting or anything and I think that just extends to the way we look around and look at things.

3.

I'm familiar with this and I'd say that's correct. If I'm looking at someone because I like looking at them then I wouldn't consider that rude. It's flattering .


The thing that gets me about the OP is that you mention breaking eye contact in the staring piece. I wouldn't consider it the same thing. There's a difference between actually holding eye contact and staring at someone in the ways that I've mentioned above. The only way I could see them being confused would be if there was a fair bit of distance between the two people. If I'm holding eye contact with someone it's intentional. I notice you're an INFJ, though. Like ENFPs and INTJs, I've noticed that INFJs and INTJs can have some intense eye contact. The thing about eye contact like that is that it's like having your own intimate conversation in a room full of people and that's a powerful thing. Just keep in mind that it's not the same thing as general INTJ staring.

Also, I would never have long eye contact/staring with someone that I knew was in a relationship if I had any respect for the guy, especially if he were there.

1. not sure I have experienced this personally; thinking an INTJ was staring but then he wasn't. seems like a human thing though.

2. they do seem to be statuesque.

3. It is flattering. very. But, ... its also not a social norm, so rude by default? Unless a person in secure & savvy enough to appreciate the attention?

Also, good point -- staring vs. eye contact. Usually, in my experience, you look over and notice them staring... and then if the staring continues it becomes an intense eye contact. But even if the staring doesn't continue, and there is no significant eye contact, a lot of times the Starer is so 'lost in stare' that it takes just a moment for them to look away. a split second moment. I was not suggesting the man and I have eye contact, ... other than perhaps the akward split-second variety; which is to say the person was caught and didn't really want to be discovered. It is true, though, that if there was eye contact it would be like a private conversation - great analogy. and very powerful, I think. ... usually in my above story what happens is he almosts jumps and turns at the same time as though he was jabbed with a firey poker.

 

[Amargith]

Intjs usually don't make eye contact from what i've noticed. Staring and making eye contact are two different things. They do stare though. Ntjs are impatient conversationalist. So they'd probably stare until you reply. Staring at a hot chick taking a shower is a part of the male gene and not type related .

I think that is probably mostly the case with Ps, in particular Ne-doms, since we often throw out what they consider nonsense and don't get to the point. Either they already know what point you re trying to make (cursed Ni) and want you to get there already, or they cannot see it and can't understand why you re going about getting there in a circular way instead of in a straight line, which pisses off their Ni even more coz they actually dont know where you re going to end up

The eye-rolling and rubbing of temples is often what you expect to happen when the stare doesn't seem to speed the subject up, for the record.

Oh and NTJs, for the record, staring, glaring and scowling does NOT speed up our thought process or make it magically linear. In fact, it does the opposite. It stops it in its tracks and makes us stammer instead OR makes us go on a bigger detour figuring you need more info to get what we re saying OR we catch on to what you re doing and make you wait for the point even longer just out of spite

 

[Cellmold]

I love it when they stare, I stare back and turn it into a competition. If it's turning into a draw I start taking off my clothes...usually frightens them and I win!

 

[five sounds]

My experience with the INTJ stare is that he stares when he's thinking. He kind of goes up into his internal world of thought and puts the stare up like a Gone Fishin' sign. Sometimes I think I have messed up hair or something if he happens to be looking toward that direction, and sometimes it happens mid-conversation with no warning and I can grow a little impatient waiting for responsiveness and for the conversation to resume. He makes great eye contact, and I can only think of one INTJ that doesn't really. Ahh the mysterious INTJ. What is going on up there?

 

[jcloudz]

yea, the weird stare and the odd compliments. example? "you`re useful" what kind of compliment is that?

 

[Amargith]

yea, the weird stare and the odd compliments. example? "you`re useful" what kind of compliment is that?

A Te-one

They tend to first check out what kind of resource you could be, if you qualify as their 'pawn'.

It's funnier to make them appreciate you for being completely useless on something though. Confuses the hell out of em

 

[five sounds]

Also, when he does resume the conversation, it's often after a long break, during which I've mentally gone in a thousand directions. Then he'll just say something and I'll have no idea what he's talking about. He just assumes since he's been thinking of the same thing the whole time that I know exactly what he's talking about. Sometimes he will have discussed other things with me in the interim.

 

[justwannabeMe]

I love it when they stare, I stare back and turn it into a competition. If it's turning into a draw I start taking off my clothes...usually frightens them and I win!

hahaha

i love u

 

[justwannabeMe]

My experience with the INTJ stare is that he stares when he's thinking. He kind of goes up into his internal world of thought and puts the stare up like a Gone Fishin' sign. Sometimes I think I have messed up hair or something if he happens to be looking toward that direction, and sometimes it happens mid-conversation with no warning and I can grow a little impatient waiting for responsiveness and for the conversation to resume. He makes great eye contact, and I can only think of one INTJ that doesn't really. Ahh the mysterious INTJ. What is going on up there?

awh mann... husband says that same thing about me. and since I have realized I do do it. Ni-daze (but I'm INFJ).

the one I'm talking about is more (like I'd said) a serial-killer-type-knowing-stare. very engaged. caluclating. keen observation.