Forbes says: Flirt your way into the corner office.

[Offog]

Forbes article from last August.

This article is creepy-hilarious in all sorts of ways, but ultimately I think it's about Te trying to understand Fe and, um getting it wrong.

Check it out.

 

[Iris2671]

You're right, the author did get it wrong and I'm surprised Forbes would run this article. Telling employees to "flirt" to get ahead in the workplace is bad advice that can backfire in the worse way. People in a committed relationship with high Fi could easily be offended and people with low understanding of Fe could misunderstand your intentions completely, at least that's how I see it. I believe in being friendly in a professional manner and have had no problems with that (even though I am very low Fe), but I don't know how I would feel if a male senior partner sent me an email *from his work computer* complementing me on my stilettos. That might get a low- grade reading on my creep-o-meter.

 

[miss fortune]

they call what I call normal interaction flirting?!?!

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

There is already pressure for women to flirt in professional fields. It is a way of mixing the assertiveness of your skill and knowledge with passive, submissive gestures that are a reminder of one's 'gender role". I don't know what banking is like, but the performing arts can have a lot of this sort of thing going on. The communication can get convoluted. I think some women can handle it, but not all. I can't and have no desire to try. I also see it as a filter. If a potential employer wants someone who gives him that extra little tingle and not whoever is most qualified, then it doesn't sound like the right work environment for me. You present yourself that way, then you are expected to deliver - if not in an overtly sexual way, it is in a more subtle way to boost hormonal levels throughout the day and provide new fodder for sexual fantasies.

 

[rav3n]

they call what I call normal interaction flirting?!?!

Seems kind of silly.

It really does depend on how far you go. No touchy or too graphic. Keep it light and fun.

 

[miss fortune]

ewww... I hate touching people (or especially them touching me!) unless they're the person that I'm sleeping with

also, I just show interest, ask questions, smile and make eye contact... the world of sales are BASED on those behaviors

 

[EJCC]

How bizarre. Why would they even call that flirting?!? The way they defined it in the article, it seems like they just mean "Be friendly, ask them about themselves, laugh at their jokes, and don't be too sexual". I agree with whatever - isn't that how you should act towards people in the first place?

I think the OP's right - it's just a sad attempt at teaching Fe.

 

[sleepy]

ewww... I hate touching people (or especially them touching me!) unless they're the person that I'm sleeping with

I'm sort of the same. I never touch people. I let other people touch me(basically my brothers kids, because they don't know,),but I dont touch other people, ever!

Even when sleeping with them I need plastic in-between. I don't kiss any more either, I just eeek. I'm considering to bring the thin plastic you wrap with to put between the lips.

Unsure if they will think this is weird or a turn off though. I would really like that, as I don't see the point in swapping bodily fluids.

I'm worried I'm turning asexual. My interest is like zero these days. I still sometimes do it. I guess to feel normal or something.

 

[Bamboo]

I'd agree that most of what they are describing is just basic social contact stuff. Although (in my view) social stuff of the forced, "ass-kissing bullshit" variety. Not that those behaviors can't be genuine, just in this context, I can imagine the author of the article with some big fake smile and pervasive strained eye contact and laughing too hard at things that aren't funny. The article has an additional sexual spin with the 'stiletto heels which add to her already tall frame' description and more.

In any case, this probably, (somewhat laughably), DOES work in a corporate setting, and less surprisingly, in less institutionalized environments. That said, I can see this blowing up in your face if you try it with the wrong people, who will either:

- see right through your bullshit and either use you or dismiss you
- be oblivious, and think you are being genuine, and certainly cause problems for you

 

[skylights]

...ultimately I think it's about Te trying to understand Fe and, um getting it wrong.

How bizarre. Why would they even call that flirting?!? The way they defined it in the article, it seems like they just mean "Be friendly, ask them about themselves, laugh at their jokes, and don't be too sexual". I agree with whatever - isn't that how you should act towards people in the first place?

firmly agreed on both points

heck, i'm E and Fi and i feel like that's how i interact pretty consistently. be genuinely interested in the other person, be compassionate, and engage them in mutually-pleasing conversation. that's not flirting. or maybe that's why people think i'm flirting sometimes when i'm really not

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

The article also mentioned wearing sexualized clothing like really high heels as a direct reaction to a male compliment. Responding to personal male compliments on dress is saying, "I am here to please you". There is eye contact based on interest and respect in a business sense, and there is eye contact that has a swoony manner where your pupils get larger, tip your head, be too close, and you hang on their every word suggesting an infatuation. They said the flirting is subtle and conveyed in the nuance of the normal type of interactions. The article is saying to "flirt between the lines" type of thing.

I think what it does is boost the ego. It gives the illusion that women are attracted sexually to the men even if they won't cross the lines for professional reasons. The ego is still boosted by the undercurrent of possibility. The problem is that the ego is equally offended when that undercurrent possibility is not offered. A woman can make male enemies based on that alone.

 

[Randomnity]

I'd agree that most of what they are describing is just basic social contact stuff. Although (in my view) social stuff of the forced, "ass-kissing bullshit" variety. Not that those behaviors can't be genuine, just in this context, I can imagine the author of the article with some big fake smile and pervasive strained eye contact and laughing too hard at things that aren't funny. The article has an additional sexual spin with the 'stiletto heels which add to her already tall frame' description and more.

+1

 

[rav3n]

I'd agree that most of what they are describing is just basic social contact stuff. Although (in my view) social stuff of the forced, "ass-kissing bullshit" variety. Not that those behaviors can't be genuine, just in this context, I can imagine the author of the article with some big fake smile and pervasive strained eye contact and laughing too hard at things that aren't funny. The article has an additional sexual spin with the 'stiletto heels which add to her already tall frame' description and more.

In any case, this probably, (somewhat laughably), DOES work in a corporate setting, and less surprisingly, in less institutionalized environments. That said, I can see this blowing up in your face if you try it with the wrong people, who will either:

- see right through your bullshit and either use you or dismiss you
- be oblivious, and think you are being genuine, and certainly cause problems for you

I'd be curious why this methodology of friendly social interactions offends you so much.

 

[Bamboo]

Corporate environments interest me.

A guy I work with now quite frequently used to work in in an office. I pointed at one - a shiny glass postmodern rectangle "like that?" I asked him. "Yeah."

We talked about a variety of things. He mentioned how he had "an office wife." He explained that many people have an office pal or frequently a person of the opposite sex who they are close to but on a professional level.

 

[rav3n]

Office environments are hazard zones. It's always best to have someone watch your back, regardless of gender.

Networking matters quite a bit where it gets you noticed.

Not sure why it has to be viewed as fake or insincere. Most often, your allies and network of contacts are people you get along with. But it's true there are the insincere frenemy types.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I just try and be positive and charismatic and that has worked wonders so far...

 

[Bamboo]

I'd be curious why this methodology of friendly social interactions offends you so much.

Short answer:
The methodology in question is terribly disgenuine.

I find it offensive because when you sacrifice and betray your true emotions for a generic, always pleasant facade, you:

- impede the airing of legitimate grievances which could be solved readily if not for the pressing need to always present a false positive image

this requires that both individuals (or more) have the esteem to deal with the situation as it is. the danger of the facade is the potential to sugar coat a major problem with social niceties.

if you want to be competitive, I think you can see why that is an issue.
- create a mockery of true friendship and camaraderie
- fail to truly assess the other person - you are focused on your own image rather than the people around you

 

[Bamboo]

I'd add that all the regular rules still apply, meaning, conduct yourself as a civilized person, regardless if you like who you are dealing with or not, or perhaps more applicable to this article - whether or not they are an individual who you can use for your own advancement.

 

[rav3n]

Short answer:
The methodology in question is terribly disgenuine.

I find it offensive because when you sacrifice and betray your true emotions for a generic, always pleasant facade, you:

- impede the airing of legitimate grievances which could be solved readily if not for the pressing need to always present a false positive image

this requires that both individuals (or more) have the esteem to deal with the situation as it is. the danger of the facade is the potential to sugar coat a major problem with social niceties.

if you want to be competitive, I think you can see why that is an issue.
- create a mockery of true friendship and camaraderie
- fail to truly assess the other person - you are focused on your own image rather than the people around you

I'd add that all the regular rules still apply, meaning, conduct yourself as a civilized person, regardless if you like who you are dealing with or not, or perhaps more applicable to this article - whether or not they are an individual who you can use for your own advancement.

These two posts conflict. Either people are supposed to get along or they're supposed to be direct and honest.

So, say you're naturally flirtatious and flirt with both genders as a sign of friendliness. Must you stop being this way if this person can advance your career?

 

[A window to the soul]

Flirting in the corporate world will only take one so far (aka, 'brown nosing'). Some amount of showmanship around the office is important, but I think focusing on quality work, and promoting a genuine team atmosphere is more important.

I'd rather my review say, "kicks asses & takes names with her work."... rather than, "kisses asses and takes sexy to new heights."