• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[MBTI General] MBTI and the 5 Love Languages

Within

Permabanned
Joined
Jan 22, 2010
Messages
1,369
NT:

1 - Words of Affirmation
2 - Physical Touch (Which is paradoxal because I loath being touched, usually.)
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,187
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
NT.

To fit my squarish self into a roundish hole, I would have to say:

1. Quality Time (which emcompasses very deep personal talk / exploration of world)

followed by

2. Physical Touch [not necessarily sex]

Words of Affirmation only work in the right context.
Gifts only work if your gift shows you know me uniquely.
Gifts of Service are appreciated pragmatically but don't really stroke me.

I wish those three things meant more to me, but typically they roll off my back, unless I am specifically asking for them. :(

To be honest, I just want to talk meaningfully and feel like someone knows me, and delights in me and who I am.

EDIT: I just skimmed the rest of the thread... ROFL
 

Eric B

ⒺⓉⒷ
Joined
Mar 29, 2008
Messages
3,621
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
548
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
My wife and I read this years ago, and I had trouble deciding on what mine was. I do like physical touch, if it's nice and affectionate, though if I'm preoccupied on some mental task, it might be distracting. Quality time I would have thought would be high, but in practice, I end up in my own world on the computer. Service and gifts are nice, I guess. Not sure how much I particularly appreciate it in practice. Words of Affirmation was the likely preference, but it can't be contradicted by too much criticism at other times. So I felt "tolerance" would be my language, but that's not in there.

As far as giving, I think it would be "commitment", but that's not in there either. I guess quality time, but it would have to be something I'm interested in, which is the problem. I would do service, gifts and physical touch, if I feel I am freely giving and it is not expected. Affrirmation I am horrible at.

Because I have never fully determined my own clear preference, I ever bothered trying to correlate these with temperament or type. It does seem that some of what I mentioned is connected with being Supine in Inclusion and Affection. (Basically, the INP part of my type).
 

Sarcasticus

Circus Maximus
Joined
May 3, 2008
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
NT.

To fit my squarish self into a roundish hole, I would have to say:

1. Quality Time (which emcompasses very deep personal talk / exploration of world)

followed by

2. Physical Touch [not necessarily sex]

Words of Affirmation only work in the right context.
Gifts only work if your gift shows you know me uniquely.
Gifts of Service are appreciated pragmatically but don't really stroke me.

I wish those three things meant more to me, but typically they roll off my back, unless I am specifically asking for them. :(

To be honest, I just want to talk meaningfully and feel like someone knows me, and delights in me and who I am.

EDIT: I just skimmed the rest of the thread... ROFL

Heh, I think our orders of preference are identical. I just don't get the whole "Acts of Service" thing. That's dead last for me behind Gifts (which I appreciate but don't expect or demand).
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,187
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Heh, I think our orders of preference are identical. I just don't get the whole "Acts of Service" thing. That's dead last for me behind Gifts (which I appreciate but don't expect or demand).

yeah. You can never give me a gift or try to affirm me with words, and yet we could still be close; but if you do not spend "deep time" with me, we'll never ever be really close at all.

What was hard was that many family members of mine are Gifts/Acts of Service people. Total mismatch.
 

wolfy

awsm
Joined
Jun 30, 2008
Messages
12,251
...

He identifies the 5 languages as these:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

...

I like all of them. But which one conveys the most love? Pretty hard to quantify, and some things are a combination.

Acts of service always makes me think of sexual favours. Though that would include physical touch and possibly words of affirmation too.

Gifts are nice, it's the thought that counts. And the act of buying them. So are gifts an act of service?

I like physical touch. Not too rushed, it's real quality time.

I'm confused about my needs.
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
yeah. You can never give me a gift or try to affirm me with words, and yet we could still be close; but if you do not spend "deep time" with me, we'll never ever be really close at all.

Yeah.. this is a good way to look at it. It's not like I don't get warm fuzzies with thoughtful gifts/surprises, or acts of service, but the absence of them wouldn't be indicative of a lack of love, to me. I wouldn't be concerned/worried about the relationship when those were lacking.

Absence of Quality Time and Physical Touch, though? That would be epically bad - hence they're my top 2. I realized their importance in February, when my guy was pretty sick for over a week, and we didn't really see much of each other at all. With the absence of those two, that's where I noticed I really did need more of the Words of Affirmation (i.e. emails, or whatever), whereas under 'normal' circumstances I don't need the Words/reassurance in a big way.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
NF

Touch
Words of Affirmation
Quality time


I appreciate gifts and acts of service a lot, but it's not something that I crave. The other three however, I do, especially being touched. I'm a tactile person.
 
G

garbage

Guest
1. Quality time
2. Physical touch
3. Words of affirmation
4. Acts of service
5. Gifts

Quality time absolutely trumps everything else. It can't be bought or traded, and it represents an investment in our relationship. It is providing opportunities for us to get to know each other through shared experiences and through meaningful, heart-felt discussion.


On the other end of the spectrum, I've explicitly told people not to give me gifts in recent years. If I buy something myself, it will more closely approximate what I actually want. I can tell you exactly what I want, but then the process of buying me a gift becomes robotic and obligatory. Gift cards are worse than cash. In addition, there's very little that I actually do want, so most anything that gets bought for me has the potential to end up in a closet or at Goodwill.

Many gifts come from a place of, "But I wanted to get you something!! :( :(" Sorry, I don't have an obligation to actually keep or use something that you get me. If you want to communicate love to me, you'll have to use another approach.

Gift-giving doesn't usually do much for me, since I usually dislike the gifts, don't need them, and prefer to choose things for myself. ... I consider this the best kind of gift, since it lets me spend more time on things I prefer to be doing, or to work on something with fewer interruptions. It also makes me just plain feel cared for.

:hifive: rants about gifts
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
Joined
Mar 31, 2009
Messages
9,581
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
NT

Words of Affirmation / Quality Time (These two seem to go hand in hand for me. Let's just say I like to connect intellectually, and that to me is quality time.)
Physical Touch
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
Too bad this thread didn't include instinctual stackings. You might get a stronger correlation.
 

Santosha

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
1,516
MBTI Type
HUMR
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
sx
I equate "quality time" with "physical touch". Is there another quality? :devil:
 

onemoretime

Dreaming the life
Joined
Jun 29, 2009
Messages
4,455
MBTI Type
3h50
What do the rest of you consider to be physical touch? In my case, I mean nothing more than a back rub when I'm stressed, or a quick peck on the cheek when she's walking by, just because. It doesn't have to be sexual at all.
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
Joined
Mar 31, 2009
Messages
9,581
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
What do the rest of you consider to be physical touch? In my case, I mean nothing more than a back rub when I'm stressed, or a quick peck on the cheek when she's walking by, just because. It doesn't have to be sexual at all.

I consider it to be holding someone, for no apparant reason, other than the fact of wanting to be close to that someone. To be with them, connected to them physically.
 
Top