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  1. #41
    curiouser and curiouser bluestripes's Avatar
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    Oct 2011


    no. i dreaded the emotional shock that would come when my mother found out i had misbehaved. it was the same each time: she would explode and start to shout at me, i would burst into tears and feel much more upset than it was worth, then she would calm down and become upset that i was upset and we would embrace and try to comfort each other. i was not quite sure what was "wrong" to do, either, because a lot depended on her mood at the moment, so i felt as if i were treading on eggshells. i tried to make sure that these fights did not repeat in the future; of course they still did, and i knew they would, but i thought that if i was as demure and quiet as possible, at least they would be less frequent.

    there was a fear of upsetting or disappointing her too, but my main goal was not to be injured, internally, and i think my concern for her was only secondary to that. perhaps it was a means to rationalize my own reactions so they appeared less self-centered. in any case, there was little genuine respect or care in this; it was about raw fear and self-preservation.

    it was not a healthy obedience. this became particularly obvious in my teens, when it deteriorated into passive aggression and into my doing what i wanted in secret. took me years to change.

    now i am very different in that i often say whatever i think outright, am open about my choices and can defend them when this is required. i don't avoid conflicts because i no longer react to them the way i used to, except for a few rare occasions. and, when it comes to me and my mom, we have actually started to discuss some issues without displaying too much anger, which we never did before; we don't do this all the time, but still, it does happen and it is an enormous improvement.
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  2. #42
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Aug 2008


    I was a pill as a younger kid.. but as @Qlip said, when I got a bit older and I started to really notice everything, I became very supportive and sweet. I didn't generally disrupt, and I found out how to communicate effectively with my parents, at least as effective as kid can.. The worst I did was never sleep, I always stayed up late on the computer and they hated that.
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  3. #43
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    1w9 sp/sx


    Since I still am a kid, I can't say what I did, but...

    I follow the rules (for the most part). I try to break my pretty much harmless habits that conflict with the "rules" but it's usually not successful in the long run (I make slight progress and stop doing it entirely for a while, then I go back to doing it again). Bad habits like this are ones such as procrastinating doing homework causing me to stay up late and get barely any sleep.

    The only trouble I ever get in is when I'm "rude" to my parents - and by "rude" (what my parents call it) I mean pointing out mistakes that my parents make, making a slightly sarcastic comment, and logically debating a topic that I disagree with them on (they usually just end with "because I said so" and if I try to argue it further they get really mad at me). Otherwise, I stick to the rules.

  4. #44
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010


    It was better for me to be a good kid as a child, so why not? But yes, I was a good kid because there were more rewards for it than being a bad one.

  5. #45
    FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE Mal12345's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    5w4 sx/sp
    LII Ti


    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    I am a selfish hedonist and proud of it
    9w8, The Comfort Seeker

    "Average people of this subtype compartmentalize their emotions completely. While their self-image is one of peacefulness, they may occasionally be quite aggressive without realizing the extent of it. Unfortunately, the Nine with an Eight-wing is more likely than the other subtype to get caught up in a kind of sensual indolence which can interfere with their ability to stay directed. They can be complacent, even lazy, about achieving success in some areas of their lives, while being extremely competitive in others." (Riso)

    Oh I know, you'll find every reason to deny this although you've stated some of these things about yourself.
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  6. #46
    just a vessel EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    173 so/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    I was the type of child who tried to avoid getting in trouble. I followed the rules and I avoided the pain of the consequence.

    However, I have noticed that many children will keep on and keep on, despite several warnings, and then they end up suffering the consequence for their behavior. These children always seemed shocked that they actually got in trouble.

    Were you this type of child? If so, did you know that there would be a consequence and chose to act anyway, or were you somehow oblivious to the fact that your behavior was going to result in a consequence? Have you changed as an adult?
    I was obedient almost all the time, since most of the time my moral code meshed very well with the rules -- and most of the time I respected my authority figures. If I respected people, I recognized that they knew better than me, and I did what they needed me to do. Thankfully I very much respected my parents, because I think if I didn't respect them, I would have been rebellious and hard for them to deal with.

    Looking back on it, my "authority" mindset was SO INCREDIBLY SJ/enneagram 1; if an adult (usually a teacher) followed all the qualifications for a good teacher, I would respect them, but if they didn't, then I wouldn't, and I would start acting like a know-it-all asshole, or mouth off to them, or blatantly ignore what they told me to do if I figured I knew better. (Note: One of my qualifications for a good teacher, as a kid, was that the teacher know more than me in all relevant subjects. I felt that I wasn't supposed to be smarter than my teachers.) If I got in trouble for it, my mindset would be "I shouldn't be getting in trouble for this because I was justified in everything I did", and I would make my case to the principal and argue with them -- and usually what they said made sense and I was nicer as a result.

    And if a teacher obviously didn't like me, or would always side with the other person if I got in an argument, then I would learn to tread lightly around them. One art teacher, in particular, I feigned courtesy and politeness with, only after she had made me cry. The reason why I bring this up is that I wasn't the type of kid who didn't learn from my mistakes, regarding my behavior. Of all the times I went to the principal's office, I never went for the same reason twice -- discounting arguments with other students.

    Now I'm obviously very different, and it takes a whole lot for me to openly disrespect people; i.e. now it takes a person openly disrespecting me, for me to disrespect them back. Also, now I lean more towards Lawful Good than Neutral Good; it takes a lot of righteous indignation for me to be willing to openly break a rule with full knowledge of the consequences.

    Also, now I look at people who acted like I acted as a kid, and think they're obnoxious, arrogant assholes who think too much of themselves. Although my behavior as a kid didn't relate at all to a need for personal glory or showing off my abilities.
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  7. #47


    I tried to stay out of trouble but I have always had a mischievous streak. I supposedly openly mocked the adults in front of the other kids when I was 4 or 5. I rarely had respect for adults but I would be obedient/played along to stay out of trouble.

  8. #48
    ⒺⓉⒷ Eric B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    548 sp/sx


    Seems like this is shaped by both I/E and cooperative/pragmatic. The "Expressive" dimensions of temperament which determine how quick one is to act or approach others (including crossing boundaries).

    It seems the most likely to try to stay out of trouble are those introverted and cooperative: INF and ISJ. The opposite will be both extroverted and pragmatic: ENT and ESP.
    The other types will be inbetween or lean one way or the other.

    Like with ENFP's, it seems the E pushes them to get in trouble, even though they are cooperative. However, in EJCC's example of ESTJ, you could see how the cooperativeness wins over given the circumstances ("If I respected people, I recognized that they knew better than me...I think if I didn't respect them, I would have been rebellious and hard for them to deal with").

    So I too feared punishment (as Supine is commonly described), but there were times I could push or defy authority. That's obviously connected with the NT or Choleric, which wants to be in charge, and not under control of anything not understood or deemed stupid. And it's often a matter of weighing the cost/benefit, or thinking you can get away with it. (Otherwise, I'd rather not have trouble or stir the pot, or whatever, at all).
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  9. #49


    I quickly learned the link between doing something 'bad' and getting in trouble. They were quite reliable in that sense I wanted to please my parents so I was well behaved in front of them and then did what I wanted when I was alone.

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