Greeters/Small Talk While Running Errands

[Aquarelle]

I was listening to the radio this morning, and they were having a debate about "greeters" and small talk with employees, specifically at the bank, but also more widely at any type of business - department stores, the cell phone store, Walmart, etc.

So on the one side, there was Bill. Bill said he hates when people at the bank pretend they're his friends - like when the greeter says, "Hi, can I help you?" and you have to say "No, thanks," but what you're really thinking is "I'm going to the bank! I can see where the tellers are, I can see where the line is... I don't need your help, and I don't want to talk to you!" Or when the teller starts trying to make small talk: "How was your weekend? What did you do?" Bill wants to say, "None of your beeswax!"

Bill's wife, Melissa, said she couldn't understand this attitude, and she didn't think ANYONE else would feel this way. She likes the personal contact, and even said that if she goes into the bank or wherever feeling crabby, and the Greeter greets her pleasantly, it brightens her day.

To me, this was a pretty obvious Introvert/Extrovert issue... I totally agree with Bill - if I have a question, I'll ask, otherwise I don't want to talk to employees at the bank or the department store. I want to get in, do what I came to do, and get on with my life. And especially if I'm cranky, a stranger talking to me is NOT going to brighten my day!! (Unless they happen to be a really exceptional stranger.)

So I'm curious, dear readers.... is it an Introvert/Extrovert thing? Please respond to poll and elaborate, if desired.

 

[Totenkindly]

When I was in college, I used to get really pissed whenever people would pass me and say, "Hey, whassup?" or "How are you doing?" I felt like they really didn't care, so the words were empty and mindless. It felt like a pointless intrusion into my space.

I just see it differently nowadays. I'm not expecting a conversation to either be non-existent or else be a deeply meaningful, philophically complex thing. I just see it as a way to say, "Hey, I see you; you exist; I'm letting you know you're part of the social web." It's actually meant as a nicety much of the time.

I also see there being various tiers of relational access, and that is just one of the many levels... I don't have to expect a trivial greeting to be deep, nor do I have to label it as worthless just because it's trivial.

It just is what it is.

 

[Halla74]

It all depends on my mood.

There was a time at Wal-Mart where a trio of young, clueless credit card account reps were trying to get people to sign up for a card (by approaching them as they walked down the main aisle at the front of the store) and as the bumbling fool scurried toward me and began his pitch, I extended my right arm outward and held up my hand like a traffic cop directing traffic to stop. It was so rude, but I was getting pissed just dealing with the sleeze in the air, it was actually the most polite thing I could have done, because if I did open my mouth, it would not have been civil at all.

BUT - the bank I go to is a different story. Their staff are actually really cool. Whenever I come in with my girls they make great efforts to entertain them. They always mess with me if I am in my business attire also, because most of the time I am wearing gym shorts and a tank top. They all know me by name, and are consistently nice, so I guess I've elevated them above "greeter" status.

Maybe what this boils down to is that we all have some disdain for being approached by strangers feigning shallow pleasantries for purposes of pitching their alterior motive?

I admit if I have time to chat with random folk and in the mood to do so, I'm there. I'm a total whore of the Church of Extroversion.



-Halla

 

[garbage]

"How are you doing?" is tolerable since, underneath the question, it's just a greeting and only requires a shallow response.
"Can I help you?" is fine, too. I understand your friend Bill's mindset with that one, though.

But "How was your weekend?" from a complete stranger? No, thanks. The feeling of 'intrusion' aside, how exactly is one supposed to respond to that?

For me, I think the 'tolerableness' has to do with how specific the question is.

 

[Xenon]

I'm not expecting a conversation to either be non-existent or else be a deeply meaningful, philophically complex thing. I just see it as a way to say, "Hey, I see you; you exist; I'm letting you know you're part of the social web." It's actually meant as a nicety much of the time.

I also see there being various tiers of relational access, and that is just one of the many levels... I don't have to expect a trivial greeting to be deep, nor do I have to label it as worthless just because it's trivial.

It just is what it is.

I don't mind the small gestures like that. They don't feel intrusive to me either, as long as I have some routine response I can use (I wouldn't like the 'how as your weekend stuff' though, or anything I'd have to actually think about). I don't need to make conversation, and I dislike when an employee is obviously dragging herself through the friendly chit-chat attempts because she's supposed to. I think having greeters is silly too. If someone has the job of being available to assist you or answer questions though, it makes sense to just let you know that. So I'm fine with someone asking if they can help me, as long as they leave me alone if I say no.

 

[cafe]

I don't mind the chit-chat. I actually make it a point to engage employees to some degree because I know it sucks to be treated like you're not a human. I want to show solidarity and validate people when I can and something like a little common courtesy doesn't take much effort from me.

 

[stalemate]

I guess I'm more like Melissa but not exactly. I don't mind the chit chat at all, I actually enjoy it and I initiate it sometimes. But I don't see it as a requirement and it probably isn't going to change my outlook on the day one way or the other.

So, I don't really care if I chit chat with them or not, but if it happens, that's awesome too.

 

[Aquarelle]

I don't so much have a problem with making small talk with the cashier or teller or whoever, and I certainly am not rude to them - I always say hello and thank you and smile. But it's more the people I'm not ALREADY in direct contact with, like greeter type people, or the person at the bookstore who comes up and asks if I need help, especially if more than one does it. I know they're supposed to do that, but I'd rather not have to say, "I'm just browsing" or whatever every three seconds when I'm looking for a book. Especially if I'm already crabby.

But if it's like the coffee shop I go to a few times a week, somewhere where they DO know me, I'm okay with it-- it's just places that pretend they know me/they're my friend in order to get my business. That makes me want to NOT give them my business.

 

[Billy]

Bill sounds like a douchebag, if you dont want people to talk to you because youre so obsessed with being an introvert do your banking online.

 

[Aquarelle]

Bill sounds like a douchebag, if you dont want people to talk to you because youre so obsessed with being an introvert do your banking online.

Sometimes you have to go in to the bank. If I need a money order, to do a wire transfer, or to withdraw a larger sum than the ATM will let me, I have to go in to the bank.

Seems kind of harsh to call him a douchebag for not liking to talk to strangers... of course he (and I, and I think most people) will still respond politely and observe the social niceties, but it's just that we are annoyed at having to do this.

 

[stalemate]

I don't so much have a problem with making small talk with the cashier or teller or whoever, and I certainly am not rude to them - I always say hello and thank you and smile. But it's more the people I'm not ALREADY in direct contact with, like greeter type people, or the person at the bookstore who comes up and asks if I need help, especially if more than one does it. I know they're supposed to do that, but I'd rather not have to say, "I'm just browsing" or whatever every three seconds when I'm looking for a book.

I agree about this. It is just annoying to answer the same question over and over, especially if the person is only doing it because their manager makes them. But if they walk up to me and ask me something meaningful I might end up talking to them all day.

 

[KDude]

In stores, I just politely disengage.. I say Hi and all of that, but I already know what I need. Unless I don't, and then they're nowhere to be found

I don't mind smalltalk with anyone else, like with acquaintances. It does bore me some of the time, but often, it's nice to hear what's up.

 

[Coriolis]

I agree with Bill entirely. And yes, Billy - I do much of my business online, but as Aquarelle points out, some transactions just have to be done in person.

I do my best to avoid unnecessary interaction while I am doing errands, but have no problem seeking out clerks and others when I really do need their help. (Ironically, they often can't help.) I have standard answers for the usual banalities, like "busy" if someone asks "how are you". As a courteous greeting, I prefer just good morning or hello over a question neither of us probably wants answered.

On the other hand, it can be fun to give unexpected responses to these kind of mindless exchanges, just to see how people will react. I especially enjoy putting sales people off their pitch.

 

[Billy]

Sometimes you have to go in to the bank. If I need a money order, to do a wire transfer, or to withdraw a larger sum than the ATM will let me, I have to go in to the bank.

Seems kind of harsh to call him a douchebag for not liking to talk to strangers... of course he (and I, and I think most people) will still respond politely and observe the social niceties, but it's just that we are annoyed at having to do this.

I dont see a reason to be annoyed, sounds like agoraphobia or something.

 

[Tiltyred]

The reason to be annoyed is that it's annoying. Everybody wants to pretend to be your friend when they're not. I don't give a happy damn how the bank teller's day was and I don't want to hear about it; I won't burden her with how I really feel about anything, either -- I go to the bank when I have to, to transact business, and the sooner it's over with, the better.

A similar thing is when they get you at the cash register and start up about did you want to put this on your BlahBlah charge? You don't have one? Do you want one? You know you get 10 percent off? Are you sure? Would you like to try a whatsit that's sitting here all over the counter so you have no place to put your purse down while you look for your money? What's your zip code? What's your phone number? This stuff makes me foam at the mouth. I feel like OMG take the freaking money and leave me alone...

Or "Did you find everything you needed today?" Well, I'm at the register ... what do you think? I want to say "No, I'm still wandering the store."

 

[Tallulah]

I don't mind the chit-chat. I actually make it a point to engage employees to some degree because I know it sucks to be treated like you're not a human. I want to show solidarity and validate people when I can and something like a little common courtesy doesn't take much effort from me.

This is how I feel. I don't mind a little chitchat, especially if it seems genuine. What I can't stand is the reluctant, bored, monotone, "How are you today?" as they avoid eye contact. Sheesh, don't say it if you're going to resent it. The other thing that gets me is when someone asks you how you are or if they can help you as you walk in the store, but then they don't wait for an answer before they walk away or turn their attention elsewhere.

I did miss the pleasantries when I lived in NYC. Everyone was so disconnected there, it would have been nice to hear some friendly voices and have a little human contact. The lack of it just reinforced the "every man for himself" vibe of the city.

What I really hate is being actively sold to or being followed around the store. And if you try and come in my dressing room, I will hurt you.

 

[Aquarelle]

I dont see a reason to be annoyed, sounds like agoraphobia or something.

Well, it's fine if you're not annoyed, but you don't have to call people who are annoyed douchebags. It's just a personal preference. A lot of people find people who sign in public annoying. I happen to like people who sing in public.

And actually agoraphobia is somewhat the opposite. From Google Health:

Agoraphobia is a fear of being in places where help might not be available. It usually involves fear of crowds, bridges, or of being outside alone.

Symptoms
Anxiety or panic attack (acute severe anxiety)
Becoming housebound for prolonged periods of time
Dependence on others
Fear of being alone
Fear of being in places where escape might be difficult
Fear of losing control in a public place
Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others
Feelings of helplessness
Feeling that the body is unreal
Feeling that the environment is unreal

 

[Tiltyred]

I feel like it cheapens the value of actual conversation. I also feel like I'm interacting with a machine sometimes, when it's obvious the person has been instructed to say certain things. For some reason I find that horrifying.

 

[Aquarelle]

A similar thing is when they get you at the cash register and start up about did you want to put this on your BlahBlah charge? You don't have one? Do you want one? You know you get 10 percent off? Are you sure? Would you like to try a whatsit that's sitting here all over the counter so you have no place to put your purse down while you look for your money? What's your zip code? What's your phone number? This stuff makes me foam at the mouth. I feel like OMG take the freaking money and leave me alone...

Or "Did you find everything you needed today?" Well, I'm at the register ... what do you think? I want to say "No, I'm still wandering the store."

+100!!!

 

[garbage]

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8zNsUTWsOc"].[/YOUTUBE]

What's your zip code? What's your phone number? This stuff makes me foam at the mouth.

oh my god yes