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How to talk to people?

Cellmold

Wake, See, Sing, Dance
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
6,266
Ok so within this theory and within my hobby groups im fine at holding a conversation.

But anywhere else and I just dont know what it is im supposed to say? All social interactions feel forced and everything I say appears false and full of disinterest.

I do try to push out anyway because I thought that the only way to learn was to do, by experience and information. However it seems I always come up flat. Does anyone here have any tips?

At the very least on how I might....genuinely garner interest so I can push my way through boring conversations about generalities and day to day inanities?

Im asking in this section because I thought there might be SOME MBTI related tips, but maybe not. I do know that at college I could never get along with the majority of the people there and they made no attempt to get along with me. I wondered if this was because of an S/N division I hear so much about?
 

gromit

likes this
Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Messages
6,508
qood questions?

Yeah takes the pressure off of you having to think of something to say, you eventually will hear/learn something interesting, everybody has a story to tell. That is what I have found at least.
 

acronach

New member
Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
304
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Ask good questions.

if you're at an e5 level if introversion it becomes a game of "can i notice enough about this person to come up with a good question before i have to say something"
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
Yeah takes the pressure off of you having to think of something to say, you eventually will hear/learn something interesting, everybody has a story to tell. That is what I have found at least.

ok, but what are they?
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Ok so within this theory and within my hobby groups im fine at holding a conversation.

But anywhere else and I just dont know what it is im supposed to say? All social interactions feel forced and everything I say appears false and full of disinterest.

I do try to push out anyway because I thought that the only way to learn was to do, by experience and information. However it seems I always come up flat. Does anyone here have any tips?

At the very least on how I might....genuinely garner interest so I can push my way through boring conversations about generalities and day to day inanities?
Why do you want to do this? IME, it is more bother than it is worth.
 

wildcat

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2007
Messages
3,622
MBTI Type
INTP
Your are not your thing. You are a thing of the other. The other is your thing.
 

ygolo

My termites win
Joined
Aug 6, 2007
Messages
5,986
The advice that seems to work well for me is a three-fold approach.
1) Try to understand the other person. Not just the content of what (s)he is saying but also the tone, etc. Clarify by asking questions about content, and "reflecting" the perceived tone or emotion. To me, the minimum for "reflection" is a simple acknowledgement of how you believe the other person feels...as in "You seem ____." Or if the tone is really clear, "That's cool." or "That sucks" may be appropriate. At the most intense, the "reflection", can get to the point where you feel like you are directly feeling the emotions of the other person.
2) Try to add content to the conversation yourself. Think about examples in your own experience that are related to what the other person says. Relate relevant stories.
3) If the conversation is very goofy or silly, try to be goofy or silly yourself.

Although this approach works much better for conversations that the other person initiates, careful observation and reflection can work to initiate a conversation too.

My problem with most of these things is not so much the "how" but the "why".

Sometimes, I am severely not in the mood to talk, and yet find myself in a situation that requires conversation. This is awkward and make both myself and others feeling either weird or bad. I wish I could just tell them that I am in an observing/reflecting mode, and that there are few words being processed at the moment. Usually, the lack of desire to converse has little to do with the person I may need to converse with. I wish I knew why I want to talk sometimes and sometimes I don't.
 

RaptorWizard

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 19, 2012
Messages
5,895
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Use a bunch of big words and try to make yourself look more intelligent than you really are.
 
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