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Typology and Mothers.

Kaizer

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There have been MANY occasions where he has done something/made a comment that has made me turn at him and say, "Oh dear god, I'm dating my mother."

needed to be immortalized
 

jellicoe

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As a mom I can relate to this from the other side.
My daughter (mid 20's) is an ENTP. Very sure of herself.
My son is 21 and I'm not sure about what his type is. I've had to have a chat to him about not alwayss having girlfriends that he is "rescuing" - relationships should be helping him too.
Their dad died when they were 9 and 7. My son wouldn't wear pyjamas to bed - wore his clothes - when I asked him why he told me he was the man of the house and needed to be ready just in case something happened - broke my heart to hear this from a 7-year-old.
I suspect they found me not a particularly fantastic parent - but they have both turned out OK - so I can't have done too bad (I hope).
 

Thalassa

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Your son sounds like an Fe dom.
 

Totenkindly

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My mom is ISFJ.

She has a heart of gold and speaks kindly of others, and is very good at remembering special days and things that particular people like... although sometimes she doesn't update her data banks very quickly. (She is still occasionally buying me store-made blueberry muffins that I don't like ever since the recipe switched years ago... but she's kind of a 'duck and run' gift giver, so it's hard to talk to her directly about it without sounding ungrateful.) She's also very good at maintaining stability.

But she also hates and fears conflict to the point of not going there when she needs to; and she's also very set in her beliefs, while also not being a very rational thinker at all; so although she'll try to listen, it's very very difficult to communicate anything of complexity or anything that doesn't align with her prior beliefs, and even if she seems to be giving cues that she gets it and agrees with you, she'll go right back to where she was before next time it comes up and it leaves you wondering if, last time, she didn't really get it but was just trying to keep things peaceful.

When I was younger, she would make sacrifices for me that I didn't want, and she would take refusal of her gifts hard -- although she wouldn't make a public scene, she'd just disappear... and later I'd find out she had been crying in her bedroom. So I was torn between pity and anger. She definitely FELT like a martyr in her self-perception, but she also has that resilient mindset driving in part by her religiousness where she doesn't care how she feels, she still does what she thinks is right and kind and good. Which can be a good thing or a bad thing... since continually ignoring one's inner emotional barometer can be self-destructive after awhile.

So my relationship with my mother is weird; I respect and love her, and appreciate how she has given herself to her family as best she could, but at the same time she was never a model for the sort of woman I want to be and can be, she and I just are not much alike except maybe in the shyness area (which I've overcome in online arenas and some public ones) and also just not wanting to engage in conflict. I felt like she was far more fragile than me.

In terms of its effect on me?

I learn and I adapt. I had to learn to adapt to my mother. Early in life, I withdrew in order to preserve my autonomy, not use her, and be independent... but I realize now I think that hurt her in some ways, and I wish I had been okay with letting her care for me more and being more overly appreciative of it. I do have some negative reactions to (1) people who always do nice stuff but never speak their mind even when I can tell they don't like something, (2) people who give gifts without accepting gifts themselves, as well as give gifts that AREN'T actually suitable for the persron but interact in ways that prevent the error from ever easily being corrected, (3) people who dodge necessary conflict to everyone's detriment, and (4) people who leave you feeling bad when you feel you can't do what they want... low-level manipulation, even if it was not entirely conscious on their part. And rigid Fe standards are part of that bad feeling; I don't like following rules just because they exist nor being judged for not following them, I like them to make sense. I also (5) consistently carry with me a fear of not being understood, especially with people I love, and thus being vulnerable.

Then again, it gave me an appreciation for structure, and an understanding of Fe perspective, and it forced me to try grasp why she is the way she is and even work on finding new ways in myself to accommodate the things that are just her even if they aren't me. I also value her fidelity, her somewhat naive but resilient endurance in what I see to be hopeless situations, her faith, and her ability to still try to love people she has no way of understanding. (My pathway to love is often THROUGH understanding.)
 

cafe

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Wow!! My mother is an ESFP.. and your childhood sounds quite familiar to mine.. We were always moving and being introduced to the new patriarch,
By the time I was 16 I had had lived in 5 different cities and I estimate about 12-15 different dwellings. I was "raised" by 5 different men.
We were so impoverished at times I slept on the floor. And things like the power would be shut off and all.
My mom meant well.. But she just couldn't help putting herself first and she had awful taste in men..
Lots of abuse.
The thing is, I am not sure how much of it affected me. I have never really had a problem with my mother consciously nor my upbringing.
I just figured I have always had a choice and have made lots of bad ones.
Also.. some of the stories I heard from friends about what went on in their houses, made mine seem pretty normal in a fucked up way.

My mom has always been a kind of hero to me.
Go Figure.

And she evetually grew up and got a BA is Psychology and an MA in Sociology .. and she is a teacher now.
stayed with the same man for 25 years and adopted 3 children and my is also in legal custody of my sister's kid.

My Hypnotherapist said my adult relationships did way more damage to me than my childhood.

My mom is all right as far as I am concerned.
The utilities and money stuff didn't bother me much. The moving was kind of hard, but not the end of the world. Never knowing what people I was going to have in my life, having my status go from child to peer to child depending on whether there was a man around or not was what was really hard for me.

My SJ brother, though, I guess the money related stuff was pretty hard on him.

My SJ grandmother could be as annoying as heck, but she was the rock of my childhood and knowing she was always there was a really good thing for me.

My mom has grown up a little. She held a job for over three years before she retired. She moved in with us after the last divorce and other than the crazy Right wing religious stuff and Muslim hate, she has been pleasant to have around. And God knows she's much better at keeping up with the housework than I'll ever be.

However, she didn't actually consciously try to screw with my head much. She was amazing with discipline and authority most of the time -- she didn't try to control everything I did or give me guilt trips or expect me to be anything in particular (except not to make her life bad). She always knew where I was and who I was with. I absolutely tried to discipline my kids by her pattern because she was amazing with that. She always treated my brothers and I like humans -- I have been shocked to learn just how unusual that is.

My husband and I moved a lot while the kids were younger and were pretty poor for years, so I know it can be hard to manage those things. But I was so freaked out by the changing dads that I was pretty careful about dating and insisted on premarital counseling and stuff. That was one thing I didn't want my kids put through. I'm sure they have plenty of stuff to complain about, though. I was pretty depressed when they were little -- totally overwhelmed by having four little kids and no money. I'm suspicious and overprotective and don't like leaving the house if I don't have to -- especially when it involves crowds and stuff. I won't miss an important event like a band/choir concert, but I'm not going to any title one events or fund raising festivals.

Hopefully they will do better than we did, but still allow us access to our grandkids. :D
 

Mr. Sherlock Holmes

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My mother is predictably ISFJ. She is nice and incredibly caring and devoted, which is very fortunate, and she's actually pretty rational and open to most new ideas and accepting. At times, though, particularly when she's stressed or is trying to organise something, she can be very irrational and angry and then does this weird thing where she yells at us for being useless, and if we point out any sort of incongruency with what she's saying and doing, she says "Oh yeah, I know! I'm the most horrible person in the world!" or something like that and goes into this big guilt trip self-pity/self-imposed martyrdom thing (like she does good things that inconvenience her whether or not we want or care about it and complains the whole time, saying how she has to do everything etc.). But when she's not doing that, she's friendly and congenial. She's surprisingly accepting of me and supports me in most any choice I make, saying I should go with my passions. She basically spends most of the time humbly serving others. She is very avoidant of conflict though and will act nice around people she hates only to whine about them later.
 

Mr. Sherlock Holmes

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When I was younger, she would make sacrifices for me that I didn't want, and she would take refusal of her gifts hard -- although she wouldn't make a public scene, she'd just disappear... and later I'd find out she had been crying in her bedroom. So I was torn between pity and anger. She definitely FELT like a martyr in her self-perception, but she also has that resilient mindset driving in part by her religiousness where she doesn't care how she feels, she still does what she thinks is right and kind and good. Which can be a good thing or a bad thing... since continually ignoring one's inner emotional barometer can be self-destructive after awhile.

So my relationship with my mother is weird; I respect and love her, and appreciate how she has given herself to her family as best she could, but at the same time she was never a model for the sort of woman I want to be and can be, she and I just are not much alike except maybe in the shyness area (which I've overcome in online arenas and some public ones) and also just not wanting to engage in conflict. I felt like she was far more fragile than me.

In terms of its effect on me?

I learn and I adapt. I had to learn to adapt to my mother. Early in life, I withdrew in order to preserve my autonomy, not use her, and be independent... but I realize now I think that hurt her in some ways, and I wish I had been okay with letting her care for me more and being more overly appreciative of it. I do have some negative reactions to (1) people who always do nice stuff but never speak their mind even when I can tell they don't like something, (2) people who give gifts without accepting gifts themselves, as well as give gifts that AREN'T actually suitable for the persron but interact in ways that prevent the error from ever easily being corrected, (3) people who dodge necessary conflict to everyone's detriment, and (4) people who leave you feeling bad when you feel you can't do what they want... low-level manipulation, even if it was not entirely conscious on their part. And rigid Fe standards are part of that bad feeling; I don't like following rules just because they exist nor being judged for not following them, I like them to make sense. I also (5) consistently carry with me a fear of not being understood, especially with people I love, and thus being vulnerable.

Is that sort of thing common among ISFJs, especially mums? They always need to do things for others but at the same time need those acts to be appreciated and get upset if we don't want her help? Because I can really relate to that experience with my mum, as I've mentioned in my post. It's sort of a blessing and a curse at the same time for me.
 

Totenkindly

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In my experience with average ISFJs, they really want to give selflessly to those they love; but if they start to feel taken advantage of or they are not shown a response to their commitment, this can develop into disappointment, hurt, lack of self-worth, pessimism/dourness, martrydom, cynicism, etc.

It's the introversion doing it -- being within the internal world, and all acts start with and end with the individual. It leads to thinking they should just be able to do what is obviously right regardless of how they feel [treated]. So now you have someone who is very very good at giving to others but is almost voiceless reagarding the expression of their own needs and thus typically disappointed because some people just won't respond until they get cues that a response is desired. IMO they almost seem to need people to read their minds because they see it as improper to ask for things they want or need.

ESFJs IMO are actually much easier to deal with in the sense they'll typically get in your face to let you know when you're not giving in the ways they think you should be; yes, it might produce an overt conflict and seem invasive, but at least the problem will hopefully get resolved rather than festering and creating an entrenched negative behavior pattern that will be very hard to break later.
 

Mr. Sherlock Holmes

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I think my mom is INFP, but perhaps ISFP. FP are her strongest letters. She's also crazy fundamentalist christian in most ways (more so when we were gorwing up, though), and I clashed with her a LOT when I was growing up over the ridiculous (imo) rules that she made us follow for religious and/or overptrotective reasons. She's also very impractical with money, but with good intentions - it's the idealism saying she has to get "the best" and "everything" until she runs out of money 3 days into the month. :doh: She always said "god will provide" - so she didn't have to budget or make difficult choices, it was just "buy things until you're out of money, then god'll do the rest". She's been clinically depressed for as long as I've known her, and she may have (had?) some schizophrenic tendencies (undiagnosed but several symptoms and her mom is diagnosed - but it could just be issues from her own very messed-up and over-religious childhood). She thought (thinks?) god talks to her personally, telling her what to do. Try reasoningwith that!

It did negatively affect my perception of the FP types, especially at first, but it's hard to say whether the chicken or the egg came first - NFP is the type with the least mutual understanding and appreciation (with me personally, I mean), I've found. We just tend to value different things and devalue each others' reasoning. I would predict they would be the most difficult type to live with for me, but it hasn't happened yet so maybe it would be fine. I am living with an isfp after all - but there the practicality is there, at least.

I do get along well with my mom now - after a year or two of not living with her we mellowed out. Most of our fighting was over her ridiculous rules so while I have still gently disagreed with her sometimes over her rules for my sisters, it's not personal anymore (and it's not really as much a concern for the last sister living at home, who'll probably be moving out in a year or two anyway). So now I have coffee with my mom every month or so and we can actually talk about stuff, which is nice. She's either gotten less judgmental these days or learned to keep it to herself. Either way. :)

I don't want to be rude, but your mum sounds a little crazy. I doubt I would be able to deal with that. i'd fight constantly.
 

Randomnity

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Yeah that's pretty much how it went down. She's a lot less crazy these days which is why we get along - well, that and/or the crazy is less noticeable because I don't live with her!

She did impress me by not making negative comments about me moving to an apartment with my bf when I invited her over (so no more illusion of "but they have separate rooms"), because she flipped out when my sister moved in with her bf a few years ago.
 

Trentham

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My mom is an ESFJ. The only factor that ever gave me pause (and consideration of ISFJ as a possibility) is her tendency to avoid excessive socializing with people outside the immediate family, but I believe that's due to some rather serious self esteem and depression issues that transcend her personality type. In other words, I think she would very much like to be a social butterfly, but that desire has been suppressed by decades of poor self esteem and constant worrying about what everyone else thinks of her. There's no question in my mind, however, that she leads with Fe. There is never a doubt as to what emotional state she is residing in at any given time, she is prone to histrionics when she doesn't get her way, and her foremost concern in life (no exaggeration) is maintaining the perception in others (i.e., those outside her immediate family) that All is Well® and that she and the rest of her family are perfectly normal. In fact I believe it's that very need to always keep up appearances with the neighbors and extended family that has led to her problems with depression and poor self image.

There are positives. She's very good with money, is a quick learner and has an exceptionally sharp memory for someone her age (Si). She's an exceptional caretaker and can have a very charming personality and sense of humor when her mood is right. She does however tend to overplay the caretaker role to some extent, and will sometimes use it as an excuse to martyr herself if things between us aren't going the way she expects them to (i.e., "I've done SO MUCH for you over the years!"). The dilemma is that she has a strong need to be that caretaker, but she also expects more in return than just your eternal gratitude - she expects her hard work and sacrifices to pay dividends in other areas. Again, her foremost concern is to avoid any possible embarrassment and ridicule from outsiders, so if something happens in my life which could potentially cause that for her, she takes it as a personal offense.

This obsession of hers has resulted in a strong need to control the flow of information to the outside world, which invariably translates into a need to exert direct control over members of the family (dad, sister, me, and while they were alive, my grandparents) via emotional manipulation. When my sister and I were kids, the control mechanisms also went beyond manipulation and into direct, invasive intervention in our lives. Basically, we had no privacy and were granted very little respect or autonomy. Her fear of looking like a bad parent even extended itself to the subjects we took in school - she discouraged both of us from taking challenging science & math classes because we might not make "A's" and our names would therefore be left off the honor roll in the newspaper, which she would presumably have to answer for. Obviously, the worst punishments she could dish out were reserved for the (rare) times when we publicly embarrassed her or the family reputation in some way.

I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating or beating a dead horse. Honestly, there's not enough bandwidth on this site to tell enough stories or analyze this enough to do it justice. My dad and I have spent countless hours doing just that and we've barely scratched the surface.

As to the OP's question - yes, she has somewhat colored my perception of ESFJs, although I am quicker to indict her obvious mental health issues than her cognitive functions. I've met plenty of ESFJs who don't act (exactly) like she does.
 

Moiety

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Do you know your Mothers type? ENFJ
Has it had a positive, negative or no affect on you in regard to that type? No affect. Other elements of my family had impact on FJ in general though.
 

Aquarelle

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My mom's an ESFJ and she's the best mom ever. :) I don't think it's had a negative affect for that type for me, seeing as I also married an ESFJ. ;)
 

Such Irony

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My mother is an XSFJ. The positives are that she's a good listener and if I ever get into serious trouble, I know I'll have someone I can go to. She's very considerate and respectful of others and in public comes across as very pleasant and polite. She is highly intelligent and has a lot of common sense but she's more down to earth than intellectually oriented. She has a wonderful sense of humor and we both tend to find the same sorts of things funny.

She can be quite overprotective. I'm a grown adult now, I live on my own and she still wants me to call her every night to let her know how I'm doing and gets made when I don't. When we're together, she's constantly asking me if I'm okay. I just tell her I'm fine and if I wasn't I'd tell her. I let her know that I'm annoyed by her constantly asking me. I know she means well and everything but enough is enough.

When growing up, I didn't feel like my privacy was always respected. If I told her that I didn't want to tell her or show her something she would keep pressuring me into trying to share with her. She'd say things like "you can tell me anything, I'm your mom." In theory yes, but in practice there are just things about me she's better off not knowing.

She's very pleasant with others when going out in public but in the privacy of her family she can be quite irritable and crabby about things, especially when she's told us to do something and we didn't take her advice.

Like what Trentham said, she doesn't really have a social life outside her family. She comes across as pleasant and socially graceful and talkative but no real good friendships have been cultivated.

She is quite talkative. We will be driving somewhere together and she will talk the entire time. I wonder how she can talk nonstop like that and never run out of things to say. Of course she does repeat herself alot too. I tune her out alot because I already understood the first time but she thinks I never got it the first time, hence the repetition.

She has a really good Si memory. Sometimes she'll say things like "didn't you use to have x?" or "didn't you say before that....." And I'll say, I did? Honestly I didn't remember.

She's very traditional and believes rules are meant to be followed and not questioned. She doesn't have the strong need to know *why* for everything like I do. She doesn't fully understand that In order to have good self-esteem I strongly need intellectual mastery.

I remember when growing up, whenever I wanted to try something new it seemed like she was always pointing out the negatives. She's very much a play it safe sort person and doesn't like change very much although when there are changes around her she actually adapts quite well.

She is always doing things for her family and I think that's the primary source of her self-esteem. I know she doesn't like it when I tell her thanks but no thanks. I think if she's not helping someone, she's literally lost as to what to do. I've tried doing things for her but it doesn't work so well that way. She generously gives gifts yet when I ask her what she wants for Christmas she'll say "nothing really, you don't need to get me anything."
 

Patches

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I'd say the main similarity I have to my mother is what we would describe as a 'realistic' view of the world (bordering on paranoia that everyone in the world is out to screw you over). The biggest difference though is that she is an assertive/dominant person and I am a very passive/submissive person in general. She once made the comment that she "didn't know how she managed to raise such a pussy."

Oh, speaking of - We're both very blunt. Nothing gets sugar-coated, heh.
 

cascadeco

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My mom's an ISTJ. I've always had a fine relationship with her, although in my 20's made the conscious effort to try to 'get closer' to her. That didn't pan out terribly well, as my method of trying to get closer to people is either to open up a little bit more about myself, and with my mom that tends to just result in probing, totally pointless questions on details while missing what I'm actually trying to say, or else criticism, or the other option is my asking more about her, and then I just realize she's into things I'm not that into. haha. So I've reached a level of peace that I'm not ever going to 'connect' with her in a way that would be super close or satisfactory to me, but that on a more superficial level we get along quite well, and that that's actually quite all right with me. (Actually it's the same with my father) I've also learned over the years that with both of them if I somewhat playfully assert who I am, and am unbending in that, they accept it quite well and I don't get all of the questioning.

My mother (combined with my father) created a very stable environment growing up. It was also for the most part a drama-free and emotion-free environment (which has its positives and minuses). Home-cooked meals every day, they were quite happy and willing to shuttle my brother and I around to various music or dance classes or school activities (well, at times my mom's true feelings would emerge and she would grumble when she was growing tired of shuttling around), and all of my physical needs were provided for. Very dependable and accountable for getting everything done that needed to be done and getting my brother and I to wherever we needed to be. The negatives specific to my mother were simply that she could be extremely critical and probing/questioning (just her nature) and I know that impacted my self esteem a bit and also created a dynamic where I simply didn't want to share or discuss anything with her at all because I didn't want the tedious questioning. Also, out in public as a family, my mother was usually the source of minor social embarassments.... she is extremely tactless, partly because she's so unsure of herself in social situations...typically this is evident when we're at a restaurant or in a clothing store and she's trying to be 'pleasant' in posing a question or whatever, and it comes across very awkwardly... basically it's the scenario where she speaks and everyone else in the group is totally silent for a second or two, then someone comes in and makes a graceful 'save'. haahaha. I used to get very embarrassed on her behalf at times, growing up. :)
 

Trentham

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She can be quite overprotective. I'm a grown adult now, I live on my own and she still wants me to call her every night to let her know how I'm doing and gets made when I don't.
Mine just stalks me on Facebook when I don't call. :dry:

I actually call my parents' house fairly often to talk to my (IsTP) dad, because he and I have a lot of common interests so there's often plenty for us to talk about. The facebook stalking will begin when I go for 2 or 3 days without calling them after having spoken to them several days in a row previously. She will facebook me or send me an email asking if "everything's all right" or if I'm mad at her or my dad. WTF?? I'm not calling because I don't have anything to talk about. It's that simple. Very annoying and no matter how I handle it she still doesn't understand where I'm coming from.

When growing up, I didn't feel like my privacy was always respected. If I told her that I didn't want to tell her or show her something she would keep pressuring me into trying to share with her.
Nothing got my mom's ire up worse than me closing the door to my room. I think it may be part of the reason I value privacy so much today.

She's very pleasant with others when going out in public but in the privacy of her family she can be quite irritable and crabby about things, especially when she's told us to do something and we didn't take her advice.
:yes:

Like what Trentham said, she doesn't really have a social life outside her family. She comes across as pleasant and socially graceful and talkative but no real good friendships have been cultivated.
My mom has only one "friend" she spends any time around, a neighbor up the street whom she's known for about 40 years. This neighbor (also an ESFJ) talks to mom on the phone constantly, gossips with her, invites her places, chats back & forth with her on Facebook, etc.

The twist is, mom actually despises this woman. Makes fun of her and talks shit about her all the time. Secretly plots to one day haul off and move to another state without telling anyone where she's going, just to get away from her. But, mom is so afraid of the social implications of pissing her off that she expends enormous amounts of energy putting on a happy, laughing face for her and never has the guts to say "no" or not answer the phone. As much as mom likes getting phone calls from me, she will put me on hold if this woman calls while we're talking. I find it bizarre in the extreme. Dad has been around it so long that he just laughs at it now.

She has a really good Si memory. Sometimes she'll say things like "didn't you use to have x?" or "didn't you say before that....." And I'll say, I did? Honestly I didn't remember.
Mine will relate stories that each and every other family member has at least mostly forgotten (even my ISTJ sister). It seems that she hangs on to everything we've ever done. I suppose it's her only hobby.

She's very traditional and believes rules are meant to be followed and not questioned. She doesn't have the strong need to know *why* for everything like I do. She doesn't fully understand that In order to have good self-esteem I strongly need intellectual mastery.
Again i can only nod my head in agreement.

She is always doing things for her family and I think that's the primary source of her self-esteem. I know she doesn't like it when I tell her thanks but no thanks. I think if she's not helping someone, she's literally lost as to what to do.
Yeah, with mine it can be something as simple as what meal to prepare when I drive down for a visit. I am not at all a picky eater. She knows this. She also knows that I believe her to be a good cook and there's nothing she could fix that I wouldn't enjoy. Yet, she INSISTS on rolling out a full menu days in advance of a visit to make sure I fully approve. Bear in mind that I have never (at least since early childhood) complained about her cooking. Sigh...

She generously gives gifts yet when I ask her what she wants for Christmas she'll say "nothing really, you don't need to get me anything."
Mine will say this, but she doesn't really mean it. I've seen her become visibly hurt when my sister or dad got "more" for Christmas than she did. Another aspect of the martyrdom factor at work.
 

proteanmix

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Hmm, most people have SFJ/FJ mothers.

I kinda find it hard to believe, TBH. Stereotypical Fe behaviors are most often associated with motherhood, caretaking. I've even noticed in the FJ "Most Awesome" threads people are putting up pics of older, matronly women. Do other types not have as many children?

My job is nutty about MBTI...I've had to take it at least three times since August for different activities. Not surprisingly, quite a few SFJs and the majority of them are under-35. Just in conversations I've had with various SFJs there's way more education and career focus than family and children focus. Quite a few of them are married with no kids (and no immediate plans for kids) and I'm a little surprised at the vehemence have about not having kids. I've even found some confirmation of my observations about young women in my age group being more about their careers than family:

Women ages 22 to 30 with no husband and no kids earn a median $27,000 a year, 8% more than comparable men in the top 366 metropolitan areas, according to 2008 U.S. Census Bureau data crunched by the New York research firm Reach Advisors and released Wednesday..."Young women are going to college in droves," Reach Advisors reports. "Nearly three-quarters of girls who graduate from high school head to college, vs. two-thirds of the boys. But they don't stop there. Women are now 1.5 times more likely than men to graduate from college or earn advanced degrees." Armed with degrees, young women command higher salaries.

I wonder if people would accurately type an SFJ mother as SFJ who let's say had higher educational attainment (thus increasing your Openness score in the Big Five), wasn't a teacher or nurse (an SFJ engineer or scientist), wasn't always trying to lick you to death, stuff you with cookies and other baked goods, and didn't obtrusively insert herself into your life.
 

Mr. Sherlock Holmes

Consulting Detective
Joined
Aug 10, 2010
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5W4
Hmm, most people have SFJ/FJ mothers.

I kinda find it hard to believe, TBH. Stereotypical Fe behaviors are most often associated with motherhood, caretaking. I've even noticed in the FJ "Most Awesome" threads people are putting up pics of older, matronly women. Do other types not have as many children?

My job is nutty about MBTI...I've had to take it at least three times since August for different activities. Not surprisingly, quite a few SFJs and the majority of them are under-35. Just in conversations I've had with various SFJs there's way more education and career focus than family and children focus. Quite a few of them are married with no kids (and no immediate plans for kids) and I'm a little surprised at the vehemence have about not having kids. I've even found some confirmation of my observations about young women in my age group being more about their careers than family:



I wonder if people would accurately type an SFJ mother as SFJ who let's say had higher educational attainment (thus increasing your Openness score in the Big Five), wasn't a teacher or nurse (an SFJ engineer or scientist), wasn't always trying to lick you to death, stuff you with cookies and other baked goods, and didn't obtrusively insert herself into your life.

I don't know why it would be hard to believe. Fe is just friendly and sociable (in most instances) and Si likes reliable traditions/schedules. They're pretty good parents in general. And I'm sure many SFJs do focus on education and occupation more, but keep in mind that there are statistically a lot of SFJs, particularly female ones.
 

Such Irony

Honor Thy Inferior
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Jul 23, 2010
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5,059
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5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Mine just stalks me on Facebook when I don't call. :dry:

I actually call my parents' house fairly often to talk to my (IsTP) dad, because he and I have a lot of common interests so there's often plenty for us to talk about. The facebook stalking will begin when I go for 2 or 3 days without calling them after having spoken to them several days in a row previously. She will facebook me or send me an email asking if "everything's all right" or if I'm mad at her or my dad. WTF?? I'm not calling because I don't have anything to talk about. It's that simple. Very annoying and no matter how I handle it she still doesn't understand where I'm coming from.

I don't talk to my mom as much as she'd like me too because I feel like I don't have much worth sharing. At least not the sort of stuff that would interest her or that she would approve of. My mom's terrified of Facebook and putting information about herself on the Internet. She's terrified that she'll get her identity stolen or that her computer will be infected with some major virus.

Mine will relate stories that each and every other family member has at least mostly forgotten (even my ISTJ sister). It seems that she hangs on to everything we've ever done. I suppose it's her only hobby.

Yep. It's as if she has no life of her own. Sad, really. But she claims she's happy.
Yeah, with mine it can be something as simple as what meal to prepare when I drive down for a visit. I am not at all a picky eater. She knows this. She also knows that I believe her to be a good cook and there's nothing she could fix that I wouldn't enjoy. Yet, she INSISTS on rolling out a full menu days in advance of a visit to make sure I fully approve. Bear in mind that I have never (at least since early childhood) complained about her cooking. Sigh...

LOL about the meal stuff. My mom is much the same. It's bad when we go out to eat because she always insists that I pick a place. I tell her I'm not picky and I'll let her pick once in a while. Thing is when I pick a place, she'll never come out and say she doesn't want to go there but she will give hints to suggest she's not the most enthusiastic about my choice.
 
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