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Se doms vs. Ne doms when it comes to "hanging out"

The Great One

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So I've noticed that one clear way to tell an Ne dom from an Se dom is by observing how they hang out with their friends. I've noticed that the Ne doms when hanging out with their friends tend to want to just talk for a long time about abstract subjects. They want to talk about religion, philosophy, psychology, science, etc. They basically just want to talk about abstract concepts for long periods of time and bounce ideas off of other people. On the other hand the Se doms that I've known, never want to do this. The Se doms that I've known basically just want to engage in some type of activity that you can both do together. Se doms want to go out to bar, they want to drink, they want to play some type of sport with you, they want to go to the gun range with you, etc. Then there's dancing! I have yet to go out with a friend of mine that is an Se dom that can keep from dancing when they hear music. It's like they just can't help but dance, lol. Anyway, the bottom line is that the Se doms almost never want to sit down and just chat with you about abstract subjects, this is an Ne dom thing. However, don't get confused because sometimes the Ne doms will want to do "doing based" activities with you as well. Again the main difference between the two, is that the Se doms will almost never want to chat with you about abstract subjects. What do you all think?
 

Lady_X

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That's true for me. I get so much energy from interesting conversations and could and often do stay up till all hours of the night with someone willing to do that with me.

My bf just commented last night about how much intellectual stimulation I need.

I will however totally prefer to dance then have boring conversations.
 

Avocado

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That's true for me. I get so much energy from interesting conversations and could and often do stay up till all hours of the night with someone willing to do that with me.

My bf just commented last night about how much intellectual stimulation I need.

I will however totally prefer to dance then have boring conversations.
I crave these kinds of abstract conversations. They give me energy…

The only problem, though, is that while I need them to feel energized, talking about my interests is very draining to others. Only my girlfriend can withstand my bouncing of ideas…
 
S

Stansmith

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I like moving around alot too. I'll talk to someone for an hour in one place and be like "lets go to ______" and then keep talking. Changing locations gives me something new to talk about and I can get bored with being in the same place after a while.
 
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Stansmith

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ESFPs also tell alot of long, drawn-out stories with vivid details, whereas I just make jokes and observations on the fly. I can't really tell stories without going straight to the good parts within 20 seconds. To Se-doms, every single detail and utterance of the story is just as important as the punchline.
 

Avocado

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Very true…
 
S

Stansmith

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This is Se storytelling

So I'm in my room eating cereal, captain crunch, and I'm watching family guy. I'm just chilling, laughing and sh-t and then my mom comes in--and my mom doesn't usually come into my room at 7 pm so I'm like "hmm, okay". She comes in and I'm like "whats up mom"--she was wearing a red apron, blue sneakers, and she had her hair tied up in a bun--and the minute I looked up at her face I was scared as sh-t, like that's how I knew she was about to start yelling at me. So yeah, she tells me, "why didnt you clean your room last night, and I'm like "I did clean my room last night". And at that moment, I realized something was up....

And then it goes on for 5 minutes with a steady pace all throughout. A Ne user would abbreviate that story and be all over the place pace and timbre-wise.
 

five sounds

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That's true for me. I get so much energy from interesting conversations and could and often do stay up till all hours of the night with someone willing to do that with me.

My bf just commented last night about how much intellectual stimulation I need.

I will however totally prefer to dance then have boring conversations.

This. I require both. My INFJ husband definitely stimulates me intellectually, but he prefers to say things that he's already made his mind up about, going on for while expressing one concise thought. I like the conversation to be more dynamic, bouncing ideas off each other, saying things that I may or may not believe yet, just to better understand them once they're out in the open forum. We understand and work with each other better now, and we have great discussions on all types of subjects.

I'd rather dance than talk about sports or gossip ANY DAY.

I do find Se's not really 'getting' my humor sometimes. They can wind up looking confused or offended. I can have much more fun joking back and forth with Ne's.
 

The Great One

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I crave these kinds of abstract conversations. They give me energy…

The only problem, though, is that while I need them to feel energized, talking about my interests is very draining to others. Only my girlfriend can withstand my bouncing of ideas…

Yeah, this is why I like to speak to other Ne doms on a regular basis.

This is Se storytelling

So I'm in my room eating cereal, captain crunch, and I'm watching family guy. I'm just chilling, laughing and sh-t and then my mom comes in--and my mom doesn't usually come into my room at 7 pm so I'm like "hmm, okay". She comes in and I'm like "whats up mom"--she was wearing a red apron, blue sneakers, and she had her hair tied up in a bun--and the minute I looked up at her face I was scared as sh-t, like that's how I knew she was about to start yelling at me. So yeah, she tells me, "why didnt you clean your room last night, and I'm like "I did clean my room last night". And at that moment, I realized something was up....

And then it goes on for 5 minutes with a steady pace all throughout. A Ne user would abbreviate that story and be all over the place pace and timbre-wise.

I think that this is because Ne users' minds move so fast that it's hard for them to stay on the same subject for too long.
 

Avocado

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Yeah, this is why I like to speak to other Ne doms on a regular basis.



I think that this is because Ne users' minds move so fast that it's hard for them to stay on the same subject for too long.

I can attest to that…
 

The Great One

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I can attest to that…

I view the Ne dom's thoughts almost like the golden snitch from "Harry Potter". The damn thoughts fly so fast that you can't really, latch onto one and stay on it.
 

OrangeAppled

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This is Se storytelling

So I'm in my room eating cereal, captain crunch, and I'm watching family guy. I'm just chilling, laughing and sh-t and then my mom comes in--and my mom doesn't usually come into my room at 7 pm so I'm like "hmm, okay". She comes in and I'm like "whats up mom"--she was wearing a red apron, blue sneakers, and she had her hair tied up in a bun--and the minute I looked up at her face I was scared as sh-t, like that's how I knew she was about to start yelling at me. So yeah, she tells me, "why didnt you clean your room last night, and I'm like "I did clean my room last night". And at that moment, I realized something was up....

And then it goes on for 5 minutes with a steady pace all throughout. A Ne user would abbreviate that story and be all over the place pace and timbre-wise.

This can drive me insane about Se-dom. Occasionally they make every detail very fascinating, painting you a picture, but other times it's just too tedious. I realize they are trying to build up to it, but I begin to lose interest & get impatient. I tend to skim over long scenery descriptions in fiction for similar reasons.

ESFPs love to tell you their whole "backstory" when you meet them too. They're like "here's my life up until now". This is how they tell you who they are.

Ne types definitely speak in abstracts, more likely to tell you who they are through some idea they have about life or whatever.
 

Dancing_Queen

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So I've noticed that one clear way to tell an Ne dom from an Se dom is by observing how they hang out with their friends. I've noticed that the Ne doms when hanging out with their friends tend to want to just talk for a long time about abstract subjects. They want to talk about religion, philosophy, psychology, science, etc. They basically just want to talk about abstract concepts for long periods of time and bounce ideas off of other people. On the other hand the Se doms that I've known, never want to do this. The Se doms that I've known basically just want to engage in some type of activity that you can both do together. Se doms want to go out to bar, they want to drink, they want to play some type of sport with you, they want to go to the gun range with you, etc. Then there's dancing! I have yet to go out with a friend of mine that is an Se dom that can keep from dancing when they hear music. It's like they just can't help but dance, lol. Anyway, the bottom line is that the Se doms almost never want to sit down and just chat with you about abstract subjects, this is an Ne dom thing. However, don't get confused because sometimes the Ne doms will want to do "doing based" activities with you as well. Again the main difference between the two, is that the Se doms will almost never want to chat with you about abstract subjects. What do you all think?

You're spot on. ;)
 

Dancing_Queen

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I crave these kinds of abstract conversations. They give me energy…

The only problem, though, is that while I need them to feel energized, talking about my interests is very draining to others. Only my girlfriend can withstand my bouncing of ideas…

Story of my life. In the beginning people are quite fascinated by my talking, but my fuel never goes out and they get tired :(
 

skylights

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Yeah, the OP probably accurate as a "surface-level" distinguisher.

Though, I myself MUCH prefer to do something while I'm talking. I have a hard time with auditory processing and maintaining attention, so if we're doing something like drawing, knitting, whatever, that makes it much easier for me. And then we can talk about something totally different like relationship compatibility. Though of course, like others have said, it's not completely exclusive. I'm not much of a dancer but I'd often take a good swim or yoga session over hours of abstract conversation. :)

Se-doms do seem to have a preference for doing full-body activities and talking about the experience of those activities. My little brother is an ISTP and his best friend is ESFP (both types self-confirmed), and they often go to the gym to weightlift, skateboard/longboard, swim, bike, drive, etc., and while they're doing it sometimes they'll talk about other subjects, but focus usually returns to what they're doing, or they'll just riff really silly stuff in the moment, like running jokes based on wordplay. It's hard for me to keep up with sometimes because it's not Ne-linked... my thoughts actually tend to be really linear in a certain way, in terms of constant theoretical connection. Sometimes I'll still be on the same subject while they'll have left it long ago, and for an ENFP, that's pretty unusual.

ESFPs do often talk about people and relationships too, and I guess for me as a so/sx ExFP that's a pretty big overlapping point. But when they do it's more factual than theorizing - like my ESFP (probably 7w6 sx/so) friend from work and I will have lunch sometimes, and she'll tell me about the who and what and when. I like to conjecture about what that means about their relationships, or whatever, and sometimes she has really impressive SeNi insights. For example, we just had two married coworkers announce their separation, even though there didn't seem to be any animosity between them. But the ESFP had called it 3 months ago, when the wife started to drop weight, dress sexier, get tan, and wear heavy makeup to work.
 

Elfboy

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I have trouble staying in one place. if I'm not feelin' whatever my friends are doing, I just leave :tongue:
 

Lady_X

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I have trouble staying in one place. if I'm not feelin' whatever my friends are doing, I just leave :tongue:

haha me too...oh...so this is what you're doing? :/
 

Elfboy

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haha me too...oh...so this is what you're doing? :/
even when I am enjoying what we're doing, I often find myself having random introverted episodes where I wander off for 15-30 minutes (and/or listen to music by myself for a bit). then I come back and peeps are like "where were you?".
 

pinkgraffiti

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I alternate speaking about abstract "intelligent" stuff to speaking about the most idiotic non-mental things ever. because otherwise, we take ourselves too seriously....AND doing things...not necessarily physical, but just if you propose something new or a new place than I'm always up for it.
 

Lady_X

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hey miss graffiti are you a guy or a girl? i just realized i didn't know.

I alternate speaking about abstract "intelligent" stuff to speaking about the most idiotic non-mental things ever. because otherwise, we take ourselves too seriously....AND doing things...not necessarily physical, but just if you propose something new or a new place than I'm always up for it.
 
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