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Is it hard being an introvert?

Is being an introvert hard?

  • it sucks! I want to be an extrovert! =(

    Votes: 3 4.8%
  • I would prefer being an extrovert, but being I is alright

    Votes: 7 11.3%
  • it is hard, but I still like being an introvert

    Votes: 21 33.9%
  • It's hard being I, but I'm neutral

    Votes: 5 8.1%
  • it's not hard being I, I'm neutral

    Votes: 7 11.3%
  • extroverts are awesome too, but I'm glad I'm I

    Votes: 5 8.1%
  • I love being an introvert! =D

    Votes: 8 12.9%
  • it's just a friggin letter, who cares?

    Votes: 6 9.7%

  • Total voters
    62

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
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Nov 26, 2008
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all of the introverts I know IRL (about 20) and most of the pages I read on them make it sound like being an introvert is like the hardest thing in the world. some of the most common things they say are
- no one understands me
- people think I'm antisocial
- I don't know anyone else like me
- I really like people, but I don't know how to show it
- people drain me
- I need to be alone so much

at least 12 of them say they wish they were extraverted and I'm sitting here thinking 'nigga you crazy!'*
- you don't need people
- you don't have to urge to talk non stop, whore for attention or do things that are impulsive or stupid
- you can focus better (although this applies much more to J than I)
- your natural tendencies are so much more mature and classy (especially INTJs)
- you're grossly overrepresented in the gifted community
- if you are an introvert and stupid, people still assume you're intelligent
- you can say nothing for extended periods of time and then pop out bad ass one liners than make people go "oh ssssssshit!"
- you're naturally mysterious and bad ass
- you have an excuse to be left the fuck alone

so what do all the introverts out their think? do you like being an introvert? is it hard? do you wish you were an extrovert?

*I'm white, but I feel like this phrase best matches my mental response to them saying that (white people language lacks attitude, edge and personality). please don't turn this into an "Elfboy is a racist!" thread :laugh:
 
P

Phantonym

Guest
- if you are an introvert and stupid, people still assume you're intelligent

:laugh:

It's only hard when you're expected to be an extrovert, when people make false assumptions (i.e. you must be antisocial or socially inept) and they don't bother finding out the truth, when you're constantly being harrassed about your introverted ways.

I'm peachy with my introverted ways. I guess if I were an extrovert, I'd like it just the same.
 

Southern Kross

Away with the fairies
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
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so/sp
all of the introverts I know IRL (about 20) and most of the pages I read on them make it sound like being an introvert is like the hardest thing in the world. some of the most common things they say are
- no one understands me
- people think I'm antisocial
- I don't know anyone else like me
- I really like people, but I don't know how to show it
- people drain me
- I need to be alone so much

at least 12 of them say they wish they were extraverted and I'm sitting here thinking 'nigga you crazy!'*
- you don't need people
- you don't have to urge to talk non stop, whore for attention or do things that are impulsive or stupid
- you can focus better (although this applies much more to J than I)
- your natural tendencies are so much more mature and classy (especially INTJs)
- you're grossly overrepresented in the gifted community
- if you are an introvert and stupid, people still assume you're intelligent
- you can say nothing for extended periods of time and then pop out bad ass one liners than make people go "oh ssssssshit!"
- you're naturally mysterious and bad ass
- you have an excuse to be left the fuck alone

so what do all the introverts out their think? do you like being an introvert? is it hard? do you wish you were an extrovert?

*I'm white, but I feel like this phrase best matches my mental response to them saying that (white people language lacks attitude, edge and personality). please don't turn this into an "Elfboy is a racist!" thread :laugh:
You list some good upsides. :yes:

Sure, being so withdrawn from others can make things hard, and there are times when I envy extroverts but I don't hate the fact I'm an introvert. Anyway, I don't necessarily associate introversion with the sorts of social problems I have; I mostly attribute it to being very shy, awkward and weird. :D
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
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I love being an introvert, because all my passions and interests are best explored by being an introvert.
 

InvisibleJim

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 19, 2009
Messages
2,387
Being introverted is my cognitive and social preference, therefore I would say 'not for me'.
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
Joined
Oct 24, 2008
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I look at extroverts and wonder how they stay "on" all the time.
I dislike the judgments placed on me, some what. I don't like people thinking I'm a snob, or a cut above. I don't hate being introverted. It is what it is. It's easier when people accept I'm reserved, and need time alone.
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
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:laugh:

It's only hard when you're expected to be an extrovert, when people make false assumptions (i.e. you must be antisocial or socially inept) and they don't bother finding out the truth, when you're constantly being harrassed about your introverted ways.

I'm peachy with my introverted ways. I guess if I were an extrovert, I'd like it just the same.

I thought it was interesting that you mentioned false assumptions. This is something I think about quite a lot and something I do tend to get upset about. I think introverts are more likely to have false assumptions laid upon them because by and large the essence of our personality tends to be buried a bit deeper than with more extroverted types.

I'm not an extreme introvert - in fact, many people think I'm quite outgoing. But people do tend to get me wrong one way or another and even it's kind of in a complimentary way, I don't like that much. Some who have seen me mainly at more withdrawn times in my life think I'm really withdrawn and not interested in having friends. Others think I'm very outgoing and extroverted, and even a bit of a party girl or socialite. Neither are true. I'm a fairly typical INFJ: I like people (or I try to, not always the same thing), I try to go towards people - strong Fe - and at least be friendly and courteous. I do have very fun-loving, extroverted and social moments, but they tend to be limited in duration and then I have to withdraw and build myself up.

It can also be very damaging when some see me as very strong and resilient and able to take other people's crap or be drained by them indefinitely and be their free therapist, or worse, when they somehow think this means I'm not sensitive or don't have strong feelings or don't even "care" much (the opposite of the truth, and it blows my mind that some people have thought that.). That is a sure way to throw me straight into crash/hermit mode, and to make me resentful and feel used.

I do think it's more of an extrovert's world. In some ways I really like being a definite introvert but with some quite extroverted tendencies. However, I think it does leave me open to sometimes painful misinterpretation.
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
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It's funny how interpretation goes.

I would suggest a small test. Your avatar, how would you interpret that scene?

I have three potential interpretations of my own. But I'm curious what your eyes see.

Interpretation 1: The female in your avatar just bitch slapped the male who is falling over in utter defeat, whilest the woman turns away from him with a 'talk to the hand, cuz the face ain't listening' attitude, opening a book and ignoring his existance by reading solemnly.

Interpretation 2: The male is inviting the lay with the woman on the tree branch, but the woman is scare of the little bugs on the branches. And is also much to interested in what happens next chapter of her romantic book to be interested in the guy.

Interpretation 3: She caught the male, who happens to be her son, reading a prono magazine and she furiously takes it away from him, leaving him to his own devices.


Also, the test isn't actually a test, I was just bored and admired your avatar for a while, and mixed it into this post whilest what I actually wanted to say starts after these three dots... We all see what our own eyes see. Other people don't realize how different each set of eyes perceive the same world however, and assume others see what they see. Therein lie all misinterpretations. Do not feel angered or sad for what others see or fail to see. Feel pity for them instead. So that in turn you will not be sad or angered with yourself when you fail to see their eyes. But feel pity on yourself instead. Which is by far the better option!:yes:
 

cascadeco

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I think that I've always placed too much importance on what others think of me, and how I come across to others; thus I've tended to have social anxiety throughout my life that has never fully gone away. I've certainly gotten better about all of it, in terms of feeling more solid/confident in who I am in recent years, and showing that, but definitely when I'm with groups of people, or even 1:1 with people sometimes, I feel like I 'should' be talking more.

On my own, it's not 'hard' being an introvert. I like who I am, and I don't think there's anything 'wrong' with it. Also, most of my interests/hobbies are solitary in nature, and I get a lot of pleasure in that. Most of the time, I like who I am and am happy. And, I have close friends and a sig. other who I feel wholly and 100% comfortable with, and understood. It's simply when I AM out in a social arena, or at work, I DO get comments from others now and then on how quiet I am, or I start feeling uncomfortable about this aspect of me - in contrast with others - and so in some ways my introversion has always been my greatest insecurity; placing self-imposed expectations on myself that I 'should' be more extroverted/talkative, and that others would prefer that out of me.
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
I don't mind being introvert per se, but I've always wondered what being an Extravert would be like. I'm often suprised when extraverts claim they want to be introverts. Are you fucking crazy?!?!?
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
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yupp
I look at as with extreme I's being told to talk more is like extreme E's being told to shut the fuck up.
 

chickpea

perfect person
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i wish i didn't need as much alone time, and that when everyone else is getting more socially active, i start getting drained or bored and zone out.

i've been unemployed for a long time, all i'm really qualified for is retail but working it drives me crazy. i have to misrepresent myself in interviews and pretend like i love being around people all day when that's definitely not true.

i guess i'm fine with it when i'm alone but when i'm around other people i get uncomfortable that i'm not engaging as much as i want to. i really hate when people call me quiet or say i don't talk much, even though it's usually true.
 

Sunny Ghost

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May 28, 2010
Messages
2,396
I'm quite alright with being an introvert. I used to be more of an extreme introvert, however... and that was a bit hard. Even my family gave me a hard time about not coming out of my room enough to interact with the fam. These day's, I'm quite social... but still lean towards the more private side. I used to get comments like, "I used to think you were such a b****, but then I realized you were just shy." So, I've actively worked towards at least coming off friendlier, even when I'm feeling quiet. It does cause me anxiety on occasion, but overall, I'm over that. I like my alone time, and my friends and family have come to respect that. And with people that don't know me well, I'm okay with the presumption that I must be mysterious. :laugh: Though I'm sure it mostly comes off as "weird."
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
It seems the best path is to avoid the extremes. Introverts need interaction with others too, although perhaps on a smaller scale than extraverts(crowds drain me), and Extraverts need alone time too. Too much alone time drives me crazy.
 

Randomnity

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I don't really want to be an extrovert but it'd be nice to be more balanced. I'm pretty extreme in my introversion and introversion is really looked down on by society (oh you're unfriendly, you have no social skills, you're boring, you're snobby, you're a bad team player, etc etc etc)
 

Xenon

(blankpages)
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^ Yeah, I do think it depends on degree. I have a very hard time extroverting enough to build relationships with people, make a positive impression when I need to, stop the continuous reflecting and analyzing when it would serve me better to just DO something and feel things out as I go along, etc. There are plenty of other introverts who don't seem to struggle in this way though.

I also think it depends on how much others' expectations matter to you. Everyone needs to make a good impression sometimes, for things like work search and dating and stuff, but some people feel like they have to make everyone like them and meet others' expectations all the time whether they feel like it or not. I'd think that would make it harder to be even a fairly balanced introvert. My mother (ISFJ) used to get agitated when she wanted to go out somewhere and she saw one of our neighbours outside. She'd feel guilty if she didn't feel like having a long, involved conversation, and she'd pace around and sigh until the neighbour went in.
 

Litvyak

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I do get the feeling sometimes that extroversion is overappreciated while introversion is underappreciated. It definitely depends from the era and civilization. Western society tends to promote extraversion. Dynamism, expansion, the ability to step up, public speaking, high energy, living urban life to its fullest etc. This puts some pressure on many Is, the solution is propably to not give a fuck (unless you're extremely introverted, in which case you need to push your limits a little for your own comfort).
 

entropie

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Ya sometimes it is... people always form a wrong impression of you when you just feel not like talking that day or when things you meant completly nice got intrepreted in a bad way. I tend to think to myself that if people tend to think of me wanting always something bad from them, are bad themselves that makes it easier at times. It still doesnt make it possible for you to say in just one minute all that billion things that are on your mind; tho I have gotten increasingly better with age
 

Quay

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I like being an introvert. I like having minimal contact with people, even on the innanet. It's just who I am, and I'm quite unapologetic about it at this point in my life (not like I should have ever had to apologize). I stay relaxed this way. My family nickname is "The Stranger".

The one thing that can piss me off.... People who are close to me who know I am introverted, and they expect me to not have any extroverted interests. They basically tell me I'm trying to be someone I'm not. This is where a lot of misunderstanding comes from others. I still use a good amount of Fe. I like to engage people and be engaged, but when I'm done, I go back into my shell.

I don't know if people regard me as intelligent. I have noticed that people tend to hold me to this high-ass behavioral standard, and that bugs the shit out of me. I am generally well-behaved because I was raised that way, but if I have to tear some shit up and cuss somebody out, then I'm going to do it.

Also, looking back at this past month, I haven't had any long conversations with any adults. :shrug: I just don't gain much insight unless I'm inside myself for a while. I'm always searching, and I always seem to find whatever it is within myself.
 

Santosha

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I think its important here to emphasize cognitive vs social introversion. My cognitive functions seem to make me an introvert. Socially, I tend to be more outgoing, people oriented, and welcoming than many extroverted friends. Infact, my friends have always thought of me as "brave" socially, as I don't fear bringing up difficult questions, or cutting right to the heart of a situation, no matter how "awkward" it is. I have mad skills at opening people up, and calming them down in uncertain or weird situations. So I don't really buy into cognitive introversion having a whole lot to do with people skills. As far as communication goes, I also don't have too much dificulty articulating my inner world. It may not be entirely concise or succinct, but it is expressed well enough to be mostly understood. If anything, I find the Intuition vs Sensing to be the more difficult communication barrier. I typically only feel "lonely" with people who do not understand me, usually from this difference. Nah, I wouldn't change anything in my type. Thats why its called "preference"... because I PREFER it =D

Oh ya, also going to add that being around really extreme extroverts is a bit strange for me. I will observe the need for constant external validation, the need to constantly have people around, be on the phone, etc. and I think.. how can you ever know yourself? When doyou find the time to know whats within? I would not want to be extreme on either end of the dichotomy.
 
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