Fi is self-centered.

[SilkRoad]

This thread is invariably going to generate less argument and hostility than its Fe counterpart because people just aren't as offended by allegations that they might be self-centred (or even selfish) as they are by the suggestion that they're fake. Makes sense, given the emphasis these days on individualism and marching to the beat of your own drum. Everyone wants to be UNIQUE.

To be honest, I think that on balance being selfish is worse than being fake. I guess I really am an Fe user!

 

[011235813]

To be honest, I think that on balance being selfish is worse than being fake. I guess I really am an Fe user!

Interesting. Perhaps I was too quick to extrapolate from personal opinions and interpretations. I still do think though that there's a cult of individualism in society today that extolls self-centredness (what a horrible word) to some degree.

For what it's worth, the idea of being fake or being called fake sets my teeth on edge, whereas I have been called selfish several times without feeling similarly extreme reactions. While being perceived as selfish is a sobering thing to think about, it's something I usually acknowledge and work on trying to fix. On the other hand, I remember times when people have accused me of saying something just for the sake of being polite or have questioned the sincerity of my motives. I don't get mad very often but comments like that invariably make me see red. So whereas I perceive selfishness as something that can certainly be worked on and amended without being antithetical to my being, being fake ... I can't really see a cure for that, because it's as though you've already made a pact with yourself deciding that honesty isn't enough. That's just my two cents anyway.

 

[Ginkgo]

 

[violet_crown]

It's self-centered. No doubt. But with enough development it can come out the other side and be the basis for incredible empathy and compassion. Most functions kind of blow with inadequate development.

 

[Viridian]

What is your opinion on Victor?

I think he's, um, kinda cryptic but also smart, I guess... Why?

 

[SilkRoad]

Interesting. Perhaps I was too quick to extrapolate from personal opinions and interpretations. I still do think though that there's a cult of individualism in society today that extolls self-centredness (what a horrible word) to some degree.

Oh, I totally agree with you on that. And I seriously dislike it. I think that hideous problems are caused by selfishness and any friendship/relationship I've had which has been terminated, it's pretty much come back to that. Believe me, I don't want to be fake either. I think it's just, some people think that any attempt to smooth things socially, or to be civil to someone you don't like, or whatever, is "fake". And I have no problem with those things. I don't seen the point in running around being emotionally naked all the time; it feels uncomfortable to me and I think it causes problems. And even if you have good reason to dislike someone, why not be civil?

I do realise though that sometimes you have to be "selfish" to an extent and it can be good; like for emotional self-preservation, not letting other people drain you, not letting yourself be taken advantage of etc. In fact, very recently I've been having to retrain myself to stop my gut reaction that "oh no, you can't be like that! YOu can't say no! You're being selfish!". Nonsense. Just say no - you're being perfectly reasonable and looking after yourself. But then there are many people who are users, who don't care about others' feelings and needs, who do whatever they want because it feels good. I despise that.

I don't get accused of either fakeness or selfishness much - maybe self-righteousness. But with those other things I think I'm doing ok.

 

[King sns]

I think he's, um, kinda cryptic but also smart, I guess... Why?

See makeup thread.

 

[011235813]

I have a new one.

"Is trolling an Fi behaviour? Everywhere I go, I see Fi users, derailing threads, calling other members names for the views they happen to hold, disrupting harmony and attacking the social cohesion of the forums. They have been asked numerous times to stop but they keep going. So is trolling a characteristic of Fi users?"

 

[Viridian]

Who sez Fe can't be selfish?

 

[011235813]

No one, but the thread isn't about Fe, it's about Fi.
ME, ME, ME. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT ME AND MY FUNCTIONS.

 

[Mal12345]

This is such a strange topic. I don't know what it has to do with functions. But I have to confront selfishness everyday with two step-daughters who are always competing with one another. I'm more interested in a solution to this problem than analyzing functions. I can think of some solutions, but I don't know how permanent they would be.

 

[011235813]

[MENTION=195]Jaguar[/MENTION]

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Old topic is old.

I find both being fake and self-centered to be something to avoid. I'm finding that the latter is something I need to embrace though. I need to focus on me. /I'm worth it!

 

[Ginkgo]

[MENTION=195]Jaguar[/MENTION]

 

[Jaguar]

[MENTION=195]Jaguar[/MENTION]

Look at Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

 

[Giggly]

Interesting. Perhaps I was too quick to extrapolate from personal opinions and interpretations. I still do think though that there's a cult of individualism in society today that extolls self-centredness (what a horrible word) to some degree.

For what it's worth, the idea of being fake or being called fake sets my teeth on edge, whereas I have been called selfish several times without feeling similarly extreme reactions. While being perceived as selfish is a sobering thing to think about, it's something I usually acknowledge and work on trying to fix. On the other hand, I remember times when people have accused me of saying something just for the sake of being polite or have questioned the sincerity of my motives. I don't get mad very often but comments like that invariably make me see red. So whereas I perceive selfishness as something that can certainly be worked on and amended without being antithetical to my being, being fake ... I can't really see a cure for that, because it's as though you've already made a pact with yourself deciding that honesty isn't enough. That's just my two cents anyway.

Did you get mad because you weren't being fake and was being accused of that, or because you were being fake and was called out on it?

 

[011235813]

Were you actually being fake though?

Nope.

EDIT: It's interesting that this post provoked as strong a reaction as it did. I was legitimately offended for a second before stepping back, disengaging, and thinking to myself, "That's a fair question."

 

[Giggly]

Nope.

sorry, I edited my question to be more clear.

If you weren't being fake, then I say who cares what they think? You can't carry other people's burdens.

EDIT: It's interesting that this post provoked as strong a reaction as it did. I was legitimately offended for a second before stepping back, disengaging, and thinking to myself, "That's a fair question."

That's why I edited later. It was your wording, and probably a bit of my Si (details) -- you didn't actually SAY if you weren't being fake or not. I'm with you though, it's like who on earth would assume you're being fake? Well, obviously you've learned first hand through experience that people do think that. i've never had to deal with that in my real life, but on this site, it gets thrown around a lot. I don't know if that means anything.

In other words, if using Fe is considered "fake", you can 't be surprised that when you display it, even as an Fi-user, it's going to be considered fake by some people. I don't know what makes some people consider it bad and others consider it good, but that's a battle left for the warriors.

 

[ThatGirl]

I have a really high Fi, and I would consider my values anything but self centered. As a matter of fact they are probably the mostly logically objective, tried, true, fair, and consistent ideas that have been stored in my thought process.

 

[011235813]

sorry, I edited my question to be more clear.

If you weren't being fake, then I say who cares what they think? You can't carry other people's burdens.

I would tell other people the same thing, but I'd also tell them that I'm deeply conscious of the fact that I do it myself.

As to the reasons: I deeply dislike people telling me what is and isn't part of me, which is essentially what doubting my sincerity amounts to. If I said it, it IS part of me so doubting feels like rejection, and I'm very sensitive to rejection.

As for carrying other people's burdens, yes, I'm conscious of the fact that I can't and shouldn't control what other people think and it helps a lot in dealing with situations when my immediate impulse is to react very emotionally. I can usually step back and say, "Well, it's your prerogative to believe that but I stand by what I said and I think you should consider it."