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  1. #21
    Junior Member Spin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012


    Quote Originally Posted by Eric B View Post
    Just curious; so you shut down, but do you ever blow up, if the other person's emotional responses keep up and make you feel threatened?
    (I tend to cram up at first, but then this looks like I'm wishy-washy, or just int he wrong, so if I feel really threatened, then all I can do is lash back out).
    I have that problem too! I don't want to clam up and seem like I'm agreeing with the other person, but that's actually not when I lash out. I'll just try to calmly say the truth, but the other person usually interrupts me or ignores me because it's an argument. (I might start to talk more heatedly, but at this point I still won't lash out -- at least, not for my definition of "lash out.")

    I lash out when someone crosses a line: if they start talking about hurting someone that I care about, for example. This actually happened to me once: a roommate seemed serious about hurting someone I cared about. She'd been complaining about this person more and more vehemently for a long time, and I'd tried to get her to see that this person was important to me, but it didn't make any difference. Even so, I was REALLY caught off-guard when she started talking about hurting this person. I ended up actually yelling at the top of my lungs, shaking, and slamming a door. It wasn't a very informative lashing-out, though. All I could muster was something cliched like "I hate you! Get OUT!" Later, I took a more calculated approach to deal with my roommate's intended violence, but I still couldn't hold my own in an actual heated discussion with this person. I had never, ever felt that out of control in my life, but after a cool down period, as soon as the next argument started, my brain went right back to shutting down because my roommate was illogical and often drunk. There was no hope for rational discussion -- only for damage control. (Of course, someone else in my situation might have been able to fight fire with fire and eventually convince her of something, but for the life of me, I could not.)

    I lash out less severely when someone shoves me in the middle of a disagreement -- even though it's upsetting, I feel like it's appropriate to have a strong but simple reaction ("Don't touch me!") to a strong but simple insult (the shove). So I feel like I'm still in control of my emotions, and I'm getting my point across.

    I also lash out less severely if I feel like I'm in a conversation with someone who knows me well, who I can usually talk to about feelings, but who has misunderstood me and refuses to admit that they have misunderstood me. This type of "lashing out" is more of your typical melodramatic argument; it's just not typical for me.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    5w6 sx/so


    Ya I think the 2 types can look alike sometimes since they are both behind the scenes according to Nardi's classifications and the Rational and Artisan Temperaments are both utilitarian not to mention that ISFP and INTP are both types that in general are not bossy or controlling and can be quite passive and laid back as well as open, though I would say ISFP is more laid back and INTP is more open.

  3. #23
    FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE Mal12345's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    5w4 sx/sp
    LII Ti


    In other words, do INTPs under stress act like ISFPs under stress? Assuming there is such a personality type as ISFP. Introversion gives a tendency to withdraw from confrontation. So yes in a way we do act like ISFPs - and INFPs, and every other introverted type.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson

    Life is about the journey, because we already know the destination.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Sep 2012


    I'm an INFJ like the OP and am married to an INTP. I think it's important to look at the complete picture here, so not only whether the INTP is acting like an ISFP, but also the way the INFJ experiences this behaviour. IMHO a few things are going on during such a conflict:
    • A conflict between the F of the INFJ and the T of the INTP. The INFJ displays all sorts of complex emotions and apparently the INTP has done something 'wrong'. Then the INTP starts to frantically use his T & N to make something logical and rational of the feelings of the INFJ. Why exactly is she feeling this or that and is it a logical response to this or that situation? If not, maybe I'm seeing things incorrectly? So what is going on here and why is she acting so irrational? What am I missing? And so on, and so on. The INTP is looking for clues and validation to pin-point the logical structure of the conflict. Which is almost impossible when your dealing with complex feelings. This confuses INTP (thus silence) and sometimes irritates INTP (thus lashing out when being pushed too much).
    • A conflict between J and P. INFJ wants a resolution NOW! Decisions, conclusions, progress, something. INTP wants to ponder on things, needs more time to think things over. An impatient INFJ will push the INTP, which makes the situation worse.
    • Both partners might start 'looping'. INFJ will Ni-Ti loop, blurting out why her feelings are completely logical & rational (confusing INTP's superior T even more). INTP will Ti-Si loop, making him feel like there's absolutely nothing he can do right and making him search for weird scapegoats. "All I'll say will make things worse, so I better check out and it was somebody/something else's fault anyway."

    My two cents.

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