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Best Relationships, By Type

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I've read so much lately about theories on which types are supposedly suited to which types, and I'm curious about how it's worked out in reality.

  • What were the type match-ups in your best (or worst) romantic relationships?
  • Why were they successful, or why did they fail?
  • Have you made any overall conclusions about type compatibility, personally or generally?
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
Oh my head already hurts. Why bother.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
It would be totally fun to go speed dating with like at least 3 people of each type to see if you were generally more attracted to a certain type.

I have dated more Nfps in my life than any other type.
A few of them were in hs tho so I kinda feel like they don't even count. Idkw

Longest relationship was with an istj but he was/is a bit of an odd one in a lot of ways so who the hell knows.
 

Zarathustra

Let Go Of Your Team
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
8,110
My conclusion about type compatibility is that trying to make a rationalistic argument as to what types are "best" for each other is a fool's errand.

There are too many complexities (MBTI type, enneagram type, instinctual variant, health level, alignment, values, goals, beliefs, etc.) to do it.

Thinking that you can match two types from just one of these system is ridiculous.

That being said, I think there is value to learning the systems, and I think there are definitely tendencies based on type.

I've definitely had a tendency for dating EFPs throughout my life; but, that being said, I'd be open to dating someone of any type, really.

I think there's something to most of the major rationalistic theories (INTJ<->ENFP, INTJ<->ESFP), but I think experience speaks for something as well.

This site, for example, say they base their recommendations off observation/experience (i.e., empiricism), as opposed to rationalist models.

And, as such, they have drastically different recommendations for whom INTJs (and just about every type) should date.

For INTJs, they recommend: ESTJs, INTJs, ENTJs, and ISTPs; next: INTP, INFJ, INFP, ENFP; last: everything else

Then again, maybe they're full of shit, and have no idea what they're talking about. :unsure:

This site has interesting stuff about enneagram marriage correlations.

But, then again, if you meet someone of a enneagram type who's supposedly not correlated with your enneagram type, and you get along with them great, are you gunna let a supposed negative correlation between your types (according to this website) stop you from pursuing that relationship? I mean, frankly, that seems like a retarded course of action to me.

So, yeah, I've come to the point where I don't really have any hard conclusions on what type should be with what type.

I don't think that searching for that answer, though, has been a fool's errand -- quite the opposite in fact.

While I may not have any hard conclusions, I do feel like I've learned a helluva lot.

I think I'm far better-equipped now to understand what's going on, and whether I want to be with somebody, than before.

And, while I don't have any hard conclusions, I do think something along the lines of an e2 or e9 (I'd arrived at this hypothesis before I saw the data from that website), probably sx/sp (I'm sp last, and, honestly, I think it's probably important that at least on person in the relationship have some frickin sp), maybe EFP, maybe NTJ, maybe IFP, or even IFJ or NFJ, would be my most preferred/most likely match (but, tbh, I'm probably open to any MBTI type), but, perhaps most important, is that they are mentally healthy (high enneagram health level), and that, however we might be, we have compatible goals/desires/values, and will have the goodness of spirit and strength of will to make the good times as plentiful/abundant as possible, and the emotional, mental, and spiritual fortitude to work through the tough times (which will inevitably arise).

I dunno, that last part sounded cheesy, but I think it's true; I feel like I just said something that [MENTION=6109]Halla74[/MENTION] would write. :p
 

mmhmm

meinmeinmein!
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
2,280
I've read so much lately about theories on which types are supposedly suited to which types, and I'm curious about how it's worked out in reality.

[*]What were the type match-ups in your best (or worst) romantic relationships?[*]Why were they successful, or why did they fail?

i've only been in relationships with three people, and this
includes my current boyfriend. i wouldn't say i had a 'worst'
relationship as all my relationships have been long term and
i liked them at one point in time.

the one with the intj ended on a particularly bad note,
but i think we, or at least i, outgrew the relationship.

intj - 7yrs - there was just no flow in the long run.
major thing that broke us down was our communication
style. so many interruptions when we talk, so much
sideline explaining to do. listening to him really drains
me, it felt like going to a lecture, and like so many rules
on how i have to listen to him, a certain way i have
to pay attention, which is weird because on the other
hand... total doormat.

but what really broke us up was my realization that
he'd never be as strong as me. and could never be
what i needed in a partner. so i made him cry. and
took pictures.

istp -5yrs- he was fun to look at, lots of laughs
but it never reached that level of 'depth' i wanted?
i'm very much like, i-want-to-slice-you-up-and-wear-
your-skin-and-be-part-of-you kinda intimacy.

despite the fun, there was no sense of being able
to rely on him and i couldn't see the future anymore.
he's a peter pan, and he's happy with just being that,
nothing more, nothing less.

this was the least relationship-py relationship.
we mutually ended it.

intp -current- besides me being crazy in luh luh luh,
we simply just get along like no other. and of
course, "he really understands me". he indulges
my curiosity, he really opens up my world to all
these things i've overlooked or never took notice
of before, and he sheds a new light on those
things.

i love how it's constantly moving forwards, he
can keep up with me seamlessly, and he can
calm me down better than 2mg bar of xanax.
i feel incredibly safe, which is something very
new, and i love and deeply appreciate his quiet
strength. for the first time i can feel completely
at ease with somebody. before that, i only tasted
this sort of freedom when i'm by myself.

and omg he looks the sculptures of the Gods and
Kings at the Prado.


[*]Have you made any overall conclusions about type compatibility, personally or generally?
3rd time's a charm.
 

UniqueMixture

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2012
Messages
3,004
MBTI Type
estj
Enneagram
378
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Intj: zero experience
Entp: uh... haha not sure how appropriate it is to share. Lots of fun! Was not a serious relationship.
Esfj: We tend to argue too much.
Isfp: Good! If they can keep up. I think when I am in extraverted mode it can be quite taxing for the isfp
Istj: If they have an open heart and I can make them smile it is good. Otherwise, can be a bit too stiff?
Estp: Not anything serious, but it was quite nice.
Enfj: I do not enjoy the interaction it feels too flat and forced.
Infp: no experience
Isfj: good!
Esfp: mhmm. No bueno long term
Entj: no experience
Intp: different values
infj: possibly good. However, can tend toward codependency
Enfp: best and worst.
estj: good! However she had control issues
Istp: often they are in too much pain to love
 
R

Riva

Guest
Have you made any overall conclusions about type compatibility, personally or generally?
3rd time's a charm.

Well I hope it goes well with the two of you.

Sideline question -

I know Jock and I are around the same age (24-25), so it's logical to think you are also in your mid 20s. Sooooo does it mean you have been dating since 13?????? Call me tooooo Asian (and extremely traditional?), but I sincerely believe that age is way too young to be an age for dating.

[MENTION=5639]JocktheMotie[/MENTION], sorry for pestering your squeeze.
 

mmhmm

meinmeinmein!
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
2,280
Well I hope it goes well with the two of you.

Sideline question -

I know Jock and I are around the same age (24-25), so it's logical to think you are also in your mid 20s. Sooooo does it mean you have been dating since 13?????? Call me tooooo Asian (and extremely traditional?), but I sincerely believe that age is way too young to be an age for dating.

[MENTION=5639]JocktheMotie[/MENTION], sorry for pestering your squeeze.
no. i'm older than him. i first started dating when i was 17.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
[MENTION=5418]Lady X[/MENTION], I agree, that kind of speed dating sounds fun!

[MENTION=8413]Zarathustra[/MENTION], I've essentially reached the same conclusion at least for the moment, and I've kind of moved from rabidly seeking an answer to just reveling in stories. I really enjoy reading about different matches and how they work out, in particular how certain traits either line up well or complement one another. I used to obsess over Pokemon type matchups too (nerd alert). It just really interests me, for whatever reason.
:laugh:

[MENTION=10491]mmhmm[/MENTION], thank you for all the info! Really interesting. Your relationships tend to be long! Mine too. I love your and Jock's love, it's so mushy gushy fantastic.

[MENTION=15315]UniqueMixture[/MENTION], excellent list!! LOL @ Entp
 

Forever_Jung

Active member
Joined
May 23, 2009
Messages
2,644
MBTI Type
ESFJ
All my relationships I have been in have been unmitigated disasters, BUT, my least horrible one was with an INFP. It was actually really nice until she revealed her poop fetish to me...(1.5 years)

My worst relationship was basically like living in the basement of that guy from "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". She was ESFJ. Ugh, it was a while ago, but I am still trying to not to pre-judge every Fe-dom I meet. (2.5 years)

I should start dating women I actually like, rather than accepting every request I receive to avoid having to be rude. Such an arrangement sets the tone for the rest of the relationship and I always end up being a doormat. To-Do list: grow a pair.
 

Cellmold

Wake, See, Sing, Dance
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
6,266
If you go into this theory at any point with the assumption that a type will ever conform to a series of set traits you will always be disappointed.

Human first, type second. It's a nice guideline perhaps.....but a terrible rule.

ps: Sorry I didnt mean to put a damper on the topic.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
This site, for example, say they base their recommendations off observation/experience (i.e., empiricism), as opposed to rationalist models.
Umm...disagree with this site's recommendations for my type:

ENTJ

  • Best types for a relationship: ESTJ (He would have to die.), ISTP (He would have to die.), ENTJ (He would have to die.), ENFJ (barely, although the possibility of his death is still present.), INTJ (No.)
  • Possible types for a relationship: ISTJ (If someone needs a lot of security in their relationship, this does work but...it's not for me.), ESTP (Possible but would be exhausting if you don't lean heavily E.), ENTP (Wouldn't recommend this combo.), INTP (Works unbelievably well until it stops working.), INFJ (Possible.), ENFP (Not a snowball's chance in hell.)
  • Least likely types for a relationship: ESFJ, ISFJ, ESFP, ISFP, INFP (Agreed on all except for xSFP since they're a possible, reliant on how close to the S/N and J/P borders they reside.)
 

Chiharu

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2011
Messages
662
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
ENFP:

xSFP: No. No. Too much intimacy. We really got inside each other, and before we even had a relationship, I was ready to run away. Good friends, bad romance.

INFJ: I see why this is recommended. Honestly, it really flows well, but for me it's too much harmony for a romantic relationship. All the smoothness smothers the spark. Best for friendship, but romance just fizzles out.

Confession, I hate kind of xSFJs. Wouldn't date one. Same with ESTJs.

ISTJ: Delightfully frustrating, but miscommunication was like 1,000 emotional papercuts everyday.

xNTJ: No experience, but surprisingly, very little attraction. I feel like with every INTJ I've met, we have the same ideas for very different reasons and can't quite bring ourselves to like each other.

IxTP: I'm currently with one, and it's quite good. You wouldn't think this would work, but somehow it does. He's more ISTP than INTP, and it's easy as breathing. Problems like any other relationship, not perfect, but there's a sort of underlying harmony that allows for drama without much pain.
 

Rasofy

royal member
Joined
Mar 7, 2011
Messages
5,881
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I've only dated an INTP, 2 years ago. It was a long distance relationship - we met irl once. Distance made the relationship a bit troubled though. I wouldn't recommend anyone to get involved in a long distance relationship with an INTP. We had a lot of common interests. Stock trading, video games, poker, psychology...which is quite rare. I could talk with her about basically anything, and she would be able to discuss with me, rather than hear me speaking . She's not into parties and she doesn't like alcohol, which were a great bonuses.
Cons:
Flaky
Too passive - I had to basically initiate everything. I think she's actually insecure, but she hides it well.
Insensitive - she has a good heart, but is pretty oblivious to feelings.
Our combination seemed more like a friendship with mutual attraction than a romantic relationship - which I sort of liked because the demand for attention is smooth. We're both very focused in our careers, and we don't want relationships to get in the way.
And if this is any indicator, we are planning to meet each other again this year. I don't know how much can be attributed to this, but she actually seems to be perfect for me. She definitely has flaws, but those are flaws I know how to deal with. The mutual understanding is too good to be wasted.

I think INTXs are the best partners for me. They usually have nerdy interests and they don't make me feel guilty for being insensitive/blunt. And I like as much exclusivity as possible, so introverts are an easy pick for me.
 

Reverie

In orbit
Joined
Jul 28, 2011
Messages
291
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx
My serious relationships:

ISFJ- 4 years. Ex-fiancee. Liked him alot, but I he was a little too conventional in that I think he wanted a more stable predictable life. He was a great guy though. Very warm and sweet and had a great sense of humor.
ENTP- 4 years. Moved straight in with him. Easiest communication by far. We had very similiar taste and worked together. Absolutely fun and an iconoclast of the highest order, so he didn't mind my quirky interests and ideas. In the end it was a matter of profoundly differing worldviews and outlooks on life that made it hard for me to envision marriage or such. We're still friendly though and I really admire who he is, despite all the prickles.
ENFP- 5 years. My husband. There's mutual values and respect. The "P:ness" is sometimes hard to take but nothing I can't live with. A really good and warm, generous with his time and really caring. The type who'd give his shoes off his feet to a homeless man on a cold winter's day...I know this because he's actually done that. ;)
There was also mad, wild kind of a chemistry with my husband from the get go, so it was extremely romantic. Still is. :)
 
Last edited:

StephMC

Controlled Mischief
Joined
Mar 2, 2009
Messages
1,044
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Note: A lot of what I base as a "good match" for myself is a good balance of similarities (for understanding) and differences (to help each other grow).

ENTP (current): Been dating for about 2.5 years now. So far this has been the most successful relationship for me. We're really different, so it's not boring and we really help each other grow, but we share Ti as a common ground so we can communicate well with each other (sometimes it takes a little effort though with the perception differences, but what's a relationship without some effort?). We balance each other out. However, I've dated another ENTP before who drove me nuts. He was non-stop Ne, which is hard for me to keep up with if my partner doesn't take the time to make sure I'm on the same page (and vice versa). My current ENTP is a little more balanced and a more developed/mature individual.

ENFP: Also very good, but a lot more work than an ENTP since we don't share that Ti as a common ground. There's a lot of passion there, one that's hard for a Ti user to wrap their little heads around. With two very mature, developed individuals that really know themselves, I could see this as a very satisfying relationship. Sort of yin and yang like. I think at the time I met this ENFP, neither of us were there. I wouldn't let it go very far.

ESTJ: I worked pretty well with the ESTJ I dated on a day-to-day basis. Long term, I didn't see it as a very satisfying one. As far as I could tell, he wasn't very developed. I his world, Te + Si was all he needed. He didn't really have that urge to explore hist true self more. He was all ego. While I'm not the best at "exploring my true self", it's something I seek in a partner to help myself grow with them. I've met other ESTJs that I could see myself working with, though. So this could be a very good match with some individuals.

INTP: Obviously we have a lot of differences as far as type go, but it wasn't different enough for me. And even with our different interests, we just couldn't connect with each other on them. A really good companionable friendship though.

ESTP: Didn't really date one, just had a brief fling with a now really good friend. Same as the INTP, really... just not enough differences. Great, great friendship though. We have an awesome understanding of each other, one we don't really find in others. I adore my ESTP friends
 
R

Riva

Guest
I've been in quite many flings but hasn't been in long-term relationships. So I guess it would be inappropriate to give my opinion on relationships. If there it is a thread based on flings I shall gladly contribute.
 

iris.moon

New member
Joined
Jul 21, 2011
Messages
76
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w8
I fell in love with:
-xNTPs: we understand and like each other ("I am smart and you are too") but we're different and they have little patience. Never been in a relationship with one though.
-xSFPs: good ones, they are usually cute but can be selfish, it's all about what they want and need now. But I feel we can share only an half of who we are.
-ENFPs: the best. They're funny, smart and have values. And they usually like me. There's chemistry, we start talking about random stuff with our eyes open wide (do you know the ENFP look, right?) I don't really know why, but they're charming and make me feel alive and "true to my own self" (hahaha INFP language).

But I think you never know. Two people of any type can make a relationship work.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
If you go into this theory at any point with the assumption that a type will ever conform to a series of set traits you will always be disappointed.

Human first, type second. It's a nice guideline perhaps.....but a terrible rule.

ps: Sorry I didnt mean to put a damper on the topic.

Eh, not a damper. All of what you said is true.

Umm...disagree with this site's recommendations for my type:

ENTJ

  • Best types for a relationship: ESTJ (He would have to die.), ISTP (He would have to die.), ENTJ (He would have to die.), ENFJ (barely, although the possibility of his death is still present.), INTJ (No.)

:laugh:

ENFP:

xSFP: No. No. Too much intimacy. We really got inside each other, and before we even had a relationship, I was ready to run away. Good friends, bad romance.

INFJ: I see why this is recommended. Honestly, it really flows well, but for me it's too much harmony for a romantic relationship. All the smoothness smothers the spark. Best for friendship, but romance just fizzles out.

Interesting, isn't it... how something that is generally good, in too big of a dose, can really kill a relationship. I had a relationship once where it was too much connection that killed it off. I suspect I was seeing another ENFP. It's just not intriguing to hear someone echo basically your exact thoughts all the time. Mystery, gone.

And I like as much exclusivity as possible, so introverts are an easy pick for me.

That's interesting to me. I've dated almost exclusively extraverts for no specific conscious reason, but I think for me the feeling of "specialness" / exclusivity is strengthened by their social interaction. It's like, if you socialize this much and yet you're still ready and willing to leave your friends to go hang out with me, and you'll give up being available at night to go to sleep with me, even if i'm tired and cranky and whining, and over all these people, you share your most bare, exposed self, with me - it just really makes it hit home for me. Possibly because I'm an extravert too, and that's easier for me to understand than the introvert equivalent of them giving up their alone time for me.

I've been in quite many flings but hasn't been in long-term relationships. So I guess it would be inappropriate to give my opinion on relationships. If there it is a thread based on flings I shall gladly contribute.

Contribute away, whatever ideas you have on the topic are welcome. People have leaned towards sharing about long-term relationships, but I think short-term spark is valuable to talk about, too.
 
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