People who have a polarizing effect

[Orangey]

This sort of thing happens to my ESFP sister. She always tells me about how some person or other started a verbal spat with her, or tried to sabotage her, or just in general has it out for her. I always thought that she was lying/exaggerating to create drama, but it happens so often (and she has such extreme reactions to it) that it probably is real. It doesn't help that she refuses to approach the situation calmly; instead, she reacts aggressively and carries shit on and on.

I've never really had such problems.

 

[Elfboy]

most polarizing MBTI types:
1) ENTJ
2) ENFP
3) ESTP
4) INTJ
5) ESTJ

most polarizing enneatypes
1) 8w7
2) 1w9
3) 7w8
4) 3w4
5) 8w9

I am polarizing as hell and proud of it.
*im tempted to go into my whole life story here as to why I am polarizing, but out of common courtesy, I'll save if for my blog for anyone who wants to read it

 

[Lark]

I definitely don't fall into this category. I think that in terms of MBTI and enneagram it is people who are sx-first, or possibly ExxPs...generally, anyway.

Wouldnt it be ExxJ? E because they'll be likely to express ideas, J because people hate judgementalism and if there's one commandment in the modern world its Thy Shalt Not Make A Value Judgement

 

[SilkRoad]

From what you've all commented it does seem to be a bit more of an E thing overall and maybe somewhat more ExxP. However, the common theme with those of us who don't generally have this effect seems to be an eagerness to "be liked" and to get along with others.

I am like that, and skylights and shortsie made similar comments. It pushes me to make an effort to keep things smooth and pleasant, occasionally to the extent that I'm over-accommodating or slightly doormattish (though I'm better at finding a balance on this than I used to be.) So perhaps it is about that more so than type specifically, as it's not just certain types who want to get along with everyone...

It's not that I can't be very forceful at times, especially when I feel strongly about something. Sometimes to the extent that people are surprised, because I can be extremely honest to the point of brutality. However...I don't want to be brutal. So I usually couch the brutal honesty in the most diplomatic language possible. Also, I'm only going to be critical or angry with someone I feel fairly close to (typical INFJ) and again, I try to be diplomatic (unless I'm extremely angry) and I also try to be fair and am willing to criticize myself in a situation as well as other people.

 

[Elfboy]

Wouldnt it be ExxJ? E because they'll be likely to express ideas, J because people hate judgementalism and if there's one commandment in the modern world its Thy Shalt Not Make A Value Judgement

I think extroverts in general
ENPs who throw all of their ideas out there and demand that people listen and take a side
ETJs who demand things be done according to plan
EFJs who push their social expectations and feelings on everyone
ESPs with their wild, untamed charisma that makes them either loved or hated

 

[Orangey]

EFJs? Really? None of them really seem to be the "this is how I am, now deal with it" types. And I think that attitude is sort of the foundation for this polarizing effect.

 

[SilkRoad]

EFJs? Really? None of them really seem to be the "this is how I am, now deal with it" types. And I think that attitude is sort of the foundation for this polarizing effect.

Hmmmm, I knew (actually lived with) an ESFJ who was VERY much like that ("this is how I am, deal with it") and definitely had the polarizing effect - actually, sorry to say, a lot of people have ended up disliking her.

But although I don't like to throw around the "unhealthy" label I think at least around when I lived with her, it fit - she'd gone through some difficult times and had some bad experiences, was probably depressed, had a super-strong personality anyway and kind of pushed people to react badly to her.

 

[Orangey]

Hmmmm, I knew (actually lived with) an ESFJ who was VERY much like that ("this is how I am, deal with it") and definitely had the polarizing effect - actually, sorry to say, a lot of people have ended up disliking her.

But although I don't like to throw around the "unhealthy" label I think at least around when I lived with her, it fit - she'd gone through some difficult times and had some bad experiences, was probably depressed, had a super-strong personality anyway and kind of pushed people to react badly to her.

Yeah, you know, this is probably not type related.

 

[Elfboy]

EFJs? Really? None of them really seem to be the "this is how I am, now deal with it" types. And I think that attitude is sort of the foundation for this polarizing effect.

they're polarizing in a different way. they're polarizing in a "you should do this for your own good" or "I'm going to emotionally puke everywhere like a drama queen" sort of way

 

[Thalassa]

they're polarizing in a different way. they're polarizing in a "you should do this for your own good" or "I'm going to emotionally puke everywhere like a drama queen" sort of way

lol...emotional "puking" is not necessarily an EFJ thing...in fact, some EFJs are so concerned with image and how other people feel that they wouldn't dream of having a meltdown unless it was in front of very trusted individuals.

EFJs, unless they're very comfortable in dominating their environment, can be towel-biters, just like IFJs. They put on their "game face."

I mean, of course EFJs *can* do this...but so can EFPs, and I honestly think EFPs are more likely to really not give a shit who they get "expressive" in front of, don't kid yourself, honey.

 

[Elfboy]

lol...emotional "puking" is not necessarily an EFJ thing...in fact, some EFJs are so concerned with image and how other people feel that they wouldn't dream of having a meltdown unless it was in front of very trusted individuals.

EFJs, unless they're very comfortable in dominating their environment, can be towel-biters, just like IFJs. They put on their "game face."

I mean, of course EFJs *can* do this...but so can EFPs, and I honestly think EFPs are more likely to really not give a shit who they get "expressive" in front of, don't kid yourself, honey.

I was talking about unhealthy EFJs. healthy EFJs do just as you said

 

[Thalassa]

I was talking about unhealthy EFJs. healthy EFJs do just as you said

I'm not sure it has anything to do with healthy or unhealthy.

 

[Elfboy]

I'm not sure it has anything to do with healthy or unhealthy.

I think it does in the case of Js more than Ps. EPs whether healthy or unhealthy are often polarizing, but when Js are polarizing, I think it tends to be more when they're unhealthy. just a guess though.

 

[Thalassa]

I think it does in the case of Js more than Ps. EPs whether healthy or unhealthy are often polarizing, but when Js are polarizing, I think it tends to be more when they're unhealthy. just a guess though.

I don't think all Js are created equally. Most IFJs - healthy or not - seem to have this ability to blend in or want to be liked or manage socially somehow. IFJs, unless totally batshit crazy (which certainly does happen) seem to be the most likely of all people to be able to "handle" a group and not be terribly obtrusive. Even if they're Mrs. ISFJ McCrazyPants they can probably hold it together in public places, but then will take shit out on their family, that kind of thing.

I think EFJs very well could be polarizing, but will do so in extremely large groups - meaning that *most* people will like them. EFJs have a certain charm - even Hitler did - and can lead people like the Pied Piper, except there will be these people on the sidelines going, "yeah, fuck no." And certainly those people will despise the EFJ. But they will be seen in the EFJs eyes probably as "the outcast minority." I witness this a lot with my ENFJ sister who is "healthy," I suppose, and manages people quite well, but I often don't want to drink her fucking kool-aid. HOWEVER...most people like her, especially people who only know her superficially.

FJs can have a way of convincing people they're not guilty or aren't the bad guy when they really are. It fucking kills me. There's nothing more annoying than, say, the ISFJ guy who manages to convince the people he deems important that "everyone else" is so nasty, and he's just the nicest, sweetest person, why on earth do people take advantage of him? Jesus Tapdancing Christ on a Pogo Stick...

Yes, EFJs can be vindictive and controlling and can make people hate them: I certainly will not argue with you there. I've met EFJs I'd rather avoid, including my ex-boyfriend. But typically they have that Fe ability to smooth things over, at least on a superficial level.

EFPs I think are more likely to stir about shit because they either don't care or don't know how to manage other people. Usually I think it's for lack of caring. At least in my case I frequently just didn't care, and you mentioned this yourself, being proud of having a polarizing effect. I think EFPs are highly likely to be like "Love me, hate me, but spare me your indifference."

I don't know, I'm tired, I'm babbling, but I swear I had a point in there somewhere...ugh...I apologize if some of it isn't totally coherent.

 

[Thalassa]

Oh ...I forgot to add that I think TJs could potentially be more polarizing than FJs that was part of the reason why I originally said all Js are not created equally.

 

[SilkRoad]

I don't think all Js are created equally. Most IFJs - healthy or not - seem to have this ability to blend in or want to be liked or manage socially somehow. IFJs, unless totally batshit crazy (which certainly does happen) seem to be the most likely of all people to be able to "handle" a group and not be terribly obtrusive. Even if they're Mrs. ISFJ McCrazyPants they can probably hold it together in public places, but then will take shit out on their family, that kind of thing.

I think EFJs very well could be polarizing, but will do so in extremely large groups - meaning that *most* people will like them. EFJs have a certain charm - even Hitler did - and can lead people like the Pied Piper, except there will be these people on the sidelines going, "yeah, fuck no." And certainly those people will despise the EFJ. But they will be seen in the EFJs eyes probably as "the outcast minority." I witness this a lot with my ENFJ sister who is "healthy," I suppose, and manages people quite well, but I often don't want to drink her fucking kool-aid. HOWEVER...most people like her, especially people who only know her superficially.

FJs can have a way of convincing people they're not guilty or aren't the bad guy when they really are. It fucking kills me. There's nothing more annoying than, say, the ISFJ guy who manages to convince the people he deems important that "everyone else" is so nasty, and he's just the nicest, sweetest person, why on earth do people take advantage of him? Jesus Tapdancing Christ on a Pogo Stick...

Yes, EFJs can be vindictive and controlling and can make people hate them: I certainly will not argue with you there. I've met EFJs I'd rather avoid, including my ex-boyfriend. But typically they have that Fe ability to smooth things over, at least on a superficial level.

EFPs I think are more likely to stir about shit because they either don't care or don't know how to manage other people. Usually I think it's for lack of caring. At least in my case I frequently just didn't care, and you mentioned this yourself, being proud of having a polarizing effect. I think EFPs are highly likely to be like "Love me, hate me, but spare me your indifference."

I don't know, I'm tired, I'm babbling, but I swear I had a point in there somewhere...ugh...I apologize if some of it isn't totally coherent.

^ I think you're fairly spot on with a lot of that. The thing about FJs being good at convincing others they're not guilty/the bad guy even when they are seems familiar too, somehow.

It's funny, that made me think about something. I don't think I'm generally manipulative but I think I may be just a tad in this area. People often tell me I'm very fair because even if I feel someone has screwed me over, I will usually try to see as well where I might have gone wrong (even if I basically think the other person is in the wrong), how their background may have pushed them to act like that, etc. So, because I'm being fair, I think it means that people are even more likely to see me as the poor hurt victim, and to downplay my own somewhat harsh assessment of myself. If that makes any sense.

I'm also quite willing to criticize myself and to comment on my own failings, but I admit that it puts my back up when others criticize me and I tend to take it badly or think that it reflects on them more than on me...

 

[Lark]

I think extroverts in general
ENPs who throw all of their ideas out there and demand that people listen and take a side
ETJs who demand things be done according to plan
EFJs who push their social expectations and feelings on everyone
ESPs with their wild, untamed charisma that makes them either loved or hated

I think that's right, although the TJ, people assume there's a mania for planning and sticking to a plan too much, sometimes a really pronounced T in conjunction with a J will mean that judgements have been thought over and thought out and are still being thought about but the judgements or conclusions will be pretty unwavering that do exist, that by itself can be pretty polarising, particularly if those judgements when they are manifested by others are associated with prejudices or a lack of thinking and are treated as such.

 

[Such Irony]

Which type do you see as the *least* polarizing?

 

[SilkRoad]

Which type do you see as the *least* polarizing?

I'd nominate ISFP. Just a guess, but they seem to be the type who are fairly low-key and mostly well-liked, but those who don't particularly like them are unlikely to dislike them - more that they'd slip under the radar.

I'm thinking more and more though that being "polarizing" has more to do with other factors than type, though...although I still think that some types are more likely to have this effect than others. But there are so many "flavours" within each type...

 

[KDude]

I'd nominate ISFP. Just a guess, but they seem to be the type who are fairly low-key and mostly well-liked, but those who don't particularly like them are unlikely to dislike them - more that they'd slip under the radar.

I'm thinking more and more though that being "polarizing" has more to do with other factors than type, though...although I still think that some types are more likely to have this effect than others. But there are so many "flavours" within each type...

I'd say the same for ISTP as well. Generally speaking, they're down to earth and unassuming. And when some can be obtrusive, they're really not.. It's like they might state a point where they think you're wrong, but stand back with a wait and see approach. They're just as amused with letting people go about and failing.