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satisfying N-S conversation

skylights

i love
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Jul 6, 2010
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before there is anger and tomato throwing, i would like to preface this by saying that i have recently more than several comments from both Ns and Ss that extended conversation with a person preferring the other Perception type can seem unsatisfactory - and a few unkind bombs having recently been dropped in certain forums about certain types' intellectual engagement especially prompts me to create this thread.

for those of you who have had satisfying extended conversation with people of the opposite Perceiving preference, what was it that made the conversation satisfying? and do you tend to find a major difference in P preferences regarding conversation IRL? or is there another facet of type or personality that plays in?



i will start by saying that even though an N-N conversation can be like a pair of unicorns flying through the ether, an N-S conversation can seem like travelling through a misty trail around a waterfall with a rainbow. it can ultimately be more touching and applicable. sometimes Ns can get too lost in a world that we will never have...
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
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Every good conversation I've ever had, was because the other person had something interesting to say, or provided a new perspective that I was able to learn from.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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Aside from in a life partner (where I have more expectations for the connection), I have found that anyone can be interesting... but that those who are more extreme/one-sided in their personality tend to bore me quickly. I mean, I've been put off my INT's at social events where I just wanted to relax into joking and more casual banter, whereas they were socially inept and insisted on trying to have complex philosophical/intellectual discussions at every turn. At the same time, I can only handle so much discussion of minute concrete details that to me have nothing to do with a bigger picture, and I'll automatically start to tune out.

Like Jock says, if I'm learning something that I can use or that helps me see something differently, I find it interesting. But I'll get bored if something seems to be just meaningless chatter, whether it's light and fluffy N stuff or a porridge of unrelated S minutia.
 

Porcelain Hearts

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i will start by saying that even though an N-N conversation can be like a pair of unicorns flying through the ether, an N-S conversation can seem like travelling through a misty trail around a waterfall with a rainbow. it can ultimately be more touching and applicable. sometimes Ns can get too lost in a world that we will never have...
:yim_rolling_on_the_
I'm inclined to agree. But I can't deny how hard it is to bring myself into a sensory awareness... details, especially the obvious ones that humours the S, annoy me. I feel like if I take things too seriously, it sucks the fun out of life. It affects my work though and I end up screwing up because I miss the details. N-P functions like a double edged sword; gifted with ideas, but always feeling there is uncharted territory to cover so we can't make a decision.

I try and tell myself, along the lines of [MENTION=5639]JocktheMotie[/MENTION], that there is truth to everything everyone is sharing. It may be biased, undeserving, or extreme; but at least it was preconceived from some form of truth in history or tradition. I think it's easier for an N to adapt to an S world. For an S to go N would be quite challenging.
 

INTP

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Every good conversation I've ever had, was because the other person had something interesting to say, or provided a new perspective that I was able to learn from.

and you never had a good conversation with an S type?j/k
 

Istbkleta

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an N-N conversation can be like a pair of unicorns flying through the ether, an N-S conversation can seem like travelling through a misty trail around a waterfall with a rainbow

Did you really use these examples on an MBTI forum with your ENFP type clearly visible?

I am opposed to applying S and N to people because it seems to invite labeling. These are function-attitudes. All people have the S and N functions among their four conscious functions. At any given moment anybody might be "in that function". For example ESFJs have Ne (my own Hero), thus I have found out they seem to enjoy Ne-ness (this is based on personal xp and not on any hard data).

On the other hand I have found it very difficult to have a normal convo with an ENFP because of the Fi-Te vs. Ti-Fe, even though we can shoot off Ne-ness till the morning.

It is certainly very challenging trying to communicate with with a type with N as a 4th since my S is also my forth. But I am optimistic these experience are very good for my personal development.

There is always a shared function to base communication on and there seems to be always a "problematic" function that challenges me in my communications. So far the most challenging one for me has been Fi in others, not S.

This has been my experience.

EDIT: But yeah, S seems boring and I get a feeling they think I am crazy and useless/impractical.
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
before there is anger and tomato throwing, i would like to preface this by saying that i have recently more than several comments from both Ns and Ss that extended conversation with a person preferring the other Perception type can seem unsatisfactory - and a few unkind bombs having recently been dropped in certain forums about certain types' intellectual engagement especially prompts me to create this thread.

for those of you who have had satisfying extended conversation with people of the opposite Perceiving preference, what was it that made the conversation satisfying? and do you tend to find a major difference in P preferences regarding conversation IRL? or is there another facet of type or personality that plays in?



i will start by saying that even though an N-N conversation can be like a pair of unicorns flying through the ether, an N-S conversation can seem like travelling through a misty trail around a waterfall with a rainbow. it can ultimately be more touching and applicable. sometimes Ns can get too lost in a world that we will never have...

With both N's and S's, it really does come down to individual nuances that will make them interesting or boring to me.

I feel like ESTPs and ISTPs are sort of my complete opposite in regards to just about everything. :biggrin: While I may not have the same sort of instant bond with these types that I tend to have with NP types and NJs... there is almost something more worth pursuing with the STPs because it takes more work to achieve. I have been very fortunate to count [MENTION=6109]Halla74[/MENTION] amongst my friends and I have learned A FEATHER TON from my interactions with him. He's showed me different perspectives that don't occur naturally to me, and have helped me grow as a person because of them.

That's all I have for the moment as I am very very tired.

:offtobed:
 

King sns

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This type of topic doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Ns= intellectual stuff and S= items and events?
Not really. Conversation topics are not a whole hell of a lot different IME. You talk about the same things but look at it from different angles and consider different factors within the conversation. So the N can find one aspect of a topic interesting and the S can find another aspect interesting but at the end of the day there is a ton of gray area where you meet in between and in-between topics where there is a lot of factual/practical/planning stuff and also enough room for speculation and guesswork.

I don't care to talk about gardening or sports or cars or houses with anyone, don't get me wrong. If every S was walking around constantly talking about that stuff I would be one hell of a lonely person. I don't find that to be the case though. I was about to ramble on a lot further but am so sleepy that my examples aren't making any sense, so good night.
 

Unique

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I do tend to have longer conversations with N types which can be satisfying but sometimes I'd of preferred a more direct response.

I would be lying though if I said I wasn't more satisfied with a N-N conversation though (despite the occasional exception)
 
G

garbage

Guest
If I don't 'trust' a person to 'get' my off-the-wall tangents right off the bat, I linearize my conversation and tend not to use pronouns. Heck, that's usually how I start most conversations with strangers anyway. I just want to make sure that I'm well-understood and that I come across clearly; if my message is not getting across, then what's the point of conversing?

Even other intuitives irritate me when they start on with "She said that [...]" out of the blue, unrelated to what we were just talking about, as if I know who She was supposed to be! C'mon, I am not inside your head. One of my favorite things to say to my dad is "Use fewer pronouns!" because, well, he does that a lot and seemingly doesn't care when he loses everyone in conversation.

I like when other people speak in generalities, life lessons, the future, or possibilities right along with me, though.


The biggest 'nails on chalkboard' conversations to me, however, occur when the other person is just completely contrarian, which has little to do with a 'N/S divide' and more to do with the person's ego hinging upon thinking that he has identified problems and that he knows all about every situation that he is placed in. I want as little to do with these people as possible.
 

funkadelik

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Sometimes I feel that Ns generalize S conversations to be about the weather, their children, work, partying, shopping, going to the gym, etc.

These people have never talked to a fun, intelligent ISxP. Or a thoughtful, quirky xSFJ. It's not like we're two different species "incapable of getting each other."

Just saying. Stop generalizing. [MENTION=5639]JocktheMotie[/MENTION] articulated this well.
 

Orangey

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This is the topic that will never die, isn't it?
 
G

Ginkgo

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This is the topic that will never die, isn't it?

Well you know zombies. They need to be shot in the head. Sometimes even twice, before they are laid to rest. Not before a fidget, spasm, or two, though.
 

jixmixfix

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i can talk about anything usually I like to talk about analytic topics whether its things in my environment world events etc. I used to have alot more N friends growing up I found there conversations were much more bland. I always found they skipped too many steps when explaining something like going from A C E instead of ABC.
 

INTP

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This is the topic that will never die, isn't it?

Very interesting point of view to this subject. Topic never dying is always such an fascinating thing. People are continuint to talk and when you think the topic will be untouched for so long that it looks like its finally being burried, some newbie will find it and bring it up again. Then ofc there are other people who are new, changed their opinion or simply forgot that they posted on the topic and will keep it up for the next few weeks again, and you can only hope it would be left alone for long enough time that no one can find it, BUT there is again some newbie bumping the topic, usually just when you started to have some hope. After this shit goes on with multiple topics for years, you finally start to let go of your hope, but thats when it happen, a topic dies and tou get your hope back and can continue with your normal life without having to worry about topics dying. :D
 

INTP

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That makes no sense at all. Both S and Ns make sacrifices this is how the theory was meant to work.

Its not about sacrifices, its about how brains processes information.
 

River

flowing quietly by
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Jan 5, 2009
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There is always a reason, for those looking, to lord it over someone else.

As to the topic, different people for different things. But my best friend is an ISTP and i can shoot the shit with him about anything, some things just need a little more explanation than for an intuitive. Tis hilarious to watch his head explode when a mutual ENTP friend gets going though xD

The stupid, N or S, are boring in large doses. I do agree with the perspective that there is opportunity to learn from most people, interesting convos to be had.
 

Poki

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With both N's and S's, it really does come down to individual nuances that will make them interesting or boring to me.

I feel like ESTPs and ISTPs are sort of my complete opposite in regards to just about everything. :biggrin: While I may not have the same sort of instant bond with these types that I tend to have with NP types and NJs... there is almost something more worth pursuing with the STPs because it takes more work to achieve. I have been very fortunate to count [MENTION=6109]Halla74[/MENTION] amongst my friends and I have learned A FEATHER TON from my interactions with him. He's showed me different perspectives that don't occur naturally to me, and have helped me grow as a person because of them.

That's all I have for the moment as I am very very tired.

:offtobed:

My INFP co-worker has always called me her mentor/tutor/teacher. I have yet to really figure out what that means:doh:
 

SilkRoad

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I do find it really strange in a way that this kind of thing even comes up, but enough people seem to think it's impossible to have a satisfying N-S conversation that I suppose it is worth discussing.

I need to point out that I find it really hard to tell if people are N or S. (It might sometimes be extremely clear that someone is S. It is rarely extremely clear that they are N, I would say.) I'm sure that in some circles that admission would apparently disqualify me from being an N myself. But honest, I don't know how some people think they "know" so easily what someone else is. To me the N-S thing is the hardest of all to discern. I think I can tell fairly easily if someone has J or P preferences, or T or F preferences. I find those the easiest. E and I can actually be tricky because it is not always clear if the dominant function is extroverted or introverted and I think Es can sometimes come across very introverted, and Is very extroverted...

But N vs S, well, I tend to focus on whether someone is principally abstract-focused or concrete-focus, where (or whether) they perceive patterns in life, etc. But it is so hard to tell. I admit I have tended to think that if I have a close friend I have great conversations with, they are probably N. This has often turned out (after I've gotten to know them better) to be highly unlikely. I can think of at least two guys who I was pretty sure were N - probably based on some nebulous connection I felt we had. I am now both embarrassed and amused that I could ever have thought they were N (one probably ESTJ, one probably ESFP - they couldn't be much more Sensor-ish).

I think I have loads of Sensor friends. Perhaps in N-N conversations it may sometimes be possible to go farther and farther and farther without ultimately hitting that wall of incomprehension or disinterest or mild condescension and disdain (on either side). But I don't think it will always work that way.

I think that I tend to over-complicate things by over-thinking and on the whole, an S type is less likely to do so. So they can bring me back to fundamentals, which is wonderful.

Interesting conversations (or conversational trends) that I can think of with S types:

-One of my best friends, ISxJ - can talk for hours and hours with her about mutual acquaintances, world affairs, books, movies, travel... She gets a bit bored when I go on about poetry. I get a bit bored when she tells me about buying a new laundry machine. That's about it. We mostly understand each other fairly well and we're both interesting people. She's a bit more down to earth, I'm a bit more dramatic. We are quite similar in some other ways.

-ISTJ female friend who listens to my frustrations about a difficult mutual acquaintance and offers practical suggestions. ESTJ male friend who does something similar, with a bit more of I'm-a-man-so-I-will-be-gallant-and-help-you-out, which I have to admit I quite enjoy.

-ISTP male friend who has a weird and slightly juvenile sense of humour, cool, nice guy, laid back. We were both ex-pats from the same country so we used to chat about common cultural references and have a laugh, and occasionally cheer each other up a bit.

I could think of more examples if I had more time. If I had all NF/NT friends I'd probably go nuts. I get lost in the windmills of my mind enough as it is. Other Ns are not always that good at dragging me out - in some cases they could be, but in many cases they could drag me farther in.

Appreciate everyone good in your life, regardless of type. Take them as friends (or whatever) first, later see if you can figure out types and think about whether things can be tweaked for the better on that basis.
 
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