ENFP's: behavior when younger/ while maturing

[Little Linguist]

+1

I'm majoring to be a linguistics/literature teacher. I just can't imagine myself teaching children. Nightmare.

Ditto. I'm an English instructor at various universities and language schools here in Germany. I teach adults; I've taught children, but it just seems 'wrong'.

I want to watch this movie.

Interesting your desire to be an SJ, it kinda happened to me because all my family members are SJ's. They all wish I were one, but I just couldn't. When my inner ISTJ "appear", it's very annoying, even to my SJ parents and relatives.

+1 very true

 

[Lily Bart]

Great thread! You're really helping me relax a little bit more about my ENFP daughter -- she seems so much like all of you. One thing I didn't see here: she feels that the rules never apply to her and then becomes extremely hurt and outraged when she finds out the hard way that they do. For example, rather than parking in paid parking lots, she always parks where she clearly shouldn't and, of course, she got towed the other night and called in tears wanting to know what to do. Both her dad and I said "well, what did you expect?" which made her even angrier. My question is, ENFP's, is this something endemic to ENFP's and do you eventually mature out of it or is it just my daughter and do I need to work harder at getting her to understand that rule-breaking isn't as cool as she thinks it is (she's 21, by the way)?

 

[cfs1992]

Great thread! You're really helping me relax a little bit more about my ENFP daughter -- she seems so much like all of you. One thing I didn't see here: she feels that the rules never apply to her and then becomes extremely hurt and outraged when she finds out the hard way that they do. For example, rather than parking in paid parking lots, she always parks where she clearly shouldn't and, of course, she got towed the other night and called in tears wanting to know what to do. Both her dad and I said "well, what did you expect?" which made her even angrier. My question is, ENFP's, is this something endemic to ENFP's and do you eventually mature out of it or is it just my daughter and do I need to work harder at getting her to understand that rule-breaking isn't as cool as she thinks it is (she's 21, by the way)?

I'm so glad that it's helping! You can't imagine!

About your daughter: she breaks rules deliberately, or she unconsciously does it? Like the parking example: she sees the signal and parks there in spite of it, or she just don't pay attention?

Because sometimes our spontaneity (and "sensotardness") may cause us to break rules. But I won't break some rules for the sake of it, if I know the bad consequences for me...

 

[Santosha]

Great thread! You're really helping me relax a little bit more about my ENFP daughter -- she seems so much like all of you. One thing I didn't see here: she feels that the rules never apply to her and then becomes extremely hurt and outraged when she finds out the hard way that they do. For example, rather than parking in paid parking lots, she always parks where she clearly shouldn't and, of course, she got towed the other night and called in tears wanting to know what to do. Both her dad and I said "well, what did you expect?" which made her even angrier. My question is, ENFP's, is this something endemic to ENFP's and do you eventually mature out of it or is it just my daughter and do I need to work harder at getting her to understand that rule-breaking isn't as cool as she thinks it is (she's 21, by the way)?

Can't speak for other ENFP's, but this is my experience. Not obeying "the rules" has been one of my bigger down-falls with life.. (I'm 30 now). Late teens-mid twenties, I couldn't tell you how many parking tickets I received. Ignored them, got my car booted or towed. Speeding ticket, didnt pay on time, was ARRESTED (for a bench warrant)! I think ENFP's can be really clever at bending the system, and at an young age rely more on this than realizing the actual consequence. I've known more than 1 ENFP to have bad credit, too. I think some of it stems from ENFP's biting off more than they can chew, always being in a hurry, and trying to make up for it by rushing or breaking rules. It took me a long, looong time to start conforming more to rules. It didn't matter what people said to me either, I just had to live and learn. When the consequences start really messing up other areas of your life, you eventually change. Hopefully your daugher doesnt have to smack her head against too many rocks before she "gets it".

 

[cfs1992]

Can't speak for other ENFP's, but this is my experience. Not obeying "the rules" has been one of my bigger down-falls with life.. (I'm 30 now). Late teens-mid twenties, I couldn't tell you how many parking tickets I received. Ignored them, got my car booted or towed. Speeding ticket, didnt pay on time, was ARRESTED (for a bench warrant)! I think ENFP's can be really clever at bending the system, and at an young age rely more on this than realizing the actual consequence. I've known more than 1 ENFP to have bad credit, too. I think some of it stems from ENFP's biting off more than they can chew, always being in a hurry, and trying to make up for it by rushing or breaking rules. It took me a long, looong time to start conforming more to rules. It didn't matter what people said to me either, I just had to live and learn. When the consequences start really messing up other areas of your life, you eventually change. Hopefully your daugher doesnt have to smack her head against too many rocks before she "gets it".

The truth is that I just follow the rules that fit in my sense of things, out of it, I just ignore them (if it will not put me into SERIOUS trouble)...

 

[Elfboy]

Lets see.. since I love to talk about myself, this might run on. =P

Toddlerhood: Don't remember alot, but as soon as I could walk I tried to run-away. My parents would leave me outside for 3 mintues to play in the yard, and I'd find a way to get out of the fence and roam around the neighborhood in my underwear. I did this alot, it caused them alot of stress. They'd find me down the street talking to old people on their porch, I was called in by the fire department once for being near a main road, I also got lost in a corn field once for 4 or 5 hours.. but my dad found me. I have no idea why I did this, my childhood was happy.

Early childhood: I was an only child until 13, and very shy around people until 8. Extremely well behaved, other more wild and rambunctious kids kinda scared me if adults werent around to monitor. Id see other kids fight over toys, smack eachother, tease eachother, and it freaked me out. I escaped into fantasy, read alot, loved movies. I also loved other kids I knew, and would give away some of my books and toys when my mom wasn't looking to these kids down the street that didn't have alot. First displays of jealousy were 4-5. I was very close with my dad and grandmother. One time, my dad was playing with my boy cousin, and I could see how excited he got about it (I think my dad always wanted a son) . In my little child brain I had never seen him get so excited with playing with me and my dolls. I threw a dramatic tantrum/show and accused him of not loving me as much as my cousin because I was a girl. (It hurt my dad terribley.) Same thing with my grandmother, who I spent almost every day with. She had a built in pool, and one time was teaching all of my cousins and I how to paddle across the shallow part. She decided to start with the older cousins, and I hated seeing her give them all her attention. I pouted and told her she didnt love me as much as my other cousins because they were bigger! It was ridiculous because I've always spent more time with this grandma AND her and I have a very close bond to this day.

Elementary: Extremely affected by positive, negaitve reward. Straight A kid, got bumped into a gifted and talented program. Loved groups, other kids, and took the role of 'ring leader.' Acted in school plays, became captain of the safety patrol team, library aide, math olympiad, and competed in Spelling B three straight years. (Never won.) I did it all for group interaction and positive reward (making parents happy, hearing good things about myself.) I will say this, even though I was *usually* well behaved.. I always had crazy different things I'd get other kids to try with me. Practical jokes, explorations, etc.

JR HIGH: Started out ruff. Had alot of friends, sleepovers, etc. but my best friend moved away and my brother was born, taking alot of focus off myself. By 9th grade I overcame alot of personal struggles in figruing out where I fit, and found a group of new best friends (that are my best friends to this day.) Took advanced classes, good grades, did the year book, school newspaper, drama club, and basically loved life. Began my first struggles with Advanced Algebra, got my first 'B'. Took my report card into the principles office and showed it to him. Told him that I was not the only straight A kid that received a B in this class, and that the teacher was not very good at explaining math! I was a ballsy kid, and actually got the principle to change my grade with a little extra-credit.

HS: First year- all about college, GPA, and AP classes. Joined the debate team. Did REALLY well. Got to go to washington dc and give a speach I wrote on liberty that I implemented with Smashing Pumpkin lyrics, lmfao. Best friends all became cheer leaders, but I was too dam clumsey and didn't want to be one. Joined the peer leadership committe instead. Wrote for the newspaper. Joined the drama club. Began to really struggle with math and hard sciences. Won a partial scholarship for debate, and another from creative writing. All I had to do was keep above a 3.0. Threw it all away in 11th grade.
11th grade, met my first hard-core love. A guy down the street 5 yrs older than me. Got introduced to raves, exstacy, and being really wild. Got a job collecting on student loans. Bought a car. Decided the system was bull-shit, the kids at school were shallow, and that I only pushed myself to make others happy. Did a 180. Dropped out of school, moved out with my boyfriend into a house of pot-growing, rave seeking, college kids. Parents flippd out but found no way to control me. Had teachers come to my house and ask me to come back to school. Didn't listen. 12th grade, reality kicked me in the face. Decided that the scholarships were out, but I still only had a few credits needed to graduate. Got my school counselor to put me in a 'credit make-up class." Graduated with my class, got an award for making up more school credits than anyone in the history of the school in a short time. =P

TBH, my childhood and early adult-hood was riddled with both Ne and Fi. I definately had Fi as a young child. Watching kids hurt other kids was ALWAYS a sore spot for me. One thing that marked my childhood was a passionate love for animals. Every. single. lost animal I found, I'd bring home to keep. We probably went through 20-30 animals. My dad hated animals, but I'd cry tears the size of grapes and beg and plead to keep them. I'd also do weird (Ne related?) shit. One time, in the middle of winter, I got all of us to make an "animal parade." I convinced 5 other kids to put on rollerskates with me, get on our bikes, with our dogs on leashes, dressed in human clothes, and pull us around in the snow, while singing! It was quite a spectacle.

omg, I'm so sorry! I thought you were a guy this whole time lol I think the posting styles of ENFPs can come across as rather gender neutral.

 

[Little Linguist]

Rules that make sense? I follow them to the letter. Rules that don't make sense and unnecessarily complicate life? I try to wheedle my way out of them and get extremely frustrated if it doesn't work. I also hate the unnecessary complications that go along with not following rules that don't make sense and then get penalized for it. Especially if some other doofus is doing it and gets away with it (double standard). What pisses me off more than everything is when some dumb byte utilizes my naivety, screws me over, and then I have to pay the price due to not following the rule after trusting someone. That's the lowest of the low.

 

[sculpting]

1-5 very sensitive, a bit whiny, loved animals very quiet baby/toddler, very easy to be around, very sweet, but noted as being "old and ancient" or having an old soul.

5-11 Way too sensitive to other kids thoughts of me. i recall in Kindergarten thinking the other kids hated me on the first day. I felt "bad" or very different, moved schools all the time so I never really had many friends. i played alone mostly but explored everything, always ending up in weird places or finding strange isolated corners of the world, others didnt see. Loved animals. Did fine in school, gifted program, didnt ever fight or disagree with the others kids and would have friends who were the other outcasts now and then. I really did want friends but when I would talk with them, i just would talk about the weirdest craziest shit, thus quickly i learned it was best to just be quiet. I created my own religion and should have been a child abduction statistic. My mom was in therapy almost constantly and my grandom had all these crazy ideas about religion thus I was exposed to a constant barrage of self help lessons about personal responsibility and integrity, forgiveness, the universal worth of all living creatures, and how other peoples opinions are irrelevant if one is true to one's self.

11-18 in middle school the other girls started making fun of me as I didnt dress really cute or wear makeup, plus middle school girls are evil. At first it really hurt, but then one day I turned on this girl and verbally cut her to pieces in front of our class, saying "Your own insecurity and lack of confidence is why you pick on me, mostly because the popular girls barely will let you hang with them." Thus Te was born. I was a sullen miserable creature for about a year. Mom got my a horse and I decided the other kids could go to hell. I basically shut out the other kids after this. I couldnt interact intelligently or creatively with them and they were mean, thus it didnt seem worth the time to try and make friends. In 10th grade it occurred to me that if i didnt want to end up like my mom-totally dependent upon abusive men, I need to get an education, so I began to take school seriously. I was on the debate team, did really well, made friends with the NTP outcasts at my school. My best friend was an entp chick who was incredibly hot and she destroyed many a poor young high school boy. I was her quiet sidekick who people wouldnt ask out as they thought I was stuck up, not understanding I was terrified. I then got voted the most beautiful girl in my senior class after 2 dates in all of high school...? They called me an ice princess. The whole time from 8th to 12th grade I was working about 50 hours a week at a horse farm, thus I didnt really even miss the dating. Work ethic, responsibility, and people are not worth messing with or being hurt by was my mantra. I loved to evade rules.

18-22 met an ISTP, got knocked up, met many more ENTPs and INFJs and became a mom and a biochemist. I was quite opinionated and rude about debating Fi values at this point, but I eventually developed a duel logic/value approach as the ENTPs would accept nothing less in debates. They taught me that often the most logical solution is the best solution and an illogical solution is sorta useless. All Te, all the time used in the service of Fi. NeFi fell in love with the beauty that was science..what is a soul? it must be a physical thing...study the mind, study the brain, study the proteins, study, the electrical impulses that conduct thought, study the molecules, study the atoms, study the math underlying the atoms, all in search of a soul...

22-26 went to grad school, more NTPs and some NTJs for friends. Again, all logic all the time. Towards the end I realized i wasnt as good as the NTPs were and that I didnt like what I was doing. At one point I had decided all fantasies were bad and STOPPED imagining things. Suddenyl it was all open again and I started really relishing things like gardening to insane levels-exploration of religions, and a realization that I would never really love my husband or allow him in close.

28-30 Got a job. got very ill and thought I was going to die. planned my own suicide as I did not want to burden my family-Te. got better pouring over scientific journals and forcing my doc to administer the correct meds-Ne.

30-34 learned that corporate america and the internet are both full of crazy people including myself. I cant help but push projects and stand up for what the right thing to do is at my company, but the result is that my TJ bosses call me a hero, but my Fe using bosses exclude me from everything. Weeeee!!! I am almost always right, but that isnt what really matters, so I dont think corporate america is for me long term. fell in love for real. lots of rough fi growth.

 

[Lily Bart]

I think part of the problem is that my ENFP daughter has an ENTP dad (I love him dearly, but such is life). He knows the rules, he knows when he can safely break them and he knows exactly how to get out of trouble when he does break them (darn those NTs!). My daughter tries to do the same, but I just don't think it's exactly the same for NF's. At least, that's my take on it. I hate to tell her she can't go out and challenge the things in life that annoy her in exactly the way her dad does, but she falls back on Te way too much and it's her downfall -- she sees it work great for her dad, so she thinks she can do the same thing and then she feels terrible when it won't.

 

[cfs1992]

1-5 very sensitive, a bit whiny, loved animals very quiet baby/toddler, very easy to be around, very sweet, but noted as being "old and ancient" or having an old soul.

5-11 Way too sensitive to other kids thoughts of me. i recall in Kindergarten thinking the other kids hated me on the first day. I felt "bad" or very different, moved schools all the time so I never really had many friends. i played alone mostly but explored everything, always ending up in weird places or finding strange isolated corners of the world, others didnt see. Loved animals. Did fine in school, gifted program, didnt ever fight or disagree with the others kids and would have friends who were the other outcasts now and then. I really did want friends but when I would talk with them, i just would talk about the weirdest craziest shit, thus quickly i learned it was best to just be quiet. I created my own religion and should have been a child abduction statistic. My mom was in therapy almost constantly and my grandom had all these crazy ideas about religion thus I was exposed to a constant barrage of self help lessons about personal responsibility and integrity, forgiveness, the universal worth of all living creatures, and how other peoples opinions are irrelevant if one is true to one's self.

11-18 in middle school the other girls started making fun of me as I didnt dress really cute or wear makeup, plus middle school girls are evil. At first it really hurt, but then one day I turned on this girl and verbally cut her to pieces in front of our class, saying "Your own insecurity and lack of confidence is why you pick on me, mostly because the popular girls barely will let you hang with them." Thus Te was born. I was a sullen miserable creature for about a year. Mom got my a horse and I decided the other kids could go to hell. I basically shut out the other kids after this. I couldnt interact intelligently or creatively with them and they were mean, thus it didnt seem worth the time to try and make friends. In 10th grade it occurred to me that if i didnt want to end up like my mom-totally dependent upon abusive men, I need to get an education, so I began to take school seriously. I was on the debate team, did really well, made friends with the NTP outcasts at my school. My best friend was an entp chick who was incredibly hot and she destroyed many a poor young high school boy. I was her quiet sidekick who people wouldnt ask out as they thought I was stuck up, not understanding I was terrified. I then got voted the most beautiful girl in my senior class after 2 dates in all of high school...? They called me an ice princess. The whole time from 8th to 12th grade I was working about 50 hours a week at a horse farm, thus I didnt really even miss the dating. Work ethic, responsibility, and people are not worth messing with or being hurt by was my mantra. I loved to evade rules.

18-22 met an ISTP, got knocked up, met many more ENTPs and INFJs and became a mom and a biochemist. I was quite opinionated and rude about debating Fi values at this point, but I eventually developed a duel logic/value approach as the ENTPs would accept nothing less in debates. They taught me that often the most logical solution is the best solution and an illogical solution is sorta useless. All Te, all the time used in the service of Fi. NeFi fell in love with the beauty that was science..what is a soul? it must be a physical thing...study the mind, study the brain, study the proteins, study, the electrical impulses that conduct thought, study the molecules, study the atoms, study the math underlying the atoms, all in search of a soul...

22-26 went to grad school, more NTPs and some NTJs for friends. Again, all logic all the time. Towards the end I realized i wasnt as good as the NTPs were and that I didnt like what I was doing. At one point I had decided all fantasies were bad and STOPPED imagining things. Suddenyl it was all open again and I started really relishing things like gardening to insane levels-exploration of religions, and a realization that I would never really love my husband or allow him in close.

28-30 Got a job. got very ill and thought I was going to die. planned my own suicide as I did not want to burden my family-Te. got better pouring over scientific journals and forcing my doc to administer the correct meds-Ne.

30-34 learned that corporate america and the internet are both full of crazy people including myself. I cant help but push projects and stand up for what the right thing to do is at my company, but the result is that my TJ bosses call me a hero, but my Fe using bosses exclude me from everything. Weeeee!!! I am almost always right, but that isnt what really matters, so I dont think corporate america is for me long term. fell in love for real. lots of rough fi growth.

You made me remember of a thing that happened that I think was the birth of my Te too. I was about 13 years, and there was a boy in my class that was always putting me down, he made fun of me when I was exposing my ideas, and tried to offend me every single hour. One day, he called me "slut", just because I told him to stop doing something that I can't remember. I never behaved like a slut, and I found it painfully disrespectful, so I started to shout at him, and started a real verbal fight, in front of everyone in the class, including my teacher. I was emotionally draining, but was the right thing to do. Both of us had to talk with the headmaster and so on. The best was that the teacher was by my side, what drove the boy crazy.

After this happening, many of my classmates went to me saying "Thank you! You were very courageous, it was my dream to do this with him.", and the boy started to treat me as a queen. People said that he fell in love with me, but I never knew if it's true. No chance for him, haha!

The fact is that I've always been the "arguing" type of person. What cause so much trouble...

PS: People have already called me an old soul when I was a child too!

 

[cfs1992]

I think part of the problem is that my ENFP daughter has an ENTP dad (I love him dearly, but such is life). He knows the rules, he knows when he can safely break them and he knows exactly how to get out of trouble when he does break them (darn those NTs!). My daughter tries to do the same, but I just don't think it's exactly the same for NF's. At least, that's my take on it. I hate to tell her she can't go out and challenge the things in life that annoy her in exactly the way her dad does, but she falls back on Te way too much and it's her downfall -- she sees it work great for her dad, so she thinks she can do the same thing and then she feels terrible when it won't.

As I can see, it can have to do with maturity. But as I'm younger than your daughter, I feel kinda uncomfortable to say something about...

So I'll wait for some older ENFP to help you...

 

[skylights]

OMG! ME TOO! Though a little more balanced than it was in a earlier time. Sometimes, as I said, I'm like a hardcore hater!

Fights with parents was very common! ISFJ mom and ESTJ dad. My family is ALL SJ! [...]

And this struggle with be liked and be yourself is terrible. Just like the "full of loneliness" times... Fi bursting is TENSE! Plus Te it's a bomb! I was an arguer and I am till today, what still causes a lot of fights too. It's unconquerable...

Thank you for sharing!

thank you!! i agree, both things. understanding oneself in an SJ world is tricky (i have some NTPs in the family, which has helped me adjust i think. sometimes i am way more practical than they are.) and yeah Fi is like an angry stallion or something sometimes. it WANTS TO RUNNN

]Just like the scarce interaction with other children in childhood. I was the daydreaming only-daughter, my interactions was a lot more with adults this time.

+1

I'm majoring to be a linguistics/literature teacher. I just can't imagine myself teaching children. Nightmare.

Skylight, I can relate to your ability to deal with adults better than children. Interesting.

Relate to this completely as well.

this is very interesting. i used to think my lack of facility with peers was because of my childhood circumstances, but maybe it's a personality thing too. i wonder why. i think when i was a kid other kids seemed sort of simultaneously boring and intimidating (i didn't like when they came in packs). and adults just knew so much more and would tell you more interesting things when you asked. they were more useful, honestly.



anyway. i do like kids and get along with them fine now (as usual i get along much better with them 1-on-1 than in groups, but that's true with adults too).

Great thread! You're really helping me relax a little bit more about my ENFP daughter -- she seems so much like all of you. One thing I didn't see here: she feels that the rules never apply to her and then becomes extremely hurt and outraged when she finds out the hard way that they do. For example, rather than parking in paid parking lots, she always parks where she clearly shouldn't and, of course, she got towed the other night and called in tears wanting to know what to do. Both her dad and I said "well, what did you expect?" which made her even angrier. My question is, ENFP's, is this something endemic to ENFP's and do you eventually mature out of it or is it just my daughter and do I need to work harder at getting her to understand that rule-breaking isn't as cool as she thinks it is (she's 21, by the way)?

like others have said, it sort of depends on the circumstances. we are totally sensotards sometimes. so she honestly might not realize. on the other hand, what i'm guessing is that she feels some inkling of this:

Rules that make sense? I follow them to the letter. Rules that don't make sense and unnecessarily complicate life? I try to wheedle my way out of them and get extremely frustrated if it doesn't work. I also hate the unnecessary complications that go along with not following rules that don't make sense and then get penalized for it.

with parking, i usually have these thoughts:
- it's stupid that i have to pay for parking if the deck is full, when other people are not paying just because the deck was not full when they got there
- it's stupid that i have to pay in exact change for meters (quarters and dimes and nickels, but sometimes not new quarters, and not pennies or dollar coins), so i'll tuck a dollar bill in the meter if i don't have change (have never gotten a ticket from that)
- it's stupid when there is not enough parking within a reasonable distance, so i might park illegally
- it's annoying when i have to park 15 minutes away to run a 5 minute errand in the building, so i might park illegally (and leave flashers on)

I think part of the problem is that my ENFP daughter has an ENTP dad (I love him dearly, but such is life). He knows the rules, he knows when he can safely break them and he knows exactly how to get out of trouble when he does break them (darn those NTs!). My daughter tries to do the same, but I just don't think it's exactly the same for NF's. At least, that's my take on it. I hate to tell her she can't go out and challenge the things in life that annoy her in exactly the way her dad does, but she falls back on Te way too much and it's her downfall -- she sees it work great for her dad, so she thinks she can do the same thing and then she feels terrible when it won't.

hahaha yeah, that makes sense. we can work the system in a similar way to NTs but we can't get out of trouble in the same way. not that i have experience in this... haha... really... but seriously, not to encourage her down a manipulative path, but if she wants to get out of stuff, she's going to need to engage her Fi more and be careful about Te - use sparingly, lol. you could try encouraging her in a Fe direction - that has helped me. for example, just go ahead and park legally, but call up the parking deck and complain. that way you still deal with the issue, but with perhaps less personal penalty.

as for saying "well what did you expect" - i'm guessing she knew the penalty totally well, lol. that comment would be frustrating to me because it doesn't really help in any way, you know? like it doesn't make you feel any better and doesn't help you solve the problems you have now, nor does it help you come to terms with the fact that parking really often just sucks and there's not always much you can do about it.

i don't know if you can realistically ever expect her to curtail that sort of thing to a great extent - to be honest, i park illegally really often because i feel like the rules are so arbitrary and erratic - but she can get better at how she goes about breaking rules. a few bad consequences should position her to rethink things... i'm not necessarily less rule-breaking in terms of mindset, but after a few nasty parking tickets, a nasty speeding ticket, etc, i'm more careful about exactly where i bend the rules and to what extent. sometimes it's just not worth the potential penalty.

edit - oh! duh. she might also park illegally less if she's not running a little late i tend to push my time close and then "need" to speed/park illegally to make my appointment/meeting/class/whatever on time. i set my clocks forward 6 minutes to give myself an extra buffer.

 

[sculpting]

I think part of the problem is that my ENFP daughter has an ENTP dad (I love him dearly, but such is life). He knows the rules, he knows when he can safely break them and he knows exactly how to get out of trouble when he does break them (darn those NTs!). My daughter tries to do the same, but I just don't think it's exactly the same for NF's. At least, that's my take on it. I hate to tell her she can't go out and challenge the things in life that annoy her in exactly the way her dad does, but she falls back on Te way too much and it's her downfall -- she sees it work great for her dad, so she thinks she can do the same thing and then she feels terrible when it won't.

Actually, this is very funny. I'd say she isnt using Te except as a rationalization for why she shouldnt have to be held responsible for her actions. Rather she is swinging by Ne to try an evasive approach. She needs to grow a bit more Te actually-a sense of personal responsiblity combined with Fi-thinking about how her rule breaking will effect other people around her. The best solution is to make her deal with the results of cleaning up her own mess logistically-pay her own fines, figure out her own tickets and so on. This emphasizes the pain factor of breaking the rules. Second, she really needs to stop and think why the rule is there...think about how if the rule is broken it may place additional burdens on others-for instance if you park illegally, you may block a fire lane, thus allow a house to burn down. If you dont pay your parking meter, what would it be like if nobody paid parking meters...the fees collected are used for something in the city, right? If she double parks, well how would she feel if someone else double parked and kept her from parking? what if they did so when she had a child or elderly person in the car? and so on..

 

[Chiharu]

Hmm... let's see...

From stories I've been told, I know that when I was very young I was a tad shy, quiet with people I didn't know well but really stubborn. I was gentle with my shy cousins and I loved my older brother from the start.

Around four, I can remember a bit better... God, you couldn't shut me up. Between 4 and 7 I always felt like a heroine, drawn between Batgirl and the little mermaid. I had friends of both gender and moved by what I knew of social injustice. I thought I was powerful, beautiful, unstoppable. I did well in school, though it bored me, and I always loved words and stories.

Somewhere between 6 and 12 my sexuality began to emerge. I felt very ashamed and defective for a long time.

When I was between 8 and 12 I met with bullies. I even switched schools and found new ones. My Fi was erratic, I didn't do so well socially, and coupled with family issues and entering puberty early (lucky me), I wound up painfully anxious, insecure, and volatile.

Things started looking up between 13 and 14, Fi evened out for me, and in high school I found out I was xNFP and I've been working on self-development ever since. I consider myself a healthy if somewhat shy ENFP now.

 

[ScareBear]

Early childhood: From what I gathered from my folks is that if I was quiet, I was into something. I had a tendency to just go up to strangers and start babbling about whatever my little mind was thinking. I also had a habit of arguing that anything with 4 legs was a "hosser" (my word for horse). My parents would tell me, "No that's a cat," to which I would reply, "No! Hosser!"

Elementary school: I always wanted to play with the boys because they were a lot more fun. I never really played with Barbie dolls, but get me some Ninja Turtle stuff and I had a field day! I even had "boyfriends" for a couple of those years. I think it made the other girls jealous but of course it was simply a friendship, we just shared toys and played outside together. I did get into a few arguments with the other girls in 5th grade and for the life of me I can't remember why they hated me.

Middle school: The girl haters ramped up about this time. They didn't like me I guess because I didn't fit into their idea of what a girl should be. One of them even tried to put make-up on me to which I continually had to tell her no, that my mother wouldn't allow me to wear it until I was 14 (that and I just didn't want to wear it!). 7th grade was the hardest because I found some really awesome friends to hang around and they were girls! But I guess I attached myself to them too much because one of them ended up telling me they were just being my friends because they felt sorry for me. Needless to say the rest of that year didn't go over too well. By 8th grade a new girl had moved in about halfway through the year and we became friends. I told her some things about me and she knew I was a goofy sort of character but a few months later we were talking about friendships and she told me that I might have more friends if I stopped going down the hallway acting like an airplane. After that the Ne took a backseat and Te took over.... It wasn't bad but I just felt out of place for a while.

High school: New place new start some ol' friendship troubles but with different people. People just thought I was weird and tried staying away from me for the most part. They hated it when I got to talking about my new interest because that's all I would talk about. Friendships came and went and I wondered why I couldn't get close to anyone even family (all INT's). Thus started the downward spiral into bad habits and being around people who did the same things thinking, "Wow I'm having fun and people who actually want me to be around!"

Adulthood (20's): Again with destructive behavior. Ran away to Colorado and had been introduced to new and different beliefs but generally when confronted about it, I stuck primarily to beliefs I had been raised with. I didn't break the rules much because I was worried about being caught and no one to bail me out!

Late 20's- Started growing out of the whole destructive behavior, however, relationship problems still remained. Yes, I will admit some of them I caused and I take full responsibility for it, others however, were very unwarranted.

30's- Now I'm just trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I want to try and develop my Ne a lot more since I've met a group of people who are sweet and kind and don't mind my silliness or my imagination. Since I've learned of my personality type (I wish I knew this years ago!) I'm ok with being me and I would like to be a healthy ENFP instead of suppressing everything for fear of being annoying or weird.