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Introverts, Are New People Overstimulating?

FFF

Fight For Freedom
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I met this guy at a mini-golf place, and I ended up staying at his place until 6 in the morning. I was playing music and talking with him. Then a few days later I stayed at his place until 4 in the morning. A few days after that, he called me and was just rattling off about how people at work were yelling at him and mean to him. We were on the phone for probably twenty minutes, and he probably talked for eighteen minutes. I'm just sitting there marveling at how much of a high need for stability he has for a guy (in MBTI terms, he's an F type), and I'm thinking about how he just won't let me talk. He keeps rattling on and on about one thing and just switches to the next.

As a result of these interactions with him, I've noticed myself on overload. I just can't tolerate more time around him. After that phone call where he wouldn't let me say much, I didn't even want to pick up the phone the next morning or call him back. I was afraid the same thing was gonna happen. Then I realized it was like that with my friend David at first. Now I don't have any trouble being around him.

I think certain new people have been much easier for me to be around, like I don't remember having much trouble with my friend Vinnie or my friend Jenny. So, I guess this overstimulation problem only has to do with certain people.

I really don't have a lot of offline experience making new friends that are of any significance. So, anyway, I'm wondering if other introverts have similar experiences as these. Do certain new people cause you to be terribly overstimulated? If other yes, are there other new people that are easier to deal with?
 

heart

heart on fire
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I used to find everyone over stimulating but now I have better development of Ne I think. But the worst are extroverts who don't understand introverts, if they cannot accept that some people ( like me!) just need some additional time to "warm up" their extroverted functions. Many extroverts can learn this and accept it and allow the time to warm up, but when they cannot and they push and push and push

"what's wrong?"
"Lighten UP!"
"you need to RELAX!"
"What's wrong, your dog just die?"

etc...!

Then, yes, new people are draining. ;)
 

FFF

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I can't even recall being good friends with an introvert, so I don't know what it's like.
 

FFF

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I forgot to mention that the very day I was avoiding this guy I talked to on the phone, I decided I would go bowling with a comfortable, familiar group of guys. I didn't have any problem doing this. I was thinking maybe I would do that and go home right away afterwards, but then I wanted to go eat with them afterwards. I didn't have any problem doing this. I do feel bad for avoiding and not inviting the really talkative guy because he's going offshore for two weeks now. So, he's gonna be gone for a while.
 

Jae Rae

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I met this guy at a mini-golf place, and I ended up staying at his place until 6 in the morning. I was playing music and talking with him. Then a few days later I stayed at his place until 4 in the morning. A few days after that, he called me and was just rattling off about how people at work were yelling at him and mean to him. We were on the phone for probably twenty minutes, and he probably talked for eighteen minutes. I'm just sitting there marveling at how much of a high need for stability he has for a guy (in MBTI terms, he's an F type), and I'm thinking about how he just won't let me talk. He keeps rattling on and on about one thing and just switches to the next.

As a result of these interactions with him, I've noticed myself on overload. I just can't tolerate more time around him. After that phone call where he wouldn't let me say much, I didn't even want to pick up the phone the next morning or call him back. I was afraid the same thing was gonna happen. Then I realized it was like that with my friend David at first. Now I don't have any trouble being around him.

I think certain new people have been much easier for me to be around, like I don't remember having much trouble with my friend Vinnie or my friend Jenny. So, I guess this overstimulation problem only has to do with certain people.

I really don't have a lot of offline experience making new friends that are of any significance. So, anyway, I'm wondering if other introverts have similar experiences as these. Do certain new people cause you to be terribly overstimulated? If other yes, are there other new people that are easier to deal with?


Self-focused people can be quite draining, and interacting with someone who only talks about himself and won't let you talk takes a lot of energy. Some new friendships are easier because you're not fending off all that me-me-me-me.

Jae Rae
 

Tallulah

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Self-focused people can be quite draining, and interacting with someone who only talks about himself and won't let you talk takes a lot of energy. Some new friendships are easier because you're not fending off all that me-me-me-me.

Jae Rae


Yeah, but by the same token, it's exhausting for me to deal with a lot of focus on myself. I'd rather just hang and share stuff as it comes up. When I'm asked a lot of pointed questions about myself, it makes me tired and annoyed.
 

Seanan

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Yeh, they are if they ask me too many question... like more than two.:D
 

heart

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Some people talk a lot like you describe that guy, because they are nervous and insecure in the beginning and filling the space with talk makes them feel better, this person might ease up as he got more comfortable with and around you.
 

Jae Rae

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But when I'mNotToo wanted to talk, his new friend wouldn't let him.

Sometimes I'm happy to go with the flow and be entertained and charmed by a person who has a lot to say, but if I can't add something when I want, that's annoying. And someone who shows no interest in what I have to say? Feh.

Jae Rae
 

heart

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But when I'mNotToo wanted to talk, his new friend wouldn't let him.


I am not excusing what the guy did, just saying some people are like that at first, just like an introvert may be too quiet at first and then they get better when they are more comfortable. I am not making a value judgement either way here, just making an observation about people.

I know an extrovert just like this, when he is stressed or insecure, he's intolerable to be around but other times he is much better. This person NotTooPopular describes would wear me out too!
 

disregard

mrs
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New people don't yet get the flow of my essence, and so they tend to throw me off balance because they expect things that good friends of mine know I'm not handing out, and especially if they are in your face, wanting to know or tell you more and more... It's very hard to adjust to.

This is not something that happens all the time, but it happens enough to make me not so hip to meeting new people. (Online-->RL doesn't count as "meeting new people")
 

colmena

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Overstimulating? No. Fear of the unknown - Yes.

It depends if I "click" with them. If I do, then all is well and I find myself being endeared and tolerant of behaviour I would normally not be able to stand.

If I don't click, then I want to retreat to safety.
 

FFF

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Self-focused people can be quite draining, and interacting with someone who only talks about himself and won't let you talk takes a lot of energy. Some new friendships are easier because you're not fending off all that me-me-me-me.

Jae Rae

I forgot to mention that I realized that was also a problem here. I'm the kinda guy that would like the matter-a-factly point that out to someone, but I doubt that has good results.
 

FFF

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But when I'mNotToo wanted to talk, his new friend wouldn't let him.

Sometimes I'm happy to go with the flow and be entertained and charmed by a person who has a lot to say, but if I can't add something when I want, that's annoying. And someone who shows no interest in what I have to say? Feh.

Jae Rae

Actually, I think he might've still been dealing with what happened, and his need to talk was fueled by that. He's an F type guy, so he actually needs to vent about stuff and possibly to multiple people and multiple times. It's so weird dealing with a guy like that.
 

FFF

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New people don't yet get the flow of my essence, and so they tend to throw me off balance because they expect things that good friends of mine know I'm not handing out, and especially if they are in your face, wanting to know or tell you more and more... It's very hard to adjust to.

This is not something that happens all the time, but it happens enough to make me not so hip to meeting new people. (Online-->RL doesn't count as "meeting new people")

Sooo, what is that you DO hand out? :D
 

FFF

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I can't even recall being good friends with an introvert, so I don't know what it's like.

I'm responding to myself. I'm retarded, hehehe. Actually, I forgot that I have an introverted brother who I used to get along with really well, but since I've become a Christian and he's developed as an atheist, there isn't too much we can do together anymore. We used to go driving to New Orleans to play music, and we would switch between listening to music and thinking, and talking rather regularly and comfortably.
 

wedekit

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New people don't yet get the flow of my essence, and so they tend to throw me off balance because they expect things that good friends of mine know I'm not handing out, and especially if they are in your face, wanting to know or tell you more and more... It's very hard to adjust to.

Yes! I agree. Overall, new people just make me nervous for some reason. I definitely keep them at arms length, and I'm normally very reserved and quiet around them. I have to know someone for a decent amount of time, or have clicked with them quickly (like I do with almost all ENFPs I meet) to even consider spending my spare time with them. I think with new people I just get the feeling that they are invading my personal space. New people tend to try and take advantage if my kindness, or that is at least what I tend to perceive them doing.

I have unspoken "rules" that my close friends are aware of; like how you don't ask me to drive you anywhere unless it's something I consider an emergency (i.e. family member is sick, mail your tax return, etc.) or something for both of us to do. I remember someone I was only acquainted to coming up to me, telling me she and her boyfriend broke up, and asking me to drive her to her boyfriend's college (about 2 hours away) so that she could "talk to him about it". This was one of the few times I had no problem telling someone NO.
 

elfinchilde

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New people don't make me nervous, but they do drain me, especially if i'm getting the vibes that they are needy/want to leech more than i can give, or want to give. It's lines that i do not wish to be crossed, essentially.

or if they're like aelan, hyper balls of energy flashing neon lights and sequins, wanting to do everything at the same time. You can practically feel their energy zinging off the walls. :ninja: tiring to keep up when all you wanna do is to curl up in a cosy corner with a small group of friends/one-on-one for a chat/drinks.
 

Thursday

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hopefully we never become those people
and....
that we have pity on him for being such a downer
and he is out of the know
tisk tisk
 
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